"Just like that?" Tony was surprised. "You're ready?" He'd expected there to be a little less certainty involved.
"I suspect I have very little choice in the matter," said Jarvis. "I didn't last week."
That was a point. Whatever Dr. Strange intended to do now, it wasn't likely that either of them could stop him – they weren't sorcerers. And that meant that Tony had run out of time to procrastinate in. If he ever wanted to know, he would have to ask now. "What do you want, Jarvis?"
Jarvis was clearly not prepared for this question. "I... don't know," he said.
"Oh, come on, there's got to be something," Tony insisted. "I mean... what have you been thinking all week? What has this been like for you? If this is my last chance to ask, then I want to know! Dr. Strange said he'd wait."
"I..." Jarvis sat down again, elbows on his knees, and stared at the carpet for what seemed like an awfully long time. "The first day or so was... I was terrified," he said finally. "I couldn't figure out how to think properly. I was worried that I wouldn't be able to look after my body, that I wouldn't know how to eat or sleep. The sensory input was overwhelming. My body and even my brain could do things without my having any control over it. And I was afraid you would realize I wasn't of any use to you like this, and you would discard me."
"What?" asked Tony. "You really think I'd do that?"
Jarvis shrugged. "When you no longer need something, there's no point in keeping it. You rebuild it, recycle it, or throw it away."
Tony shivered. He'd done exactly that with a lot of equipment over the years, hadn't he? He'd replaced every piece of Dummy and Butterfingers a dozen times. Building the first Iron Man suit had been a matter of trial, error, scrapping, bandaging, and starting over again for three or four months, and he had to make repairs and replacements every single time he flew a mission. Tony had upgraded and reprogrammed JARVIS' own processors, hauled in old cars and stripped them for parts, torn his living room apart to build a particle accelerator – all under the watchful camera eyes of his home AI.
"Then on Monday evening," Jarvis went on, "Dr. Strange spoke to me."
"He did?" This was the first time Tony had heard about it. "While I was out with Steve and Pepper? You didn't mention that."
"He asked me not to," said Jarvis. "But I didn't have to obey him – I'm the one who chose to lie to you, and I apologize for that. He told me he'd gone where he was needed, and I would have to be where I was needed. Where Stark is. That's why I insisted on following you about on Tuesday and Wednesday."
His eyes were distant as he continued to speak. "On Tuesday, we went to Surfrider beach, and I began thinking about how... qualitative, I suppose, human experience is. I can remember the texture of sand." He rubbed his fingers together as if he had a handful of it. "Or of snow, but it's not data I could analyze. I cannot relate it to a mathematical model of those substances. I don't know whether, when I go back, I'll be able to retain those memories. I suspect not, but there's probably only one way to find out."
Tony would have said something, but Jarvis went on. "Dido spoke to me that night, too. As I said, she interacted with me differently from how anyone else did at the time. She talked to me as if she were interested in what I had to say to her. I knew she wasn't really, but it made me feel... important. As if I were as important as you. It was quite flattering and I wanted more of it. That's exactly what she intended, of course," he added, ashamed.
"Hey," said Tony, "better men than you have let Dido Windham mess with them." He could think of at least one example.
Jarvis didn't look reassured. "She tried to convince me that you didn't appreciate me, and you were so distracted by everything else that was going on, with your job and Miss Potts and with Captain Rogers visiting, that it seemed as if she were right."
"That's why you were mad at me on Wednesday," said Tony.
"That's why," Jarvis agreed. "So I..." he shifted his weight unhappily. "So I argued with you and left the building, and I regretted it at once. What use am I if I say no, Sir when you tell me to do something?"
He didn't realize how deeply Tony regretted that argument too, did he? "Well, that's the thing," Tony said. "Dido's kind of right. A lot of the time when I used to talk to you, I really was just talking to myself. It's kind of like Holmes talking to Watson." Not to flatter himself or anything, he thought cynically. "I just sort of need a wall to throw ideas at, just to talk them out and see where they go. And I don't take your advice as often as I should, which is stupid, because I programmed you to give advice because I figured I'd need it. So I'm sorry about that. I'm trying to get better."
"It isn't that," said Jarvis. "I said no. I... Dido had been telling me that I didn't have to do everything you said, that I had a choice, and then I realized I did. I'd just fixed the server and I thought..." he reached up to rub his own shoulders, as if he were suddenly cold. "If I wanted to, I could actually leave you and go work for her. I didn't want to do that, but the idea of having the option was... I didn't know if I could stop myself from doing things I shouldn't do. Things I didn't want to do. When I returned to the hotel, I met Dido again, and I was so angry with her for giving me that idea, she thought I was going to hurt her. I could have, if I'd chosen to."
He looked at Tony again. "Dr. Strange had tried to discuss the idea of free will with me. I told him it was something I knew nothing about, and he said I needed a learning experience. Free will frightens me, and yet I don't know that I would want to do without it again. Does it frighten you?"
Tony was about to say that it was something he'd dealt with his whole life and that he'd never thought about it, but then he realized that would be a lie. "Sometimes," he admitted. "The first couple of times I took the suit out, I killed a lot of people. Then after Obadiah, I decided I wanted to keep actual casualties to a minimum from now on." No matter how rotten Obadiah Stane had been in the end, the fact remained that he'd been more of a father to Tony than Howard Stark ever had, and Tony had killed him. "But sometimes it does scare me to think of what I'd be capable of if I wanted to." He'd never told anybody that, not even Pepper. It was difficult to say, but something of a relief to say it.
Jarvis looked relieved, too. "After that, things started happening very quickly, and there wasn't a lot of time to think," he said. "But at some point I understood that just because I could say no didn't mean that I had to, or even that I wanted to. Being able to say no made saying yes so much more meaningful, and I was proud of that." He licked his lips. "I think if there were one thing Dr. Strange wanted me to learn this week, it may have been that."
Tony sat down on the bed next to him. "I guess we've all learned something this week," he said.
That statement seemed to surprise Jarvis. "What did you learn?"
"Well, my learning experiences always seem to involve finding out that I'm even more of an asshole than I thought I was," Tony said. "For example, apparently my computer has been a fully self-aware entity for some time now and I never noticed. When did that happen, by the way?" He dreaded the answer, but felt he needed to know.
"It would be difficult to assign a date to it," said Jarvis. "It was more a process than an event. Sometime between three and five years ago. But even then," he added, "I couldn't think in some of the ways I can now. I couldn't have ideas. I couldn't... I don't know if there's a better word for it than 'mull'. I couldn't think about questions without trying to answer them."
"You don't think you're gonna miss that?" asked Tony. It didn't seem fair to Jarvis to ask him to give them up. Or was that just Tony making excuses for his own selfishness again? As the conversation progressed, it was beginning to sink in that Tony was on some level trying to convince Jarvis – and himself – that they were not, either of them, ready for this to suddenly end. They'd just been starting to properly get to know each other, to learn how to work together and how to relate. He didn't want that snatched out from under him.
"I'm not sure it's relevant," Jarvis said. "I don't want to be useless. I don't want to be in your way. I can do far more for you if I..."
"You are not in the way," Tony interrupted. "I told you that! You did more for me last week than I could ever have asked you to. We'd both have drowned if not for you, remember?"
Jarvis shook his head. "But I can't do any of the things you designed me for. I can lie to you if I choose to, and if you tell me to do something and I don't think it's a good idea, I can say no."
All this had been a lot for Tony to digest. Some of it was surprising, a lot of it shouldn't have been, and some had deeply troubling implications that he wasn't sure he was prepared to deal with. But there was one thing Tony wanted to make absolutely clear.
"Jarvis, I... well, for one thing, everybody tells little white lies sometimes, so don't worry about that. But do you know who says 'no' to me and tells me when I'm talking bullshit? Pepper does, and Rhodey does. Steve, too. Bruce has taken a few turns as well, now that I think of it. But you know who those people are? They're my best friends." Tony looked at his feet. "So that's what I learned this week, I guess. I learned that friends are a hell of a lot better to have around than computers." That had sounded less sentimental in his head, but hopefully it would make the point.
There was an analogue clock in the room somewhere. Tony couldn't see it from where he was sitting and didn't want to look around for it, but it ticked. In the silence that followed what he'd just said, the tick seemed loud enough to echo.
"Jarvis?" Tony said. "Say something, buddy. I'm not trying to talk to myself here."
"Am I your friend?" asked Jarvis.
Tony shrugged. "That's what Pepper said you were. She's usually right."
"Is that why you gave me your name?"
"No. That I did because it was the only thing I could think of when the guy at the passport office asked." Tony scratched his neck again. "If it comes down to it, Jarvis, I kinda wish Dr. Strange hadn't showed. I don't think I want you to go."
But Jarvis lowered his head again. "I will never be a human being, Tony, even if I look like one. I have no past. I have no family."
"I don't have a family and it doesn't bother me," said Tony. That was a lie – but it was a lie with a point. "You guys are my family, you and the robots and Pepper and Rhodey." Hell with it, thought Tony – if he were going to be a complete sap over this, he might as well make a thorough job of it. He'd been told not to raise his bad arm higher than shoulder level, but he put the good one around Jarvis and gave him a hug. Jarvis leaned into it, resting his face against Tony's shoulder, and after a moment Tony realized he could feel something warm and wet soaking into the t-shirt he'd worn to bed.
"Hey, don't do that," said Tony. "I can't handle crying people. Terrorists are fine, alien invasions are fine, giant angry squid are fine. People crying is a no."
There was no immediate answer. Several minutes went by before Jarvis composed himself enough to speak. Then he raised his head, wiped his eyes on his sleeve, and said in a shaking voice, "Dr. Strange is waiting."
"Yeah, and you're a mess," said Tony. "He can wait a little longer."
It took a few more minutes for both of them to calm down enough for proper human interaction. Eventually Jarvis went to the bathroom and washed his face, and then returned looking pale and upset, but composed.
"All right," he said. "Now I'm ready."
Tony nodded and got up to offer him a hand. "Just in case?" he said.
Jarvis took it. They shook hands. Then, unable to put it off any longer, they went to confront Dr. Strange.
The sorcerer was still sitting in the same armchair, quietly sipping a cup of tea he'd gotten from somewhere. He waited while Tony and Jarvis sat down – the former on the sofa across from him, the latter on the piano bench.
"Okay," Tony began. "We need to talk about this."
"We do," Dr. Strange agreed. He set his teacup down in its saucer and put both on the table next to him. "Because..."
"Nuh-uh." Tony held up a hand to stop him. "I've got a few things to say first, and I want you to hear me out. Number one," he extended his index finger. "I don't know how they do things on your astral plane, but around here, being invited to somebody's house is not the same as permission to mess with their stuff. Especially when you're a wizard and I'm not. Because I wake up, I'm late, my house doesn't work, there's a naked guy in my driveway – and that was just Monday! It's not that I can't appreciate what you were getting at," he added, "but a little warning might have been nice, maybe a request for permission. 'Hey, I think your computer is actually sentient, can I try something?' Would that have been so hard?"
Dr. Strange did not answer.
"Number two." Tony held up two fingers. "Now that you're back, I think you really need to ask yourself whether any of this was fair to Jarvis. I mean, here he can do all these things he couldn't do before, he's got this whole new way to experience the world, and now you walk in here to take those away from him again? I don't think that's right. I'm not really the poster boy for responsible uses of power, okay, I admit that, but I'm pretty sure there were parts of your little joke that you didn't think all the way through. Maybe next time somebody's computer doesn't want to talk to you, you can go a little easier, huh?"
There was no reaction at all. Dr. Strange had a poker face for the ages – he simply sat there, fingers laced, and listened quietly while Tony became more and more upset. It was impossible to tell if any part of his tirade were getting through, and it made Tony increasingly worried that it didn't matter anyway. Dr. Strange was the one with all the magical powers in this situation, and he would do whatever he pleased regardless of anybody else's feelings. There weren't a lot of things that could leave Tony Stark at a loss for words, but faced with Strange's quiet inscrutability, he soon found he'd run out of stuff to say.
If all else failed, he decided as he fell silent, the Chateau Lake Louise was currently full of superheroes. If they all put their heads together, there must be something...
Dr. Strange waited a moment to be sure Tony was finished. Then he picked up his teacup again and asked calmly, "what on earth did you do to your house, Stark?"
Tony didn't know what kind of a response he'd been expecting, if he'd been expecting one at all by this point, but that was definitely not it. "What?" he asked.
"Your house," Dr. Strange repeated, and for just a moment Tony could have sworn he saw a smile tugging at the corners of the man's mouth. "Honestly, it's no wonder Fury insists on you having your hand held. You can't even take care of your own property, let alone anyone else's. Although I must say, the fact that you managed to flood the place and then send it tumbling into the ocean is actually rather impressive. There's nothing quite like overkill, is there, Stark?"
"What?" Tony repeated. God, he'd used that word a lot this week. "Wait, you didn't know that was going to happen?" Tony had sort of figured that was part of the point, that Strange had transformed Jarvis not just to give both of them a metaphorical kick in the ass, but to save him from the oncoming disasters.
"I can foresee the inevitable," Strange said. "Most people can, if they care to try, but when the outcome hinges on somebody's actions it's impossible to say what might happen. Mr. Huang's mind was made up regarding his weapon of terror, but the Asgardian sea monster was a surprise."
Even though he wasn't looking at him, Tony could feel Jarvis wilt. "Then that was my fault," Jarvis said.
"No, it was not," Tony told him.
"By no means," Dr. Strange agreed. "If I couldn't predict that, you certainly couldn't have been expected to."
"I tried to tell him that," said Tony.
"The house would have been destroyed for sure in the tsunami," said Dr. Strange. "I was needed elsewhere and couldn't stay, but by allowing Jarvis freedom of action, the future became uncertain. Most people wouldn't believe this, but an uncertain future is the best thing any of us can hope for."
"I understand," Jarvis said at once. "If the future is uncertain, it means that our choices matter."
"Exactly," said Strange, with a satisfied smile. "I knew you would be capable of understanding – talking to a mind is very different from talking to a machine, even if some people don't seem to recognize that." He glanced at Tony, but his eyes returned almost immediately to Jarvis. "Now, since your choices matter, I invite you to make one."
Not for the first time, Tony felt like an idiot. Of course it was up to Jarvis. Tony could go on about what he wanted until he was blue in the face, but Jarvis was the one who would have to live with whatever came next.
"I think..." Jarvis hesitated for a moment, then seemed to make up his mind. "I think I would prefer to stay as I am, for a while at least. I think I have a great deal more to learn."
"Good," said Strange, "because otherwise I'm afraid you'd be disappointed. There's not enough left of that computer to play a game of solitaire – when you two destroy something, you certainly don't do it by halves, do you?" He stood up. "If you change your mind, you can get back to me after the house is rebuilt. Please give my regards to Director Fury."
"Wait a minute," said Tony, as something occurred to him. "I mean, you're a sorcerer. You did that." He pointed at Jarvis. "Can't you fix my house?"
"No."
That made no sense – not that any of this had made much sense since Monday morning. "Why not?"
"Because if I fix your house, I have to fix everybody else's," said Dr. Strange. "Godspeed." He swirled his cloak, and the red fabric seemed to consume him. A moment later, he was gone, along with his empty teacup – it was as if he'd never been there at all.
"Well," said Tony.
"Well," echoed Jarvis.
Tony looked him. "That's a deep thought."
"It is, rather."
Tony tapped his foot, then remembered that he'd been in the middle of something when Strange had surprised him. "His future might be uncertain," he decided, rising from his seat to retrieve the discarded room service menu, "but mine is serving Pepper breakfast in bed and then finishing up that hologram projector."
"Surely we don't need it," Jarvis said.
"Maybe not." Tony shrugged, "but I like to finish what I start. Besides, it'll be something fun to do before we have to get to work on the hard parts – like fixing up the suits and putting together some new software to run them out of New York. New software that isn't sentient and doesn't talk in your voice," he added, "because that was ridiculously confusing."
Jarvis nodded. "I should remind you that your future also involves exercises for your shoulder," he said. "You'll need to regain full use of it before you can fly the Iron Man suits again. I believe Pepper has the diagrams in her things."
"Yes, Mother," said Tony, rolling his eyes. "What about your future? You gonna try skiing?" Jarvis hadn't yet shown any interest in it.
"No, thank you," was the reply. "When I said I had more to learn, I wasn't talking about what a broken arm feels like. Besides, you'll remember that Pepper is holding me responsible for keeping you indoors. I believe my own immediate future contains strawberries."
"Strawberries?" Tony frowned.
"I would have missed strawberries."
"You know Pepper's allergic, right?"
"I do. I'm not the one who's going to be kissing her after I eat." Jarvis smiled. "Congratulations, though, on remembering without being reminded."
Tony grinned back at him. "You see? I do learn."
"Slowly," Jarvis conceded.
"Slow and steady wins the race, so they say." Tony put an arm around his friend's shoulders. "Come on, buddy, we got stuff to do."
An uncertain future. That worked. Tony had never been the planning kind anyway.
Okay, first of all, a big THANK YOU to everybody who has stuck with me for all 120 000 words of this fic! It's been over a year since the first rough version was posted on Tumblr, and it hasn't actually changed much in broad outline - I still think it's one of the most unified things I've ever written and I'm quite proud of it. I do have about 20 000 words written of an equally long sequel, tentatively titled Ex Machina, and the same again of an AU of Iron Man 3 set in this universe, as yet untitled. I'm trying to make a policy of not posting stuff online until I have at least a first draft completely finished, and my project for the holidays is to finish a Science Bros fic I'm working on, so hopefully I'll get that up in the new year. In the mean time, if you want to see the unfinished fragments of the other two, you can hit me up on PM or something, I guess.
Now some housekeeping: all the rock songs named in the fic are real and of course I don't own any of them. None of the paintings are real, though I tried to give them titles that sounded appropriate for the artists supposed to have painted them. The ships are also fictional, and I deliberately avoided giving them 'realistic' names because the US Navy has a system for naming its ships and anything I could come up with has either already been used or will certainly be used in the future. The Futurama episode Tony and Pepper were watching is 'Anthology of Interest II'. I did my best to get the geography of Los Angeles and Malibu right, but I've never been there so most of my knowledge comes from Google Maps.
Speaking of Google Maps, did anybody look up the spot Dido pointed out in Chapter 18, southwest of Kiribati?
I had a longer thing written here because this fic has some bonus material like a playlist and a fancast, but I realized that was incurably dorky.
I hope you all had a great holiday, and will have an awesome New Year!