- Chapter 3 -
"Wrapped So Pretty"
Two days later, Esa was still mulling over the birthday problem as she dragged her hangover towards her kitchen sink. Sick to her stomach from too much partying at Ginny's, it well past noon on Saturday. Thankfully she didn't have to be at the pub until five for the closing shift. This was a good thing, because she needed time to recover from last night and get rid of the guy currently crashed out in her bed.
Gripping the sink's edge, the room spun once, and she let it rip —hurling over into the sink, last night dinner and booze.
"Shit!" she said after a while, turning on the tap to wash away the stench. Nothing was going right! The Chudley Cannons were playing in London today, and she simply had to miss out. Plus, with the game not being set there in town she couldn't look forward to the Cannon players dropping in afterwards. They were her best tippers. But all this was the last of her worries and now that the sickness was off her stomach she had to focus on the party hooker thing. She wasn't about to let Zabini slip through her milky little fingers this time. She dropped her face into her hands to steady the swirling room.
How was she going to break the news to the guys that she hadn't come through with Draco's birthday present?
She only had two days left and one of the reasons the guys paid so much attention to her was not just for her plump little arse. Hell no! The reason they loved her was because she always came through with the hottest babes and always got them wholesome witches even on short party notice. She drew a deep breath and looked out her kitchen window, thinking. . . .
"Fuck me Merlin!" she shouted suddenly. Why didn't she think of this before? There was only one other witch as groovie as she was when it came to party planning. Ginny Weasley!
She dashed upstairs, past the naked wizard still lying unconscious under her sheets, she did a quick fix on her makeup with her wand and without bothering to put on her knickers, she gave the wand a wave and slid into a pair of skin tight red trousers and her favorite black halter top. She then headed for cupboard where she stored her floo powder.
Three and a half hours later. . . .
Hermione stood in the center of her bedroom wearing nothing but a pink thong and her skimpy satin floral bra as the two witches examined her over as if she were some sort of pink bubbling potion. It didn't take Esa more than two seconds to figure out why the witch had been here crying her nerdy little heart out. She was in deed the brainy type: boring-looking shoes in the closet; bushy hair with flyaway's that were now tucked into a quick granny bun; thick books with strange writing on them were stacked in every corner, while other books were aligning themselves into moving boxes by the door.
Esa noticed several rooms with off-white royal rim along floral wallpaper that reminded her of her mother's house. There were a few outdated muggle furniture pieces that Hermione told her were antiques from muffle London. But Esa nearly fell asleep just exploring the witch's living quarters. The esthetics were nice, but she felt it looked a little like an exhibit or some old lady's pad.
Everything about the little loft apartment was super sterile, dust free... not a speck of dust anywhere. There were a few covered statues and more packing boxes that arranged themselves neatly beside the fireplace. The loft was slightly cute if it were the apartment of a witch in her early nineties. Except the bushy haired witch they had come to see was their age, twenty-four and single!
Esa, knew Gin would come through, but wow this one was a winner! She even wondered if Granger was into females because her thighs were amazingly slender and attractive. Esa thought she was a like a neatly tucked away nerdy librarian. Small waist, tidy shoulder-length oatmeal-colored hair that couldn't be tamed easily at all. A few wild curls and springy ones that escaped even after Esa's best charm, they'd still managed to unravel free.
Esa dropped a measuring tape from her wand to get an idea of what length high heels to lend her. She took note that this Hermione was a decent height and Esa nodded in approval as her wand retracked the tape. Hermione had well proportioned feet, perfectly manicured nails. Esa might have felt envious of Draco except for the fact that the bushy haired geek was seriously lacking in the boob area big time.
Ginny turned Hermione slightly to the left, and with a flick of her wand tried to unravel Esa's attempt at an updo so that they could get a better idea of which spell to use without the granny bun. Ginny gave her wand another spin and the bun released completely.
'To bad she was a muggle-born,' thought Esa. Hermione had a good forehead and a decent nose, not too big not too small arse. Her lips were sort of interesting for a half-blood and she had truly compelling skin. But she didn't seem to do much to enhance her looks. Esa also noted that she would have to add a lot more makeup. Yet all in all the geek was a pretty good looking witch. She'd fuck her and that said a lot!
"So?" asked Ginny looking over to her friend "what d'ya think, it'll work right?" Ginny asked Esa and made a face while heading over to Hermione's bed.
Gin took an immediate seat. "Ok here's the deal Hermione. We think we may have a solution to your problem. Thing is, you first have to promise to hear me out!"
Ginny started explaining the details of the entire plot slowly, just as Esa had explained it to her. Leaving out a few non-critical parts here and there. She explained the secret birthday present surprise and how she would have to play an anonymous role and with a little magical enhancement her identity would be safely concealed by a glamour charm, so that no one would ever know her true identity. She'd be in, out, undetected and totally knocked up!
And then it came, like a douse of ice cold water. The name of her lucky candidate! The worst two words she would have ever included into a complete sentence along with the term baby attached to it. Hermione felt like she was about to piss herself at the mentioning of his name.
"She seriously wants a baby?" asked Esa still in slight disbelief with what Hermione ever hoped to gain from being an unwed witch, but clearly this was why Ginny had chosen her.
So the geek wasn't a dike.. Too bad. Esa shrugged... 'she has great ankles.'
"Are you out of your bloody mind Gin? -Draco? Draco... the Draco Malfoy? NO! hell no, absolutely not!"
This form of screaming and negotiating, explaining mingled with flat out rejection between the three witches went on for fifteen minutes or more.
"But would you Ginny? Would you seriously choose somebody like him to be the father of your kid?" Hermione demanded her answer.
"Of course I would —assuming I wanted a kid, which I do not and if I could see his medical records... then maybe, yeah sure." Ginny pointed over to Esa. Esa walked over and with one rotation of her wand, out dropped a dark brown wrapped package onto the floor that landed with a heavy thud.
Hermione couldn't believe this. She skimmed through page, after page, after page of Malory's complete medical history; from both his family practitioner, up to any time he'd been administered at the Hogwart's infirmary. Some of the recordings dating back to when he was nine years old. "How in the bloody hell did you two get these?"
Hermione fingers trembled slightly. "Do you know this is illegal on so many grounds?" She stated, and she was about to shit a brick, clear through her pink thong. They were going to Azkaban for this, all three of them and she'd never see daylight yet alone have a kid.
"We have friends in high places." bragged Esa. She and Gin gave a quick high five for team work. While Hermione sanked to the floor on her knees. Matron Magical Ministry laws and the Sacred Code of Healers told her she had to turn these two psychos in right now! But how, how could she hand her best friend over to the Ministry? She listen as the two women carried on with how it was all suppose to pan out.
"Are you joking?" screeched Hermione, reading through the finest dental records she's seen since her very own. Examining his healthiest summers checkups, his worse winter colds, flourishing potions, prescriptions and his most recent physical report only four days ago. She circled back after relocating an old infirmary report signed off by Albus Dumbledore concerning the Buckbeak's attack.
And then she swallowed hard and shook her head. "But, but I don't even like him... I...I loth the man."
"What are you talking about?" asked Ginny "you don't have to like him and you haven't seen him in eons. Listen, look at it this way Hermione. Malfoy and the guys were on fair terms after Hogwarts right?. And I thought that this was about those geney-things you were telling me about, the cromosomies and his ovary stuff. I thought, what you were after was perfect health, strength, social endurance and most importantly low NEWTs and OWLs. Well Malfoy is all these things. Plus, he's dumb as a slug as you well remember, but he's one-hundred percent pureblood. So bingo! The baby will be guaranteed magic with only half your brain."
"Plus 'is good looks is a bonus." added Esa with something of a matter-of-fact tone.
Finally, when Hermione thought it couldn't get any worse, it did. Now she sat on the floor growing so pale she started looking like the little girl in the old Brad Pit vampire flick she had seen ages ago with her mum. "Are you, -Are you saying I have to pretend to be a prostitute... a...a hooker?
"No No," interrupted Esa "You must be a high-class 'ooker 'Ermione, Draco likes 'is 'ookers with a lot-of-class."
Ginny stepped up from the bed and said "I guess what it all comes down to, is whether or not you've got the guts to go for it —Mummy!"