Wow. Nice, guys. I'm glad you like it! Again, this came to be from a hilarious conversation that me and habu hyuuga (check out her story "if you can't escape akatsuki, annoy akatsuki" and yell at her to update for me, please!) had. Heh... it was epic. Seriously epic. But anyways, here's Ren-chan's answers to your reviews!
~REN'S REVIEWS
I know. It's alliteration, Katarina Wolffe! : ) But here, Ren (not me Ren, but REN-REN (the OC)) will answer your reviews.
evil-tea: Well, seeing as I know you're a Tobi fangirl, that may happen. *grins *
Yuti-Chan: Thankies!
Katarina Wolffe: HI RIGHT BACKATCHA! HIHIHIHIHI!
Ninja-Cookie-monster: *Ren goes RAWR* *I cover her mouth* Nope, Sai just infuses ink with his chakra and makes it comes to life like that, Ren controls inks and dyes like Gaara controls sand. I pretty much stole Gaara's jutsu and put "Ink" instead of Sand. *sweatdrop * Oh yeah, and she uses Sai's jutsu, except makes it cooler : ) And she's really touchy about people comparing her to Sai... * a.k.a. me trying to make a character that isn't exactly like Sai with the same powers and failing miserably... heh heh... *
Corrupted Justice: Okay, she can pop in and out occasionally and help me out, but she can't be my younger sis (but can be her not-related-by-blood younger sister. That way it alll works out : ) ) I'll update S-Ranked Kittens soon! I promise! There will be one or two new chapters by December 20th!
And... onto the story! Anyone who has any challenge ideas is welcome to suggest. Note, this isn't Survivor. It's SurivAL CAMP. It's like the ninja equivalent of Survivor, except they can't use genjutsu, over easy B-ranked jutsu, and no kekkei genkais. But taijutsu is a-okay! So, Itachi gets a bunch of fire jutsu. And that's it. Heh heh... the other teams aren't as handicapped... at all... meh.
ONWARDS!
The Akatsuki lines up after reviving Itachi (who is still pale).
Ren puts on her grin yet again after she stopped her nosebleed and Obito and Shisui bodily threw her out of the little plane. She's soaking wet, but her white dress shirt is magically still opaque (much to the disgust of multiple perverts),"Welcome, guys! I'm Himura Ren, your host-"
"Ren, we know who you are." Sasori cuts in.
"Hell, we're your partners, un!" Deidara says, crossing his arms and smirking.
"URUSAI! It's in my contract- hold it, come to think about it, I don't have a contract! YO, AUTHORESS!"
I can hear you without you yelling, Ren. The Authoress' voice grumbles.
"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Where's my contract?"
*rustling of papers* Um... right here!
"...that's the taxes for this month."
Right! I knew that... *more rustling of papers* This one?
Ren lets out a tiny sight, tapping her foot,"That's the sales at Target... you wanted some Wii games and iTunes giftcards... ooh, and buy me some calligraphy pens while you're at it!"
...right. *more rustling* *THUD* DAMMIT! THAT WAS MY FOOT, YOU WRETCHED PAPER WEIGHT! (A/N: No joke, this happened to me... it HURT... like an Amaterasu and Dynamic Entry to the foot...)
Silence. There is a huge sweatdrop on everyone's head.
Err... this one? The Authoress' voice mutters hopefully.
A large packet of papers appears in a poof of chocolate-scented silver mist. Ren takes it and flips through it, her reading glasses appearing back on her nose. After a few seconds, she points to a section and circles it in purple ink,"See, Sasori! Here it is!"
She shoves it in the red-headed puppet's face. He blinks a few times and believes it like Naruto (A/N: AHAHAHA, get it? Believes it, believe it! AHAHAHAHA! * is going on laughing spree on her own bad humor while everyone stares *), nodding. Hidan grabs the paper out of Ren's hands,"Lemme see it!"
Ren's eyes widen at the little smirk on his face.
"Hmmm... Ren must loosen her tie at least twice daily... Ren must give the Authoress a piece of peppermint bark every week... Ren must feed Orochimaru at least one bag of Dorito's a day or else the EPA and Animal Humane Society will be on our asses weekly... ooh, Ren must take off her shirt-"
"GIVE ME THAT!" Ren yells, ripping it out of Hidan's hands and blushing madly. "I hate you. I hate you so very much..." Ren growls to the sky.
*sniff * That hurts me, Ren-chan. That hurts me right here.
"Yeah, well, I don't know where you're gesturing, so I don't give."
Meanie.
"WELL, anyway, welcome to Akatsuki Survival Camp! Your objective is to survive a series of obstacles and win the prize!"
"WOO (un) !" everyone yells.
"First, we've gotta break into teams of... well, just stick with your partners. It's teams of two, and I don't feel like figuring them out. Tobi and Zetsu are together."
There was quiet grumbling from the Akatsuki and cursing from Hidan. Kisame stared at Itachi worriedly. He was still rather shaken.
"Hmph." Ren loosens her tie. It's black with red Akatsuki clouds all over it,"So... come up with your team names. I'll be back." she says Terminator-style, taking off down the beach. Everybody sweatdrops.
WITH REN
Ren is panting. She'd just sprinted across the entire island, so one's gotta give her some slack. She presses a hand to the little radio in her ear,"Hailing Toad, this is Inky."
"Hiya, Hime no Sumi! (A/N: This means Ink Princess, in Japanese, I believe) Wanna go out for some coffee later on? Just you and me?"
"Shut it, Jiraiya."
"Sorry. This is Toad, over."
"Do you have the cages, over?"
"Hai, Inky! I have the cages! Over."
"Copy that."
There is some radio silence. Just as Jiraiya opens his mouth to flirt some more-
"Release the Orochimaru."
"Erm..."
"What now, Jiraiya?"
"He got L.I.T. He's currently MIA... damn army tracking device won't go into effect until Monday..."
The white haired man winces at the pitch and volume of Ren's yell,
"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN, LOST IN TRANSIT?"
"He's out there somewhere. Out there, all alone in the forest section..."
"GODDAMMIT JIRAIYA!"
"Gomen, gomen..."
"Fine. Seeing as the Orochimaru is already loose, release the fangirls." there is an evil giggle.
Jiraiya shivers,"Copy that. Toad out."
"Inky out."
BACK WITH THE AKATSUKI.
WITH SASORI AND DEIDARA
"Hmm... danna, un, what should our team name be, un?"
"Team Art. What else?"
"Ah, good point, un."
WITH ITACHI AND KISAME
"I vote Team Samehada!"
"Shisui..."
"Team Shisui? That's lame and kinda creepy, Itachi-san!"
"No... no... Shisui... he's ALIVE..."
There is a moment of silence where Kisame peers at the stricken Uchiha concernedly,"Yes, Itachi, he is."
"I killed him... and he's ALIVE... am I not good enough for Akatsuki anymore, Kisame? Is that why they brought him back? Even my foolish little brother is slowly gaining on my skills... it isn't right..." Itachi's eyes glimmer from Sharingan-red back to onyx.
"Aww... Itachi-san, you're fine..." Kisame pats the raven on the shoulder.
He sniffs.
"Team Samehada it is!" Kisame announces after a few seconds.
WITH KAKUZU AND HIDAN
"I say Team Jashin!"
"I say Team Money!"
"Team Jashin!"
"Team Money!"
"JASHIN!"
"MONEY!"
WITH TOBI AND ZETSU
"Let's be Team Jungle! That's lame."
"Tobi is a good boy! Tobi says Team Lollipop!"
"Whatever, Tobi. Hmph."
WITH PEIN AND KONAN
"Konan, let us be Yahiko's Angels."
"AHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Konan starts laughing her head off.
Pein stares at her,"I do not see what is so funny. I was making a version of Charlie's Angels."
"AHAHAHAHA! Yahiko's *hic * Angels! You with wings! AHAHAHAHAHA!"
Pein sweatdrops and hopes that his partner soon recovers her normal stoic self.
REN AND THE AKATSUKI
Ren races back to the Akatsuki,"So! Do you have your team names?"
"MONEY! MONEYYYYY, I SAY!"
"NO! NEVER! JASHIN-SAMA RULEZ!"
Cue sweatdrop. "Apparently not."
She takes out a little pad and goes around to Itachi and Kisame,"What's your team name?"
"Samehada! 3" Kisame says.
Ren casts a quick look at the depressed Uchiha and gives him a quick hug,"Aw, sweetie, Shisui forgives you! I'll let you and him have a quick chat soon, if you're a good boy, okay?"
"Okay..." Itachi agrees quietly.
Kisame makes a mental note to hug and give his partner dango more.
Ren scribbles "Samehada" into her pad.
"Your team name?"
"Lollipop, Ren-hime! Tobi is a good boy!"
"Lolli... pop... okay..." Ren bypasses Sasori and Deidara, already guessing what their team name was, and goes to Pein's team.
"Yahiko's Angels."
"AHAHAHAHA!" Ren joins Konan with the laughing. Pein glares.
As soon as his Rinnegan starts to glow slightly in anger, Ren sobers up,"Right. Yahiko's... Angels... heh heh..."
"IT'S GONNA BE MONEY!"
"NUUUUU! JASHIN-SAMA!"
Ren sighs,"Guys figure it out!"
They don't acknowledge her. She gets a little tic-mark but then smirks,"Fine. Hidan and Kakuzu. Team THE CAKE IS A LIE."
"Eh?" they both turn to her.
"Never mind. Sasori and Deidara! Team Art! Kisame and Itachi! Team Samehada! Tobi and Zetsu! Team Lollipop! Hidan and Kakuzu! Team The Cake Is A Lie! And finally, last, but not least, Pein and Konan, Team Yahiko's Angels!"
"AHAHAHAHAHA!" Everyone starts yelling with laughter.
Pein just sits there and simmers.
"AND LET THE REALITY SHOW BEGIN!"