3 Years and 4 Months Ago

After a few deep breaths that she'd tried to keep discreet, Ryan turned her body around to face Dean and criss-crossed her legs. Despite the look on his face, she felt a little better about the whole thing when she was looking at him.

"I've played this out a million times in my head… and I had the perfect speech prepared, but of course, I don't remember a single word of it," she began to trail off.

To keep herself steady, she looked back at him. Staring at her were the worlds kindest eyes-in her opinion, anyway-and they did exactly what she needed them to. Exactly what they always did. They brought her back to earth. "Dean Winchester, you've been my boyfriend since I was seventeen years old. We've had fights, we've had other people, and we sure as hell have had our share of bad days. But at the end of the day, you were always the person I wanted to go to sleep with, the person I wanted to wake up with, and the person I wanted to do all of the things in between with. That never changed…" she was proud of herself for getting that far, and she knew that she'd be able to do the hardest part.

"I can't explain to you-I can barely explain to myself-how much I love you, how raw and unattainable my love is for you. It's bigger than any evil we've ever faced, it's stronger than the evil that used to live inside of me. And I know that this isn't really in your life plan… but I just thought I'd ask…" she continued, and took the hand he wasn't holding his keys with into hers. She squeezed it and with tears blanketing over her hazel green eyes, looked straight into his.

"Will you please be my husband?" Throughout her speech, he found himself hanging on every word she had to say. He had no clue where this was heading or why, but he could tell that it was important to her. Maybe even life changing. Will you please be my husband?

Boy, was he right. For the first few seconds he stared at her, wide eyed and slack jawed. Shock, joy, and a little flare of pain flashed across his face in sequence and he exhaled in disbelief. When he looked up her, his eyes were glazed with tears of his own but his expression was grim with remorse.

"Listen to me.." he said and cupped both of his hands over hers.

"I would say yes in a heartbeat, you know that I would. There is nothing that would make more happy than to be your husband, but I don't know if we can. If we got married, the target on your head would only get bigger and bigger. I'm taking a risk even being around you let alone.. this."

A single teardrop hit his hand and the second that sob left her throat, his heart fell into his stomach. She was in pain and yet again, he had caused it.

"Wait." he said, his voice thick as he said it.

"Forget it. Baby, I'm stupid.. I'll marry you." He cupped her cheek, gazing into those beautiful green eyes.

"I'll be your husband."

The scorching hot water from the shower wasn't doing its job. Sam had urged her to take one since they'd checked into the motel, and she'd finally obliged just to get him off of her back. After the afternoon she'd had, she was thankful that the shower granted her something she needed. Solitude. But other than that, it did nothing. It didn't wash away the stress of the situation like it usually did.

With a towel on her head, she walked out into the small living room of the motel. She went straight for the bed, hoping to get in a few hours of sleep before they had to leave. They'd warned Dean of the djinn, hopefully they wouldn't need to stay near him much longer. She removed the towel, smoothed through her long dark hair with her fingers, and rested her head against the pillow. Sleeping seemed to be the only option left. It was the only way she could get away from the world, the world that had changed so much in the time that she'd been gone. The world that she no longer wanted to be a part of.

Just as she'd started to drift off, she was thrashed back into consciousness by the sound of Sam's phone going off. Ryan's eyes shot open immediately, always expecting the worst when that phone went off. Sam looked at the caller I.D. and hesitated for a few seconds, but answered it.

"Hey," he said into the receiver, and at that, she knew who was on the other end.

She looked away from him, forcing herself close her eyes. As hard as she tried to block out the conversation, it was impossible. Sam was less than ten feet away from her.

"We're not sure how many there are just yet, we're working on it… Yeah, we'll be here for the next couple of days, I'm hoping now that the three of us are in the same area, they'll all just be drawn to us…" He said, and it went quiet.

"How do you think she's doing? No, she's asleep."

She kept her eyes closed, hoping that he wouldn't notice that she was trying to block newly formed tears from falling down. She didn't want to cry anymore.

"Dean, you married another girl… of course she's not okay. And she's not gonna be okay for a while… No, I don't know if that's a good idea… She needs to be ready to fight, and she's teetering on the edge right now, seeing you… I don't know what it'll do to her… Alright. Yeah, I'll call you when I get some answers…" he waited for a few moments and then flipped the phone shut.

Ryan shifted onto her side, exhaling after holding her breath for the length of the conversation. It came hand in hand with the tears she was trying to force out. It had become pointless to try to stop them. They would never stop coming.

"Ry, you awake?" Sam asked, genuine worry in his voice.

She placed a hand over her mouth to shut out the sound, but he would see her shoulders shake as she started to cry. All she could do was hope that he would leave her alone.