akatsuki survivor camp!

by poisonlovely

the akatsuki are off to a desert/rainforest island located somewhere near australia to play survivor camp, a reality show! chased by beavers and chucked off cliffs, how will these poor ninja people survive an undetermined amount of time here? ON HIATUS

5. Yaoi Rumours

*skids into view * I'M BACK!

*angry reviewers throw stuff at me *

Jeez, people! * is dodging* Love you, too! Well, I'm back, anyhow.

This is the next chapter of Akatsuki Survivor Camp!

REN'S REVIEWS

Ninja-Cookie-monster: Yay! Yeah, hilarious fanart! And I'm very evil… XD

Yuti-chan: Haha, TEAM LOLLIPOP! Yup, they're epic. Team Yahiko's Angels (AHAHAHAHAHA!) and Team The Cake Is A Lie is in this chapter, but Team Lollipop is next!

crazychocochica17: *appear ink machine gun * I think I can take them… thanks for the warning. XD

evil-tea: Yup. My poor, poor, teammates.

ErinEhmazing: ALLITERATIVE TITLE! YAY! Aw, take some Tylenol. It's good for headaches.

Katarina Wolffe: I'm only wearing one tie. AUTHOR EMBELLISHMENT!

MidnightMusic96: I LOVE THAT MOVIE SO MUCH IT HURTS! YAY! Yeah, I actually quote that a lot.

AND HERE IS THE NEXT AMAZING CHAPTER OF AKATSUKI SURVIVOR CAMP! S-Ranked Kittens will be updated next!

Ren keeps everything moving, ignoring the screaming and chomping sounds. She then points at Team The Cake Is A Lie, grinning evilly.

Even from across the large gorge in the middle of the cliffs, Hidan blanches and grabs onto Kakuzu's arm,"Oh… my… fucking… Jashin… is it just me, or is Ren a fucking scary bitch when she gets like this?"

"It's not just you." Kakuzu mutters, eyes wide.

"YOU!" Ren yells into an ink microphone.

"Me?" Hidan squeaks.

"YES, YOU!" she booms, loosening her tie. "GET INTO THE HARNESS, AND THEN JUMP!"

"I don't wanna!" Hidan whines.

"TOO BAD!"

"NO!"

"SUCK IT UP, BITCH! GET INTO THE HARNESS!"

"BUT I DON'T WANNA!"

"DON'T MAKE ME COME OVER THERE!"

Kakuzu grabs his partner's arms and forces him to get into the harness.

"I'm fucking scared, Kuzu…" the Jashinist whimpers faintly.

Kakuzu closes his eyes,"Hidan, if you ever call me Kuzu again, I swear to God I will rip out your tongue, shove it up your ass and then disembowel you."

"Okay, okay! Jeez, you're such an asshole!" Hidan yells.

And then they jump over the side of the cliff.

Unlike Team Art, they don't scream. Instead, they end up hugging each other.

"STOP PROVING THE YAOI RUMORS, DAMMIT!" Pein yells.

Silence.

"Where did they go?" Ren asks, peering over the side of the cliff.

"Dunno. Probably died." Zetsu says.

"Hidan's immortal, and Kakuzu has five hearts. Eh, whatever. We'll find them later."

There's some sounds that sound like screaming, but Ren chalks it up to the wild fangirls.

WITH HIDAN AND KAKUZU

THUD.

"ITAI! FOR JASHIN'S GODDAMN FUCKING SAKE, THAT BURNED!"

"SHUT UP, HIDAN!"

There is silence.

"Get your elbow out of my side!"

"Not until you get your head out of my gut!"

"I can't, because your leg is wrapped around my neck!"

"Oh mi Jashin, what the fuck are you DOING! AH, KAKUZU THAT TICKLES!"

A fangirl who was stalking them faints, drooling at the mouth due to the "yaoi rumours being proven true".

Finally, the two get separated, and out of the harness.

"Where the fuck are we?" Hidan yells.

"How should I know?"

The Jashinist pouts and turns away. The light reflects off something in the bushes, and Hidan's pink-purple eyes go wide.

"Um… er… Kakuzu?" his voice goes strained and high pitched.

"What now?" his partner grunts.

Hidan's shoulder and neck are absolutely stiff as he points in a few jerky motions to the bushes as they rustle.

There is a giggle, and the sun comes shining through the clearing. All different sorts of eyes are shown.

"Aw, fuck…" Kakuzu mutters as the fangirls scream and make a massive mob,

"KUZU-KUN! HIDAN-KUN!"

They run away screaming.

BACK WITH REN

"Team Yahiko's Angels- AHAHAHA- Ano, sorry, Pein-sama! – it's your turn!"

Konan blushes as Ren makes tiger claws with her hand and growls when the blue-haired woman is pressed against her partner in the harness.

"Stop that, Ren." she says quietly.

Pein looks down at her, smirking slightly at the crimson blush.

"Ready… set… JUMP!" Ren yells, bouncing.

The two jump. Konan immediately creates a pair of paper wings and they go flying away, back to their cliff.

"GETTIM KONAN! DON'T LET HIM DOMINATE YOU, WOMAN!" Ren yells, smirking.

A piece of paper flies toward Ren at top speed, and tapes itself to her mouth.

"MMM! AGH! MMPHRAGH!" she falls over, clawing at her face to get the paper off.

From their vantage point, Shisui and Obito sigh.

"Time to go help out…" Obito mutters, sliding his goggles down.

They walk out and pin the purple-haired woman down. Obito sits on her, and Shisui rips the paper off with a loud sound.

"ITAI! DAMMIT, SHISUI!"

"Shisui? WHERE?" Itachi yells from his cliff, flailing around.

Kisame sighs heavily and grabs onto the back of his partner's shirt so he doesn't fall off the cliff.

Shisui Shunshins over to the cliff,"Hiya, Itachi!"

"Shisui, you're alive! How are you alive?" Itachi says, as Kisame turns him to face Shisui, not trusting his partner's failing eyesight.

"Author embellishment." Shisui says, waving a hand as though it explained everything.

"…oh, so pants interference?" Itachi nods, understanding.

Kisame sweatdrops,"Am I missing something?"

"Be quiet, Kisame, I am reuniting with my cousin, whom I killed!" Itachi snaps.

"…right…" Kisame gets depression lines and a sweatdrop, and shuffles off to give the two men privacy.

"HOLLA!" Ren yells when she realizes this.

"NO YAOI RUMOURS!" Pein yells from wherever he's making out with Konan.

Obito giggles,"But some of those are true!"

"I agree, Obito-kun, I agree." Ren says, loosening her tie, and putting a finger in the collar of her shirt to loosen that as well.

"Honestly, Ren-chan, your clothes are going to fall off if you keep loosening them." Obito says.

"What, are you watching my clothes loosen and loosen? Do you WANT to see them fall off?"

"No. Hidan would try to sacrifice me to Jashin."

"…good point, Obito!"

"I do try."

The camera pans back to Itachi and Shisui who are hugging.

"D'awwww…" Emily (who has randomly popped up, again) and Ren say, hugging each other and Obito.

"WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT YAOI RUMOURS?"

WITH TEAM ART

"Deidara, would you mind handing me my arm- ah, thank you."

"No problem, danna, un."

"I swear, Ren made that happen."

"Knowing her, she probably did, un."

"We need to get her back…"

"Heh heh… good idea, hmm!"

"Let's brainstorm… ah, also, I think I see my left foot there."

"Here ya go, danna!"

Hope you liked it! REVIEWS ARE AWESOME!