a/n This Mike is a bitter, angry boy. He's also not getting laid. Yet… Also, he's described by Bella repeatedly as being good looking. And let's remember how Edward felt about pre-vamp Bella, who a lot of people just think was "pretty." Psh. Pretty, my butt.

Pt. 2: I am now halfway through. I put a little more water on the sauna than I meant to, so please excuse the steaminess ahead… Don't like, you wanna read it… Sinner.

CHAPTER 3—ANYBODY HOME?

Weekends were no longer something to look forward to, to Mike. Weekends used to be time to party, kick back, and relax. Weekends used to make him excited and get him through the week.

Now, weekends were two days full of Jessica, gossip, Jessica, cleaning, Jessica, Jessica's shallow friends, and more gossip. He never got to have anyone over—not that he had that many friends that lived around here anymore. Still, having Tyler down for the weekend would be an ordeal for Jessica. After all, if he had one friend down one time for one weekend, where would she and her friends have their estrogen-fest on Friday nights? Where would they meet up before going out for "ladies night" on Saturdays? Having Tyler over was just out of the question! How could he be so stupid?

Oh, wait. Jessica would say that. Fuck the fact that he bought this house, that he paid the majority of the bills. Where all her money went, he wasn't sure. Probably into high quality liquor so everyone would think she was loaded, which wasn't true—his parents were loaded.

Jesus. At 23, he was turning into an old man. Where were the crazy nights with Tyler full of pussy?

When was the last time he'd had sex, period?

He wondered where that blonde had gone to, if she was still in town. Maybe a weekend fling would get this whole mess out of his system. He just had to remember where he'd seen her before…

"Mike, didn't you hear me?" Jessica's shrill voice cut into his thoughts.

"I wasn't listening," he said, blinking and flipping the channel.

"I was watching that," she whined.

"I pay the fucking cable bill," he muttered, not changing it. "You were saying?"

She scowled at him. "I said, I saw a Mercedes outside Charlie Swan's house."

Mike stared at her. "And?"

"It looked expensive."

"Seriously, Jessica…"

"Well, I just don't ever see anybody's cars over there that look like the actually cost a lot of money," she said, and her voice was full of implication. "So…"

"So… what?"

"So I was thinking Bella and Edward must be in town," she said, talking hurriedly. "You know Charlie Swan doesn't make enough to go out and buy a brand new Mercedes. I mean, it still had the dealer plates on it! And they were from New Hampshire."

"You got close enough to see that they were temp plates from New Hampshire?" Mike asked scaldingly. "Why didn't you just go up to the door and knock? Be like, 'Hey, Chief Swan, I was just snooping around that car out front and I was wondering if your daughter, who I totally hate, by the way, and her husband, who I would like to fuck ten ways before Sunday, are here?' And no, I have no idea how much Chief Swan makes, because I don't go digging into everyone else's business like some people do."

Jessica's mouth was hanging open. "God, Mike, you don't have to be so crude." She huffed and took the remote right out of his hand and changed it back to the stupid style show she'd been watching.

Ah, March. March was the last time he'd had sex. So… two months? Almost two and a half. Shit. No wonder he was so grouchy. If Jessica wasn't being such a bitch today, he'd try to get into her pants right here. Sex with Jessica wasn't nearly as much fun as it used to be…

Two months before…

Routine sex, that what this was. Get in, get out. Jessica's moans filled the room as she arched her back, running her hands all over him.

Why wasn't this sexy to him? He had his dick in her pussy, and he was hard, so why did this just feel like almost nothing to him?

They'd been going at it for an hour, and he still hadn't come. Her face was scrunched up in an expression that might be pleasure, but he was pretty sure she was faking it as much as he was.

"Oh, yeah, yeah, right there, baby, yeah."

I want you, I need you, oh baby, oh baby. With enthusiasm, please.

He couldn't do this. Unable to look at her face without feeling kind of annoyed, he pulled himself out of her and rolled her over. "Let's try it like this."

"But I don't like it like this," she whined. She fucking whined during sex, of all times. Whatever. It was just how she was.

"You have such a nice ass, baby," he muttered, and it was true. Since high school, she'd filled out quite a bit and had more curves and a bigger butt than before. "I wanna watch it."

Happy to be complimented, she stuck her ass out as she kneeled on her hands and knees. This way, not looking at the orgasmic face he was sure was faked, he was able to finish. He imagined he was fucking some hot supermodel instead of her and finally came, grunting and groaning.

Afterward, she told him the sounds he made during sex weirded her out.

They hadn't had sex since. And they weren't even married yet.

Yet.

He groaned.

"What's the matter?" she asked, not really looking up from the TV.

"Nothing," he said. "Just…thinking about all the stuff we have to get done before the wedding."

"Oh, my God, don't even get me started." And, she's off…

Weddings weren't even something he enjoyed. Hell, the only two weddings he'd been to, he'd been to with Jessica, and both times, he had his eye set elsewhere. At Ben and Angela's wedding, it had been that hot bridesmaid he'd fucked in the bathroom during the reception. At Bella and Edward's wedding…

Hold the fucking phone.

The blonde. Tanya.

He hadn't known her name, because he'd been too nervous to introduce herself. He couldn't place her, because he couldn't imagine what she'd look like in regular clothes, as opposed to the designer dress she'd worn to the wedding. He'd also not heard her voice over the crowd.

But he remembered her laugh.

It was like music, like high, tinkling bells. Almost childlike.

There was only one place she could be.

He had no excuse. He could think of one, though. The drive out would give him just enough time. He just had to be confident, sure of himself, as winning as he could be. Hell, he was a salesman—he could sell this shit.

Making an excuse to Jessica was easy. He'd forgotten something at work. Had to take care of it now. She didn't even look like she cared that much.

He started the car and peeled out of the wet driveway, trying to remember how to get out to the Cullen's house.

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The hot water that bubbled around her felt amazing. With most of the family no longer living here, Tanya had been given free reign over where she wanted to put her stuff. Her things had gone in Carlisle and Esme's suite, since they had the biggest bathroom, and now, she was quiet glad for that decision.

The Jacuzzi, an unneeded item for a vampire, was nevertheless a luxury Tanya really needed to think about purchasing. The hot water bubbled around her while she rested her head on a rolled towel.

The house was quiet today, empty while the other occupants were out doing other things. Edward and Bella had taken Renesmee on a family hunting trip, just the three of them. Jacob had decided to use the opportunity to visit his family and old friends in La Push. Tanya had politely declined to join Edward and Bella so that they could enjoy time with just their little family, and had quickly found herself alone in the big house. The opportunity to relax in peace and quiet with no loud sex noises coming from other rooms was irresistible. Not that it wouldn't be nice if she didn't have someone in here with her. Just her and a man…

Her hands wandered before she'd even registered it, and she smiled coyly to herself as she fantasized.

The tub was warm, the jets lightly tickling her toes and legs as she leaned against the warm body of the man behind her. His pale arms were wrapped loosely over her thighs, hidden beneath the torrents of water. Her eyes were closed as she just felt…

His lips were teasing her ear, nipping at the soft skin where it met her neck, tugging occasionally. They made their way back, and she let her head fall forward so that he could brush his lips across the back of her neck. He exhaled sharply, his breath soft and warm, and his fingers tightened a little against her skin. She reached her hands behind her to entangle them in his damp hair, feeling him chuckle a little at her eagerness.

She shifted in his lap, brushing against him, and loving when he moaned in exquisite torture at her actions. His hands shifted to wrap around her waist and turn her in his lap. She spun on top of him, throwing her head back and laughing in delight. He trailed goofy kisses up and down her neck, to her breasts, and back to her ears before placing one, final loving peck on the very tip of her nose.

She opened her eyes, and smiled into his baby face, mussing the blonde hair one more time, before gazing into his golden eyes…

With exceptional hearing and sense of smell, Tanya was seldom startled. The doorbell that rang, sounding loudly in the hall, made her jump and sent water splashing everywhere.

If she were human, she would have been flushed from a combination of pleasure and confusion, not quiet sure what it was she'd been thinking of…

Well, maybe not what as much as why.

Quickly throwing on a bathrobe, Tanya forced herself to make it downstairs at a human pace. She threw a glance out the front window, not recognizing the car there—a newer, sexy, black and gray Ford Mustang.

She tightened her robe, not wanting to give some random guy a show, and pulled it open to find Mike Newton's smiling face peering out from under a hoodie.

"Hey, remember me?" He grinned boyishly at her. "Mike Newton? From the camping store?" His smile seemed to fall just a little, but maybe it was just a mistake on her part…

It took a moment for her to answer. "Uh, yes," she said slowly, a little lamely. "I remember you." She forced a bright smile on her face. "How are you?" Why was she so nervous?

"I'm quite well," he said, grinning again and sticking his hands in the pocket of his sweatshirt. "I was just out and about and happened to think I probably ought to stop by and check if you got everything unloaded alright, if you need any help with any of it…" He quirked an eyebrow. God, he was so cute, and still, very sexy. It was unsettling.

He'd asked a question.

No, she had a question.

"How did you know where to find me?" she blurted. "I mean, my credit card address doesn't go here, and I don't know how you could have gotten a hold of this address. It doesn't link to anything…" She trailed off, blinked, and shook her head. "So, how did you know where I was?" She tried to sound superior and nonplussed. It didn't sound so convincing to her.

"I just assumed you'd stay at your relatives house," he said, "and I recognized the car." Of course he did. There was nobody in this town, and he'd probably seen the silver Volvo every day for years. "That thing still runs?"

"That thing's going to run to the ground," she said, shaking her head. Then she registered what he'd said before that, and her mouth got away from her again. "You recognized me?"

Mike rolled his eyes and laughed softly, scuffing his feet a bit on the porch and looking down before gazing at her through his lashes. "Every hot blooded guy in town remembers you," he said. It was a loaded statement, and his eyes slid down to where the lapel of her robe revealed a bit of cleavage.

She giggled. What the fuck? Was she suddenly a little child, giggling at the silly boy? "I remember you," she said, smiling. "You caught the garter."

Mike laughed. "Yeah, I forgot about that." He cocked his head and his baby face took on an inquisitive look. "So, you never answered my question."

"Sorry?"

"I asked you a question." His blue eyes twinkled with merriment, and he shifted to lean against the doorframe, his warm body closer to hers by half a foot. "Remember?" His eyes stared straight into hers, boggling her mind a little bit.

Damn it. "Oh, the camping equipment!" she said, remembering. "No, I haven't gotten a chance to use it yet." She smiled, a little shy all of a sudden. "I don't have anyone to go with me."

He scoffed, waving a hand dismissively. "A knock-out like you? You'll have no problem fixing that." His eyes raked over her again, in a way that made her a little anxious.

She knew he was attracted to her—most men were. But most men stumbled over their words and fumbled when they moved. Not this man. He was so confident, so brazen. His blue eyes were filled with lust as they settled once more on the lapel of her bathrobe.

Oh, Jesus, did the mortification never stop? Maybe he wouldn't say anything.

"I like your robe, by the way," he said, and when she buried her face in her hands in mortification, he burst out laughing. He had such an amazing laugh. She wanted to hear it again, be the cause of it. Just maybe in a different way. "No, it's fine," he said, still laughing. "Calvin Klein, right?" He didn't wait for her answer. "Dude knows how to make a bathrobe."

"Uh, yeah," she said. "I was taking a bath." Thank God for not being able to blush. If she could, she'd be purple. She didn't mention what she'd been doing in the bath, or who she'd been thinking of…

"Well, I'll just let you get back to that," he said, and he smiled again. He seemed a little hesitant as he turned around and started toward the stairs. Then suddenly, he spun around. His eyes were burning. "You wanna go out sometime?" he asked. "I could show you around Port Angeles, we could grab a bite to eat, maybe see a movie."

"Oh, um…" What was she supposed to say? "I'd love to, Mike, but I'm a vampire and I don't eat," probably wouldn't go over too well. She should probably say no.

Instead, her mouth opened before she could stop it. "I'd love to see a movie with you sometime. No dinner, though," she said, then quickly added, "I don't eat in front of men I've just met," and giggled nervously. Not unless the man was a vampire, anyway.

"Great!" He reached around and pulled out his wallet. "Here's my card," he said, handing it off to her as if he did this all the time. "Give me a call, and if you don't," he grinned, "I know where you're staying."

"Next Friday?" She didn't even glance at the card. He blinked. She rejoiced a little inside that she'd thrown him off for a second, and resolved to see if she could do it again. "You could pick me up at eight. And would you mind driving?" She flashed him her sexiest smile. "I don't want to be seen around in the 'old man' car anymore than I have to."

"No problem," he said, and he grinned again. This smile was a little different—more excited than sexy, or cute, or pants dropping… "I'll pick you up here at eight."

"Thanks, darling," she said, and smiled.

They stood in silence, just staring each other down, and just as she was about to say something, he got in the last jab. "I really do like the robe. You'll have to model it again for me sometime." He winked and turned to go.

Oh, you little bastard. "I like your pants," she threw back. "They make your ass look hot as shit." Oh, hello, Tanya, where the hell have you been?

He tripped a little, and she laughed. He waved. "I'm fine." When he got to his car, he turned around and gave her another of his melting stares, the kind that made her feel like he was imagining her taking off her robe right now. "See you Friday."

Before he took off, she slid back inside and slammed the door, as enraged as she was aroused. Nobody turned her into a babbling idiot that couldn't even remember a simple question.

Pouting, she made her way back upstairs and sunk back under the water, trying to decide what to wear on Friday. This man required some planning…

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The panic didn't really set in until he reached the long drive. Away from the view of the imposing house, he slammed on the brakes and pulled out his cell phone. He quickly dialed the number he needed and waited, rolling his eyes when the ringback, "Get Low," blared from the tiny speaker.

"Hey, man, what's up?" Tyler's voice was a little surprised. "Haven't heard from you lately. How goes almost marital bliss?"

"Dude, I'm freaking out." He looked at his hands, gripping the steering wheel to stop from shaking."

"Okay," Tyler said slowly, "what's going on?"

Mike told him about what had just happened, how he'd strutted up to the house like he owned the place and chatted to a woman he barely knew. How he'd felt more confident as she stuttered and tried to keep her composure, all the time looking a little stunned, and nervous. How, in a moment of sheer stupidity and absolute genius, he'd asked her out. How she'd accepted, and actually looked kind of excited. How she'd suddenly fired back, once his eyes weren't on her anymore, the ass reference, and how he'd left her, still a little slack jawed, on the Cullen's porch.

How beautiful she was, and how amazing her smile was, and how he wasn't sure he'd ever felt so compelled to go after a woman as he had with this one. How scared he was.

"So, I'm going to say the thing you're not supposed to say, but I'm going to say it because you need to hear it," Tyler said.

"Okay."

"You're not married," Tyler said quietly, then he sped up and started getting louder. "I mean, I know it's a dick thing to say, but you're not. Legally, there's nothing she can do. You own the house, all the furniture, everything. And maybe nothing'll happen, but I gotta tell you, man, you haven't been the same since you guys got engaged." His voice was a little bitter, now. "I mean, we used to fucking hang on the weekends, dude. You guys would go through one of your little spats and we'd go hang and have a fucking bomb, man. You swore up and down you didn't want to get tied down yet, and then all of a sudden you're fucking engaged?" He snorted, and Mike started to realize how much of this was true. It was true, and it was really depressing. "She's a fucking bitch, man, always has been and always will be. You wanna marry a bitch and be miserable 'til you divorce her and she gets half your shit, you go on ahead. But dude," he said, and he laughed, "I remember that chick. She was hot. And if a hot chick who seems to like you agrees to go out with you, and your gut says to do it, do it. Go forth and find yourself again, Padawan." He paused. "I'm starting to sound like a queer."

Mike rolled his eyes, but took a deep breath. "Okay."

"Seriously, man, if it doesn't work, it doesn't work. But you can't marry her." Tyler's voice was gruff. "She's not good for you."

"Alright." Mike shook his free hand a little to relax it from its fist. "And Tyler? This conversation never happened."

"Hell, no, dude," Tyler laughed. "I'd like people to think I have a dick."

Mike laughed, said goodbye, and hung up. Putting the phone away, he pulled back onto the road, resolved, trying to think of a good excuse to get him out of the house next week.

a/n Isn't it funny how people make you act like an idiot sometimes? Interesting…

Reviews make me happy. Join dazzelglo in the review pool. Come on in, kids, the water's nice…

Join me next time, when Tanya and Mike go on their trip. And don't worry, I haven't forgotten about Jessica…