John "cheats" by surreptitiously checking his phone
"You have two new voice messages:"
Hello, John,
I hope you two have a pleasant "vacation." However, please do not make a habit of this. It so screws up the surveillance schedules.
Also, MI5 and MI6 are very displeased that my brother has their master email addresses. They have changed them already and re-encrypted them. Please tell my brother that I would take it as a personal favor if he would refrain from breaking into them for at least six months. The internecine conflicts are bad enough as is. Tell him that if he does this for me, I will make a small island available for your use the next time that you wish to "vacation" which is, as it happens, completely insulated from electrical signals of any kind. It's only available on the weekends as it is used for other things during the week.
Again, have a pleasant time.
(BEEP)
Hello, Dears,
Have a lovely time. Would you like me to collect your mail? I could bring up a casserole later. I'll just leave it outside the door, shall I?
"You have three text messages"
Molly H
I so did not need to know that.
Sawyer, Sarah
Fine, but tell him that I need you in fit condition to work your shift.
Harry "What's Up" Watson
Ewww! 4 24 hrs? Didn't knw u wr up4it big bro
You have one email. Would you like to read it now?
From: Detective Inspector Greg Lestrade []
To: John Watson [.uk]
Jesus, John, try to restrain him—wait, poor choice of words—stop him when he does something "clever" like that. Half the Yard is complaining of blindness and nausea. Gregson says if she weren't already a lesbian she'd be switching teams now and Dimmock and I have agreed to go out and get blotto tonight to wipe out the image of you two. I mean fine you want to—you're both well fit, but TMI, right?
Well, thank God he didn't send it to the entire press corp. That would be a fun headline for you to wake up to.