Chapter Twenty-Three: Broken

The next time I saw Becca, she did nothing to suggest she had even spoken to me at all. She seemed even less interested in me than she had before. Sometimes her eyes would flit across the room, and slide right past me, as if I wasn't there. Despite having told myself that I would stay as far away from her as possible, I felt disappointed when she didn't look my way.

I also started to doubt what Winnie had told me about Becca. Her words might not have been harshly truthful, but… biased. Clearly, some of it was true, but I couldn't shake the feeling that Winnie had been dishonest about Becca.

One evening, I was sitting with Lillian and Shauna, who was talking wildly and randomly about some kind of scandal in the US government while Winnie sat with Tom at the piano, plunking out a simple tune, when Roy slipped into the room and said, "Ed." I looked up. With a resigned but somehow amused expression on his face, he continued, "Can I talk to you?"

I nodded and stood up. Winnie shot a smile my way as I left the room with Roy. When we were in the hallway, he shut the door and looked at me expectantly.

"What?" I asked.

Shaking his head, he asked "What the hell did she do?"

"What did who do?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"There's something in your eyes when you look at her. Something I never expected from you."

That same expression on his face. A hint of the beginning of a smile.

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

He sighed, sounding impatient for the first time. "Becca, Ed. That's what I'm talking about." He paused. I said nothing. "Listen to me. I know she's sweet when you first talk to her, I get it. But whatever she said, it's not worth losing your brother over."

I looked at him. "What do you mean?"

"Don't pursue this. I know you want to, I can tell. But she's involved with your brother and I have seen her break up even the closest of friends. So – no, don't look at me like that, I know you haven't done anything yet, alright?" He shook his head and took a deep breath. "I just wanted to make sure you weren't planning anything."

"Of course I'm not. I've never been one to fall for cheap tricks-"

"Then they weren't cheap tricks." I looked at him, one eyebrow raised. His eyes were fixated on something beyond me. He shook his head and looked at me. "I don't know what the hell she said to you, but I have never seen a reaction like yours."

Leaning against the wall, I asked, "A reaction like mine? And what does that mean?"

"It means…" he paused, lost in thought. "Look, every other poor soul who's ever fallen for that girl is…obsessed with her. And you just look at her, questioningly, as if you want to talk to her. I don't think she has any idea how to handle that."

There was silence for a few moments. Then, the door opened and Lillian stopped in the doorway, seeing the two of us.

"Oh – pardon me – I have the graveyard shift today…"

She passed us and left. I looked after her.

Then, finally, Roy said, "Tell me what she said to you."

Still looking at the door Lillian had disappeared, I replied, "No. That's between me and Becca."

And I turned and went back into the room, leaving the door open. Roy stood in the doorway; when Tom saw his father standing there, he jumped off the piano bench and put his arms up. Roy pulled him into his arms and said, "Come on, it's way past your bedtime, little guy…" They left.

Shauna yawned, then laughed. "Same goes for me, I guess. Goodnight Winnie, 'night Ed." Winnie and I both said goodnight to her, and she left.

Neither of us said anything for a moment. Now that I knew Roy had noticed, I knew that Winnie was going to bring it up any second now. Her voice sounded in my head. I told you so. I warned you what she would do.

Then, my thoughts were broken as Winnie hit a single white piano key. The note sounded strangely off. "This piano's been out of tune for a long time now. I keep telling myself we'll find someone to fix it, but I always forget." Slowly, she stood up and pushed the bench back under the piano. "You should get going," she said. "It is pretty late." I nodded. She kissed me on the cheek. "Goodnight."

She left the room. I stood there for a moment, alone. Then, shaking my head, I left.

Lying in bed in the dark later that night, I closed my eyes and shut everything out. Everything. I didn't think of Becca, or Al, or Winnie, or anything at all. I fell asleep with my mind completely blank.

The dream started with a woman standing alone in the dark, in a white wedding dress. There was a veil covering her face. I reached out, and as I lifted the veil, she raised her hands and encircled my wrists gently with her slim fingers. The veil was lifted. Becca smiled at me.

But the second I saw her face, I was being pulled backward, away from her, until I couldn't see anything and the moving stopped. I started to run. I ran and ran in the darkness, but I couldn't tell if I was going anywhere. And then the voices began.

"It's not worth losing your brother over."

"She tells me she loves me, but…"

"Why don't you care? Why don't you give a damn?"

"…what we have here is what we are forever."

"You are going to be happy… You will love again."

I awoke with a start, Noa's soft voice still echoing in my mind. Sitting up in bed, I tried to recall her voice, but it was slipping away. I squeezed my eyes shut tight and pressed the palms of my hands onto my eyes, but all I could remember were the words. Her voice, the feel of her lips at my ear, it was gone, it was all gone.

Noa…

When she said those words to me, was she giving me her blessing? Was she saying to me, it's okay, move on, or was she reading my future, like she'd done a million times, for hundreds of nameless strangers before I even knew her?

And how could I let myself feel anything for Becca after refusing to allow myself to be happy with Winnie?

If Noa had been there, she would only have had to touch me to understand how I felt. Having to sort out my own thoughts without her was so much harder.

Eventually, my eyes closed and I faded back into sleep.

The next day, Winnie didn't say a word about Becca, like I expected her too. She smiled and laughed and acted normally, but there was no hint of derision in the way she looked at me. I wondered why.

There was a knock at the door in the middle of the afternoon that day. Riza answered it. To my surprise, a few seconds later, Becca was standing in the doorway of the room I was in, something wrapped in paper stuffed into her small bag.

She strode up to me and said lowly, "You need to explain something to me."

Winnie didn't even look at me.

"What is it?" I asked, glancing at Winnie.

Becca jerked her head in the direction of the door. I sighed and stood up, then followed her out into the hallway, where she pulled the thing wrapped in paper out of her bag.

"What is this?" she asked, and as she handed it to me, the paper fell away, and I saw the wooden transmutation circle that I had given Al for Christmas what felt like centuries ago.

"This is Al's…" I murmured, taking the thing and glancing up at her.

She nodded. "He was in his study for the whole night with that thing. His desk is covered with different drawings of it. He's buried himself in his journals and he won't tell me a thing. I don't think… I don't think he trusts me anymore."

He's finally caught on? I wanted to say, but instead I asked, "Did something happen?"

She didn't look away, nor did she look guilty. "I did something I shouldn't have, but that doesn't matter. What is he doing?"

I handed the thing back to her, thinking hard. He's tried alchemy before in this world. It doesn't work. It wouldn't work. So why was he obsessing over it anymore?

She looked at me, searching my face, and her eyes looked liquid, they were so full and dark. I couldn't tear my gaze away from them.

"Edward," she said quietly. "You haven't answered me."

"He… he's… I don't really…"

Words were only half-forming in my head, and I was somewhere else entirely as she leaned in, too close, far too close to me.

"Edward," she repeated, patiently. "Do you have an answer for me?"

Before my lips could even form the word no, she was pressing hers against them. It wasn't a long kiss; she pulled back a second later and whispered, "What is he doing?"

As my brother's face flashed in my mind, common sense came rushing back to me. I pushed away from Becca, shaking my head.

"What the hell!" I muttered, shaking my head. "How can you come here asking about him and then do that!"

She just looked at me with big, brown eyes.

I asked, "Did you ever love him? Or have you been leading him on this whole time?"

"Of course I loved him," she sniffed. "He's a fascinating man, underneath everything… else."

"What about now?"

She was silent for a few minutes. Then, in lieu of an explanation, she said, "He's trying to write another book. He says, once he finishes it, it'll be even more popular than his last one."

Something clicked in my brain. I asked, "And what if it isn't? What if he never becomes successful?"

She shrugged. "Heartbreak isn't fatal."

Shaking my head, I told her, "You're disgusting."

"Then why did you let me kiss you?"

"You… distracted me."

She threw her head back and laughed, exposing the porcelain skin of her throat. "Don't kid yourself," she said arrogantly. "The only reason you want me is because of your brother."

About to turn and leave her, I looked back at her. "What?"

She replaced the circle in her bag. "I've seen it again and again," she sighed. "He gets one thing, one teeny tiny thing, and you're jealous. You've always been more fortunate than him, so when he gets a lucky break," she stuck out her bottom lip in a faux pout, "it's bad news for you. Because he doesn't need you anymore, and you just hate that, don't you?"

"Who the hell do you think you're-"

"Look at you," she whispered, brushing a single finger across my face. "You're green with envy."

My hand shot out of its own accord and grasped her wrist in a vice-like grip. "Never," I hissed, "ever say that to me again."

She grinned and her lips crashed against mine again. I retreated a few steps backward. "Stop!" I said, and my voice rang around the house. Winnie's gentle piano playing from the other room ceased.

Becca grinned giddily again, despite the fact that I felt like I was about to break her nose. "Tell me what he's playing at," she muttered. "I've lived with a crazy man before, I just thought that maybe he had a method to his madness." She swept her hair back out of her face. "You know something, tell me or I'll keep kissing you."

"No, I-"

She threw herself forward again, but this time I was ready. I caught her by the shoulders. "What if I tell Al about this?"

"Tell him," she said. "I dare you. It won't matter. I have him wrapped around my finger. He's a weak man, to tell the truth. I wondered the first night we spent together, am I the first woman he's ever had, he seemed so shy-"

"Don't talk about him that way," I said cuttingly, before she could continue.

"Don't be such a prude," she taunted, her hands brushing across my chest. "You should have heard Winry talk about you." She giggled girlishly. "The way she told it, I wouldn't mind a night or two in your-"

"Get out."

I turned around. Winnie, her fists clenched, her eyes filled with hate, was staring at Becca, who smirked.

"Oh, not you too," said Becca. "Whatever happened to best friends, dear Winry?" Still standing behind me, she put her hands on my shoulders, then my neck, then she gently cupped both sides of my head. I removed her hands, but she just put them back. I stepped forward, out of her reach.

"Get out."

"This isn't your house," said Becca, stepped forwards to touch me again. I shook her off. "You have no right-"

"This is where I draw the line."

Roy's voice came from behind Becca. She let go of me immediately and turned to face him. "And what do you have to say to me?" she asked lightly.

"I can't do a thing about that poor boy you're living with," he said dangerously. "But I have told you before: I will not allow you to act this way under my roof. So I suggest you follow Winnie's advice."

Becca looked at Winnie, then back at Roy, then at me. She knew she couldn't sway all of us this time. I could see it in her eyes. But the fear disappeared when she made eye contact with me, and that same sick smile returned.

She looked at straight at Roy, then quietly uttered the words, "Make me."

Winnie launched herself at the other girl, knocking her off her feet. It wasn't until Winnie had Becca pinned against the ground, shouting, punching her, and pulling her hair while Becca shrieked with something frighteningly close to laughter that Roy and I were able to react. Roy pulled Winnie off of Becca and tried to restrain her. She was screaming profanities and threats at the top of her lungs. Becca made as if to run at Winnie, but I put my arms around hers so she wasn't able to get away. Instead of struggling, however, she arched her back away from me and made a sound halfway between a moan and a chuckle. I loosened my grip and she managed to turn around and lock her hands around my head, causing our lips to collide. With as much force as I could manage, I pushed her away. She was thrown violently to the ground.

There was an icy silence. Becca put a hand gingerly to her eye, where an ugly bruise was already forming. She grinned. "That's all I needed," she said, standing up and dusting herself off. Without picking up her bag, she strode out the door.

"God dammit," screeched Winnie, as Roy released her. "She played me for a fool!"

"I don't blame you," I said. "I was about to do the same thing."

Roy shook his head, running a hand over his face. "I wish she wouldn't," he sighed. "I wish she'd just leave it alone." He rubbed his temples, then glanced at me. "You handled it very well, thank you, Ed."

"While I, on the other hand, completely fell for it, again," said Winnie glumly. "Dammit."

"She wanted a bruise," I murmured thoughtfully. "But why?"

"Pity, probably," replied Roy. "If she goes back and she's bruised, what's your brother going to give her? Attention, that's what. It's all she ever wanted."

Roy turned and left, and I heard Riza ask him a few worried questions. Winnie, grinding her teeth, stomped upstairs to her room, like an angry teenager.

I knelt down and reached for Becca's bag. She had left the wooden transmutation circle. The white paper fell away and the light wood was exposed. The circle had broken cleanly in two.

Taking the pieces with me, I straightened up and turned to leave. Just as I got to the door, however, someone said gently, "Ed…"

I turned around. Anne was standing there, just outside the doorway of the kitchen, gingerly favoring one leg over the other.

Distractedly, I asked, "What is it?"

Her eyes darted at the ground, then at the door behind me, then at my shoulder, something I had become accustomed to when talking to Anne. Still, in the state that I was, I found it irritating. "Anne, what is it?"

"I heard what – what Becca said," she said softly, so softly I could barely hear her. "Her words – she's always used her words like – just like knives. She's never really been cl–close to me, but you need to remember," her voice got slightly stronger, "she's still just one of us, and, and she can hide behind her words all she wants but the truth is she's scared and, and unsure and doesn't honest – honestly know how to… act."

I shook my head impatiently. "Yeah. That's exactly what she wants you to think."

Anne finally met my gaze. "That doesn't mean it isn't true."

For a long, long moment, I stood there, frowning at Anne. She dropped her gaze, shook her head, and shambled back into the kitchen. I stood there for half a second, then shook my head gently and left the house.

I was so sick of hearing about Becca. Winnie, Roy and now Anne? I didn't want to be told what to think about her. It was clear how she felt and how she had taken advantage of me, and Al, and Winnie, and everyone else. And there was nothing I could do about it; she was right, she had Al wrapped around her finger. I didn't want to see him hurt but… what choice did I have?

Maybe if I moved, far away from them all, I wouldn't have to see how things unfold. I could escape from everything once again, and I could write letters and they could write letters and I would never have to see them again. But I couldn't do that to myself, could I? There was no way I would be able to leave it all again.

As I headed back to the small, dim apartment that was my home, a headache began pounding in my temples.

I set the splintered transmutation circle down on the tiny table, and went to splash my face with water. I wiped my face with a clean rag, and then noticed exactly what I had laid the wooden circle on.

It was a worn book, with a dark cover and four shining words on the front.

Amestris.

By Alphonse Elric.

With a quiet laugh, I reached down and picked the book up, flipped through the pages. Memories and names jumped out at me. For a second I was lost in earlier times, times that were not exactly happier, but when I was younger. When nothing could shake the few things I knew were true.

And now, what is true? Al gave himself completely to Becca. She gained him, but was has she lost? Nothing.

I set the book down again with a sigh. Then I saw the broken transmutation circle again.

Out of old time's sake, I touched my hands together lightly in a clap and set the tips of my fingers on the wooden objection. Nothing happened.

I hadn't expected much, but it was still a disappointment.

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One of my favorite chapters so far.

I updated the Author's Note on my profile. Once again, you don't have to read it, it simply helps me organize my thoughts on the chapters.

Thanks so much for reading! Constructive criticism, anyone?