The Gym

"Ugh, I cannot stand that instructor!" Elaine fumed as she and Sue Ellen walked out of Pilates class.

Sue Ellen smiled. "Well, he certainly seemed to like you, Elaine."

Elaine sighed. "Do you have any idea how hard it is to work out when the instructor spends the entire time trying to look down your bra? I mean, he of all people

should know what a woman's chest looks like! I should report that pervert!"

Sue Ellen smirked and took a swig of her bottled Evian water. "Maybe he's interested in more than your chest."

"That's the last thing I need... some lowlife Pilates instructor falling all over me!" Elaine said.

"Well I know one thing... If David saw that instructor looking at me that way...

Oh... I'm sorry..."

"About what?"

Sue Ellen put her hand on Elaine's shoulder.

"I know you're still in shock about David and I. It's okay Hon. It'll take some getting used to, but you'll recover."

Elaine wanted to smash the woman's face in. Why in the hell did she decide to start speaking to her again? Determined not to look like an idiot in front of her so-called

friend, she smiled.

"I'm fine with it, really."

Sue Ellen looked like she was going to faint with relief.

"Are you serious? Oh Thank God, Elaine. I was so worried! I mean, I just couldn't believe you had the courage to say hello when we met in the bakery! Knowing you

had forgiven me was just like Heaven."

Elaine scoffed. "I'll bet it was."

"What was that?" Sue Ellen asked.

"Um, I said... Never mind. Besides, I'm over David anyway. I've... moved on."

Sue Ellen's face brightened with interest. "Really? You've found someone new already?"

Elaine gave Sue Ellen the fakest smile imaginable.

"Of course!. I mean, I know it's hard to believe since David and I went out for so long..."

"Oh Elaine, that's marvelous! You simply must tell me more! I'm dying to know! So who is this mystery man?"

"Well, it's no mystery really. I mean, I've known him for years. We even dated for a while, but we've been friends forever."

"Elaine! Stop beating around the bush! I need details!" Sue Ellen prodded.

Elaine smiled; a real smile this time.

She knew she was treading on thin ice, telling someone she didn't trust at all about her relationship with Jerry, but she just couldn't help herself.

She'd go crazy if she didn't tell someone. She hadn't been this happy in a very long time.

Go for it, Elaine. If she's really your friend, she'll be genuinely happy for you.

"Elaine, I'm not getting any younger." Sue Ellen said.

Boy ain't that the truth. Just look at those lines...

"Well, you're not going to believe this."

Sue Ellen sighed. "No, I'm sure I won't."

Elaine took a deep breath. "Okay... Remember when we were released from jail?"

Sue Ellen shuddered. "That was only two weeks ago. How can I forget? Oh Elaine, I still can't believe you got yourself thrown in prison! It's... well, it's just appalling."

"Thank you." Elaine said, wondering if Sue Ellen would melt if someone threw a bucket of water on her. It worked in The Wizard of Oz.

"Elaine, seriously! What were you thinking?" Sue Ellen continued. "You've got a criminal record now, and-."

"Will you let me FINISH?" Elaine yelled, causing the gym to grow strangely quiet.

"Don't make a scene, Elaine!" Sue Ellen hissed loudly. "Just tell me the story."

Elaine cleared her throat uncomfortably. "Okay, well after they let us out of jail, I started spending a lot of time with... um, this person... and..."

"Elaine, WHO?" Sue Ellen yelled bringing the gym to silence once more.

"Jerry."

Sue Ellen looked confused. "Jerry... Jerry... Doesn't ring a bell. Do I know him?"

Elaine was incredulous. "Of course you know him! Jerry Seinfeld? He came to your so-called wedding in India? How could you forget?"

A long silence followed as Sue Ellen appeared to be absorbing this news.

"Jerry Seinfeld?"

"Yes! Isn't it just incredible! I mean, I still can't believe it!" Elaine felt exactly like she had when Lester Bergman asked her to go steady in the 9th grade. He was the

most popular boy at Ridgefield Junior High.

"Jerry Seinfeld?" Sue Ellen repeated.

"I know! I never thought it would happen, but-."

Suddenly, Sue Ellen grabbed Elaine's forearm and dragged her out of the gym.

"Hey wait! You're hurting me! Where are we going?" Elaine yelled in protest.

When they were on the sidewalk, Elaine jerked her arm away.

"What in the hell is the matter with you? You almost pulled my arm off!" She snapped.

"Jerry Seinfeld? Elaine Benes, are you crazy?" Sue Ellen yelled, startling Elaine with the outburst.

"What do you mean?" Elaine asked.

"Oh my God... You just don't get it, do you? Did prison make you that delusional?"

Elaine blinked. "I-I'm sorry. I'm not following."

Sue Ellen sighed loudly. "Jerry Seinfeld is a complete Jackass!"

Elaine was strangely shaken by the insult.

"Well, I know he can be, but I happen to love-."

"Save it Benes!" Sue Ellen snapped. "I know all about the crap that Seinfeld has pulled; The Bubble Boy, the Chinese restaurant, putting a PEZ dispenser on your leg

during a piano recital?"

Elaine laughed despite herself. "Yeah, that was pretty funny."

Sue Ellen scoffed. "Funny? It's horrible! And worst of all, how could he live with himself after buying that woman a defective wheelchair?"

"But-But... Jerry had nothing to do with-"

"Don't try defending him! David told me all about it."

"David?"

"Yes, Elaine. David. As in David Puddy. The guy you ditched when you got yourself thrown in jail."

"Hey, I told him not to wait for me, but I never dreamed he would-."

"You never dreamed he would what, Elaine? Actually leave you? Well believe it. He loves me and only me. I'd never do anything to hurt me as badly as you hurt him. I

mean, thank God I was there for him. You certainly weren't."

Like a flame, Elaine's anger began to rise. "Yeah, you were there all right. You barely waited until they locked my cell door before you made your move."

God, she sounded like a soap opera actress...

Unphased by this accusation, Sue Ellen sneered at Elaine.

"Well, at least I didn't lower my standards and find the only guy in the world who would break up with you and then date you again. You know... Jerry and those two

friends of his make me sick. No wonder you couldn't find another man. You had to settle for that pathetic lowlife, Jerry Seinfeld. No other man would want you,

anyway."

Shaken by Sue Ellen's hurtful comments, Elaine swallowed hard.

"I see... um, well... I'm glad we got to... catch up." She said, horrified when her voice began to break.

She took a deep breath, struggling to maintain her composure.

"Say, you want to grab a bite to eat?" Sue Ellen asked, as though nothing had happened. "I'm just dying for a Big Salad."

Was this woman insane? She actually expected Elaine to associate with her after insulting her to her face?

"No. I-I really need to get going. Goodbye, Sue Ellen."

Without looking back, Elaine headed to her car...

Fighting tears along the way.