Jerry clicked off the phone in frustration.
Damn it, where was she?
A glance at his kitchen clock indicated that it was well past three. Even if she had been asleep when he called, she would have at least woken up to answer the phone.
He couldn't count the number of times he'd called her when he'd gotten home late from a show or yet another disastrous date. She always answered the phone, no
matter what time it was; if only to tell him that she was exhausted.
Something was definitely wrong.
The Mets game was long over and when he glanced at the television screen, he realized that he had no idea what he'd been watching.
Damn commercials...
How many times must he watch the cat food commercial with the dancing cats? Did the cat food company honestly think that after eating their "delicious" cat food, a
cat was going to suddenly start dancing like John Travolta? Never gonna happen.
"We now return you to the film 'Birdman of Alcatraz'"
Immediately Jerry's attention was peaked. Now why in the heck weren't he, George and Kramer allowed to have birds in prison? Burt Lancaster was the luckiest guy
around... Bird Man. That's a good name for a superhero. He'd have to run that by Elaine. Wherever she was... He picked up the phone again and dialed her number.
Please pick up... Please pick up... No answer. Damn...
He pushed the END button on his cordless phone so hard that it hurt his finger. Still, it just wasn't the same as slamming down a telephone receiver in frustration.
All of a sudden he couldn't focus and he began to experience shortness of breath. What was going on? His hand went to his forehead and he was shocked to feel how
warm he was. Then the coughing started. Well, it was bound to happen... He was literally worried sick.
He began to pace the room, giving no thought to the fact that he was wearing his best pair of tennis shoes; the ones he reserved strictly for casual living room use.
This was the strangest feeling he'd ever had in his life. He'd never been this worried over a woman before. In fact, he rarely gave a second thought to a woman's fate
after she left his apartment. But that was before... There was only one thing to do... He picked up the phone and hit the speed dial.
I can't believe I'm doing this. Seinfeld, you've officially lost your mind.
"Hello?" The groggy voice answered.
"George?"
"Ma?"
"No! It's me, Jerry! I need to talk to you."
"Do you have any idea what time it is?"
Jerry looked at his watch.
"Yeah. It's about 3:30 in the morning."
"Call me at noon. Goodbye."
"No, George! Don't hang up!"
He heard a sigh on the other end of the line.
"This had better be big. And when I say big, I mean..."
"Yeah, I know. Big." Jerry said with a roll of his eyes.
"All right, spill it." George ordered.
"H-have you seen Elaine?"
"Yeah, we saw her this afternoon at Monk's."
"No, I mean recently."
There was a pause. "Jerry, it's the middle of the night."
"I know, that's what worries me."
"Wait, you're worried about her? What's wrong?"
"Well, she said she was going to call when she got home from meeting with Sue Ellen, but she never did. I tried to call her but I kept getting her machine."
"Did you leave a message?"
"Of course I left a message. Don't I always? In fact, I left more than one."
"What did the messages say?"
"George, how is that important?"
"Jerry! This could be the answer to your problem."
"As usual, you're making no sense. George. I knew this was a bad idea."
"What bad idea? Jerry, the message you leave could be the reason she's not calling you back. For all you know, she could have been at home all this time."
"Well I hope so, because this is driving me crazy. As long as I know she's all right, I'll be fine."
"So what did you say in the message?" George asked again.
Jerry sighed, trying to remember what he had said. "I said that I was just calling to see how it went with Sue Ellen and..."
"Yeah? And..."
"Um, let's see... I think I said that I hoped she was okay, and then loveyou."
"What was that?"
Jerry swallowed hard. Why did he always have to open his big mouth?
"Jerry, what did you say?"
"I think I said 'love you.'."
"Come again?"
"I said "love you!" Jerry yelled into the cordless phone.
Suddenly there was a loud clanking noise, and Jerry cringed as he held the cordless phone away from his ear. Then silence.
"George? George? Are you all right?"
More noise and then yelling; "George Costanza? What in the HELL are you doing on the phone at this hour?"
The unmistakable bellowing voice of Frank Costanza.
"What was that noise? You're disturbing my beauty sleep!"
Estelle...
"What's going on in here?" Frank roared.
"I-I was talking to Jerry and I guess I dropped the receiver. Everything's fine now." George said sheepishly.
"Don't let it happen again! And tell Jerry to stop calling you in the middle of the night! People work around here!"
"All right, Pop. Sorry. Sorry, Ma."
"Everything okay, George?" Jerry asked with a smirk.
"Yeah. I just dropped the phone."
"So I heard."
"You really told Elaine that you love her?" George asked.
"It just kind of... came out. I've never said that to a woman before. Well, I mean... I might have said it to Elaine a few times, but..."
"Are you kidding me?" George yelled. "Why am I just finding out about this?"
"What difference does it make? I just want to make sure she's okay. It's driving me crazy not knowing."
"Just go over there." George said.
Jerry looked at his watch. "What, now?"
"Yeah, why not?"
"She'll kill me if I show up at this hour."
"Just tell her you were worried about her. Women love that stuff."
"They do?" Jerry asked, unable to believe he was asking George for advice on women.
"Oh yeah. So are you going to go over there?"
"Well, it's probably not a good idea. I guess I'll just wait and see if she calls." Jerry said.
"I'm sure everything's fine." George said. "Wanna meet Kramer and I for breakfast later?"
"Breakfast? I thought you weren't going to get up before noon."
"Ma's making breakfast and I need any excuse I can get to avoid the confrontation that's sure to happen. See you around 9?"
"Kind of early, isn't it?"
"Well, they never eat before 9:30, so I can make a clean breakout."
"Wow, you're a regular Clint Eastwood, aren't you?"
"Later, Jerry."
Jerry hung up the phone and looked at his watch. It was nearing 4am. Over five hours before he had to be at the diner.
Might as well get some sleep.
But sleep proved to be impossible...