Elaine opened her eyes, squinting as she tried to focus on her alarm clock; 5:42am
Damn, she'd been up all night, and as exhausted as she was, she just hadn't been able to go to sleep.
Reluctantly, she reached over and pushed the button on her answering machine. The phone had rung over and over last night, but she just couldn't bring herself to answer it.
The last thing the person on the other end of the line needed to hear was her ridiculous sob-story.
The first message made her cringe;
"Elaine, it's your mother. I don't know why you never call me back. I'm your mother! You're probably out on a date and I hope for your sake that it's not with that awful David Puddy or that Seinfeld character. I don't know what you ever saw in him. He's just not funny at all and-."
Elaine pushed the button and breathed a sigh of relief as the message was deleted.
And her mother wondered why she never came home for a visit...
The machine clicked over to the next message;
"Lainey, it's me..."
At the sound of his voice, her heart did a funny little flip.
"...I was just a little worried. Oh hell, what am I saying? I'm a lot worried okay? ... Love you!"
Then, the next message...
"... Lainey, I'm just sitting here watching the game. Just wanted to make sure..."
Poor Jerry.
Suddenly she felt worse than ever about not returning his calls.
With a sigh she climbed out of bed and got dressed. This was crazy. She had to talk to someone.
Talking to her mother was definitely out of the question. Her mind reeled, trying to think of anyone else she could call. When it came to advice on men, most of her
friends were absolutely worthless. How she wished that Brenda was still around. Brenda had been her coworker back when Elaine first met Jerry at the tiny Laughter
comedy club in Times Square. If it weren't for Brenda's persistence, Elaine and Jerry might never have gotten together. But Brenda had been gone from her life for a
long time now, which left only one person to turn to.
The thought made her wince.
It wasn't quite 6am, but she knew that it wasn't too early to call. The thought of making contact after such a long time was disturbing in a psychotic way.
But she had no other choice. She picked up the phone and dialed the number; her heart racing as the phone rang and rang... Suddenly it stopped.
"Hello?" The gruff voice answered.
"Hey Daddy."
"Elaine? Is that you?"
"Um... yeah."
"Kind of early to be calling, isn't it?"
"Well, yeah, but I figured that you'd be up."
"I was! I was talking about it being early for you."
That was her dad... as sensitive as a drill sergeant!"Oh, it's okay. I was awake." She said. "Actually that's what I wanted to talk to you about. You see..."
"How's your mother?" He interrupted. At the mention of her mother, she flinched, remembering the message she'd left about Jerry.
"Oh... Mom's... fine." She said, not really sure if it was true. It'd been ages since she'd gone home for a visit.
"Good." He answered curtly. Way to be concerned, Dad.
"Um... Daddy? The reason I'm calling you is because I wanted to talk to you about something."
"It's not a man, is it?"
Elaine blinked in surprise. How did he know that?
"Um, well... actually... Yes."
"What man?" He asked gruffly.
Elaine took a deep breath. "Well, Daddy... Actually it's about Jerry."
"Jerry? Jerry who?" He asked, practically barking the words.
"Seinfeld. Um, Jerry Seinfeld." She replied. There was a much-too-long uncomfortable silence. After several seconds when he still hadn't answered, she began to panic.
"Daddy? Daddy are you okay? Answer me!" Finally she heard movement. "Daddy, are you all right?"
"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine."
She breathed a huge sigh of relief. "Thank God. I was so worr-."
"ELAINE, HOW COULD YOU?" He boomed, startling her.
Now she was confused.
"How could I what?"
"You're still seeing this Seinfeld character?"
She braced herself. Here it comes.
"Yeah, Daddy... But you only met him one time and-."
"Damn it, Elaine! What are you doing running around with a jerk like him? He's a moron!"
"But Daddy-."
"He's a washed-up funny man, that's what he is. Saw his act on the Carson show last week. Just terrible!"
Elaine sighed. "Daddy, Carson retired a long time ago and-."
"Stay away from him, do you hear me?" He bellowed.
"I thought you liked him! When you met him, you said that he reminded you of someone in Nam. Don't you remember?"
"That jacket! That ridiculous striped jacket!" He fumed, as though he didn't hear her. "What kind of idiot goes around wearing something like that makes him look like he's
joined the circus? You stay away, Elaine Benes. You hear me? He's bad news. If it weren't for him, you would have never gotten thrown in jail! I mean it. Stay aw-."
Elaine clicked off the phone feeling worse than ever. Damn... That was a mistake of giant proportions. Wearily she sat down on the bed trying desperately to clear her
mind.
But all she could think about was Jerry.
Finally she sighed, realizing there was only one thing she could do. And the thought made her sadder than she ever imagined...