Addressed to R. Mustang
Author: MeltingMetal315
Original Publish Date: January 14, 2011
Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist
Pairing: RoyEd
Rating: T (PG13)
Warnings: References to sex, yaoi (malexmale), angst, heartbreak, AND IT'S TERRIBLY OOC! (after all, these are emotional letters. Whenever you make Roy or Ed emotional, they get OOC. Sorry!)
Author Notes: You asked for it. Now you got it. ;] Haha, I feel like I'm RPing with myself. Anyone want to take over the Roy side to this? I can never seem to find a good Roy RPer who's willing to start a new project. Anyway, just in case you're ever looking for an Ed, I'm you gal… er, guy! I'll pretty much do uke!Ed for any pairing almost. PM me or talk to me on my Ed Facebook (link on profile). Enough with my shameless self-promotion. On with Roy's reply!
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Oh god, Edward. My sweet little Edward…
What have I done? I'm so sorry… I can never express how sorry and regretful I am. I care about you so much, Ed. More than you'll ever know. But you have to understand that my career was on the line! I have to become the fuhrer, you know that. Who would take me seriously if I'm in a relationship with a man fourteen years younger than me? The public won't accept it. I doubt that they'd like the fact that I'm bisexual in general.
It didn't mean nothing to me, the time we spent together. It meant everything to me. You say that you've never loved anyone but me? I'd say the same thing. You make me feel complete. You're like my missing puzzle piece. I need you, Ed, but I can't have you for the sake of my career. You make me smile. You make me happy. You make me feel so warm and fuzzy inside. I'm just so relaxed when I'm with you.
I'm not a pedophile, Ed. Your claims to my lusting after you when you were young? That's not the truth! I loved you so much Ed, but not like that. I took you into the military fully intending to take you and your brother as my wards. I didn't want you sexually, I just wanted to make sure that you knew that I cared for you. I wanted to be there for you. I wanted to be there to guide you and care for you. For the love of christ (and yes I know that you don't believe in God or christ), you were barely eleven years old. You had just lost our mother! I wanted to be your alternative outlet. You were going through some pretty tough stuff at that time and I wanted you to be able to feel comfortable letting it all out. I'm more respectable then being a damned pedophile. I can't believe you think so lowly of me.
Sure, I started to feel attracted to you when you were about sixteen. But I mean, you had already started to like me in that way and you were fucking teasing me! Flirting and making suggestive comments to see how I react. That wasn't very - hm, how should I put this- …right. Up until then, I loved you as I would my own son. But then you made the first moves. You made me want to love you in a way that no parent should ever love his child. You drove me insane! I only came onto you because you wanted me to. You filled me with lust and want. I waited for you to be legal, even though you kept suggesting it throughout the year you were sixteen. You're the one that seduced me that first time.
But that's besides the point. You should know that I never went out or slept with anyone during the time we were together. You weren't a series a one night stands. You were my lover. Lover as in I loved you. I… I still do…
I miss you, too, you know. You know why I left? I couldn't stand to hurt you more than I had already. I didn't know if I could control myself if I saw you every day and had the opportunity to take you. I don't want to fuck you, Ed, I want to make love to you. Because I love and care for you, not just lust after you. Don't misunderstand me. Please…
I hope you realize I send those checks because I know that you can't perform alchemy anymore and because I want to make sure that you're able to make enough to live a god life. I'm single and… what? 34? I doubt I'll find a wife at this point. I have so much excess money that I don't really need. I've always lived a humble life and I don't need all those eccentric luxuries. The car's good enough for me. You're young, though. You've been through a lot and in case you're ever running low and panicking, you'll have enough money to pay the mortgage and your meals. I want to make sure that you're well taken care of in life and that you don't die of something like bankruptcy.
And really, Ed, would you really think I'd sleep with someone because of pity? Despite what everyone says, I am not a whore. I slept with you because I love you! How many times do I have to say it! I love you! I love you! I love you! You're special to me, Ed. And I don't want to hear you say those things about yourself ever. Do you understand me? If you succumb to self-loathing, everyone else will begin to hate you as well. But at this point, we all care about you. And even if everyone begins to lose confidence in you, I'll be there on your side. I'll be the first one to pick you up and tell you that I love you and I don't want you to die. I want you to be here, with me.
You've got to understand that I'm not ignoring or avoiding you, I'm just trying to protect us both.
With Love and Care,
Roy