Disclaimer: All rights to Mass Effect belong to Bioware, not me.
Waking Up
Chapter 6
"It's not my fault," she found herself saying once again, but this time to Doc.
"And you believe that?" he checked. Shepard nodded. "How did you get to that place?" he asked.
"I had one of my conversations with him," she said, laughing at herself on the inside. "It's like I could feel him urging me to admit that I did nothing wrong. That I did everything I could."
"Which is correct," Doc confirmed. "Now… I want to talk about the Citadel." Shepard thought for a moment and then nodded once she understood what he was about to fish for.
"I pushed forward. Kept going. I thought I was going to die before even reaching the beam… once I got to the Citadel, people were everywhere. Pieces of people were everywhere," she corrected before continuing. She told him the whole story. The Illusive man, Anderson, and the Catalyst included. "Next thing I knew, I was in a hospital. One thing lead to another, and then we met." Doc seemed pleased.
"Thank you for sharing that," he said. "When we first met, you would shut down at any mention of your experience. Things are quite different now, wouldn't you say?"
"Absolutely," she agreed.
"Only two weeks to go," he informed her. "How are you feeling?"
"I'm… waking up." Doc's expression showed his appreciation of this statement. He shifted in his seat, as if readjusting before the next topic.
"So, about the military cemetery," he began. He had Shepard's attention with that. She felt a tinge of anxiety at the mention of it, but she was able to focus on the exchange of words.
"Yeah?" she prompted, letting him know that it was okay to proceed with his line of thinking.
"I would like for you to give your friend Garrus a visit." She knew that was coming. "I could go with you if you'd like…"
"No," she said. "I think I need to do it on my own." He nodded at that; he must have understood.
Shepard stood at the intersection, studying the directions she had to the military cemetery. Two more blocks it said, so she headed in the direction that was indicated. Soon enough, she had come across tall, engraved walls and a flag flying Alliance colors. She stood at the entrance, barely peeking in to see rows and rows of headstones. A fountain stood at the front, the sound of the running water echoing off of the surrounding walls.
"Do you need help finding someone?" a woman asked who stood off to the side next to a map along with a bird's eye view satellite photograph of the grounds.
"Sure," Shepard said. "I'm looking for Garrus Vakarian."
"Vakarian… Vakarian…" said the woman as she ran her finger down a list.
"Served directly under Commander Shepard," she clarified, wondering if that tid-bit of information would speed the process.
"Ah, yes. Here. Garrus Vakarian. Section B, plot 12," she said. It stung a little to hear the woman refer to Garrus as just another plot in a cemetery. "Take the path to the left all the way down, make a right when it splits at the end, and you'll reach him shortly after that. He's the twelfth marked grave on the left.
"Thanks," she said before turning to follow the new directions. She could hear her heart in her ears, quickening with every step. A deep breath. She began counting her steps in order to avoid the sound of her terrified heart. She made her right-hand turn and passed a number of marked graves. She kept count as she passed and stopped just before where Garrus should have been. She couldn't look up at first. Seeing his name etched in a monument was one thing. Seeing his name on a grave stone indicating his lifeless body was lying below was something quite different to Shepard. Another deep breath. She turned to face the grave and slowly raised her eyes.
"Garrus Vakarian," it read. There he was. She glanced quickly around before stepping onto the grass and sitting upon his grave. She dug her fingers into the dirt there and let her eyes sting with some unshed tears.
"Hey there," she whispered. "So, this is different," she said, thinking back to the numerous conversations she had with empty air in her apartment. This time he was lying just beneath her. "I'm sorry I hadn't visited earlier. Truth is I didn't even know about this place… which I'm sure you already know considering how often I already talk to you," she said with a smile. That is where she stayed for the remainder of the day. Sometimes talking, sometimes silent and just enjoying the cool air on her cheeks. Some people passed, nodding their sentiments as they continued to walk by. Shepard also took note of the other people who seemed to be copying her very action of sitting and talking to the deceased loved one. It was before the sun began to set that a woman, maybe around Shepard's age, came to sit at the plot directly next to her.
"Hi," she said as she sat down with a packaged dessert. "Your husband?" she asked, nodding towards Garrus's headstone.
"Almost," Shepard sighed.
"I'm sorry," the woman said.
"Thanks. Yours?" Shepard returned the question as she motioned to the headstone her neighbor was sitting before.
"Yeah. Today would have been our 5 year anniversary," she said with a smile. "Explains the sweet snack." Shepard returned a sympathetic smile.
"…How are you doing it? Getting by?" Shepard asked, redirecting her gaze toward Garrus's name. The woman sighed before responding.
"I take one day at a time. Besides, we have a little boy I need to look after. I can't be a mother if I'm busy chasing his memory. Sure, memories are something truly special, but as all the great ones say, you can't live in the past… care to share my anniversary dessert with me?" Shepard smiled and accepted the offer. Time went by, allowing the two widows to exchange stories, fears, and hopes. By the time shadows began to stretch throughout the park, attendants began to pace the pathways, informing the visitors that the gates would soon be closing.
"It was really great getting to talk with you," the woman said, whose name Shepard had learned was Jen. "Remember, if you'd ever like to chat, you've got my contact info."
"Sure thing," Shepard said as she stood. Before turning to leave the cemetery, she brushed her fingers over Garrus's name in the stone. "I love you," she whispered before planting a kiss upon the letters there. This wouldn't be the last time she made a visit, for Shepard had rather enjoyed the day she had spent with friends, both old and new.