A/N: Ok, so I wasn't kidding when I said this would be stupid. Enjoy!
Also, thank you so much to my reviewers: Mistress Fang, xSugaryTearsx, enticement, and Eternal Passion! You guys rock! :D
Chapter 4: The Loyal Wedding Party
After two straight weeks of feverish, ball-busting wedding planning, the glorious day had come that Voldemort would finally be able to see his life long dream of Drinny fulfilled. He had been able to convince the young couple to hold their wedding on July 31st, partially because they wanted a summer wedding, but mainly as an added 'Fuck you' to Harry. After getting the all-clear from Dumbledore, Voldemort had arranged for the wedding and the reception to take place at Hogwarts in the Great Hall. He had also placed a Confundus Charm on the Headmaster and all the Hogwarts students to make them think that school didn't get out until August. That way, everyone would be together and already at the venue, making it much easier for Voldemort to get his wedding festivities started.
So as the morning of July 31st dawned in Hogsmeade, it was with great pride and anticipation that Voldemort arrived at the small hotel room he had reserved right on the outskirts of Hogwarts. He looked at himself in the mirror, admiring what looked back. His reflection was bald and snake-like with pale skin and freakish, glowing red eyes. "You are one hott bastard, aren't you?" He cooed at his reflection, adding an extra spritz of cologne just for good measure. Once he felt pretty enough, he rolled up his sleeve and delicately placed a long, bony finger to the Dark Mark on his left forearm. The Mark glowed a sinister orange, and very suddenly, several sweeping, black figures materialized in the room where Voldemort was. As they arrived one by one, Voldemort smiled and turned to meet his dark companions.
"Ahh, Avery! Rookwood! Macnair! Yaxley! Amycus! Greyback! Wormtail! Rodolphus! You're all here! This means so much to me..." Voldemort paused to blow his nose and wipe away the tears of joy. As his eyes continued to sweep around the room, he noticed the devastatingly good-looking Lucius Malfoy, hunched in a corner as if he'd rather be anywhere than with Voldemort. Voldemort went over to Lucius and hugged him daintily, resting his head on the strong blond's shoulders. "And of course Lucius, my right hand man who has helped me organize all of this! Oh sigh, where would I be if it weren't for you, my little platinum lumpy cake?"
"At the nut house, most likely," Lucius muttered. Luckily for him, however, his words were drowned out at that very instant by three death eaters who had just arrived.
"Snape! You beautiful thing, I could kiss you!" Voldemort walked towards Snape with his lips puckered but, after noticing the very uncomfortable look on Snape's face quickly added, "but I won't!" He turned towards the other new arrivals. "Alecto, darling! So glad you could make it! And Bellatrix, so happy to see Bella..." Voldemort gulped audibly as he noticed for the first time the tall, psychotic woman who was more than a little obsessed with him standing seductively in his hotel room. He took a few steps back and stood so that Lucius served as a sort of shield between him and Bellatrix, who was glaring at him hungrily.
"Lucius!" He whispered desperately, "what the HELL is Bellatrix doing here?? Isn't she supposed to be, like, in PRISON or something?!"
Lucius cocked his head bemusedly at the Dark Lord. "She's Draco's aunt, she'd kill me if I didn't invite her to her only nephew's wedding. Besides, if I remember correctly, you two seemed to get along very well when-"
"SHHHHH!!!!!!! Dear God, don't remind her!!!" Voldemort knew where Lucius was going with that one and decided to nip it in the bud before Lucius could finish. Voldemort did like Bellatrix, really he did, but after that extremely awkward night they had spent together in Cabo, things just hadn't been the same.
Bellatrix purred at the Dark Lord. "I've missed you so, my Lord! How I wish you would have given me a call after our night in Cabo! Or did you lose my number?" She batted heavily lidded eyes at Voldemort.
Voldemort squealed and pressed himself even further against the wall behind Lucius. "Well, Bellatrix, you know how it is. I was going to call you, but then I realized that um...telephones were made by Muggles and...I hate Muggles, so, yeah...I didn't really want to...promote their technology?" He let out a huge sigh of relief as Bellatrix seemed pleased with his lame excuse.
"So anyway, folks" Voldemort once more addressed his loyal death eaters. "I am so very happy to see you here, men-" he was cut short by an indignant snort from Bellatrix.
"So sorry. I am very happy to see you all here, men and ...crazy bitch." Bellatrix smiled huskily at her special shout out as Voldemort continued. "This is the most important day of your young lives. This is the day all your dreams come true! No longer will you be called an idiot by the rest of fanon for supporting a ship they think won't happen! No longer will you skim through all your Harry Potter paraphernalia, only to find NOTHING to support Draco and Ginny's love! No longer will you stay up late at night, looking for just the right fanfiction to satisfy your cravings! No longer will you...Why are you all staring at me like you don't know what the fuck I'm talking about?" Voldemort stared dejectedly at all the other death eaters who, save for Lucius, looked like they had no idea what the Hell was going on.
"Well, my Lord, we're not a bit sure what you have planned for today...Are you trying to round up a bunch of Mudbloods and kill them? That would sure make my dreams come true..." Bellatrix asked dreamily as several Death Eaters shook their heads in agreement.
"Wow, Bella, no. As...pleasant as all that sounds, I was actually referring to the subject of the invitations. Lucius did send you all invitations via Floo last week, didn't he??" Voldemort looked around, only to be greeted by blank stares. He groaned and glared at Lucius.
"Wow Lucius, seriously!? It took me FOREVER to make those invitations and you couldn't even have the decency to send them out?!"
Lucius grumbled something but Voldemort didn't hear him and instead turned to face the rest of the group. "Paris Hilton here was supposed to send you all invitations, but I GUESS he got distracted!"
"I didn't get distracted, my Lord. I was just....embarrassed," Lucius mumbled timidly.
Voldemort pursed his lips and waved his hands around in frustration. "Embarrassed? EMBARRASSED?! What's there to be embarrassed about these?" He pulled out a stack of home-made invitations from his robes and passed them out to the other Death Eaters. The invites consisted of a picture of a red-headed Kate Winslet and a blonde, rugged Leonardo DiCaprio, both glued in front of what appeared to be a postcard of Hogwarts. At the bottom of the invitation, the words 'WEASLEY + MALFOY = WEDDING!' were scribbled in big, purple, sparkly letters.
The Death Eaters all looked at the invitations, extremely surprised that this was what the Dark Lord had called them there for. Everyone tried their best not to laugh or make fun of the incredibly gaudy invitations.
"Are they making a wizarding sequel to Titanic?" one of the Death Eaters asked.
"No, Rodolphus." Voldemort put his hands over his eyes and shook his head in aggravation. "This is supposed to be my celebrity representation of Draco and Ginny. They're getting married today, and that's why we're all here."
Comprehension suddenly dawned on all the Death Eaters. To Voldemort's immense relief, they all broke out into a loud chorus of cheers and laughter. "Wow," he chuckled, "I didn't know you all would be so happy!"
"Of course we'd be happy!" said Snape, speaking out for the first time since he'd gotten there. "After all, I'm the biggest Draco/Ginny shipper out there. After you, of course, my Lord." Snape smiled at Voldemort, who smiled eagerly back at him.
"Now wait just one minute there!" screeched Bellatrix, turning to glare daggers at Snape. "I am the most loyal Draco/Ginny shipper after the Dark Lord! When the Dark Lord fell trying to kill the Potter boy, it was I alone out of all of you who said that I still shipped Draco/Ginny! I read all his fanfiction while I was in Azkaban, and I commented on every single chapter!"
"And I'm sure the Dark Lord thought your avid reviewing was an admirable gesture, no doubt," Snake added lazily.
"Gesture?? GESTURE?!" Bellatrix hissed, her face becoming twisted in rage. "I provided support for the Dark Lord while we both constantly tried to make Draco/Ginny happen! But where were you all these years? You were their potions teacher, were you not, Snape? You could have given them detention together every day of the year if you so chose! But nooo, all you did was bitch at the Potter boy and make him look like even more of a hero to the Weasley girl!"
"I did no such thing, Bellatrix," Snape countered evenly. "For all the years the Potter boy has been at Hogwarts, I have done my best to humiliate him. I have tried very hard to make him feel like a complete failure at life, thereby sapping him of any confidence he would have had with the ladies. You forget, Bellatrix, that it was I who prevented him from playing Quidditch for most of his sixth year, and this surely made Draco seem like a bigger athlete in comparisson!"
"AHH! Yes, but after the Weasley girl substituted for him, do you know what happened then, Snape?? SHE KISSED THE POTTER BOY! She kissed him right under your filthy, hooked nose, and you should have put a stop to it!" Bellatrix finished, apoplectic with rage.
"I couldn't have Dumbledore thinking I was trying to cock block his favorite student!" Snape spluttered. "Think, Bellatrix! If I had forbidden the Weasley girl and the Potter boy from dating, this would have made them all the more eager to see each other! Besides, it was on Dumbledore's protection that I was allowed to be at Hogwarts trying to hook Draco and Ginny up in the first place! If he would have realized what a raging Draco/Ginny shipper I was, he would surely never have hired me because there are probably laws about teachers interfering in their students' sex lives and what not..."
"Whatever, Snape. You still suck," Bella stuck her tongue out at Snape, who rolled his eyes at Bella's immaturity.
"Well Bravo, Bravo!" Voldemort clapped his hands, so proud at his followers' fierce loyalty to his Draco/Ginny cause. "I'm so pleased to see that you all are taking this as seriously as I am. Now, I know that you Death Eaters have failed at almost every assignment I've ever given you...I mean, it was TEENAGERS fighting you at the Department of Mysteries for God's sakes...but it's ok, I'm over it. No, despite you all's past failures, I am going to entrust you all to come with me to Hogwarts in about 30ish minutes so we can get this Wedding started! Let's go!" Voldemort smiled enthusiastically and made his way out of his hotel and into Hogsmeade, followed by his loyal Death Eaters who would support him all the way to the altar.
A/N: There you have it! Please review, I love getting reviews! I will do my best to update soon :)