Chapter Twelve: Home

Bella

"I know this isn't the best decision I could have made for you, Bella... I'm sorry."

"What isn't? What on earth are you talking about?"

"My coming home."

"Drive faster, Emmett... he's delirious. He needs to lie down. Now."

"I meant the way I made it, sweetheart." He takes my hand from his forehead - where it was checking for fever - and brings it sweetly to his lips. "Without giving you a chance to-"

"Beg you? To make the exact decision you made? That is the best one you could have? For both of us?"

"I was going to say prepare. Or something along those lines. I didn't give you any time, or-"

"Are you going to be angry with me for whatever isn't perfect for you yet?"

"Of course not."

"Then don't be sorry, Edward. Don't ever be sorry for wanting to go home."

...

FBoFW

...

Edward

Don't ever be sorry for wanting to go home...

Would she have still said it if she knew that's what got us here?

Going home in the back of Emmett's SUV.

Because I can't drive us myself.

And because Bella can't get me into our house without Emmett's help.

Because it's all I wanted that day that our lives changed.

That day I made another decision that she wasn't prepared for.

Couldn't possibly have been.

Don't ever be sorry for wanting to go home...

I'm not sorry for wanting to. I'm just sorry I can't get there on my own.

Of my own power.

In every way that I've ever possessed it.

Every way that I don't now.

Possess anything.

But the want.

And the sorrow.

For what I did and what I can't do.

One thing my wife doesn't know.

And others that I wish she didn't have to.

Ever...

But that I can't hide from her.

Because I am finally back home with her.

Where I was only trying to get in the first place.

"I'm sorry it took so long," I tell her, hoping she understands. Hoping I don't have to explain what it means.

"You're here," she tells me, telling me she does, and that I don't. "How you got here, and how long it took you to doesn't matter." And then she's out of her seat beside me, and out of the truck, running around to my side and opening the door before Emmett can even get to it. "Hurry up!"

"I hope someone is this excited someday to have me come home," he says when he reaches the open door.

Precisely the reason the humiliation of my best friend having to carry me into our house is even tolerable. Bella is excited. She wears it. Dances with it.

"Should I get the chair?" she asks Emmett, not me.

But his answer is the same as the one I would give her. "No, it's too heavy for you. Just get the door. And don't get jealous when I carry your husband over the threshold."

She laughs and rushes ahead of us, her excitement lighting the way. "I'm too loved by my husband to ever get jealous."

"Yes you are," I tell her, the memories of the last time we were in our house together flooding my mind as I'm carried into it.

"Where to?" Emmett asks Bella, not me, once we reach our living room.

"Wherever he wants," she answers, as if there is no other.

As if I were the returned master of this house.

As if I could really choose anything.

"The chair, I guess," I say, because it was once my favorite, though the reasons it was won't matter now. I won't be able to feel them.

"She never let me sit in it," he says, depositing me into it. "Like it was your royal throne or something."

"She never let you because I never let you."

"Whatever, Your Highness... " He turns and heads back toward the front door. "It just means I got to cuddle up on the couch next to your Queen instead!"

"Liar!" Bella yells after him, laughing and shaking her head as she turns her attention back to me. "There was no cuddling."

"I know. I didn't believe him for a second. Now, come here before he comes back in."

She's before me instantly, and lets me pull her into my lap.

And I kiss her like I've waited years to. It's desperate, unapologetic, and unforgiving...

Like the way my hands crush her to me. Without sorrow for why they do.

The same way she lets them. Lets me have everything I need. As desperate to give it to me as I am to take it from her.

Here, in this place where I belong.

With the woman I belong to.

And never belonged without.

Not for an hour, or a day, or a moment...

Coming home was the right choice.

"I'll never let you go again, Edward, no matter what you say."

For both of us.

…

FBoFW

…

I know Bella didn't mean it literally...

The thing she said about never letting me go again...

But I wish she had.

Because seconds later she did let go.

And hasn't come back to me since.

Because she's busy. Doing as many things as she can. Things I didn't give her time to do before I came back to the place she wanted me.

Where she could see me.

Something she keeps peeking her head around doorways to do.

She does it every few minutes. Turns her back on whatever she's doing to look at me. Make sure I'm really here. Or still...

"I promise I'm not going to disappear."

"You better not."

"Never. But keep checking... because it's the most precious and beautiful thing I've ever seen you do."

"Ever?" she asks, her brows raised in playful shock.

"Hands down."

"Wow. Then peekaboo it is, Mr. Cullen. Every day. Forever."

"Good. And there's something else I want."

"Name it, it's yours."

I pat the cushion beside me. "Come over here and sit down."

"Where's Emmett?" she asks, realizing suddenly that he isn't occupying our couch anymore and that I am, and demanding she join me on it.

"He'll be back in a minute, with what else I want you to do."

"What else?" she asks, confused, but comes dutifully to my side.

"What else," I repeat, just as Emmett makes his way back in with the pizzas we ordered.

"Edward, I offered to make anything you wanted... Why-"

"Because then you would have been out of my sight even longer, since you banned me from my own kitchen. And because, more than anything else, what I wanted most was to see you eat."

"I do, no matter what he may have told you."

"He didn't have to tell me anything. My eyes still work. And they don't see what they want to see, which is my beautiful, perfect wife the way they remember her."

"Okay," she concedes, pained by my words.

"One of us has to be the same, Bella."

"Edward... "

"Can you give me that? Since I can't give it to you?"

…

FBoFW

...

"You don't have to eat any more."

"Thank you, because one more bite and it probably would have all come back up."

"Which would have defeated the purpose."

"And ruined our couch."

"And this chair," Emmett adds from the one he's sitting in. "Because then I'd have lost it."

"Well, this isn't a place where anyone loses anything." Bella declares, and gets up from beside me and starts cleaning up our mess. "So, can I get either of you anything?"

"Just you back quickly," I answer, because it's all I want. And for her words to be true.

"As fast as I can," she tells me, leaning down and sweeping her lips lightly along my jaw before walking away.

"I don't think you could even comprehend how much she missed you," Emmett says as soon as she's out of earshot.

"I more than comprehend it, Emmett."

"Yeah, I guess maybe you do. Because if there are any two people on this earth that should never be without each other, it's the two of you."

I don't respond to his declaration, because the reason for it just rushed back into the room. Quickly, because it's what I asked for. And, I think, because it's what she wanted just as much.

Because Emmett is right, we should never be without each other, though hearing him say it is a bit of a shock. That wears off the second I look at her...

Because Emmett spent a lot of time with my wife when I couldn't. Time I asked him to spend, and maybe time I didn't have to.

And my wife could change any man's views on life. And what's important in it.

In the blink of an eye she could change them...

Just as quickly as everything changed for her as hers were closed.

Just as quickly as she lost.

…

FBoFW

…

"Call me if you need anything."

I watch as Bella hugs my best friend. Something I've never seen her do before. "Thank you. I will if he does, but-"

"But you have everything you need already."

"I do," she tells him, looking down at me like she's lost nothing.

A look that hurts, because she has.

"Take care of our girl," he says, kissing her on the cheek and then slapping me on the shoulder as he walks past me.

"My girl," I correct as he laughs and Bella shoves him towards the foyer.

"See you in the morning!" he calls just before the door closes and I'm truly alone with my wife for the first time in what feels like forever.

Something I know feels the same to her as she comes back into the living room and smiles at me. A smile I'd give anything never to see leave her face.

"I love you," I tell her, because I need to.

Need to hear the sound of it. And need her to.

The sound that makes her smile wider, and her steps back to me quicker.

"I love you, too," she says, sitting back down and snuggling into my side.

Where she stays.

Happy and content.

Until I whisper the words that don't come out as effortlessly.

The words I struggle to say.

Because they may never sound the same as they once did.

"Let's go to bed, sweetheart."

…

FBoFW

…

Bella wasn't as unprepared for my homecoming as I'd thought. And not as hopeful, either.

For what would come home to her.

She created a bedroom for us downstairs. Almost an exact copy of the one up.

The one I loved. My favorite room in our house.

The one I can't get to.

The one she knew I wouldn't be able to.

She knew. She just didn't know when.

None of my things were here yet. And none of hers...

Things she just came back in with arms full of. "I wasn't sure what you wanted to sleep in, or put on in the morning, but I can go back up if-"

"Whatever you brought is fine," I tell her, stilling both her words and her hands as I grab the latter in mine. "But I gave you every woman's dream closet for a reason, and you should keep it full."

She eyes the things she brought down for herself and lifts each of my hands to her lips before pulling free of them and picking them up. "My dream closet is one I share with you."

Words that don't surprise me as I watch her hang her things in the one in here, and mine alongside them, and then close the door with a wistful smile, as if she's locked them in together and nothing can ever separate them.

And continue watching as she sets aside something for each of us to sleep in before she puts the rest of our things into dresser drawers, not missing her careful in-my-reach placement of mine.

Something it pains me to see her do. And something I want her to know I'll change if I can. "I'll never give up trying to get out of this chair, Bella."

"You never give up on anything," she tells me, walking back to the bed. "Which is exactly how you got me to fall in love with you."

"I wanted you to more than anything I'd ever wanted in my life."

"An honor I will always cherish," she whispers, kissing me sweetly, before grabbing her pajamas from the bed and walking towards the door. "I'm just going to go change, I'll be right back."

"Why would you leave the room to do that?"

"I don't know, I-"

"Don't."

"Okay."

"I may not be able to do what I'd like to do to you... but my eyes do still work, and they've missed you, too."

"I didn't mean to make you feel... I'm sorry, please don't-"

"Don't apologize, Bella, just don't take anything away from me."

"I'd never do that, Edward. Wouldn't and won't. Everything you want from me is yours. And it always will be."

"I want to see you."

"Okay," she says again, coming back until she stands before me, and tossing her pajamas back on the bed.

And with them discarded and forgotten, she undresses slowly. But not with any seductive intent or display, because it's not what I asked for.

I didn't ask her to entertain or tease me...

I just wanted to see what's mine. What I fought and never gave up for the right to see. And to touch.

"You're too thin, Bella," I tell her, as my hands move over her. "You didn't take care of yourself when I wasn't here."

"I'll do better now that you're back, I promise."

"You will," I declare, in a tone she'd never argue with, "because I want my wife back. All of her."

"Okay," she says yet again, threading her fingers gently through my hair.

So gently, and with so much love and affection that it ignites in me a need to show her my own.

That I wish wasn't limited because I am.

But don't let the pain of that desperate wish consume me, because the desperation to consume her is stronger.

I did miss her. I missed every part of her.

Her soft lips... that I pull down to mine. That part willingly for me, and let me take my fill.

Her neck... that exposes itself to me when I have, because she knows it's what I wanted next.

She knows...

What I want, and what I need...

And she'll give it to me. Let me take it...

What's mine.

She'll let me take it back...

For me, not herself.

Because even though she loves what I'm going to do to her... to the sweet part of her my mouth is making its way to...

She's not letting it out of greed.

Her fingers are still threaded through my hair... but they're only that. Still. Motionless. And patient.

Letting me have control, and asking for none. Asking for nothing at all as I take it.

She's putty in my hands...

That pull at her in frustration as I get closer to what I want. My mouth is on her stomach now... and she stands on the tips of her toes so that it can reach it...

Which only frustrates me more. Makes me angry. Because she's uncomfortable. Trembling with the strain of it instead of what I want her to.

"Lay down, Bella," I order, pushing her towards the bed.

An order she follows without hesitation as I try to maneuver my chair to better reach her. The part of her that I want to drop to my knees and bury myself in.

Something I can't do. Something else...

Something I want to scream about...

Until I see her face. Her eyes on mine. That show me understanding, instead of pity. And patience, the way her hands did moments ago.

And her silent mouth, beautifully swollen from my kisses...

The ones she waited for...

For too long. Like the ones I want to give her now.

Pull her closer so that I can.

Get lost in her.

And found.

As the part of her I ached to consume consumes me.

"I missed you, Bella... " I tell her, because I need her to know how much I did. Something I know I didn't have to...

Something I know I'm making her feel as she trembles with it... the only way she ever should... "I missed all of you... "

Something I also know she understands...

As her hands grip desperately the luxurious down beneath her...

As I grip her far more luxurious flesh in my own...

And devour her most...

Because she let me come home and take it back...

Waited for me to...

Her all...

With unwavering love and devotion...

Even knowing I can't give her mine.

xx

I didn't mean for it to be this short. Or take so long to deliver. But it's what it is, and where I want to end it until next time. Which, if anyone is doubting about Come Closer having one of, DON'T. It will. Nothing I said at the end of the last one meant it wouldn't.

Thanks for reading. Anything you may be here.

xo,

Chloe