I walked into the hotel silently.

Danielle had her arm around me in a casual embrace but dropped it as we advanced the staff member behind the counter. I sighed quietly. Since I'd legally moved in with Danielle Cooper my theme of "suffer in silence" had been forgotten. I just suffer alone now, but the sobs' volume is never really low.

My shoulders felt cold now. Empty. Literally the weight had been lifted off my shoulders, but I longed for the statement in my case to be metaphorical. I wanted all of this to be over. In better words, I wished I could go back in time and change my decision of leaving Wisconsin and my family. That was not possible.

I guess my theme of "everything is possible" was forgotten too.

Sonny Monroe was officially gone with her deceased mother- Allison Monroe was the one who cried, whined, suffered and she was back. The whole idea made me even more depressed.

My stomach gurgled quite loudly. Oh, right- I'd also lost at least a billion pounds since my depression started. Well, more literally I'd probably lost fifteen pounds. Previous this loss I'd been right on the edge of healthy weight, and now, I was much too low. I had been one-hundred ten pounds, now I was a startling ninety-five. I was horrified of being in the new bikini I bought.

Chad groaned in harmony with my insides.

"So," He said sarcastically. "Are you going anorexic?"

"Not funny," I said, surprised I'd found the energy to say the words- surprised I could be surprised I could say the words.

"Sonny," Chad persisted. "You're not going to get better starving yourself."

"We're in Wisconsin right now, Chad." I said, exasperated. I was confused at how my insides didn't tingle when I said his name. I was seriously done with the world. "I don't really want to talk about this now."

"Kids," Danielle got our attention. "There's a problem with the room. We're going to have to get two…"

"That's fine," Chad answered, realizing I wasn't going to.

Danielle licked her lips. "Okay."

She got everything situated and soon we were upstairs.

"Um, okay. Let's just drop our suitcases in this room right now and we can go to your friend's house." Danielle nodded at me.

I nodded, too.

We dropped our suitcases in the middle of the floor and Chad opened the room connected to ours and through our luggage in that room. He left Danielle's on the floor. I wanted to be suspicious, but I couldn't find it in me to open my mouth and object to his actions. I stayed silent as usual and followed the Coopers down the elevator and into the cool Wisconsin air.

The March season had mostly snow on the ground in my hometown. Today the snow was melting and the ground was soggy and wet. Chad and Danielle were clearly disgusted, not used to the cold and probably even the wet areas of the earth. Sonny wanted to laugh and tease them about their Hollywood ways, but Allison- once again- stayed quiet.

"Okay, Sonny," Danielle sighed as we got into her car. She smiled at me wholeheartedly, but it had no affect on my mood. "Let's go."

I turned the keys to her car, for I was driving, and the engine purred to life. I would usually turn the radio on to my favorite station and sing along till I got to my destination, but I made no move to brighten the atmosphere. I continued on out of the parking lot and onto the main road, making my way to my old cul-de-sac.

"So, what's this friend of yours like?" She continued to push some talk out of me.

I took a deep breath, getting ready to use as much energy I would use in the next thirty seconds that I'd been using for the past two weeks.

"Um, Lucy…" I started softly. I saw Danielle and Chad lean more toward me to catch the words. "She's been my best friend since I was two days old, practically. We're the same age and used to go to the same school- everything in common. We're one and the same."

Danielle nodded. Chad stayed silent.

"She lives a few houses down from my old house." I tried to keep my voice from cracking. "And we would always be together. Since I left for Hollywood, though, you can see that's not the case anymore."

"Well, I'll let you know right now that she can come visit in California any time she likes, okay?"

The statement made me heart actually pound a little harder. My eyes widened at the sign of emotion and I actually smiled. Actual smile-age right here, people. I wanted to laugh again but I was too shocked to do anything else.

"Thank you, Danielle." I said graciously. "That means a lot to me."

"Looks like." She said with a smile, and I found the strength to somewhat smile back. The attempt was wholehearted, but the affect was probably half as convincing.

I could see Chad looking at me out of the corner of his eye with a shocked expression on his face. He tried to keep it hidden under his coat.

"So how do you Wisconsin-ers stand these heavy jackets?" He said with disgust.

I just shook my head and rolled my eyes, continuing down the little populated street.

xXx

Chad

xXx

Sonny's sickly sweet.

That's sort of been my way of describing her now. I'm sure you can understand it though.

She was incredibly sick, if you hadn't noticed. Her skin had paled crazily and she looked as if she'd come out of a backwards tanning salon. Her eyes didn't hold that little sparkle of happiness I liked as it did before. Her hair wasn't as soft or shiny lie it used to be. She almost never laughed anymore. In fact, I hadn't heard her laugh since I'd first seen her in the cafeteria. She lost about fifteen pounds at most and was the definition of unhealthy.

But she was still sweet. She was never rude to me or Mom whenever she had had to speak to us. Even though she almost never made contact anymore she was still polite and courteous to others. Recently she would nod or just wave her hands around to answer a question that was asked of her. Of course, she was still beautiful, but now it was in a more mysterious, alluring way. She still had me wondering about her every second of the day and longing to hear her voice, laugh, see that distant sparkle. But it was gone.

I had figured out somewhat of what had happened to this girl. I knew that she was confused when she was told her mother died. I mean, why would you believe it? Just pretend that every tomorrow she would wake you up in the morning and kiss you on the forehead, saying that she loves you. But now, the shock of it all had vanished into a dreadful realization, and Sonny Monroe was replaced with a more depressing Allison Monroe.

I didn't like it.

I didn't like it at all.

Silently, I promised her I would help as much as I could.

As much as I could.

I mentally prepared myself for what was to come. I took the shocked expression off my face and looked at the road ahead.

I could tell that my mom was pushing words out of Allison, getting the proof that she was still breathing. I hoped her depression didn't go too far- of you know what I mean. I bit my lip and gazed at the sad girl's face through the mirror ahead of me. I just sat and stared. When it came time for her to look into it and see who was behind her, her eyes locked in mine.

I was sure there was an intensity in both our gazes, but she looked away too quickly for me to comprehend what it was. She looked out of the mirror on the side of the car instead, and I sighed loudly, exasperated.

To tell you the truth, I was annoyed, exasperated, fed up with Allison, yet sorry, sad, and sympathetic for her. She probably thought it was her fault her mother was dead. I wanted to immediately say that wasn't the case…but when you look at the whole picture…what am I supposed to say?

"That's her house." Sonny practically whispered.

So, after about a whole day of traveling we made it- and I was exhausted.

I couldn't begin to think about how tired Allison was.

Across the street was a line of houses and at the end a cul-de-sac. I pursed my lips at the empty feeling- despite the kids outside- and opened the door. The three of us walked toward the house.

"Oops!" Mom popped. "I forgot something in the car."

"We're halfway there, Mom." I said, noting the long distance back.

"Oh, I know. Just keep walking and I'll be right back!" She scrambled back to the car.

I blew a puff of air out of my lips and shook my head. I kept walking with Sonny a foot away from me to the left- closer to the street.

Then, I heard someone gasp obnoxiously. "Oh, my gosh!"

Sonny turned around to see what was going on, but I was too busy staring at her to move my head around. I saw her give a deathly glare toward the person who had gasped, so I turned too.

"Put your arm around me," She demanded quickly and quietly. I did so without having to be asked twice.

I was greeted with a short girl running up to me with unnatural jet black hair who looked mature enough to be just about sonny's and my age. She had her ears pierced three times and a nose ring. She wore a shirt that showed her stomach which was way too ugly to be showing if you ask me. Her eyebrows were way to weird looking and her eyes were too small for her face. She looked like a cat who had been pierced in all the wrong places. I didn't have time for fans- if that's what she was. Finally she reached us.

"Chad Dylan Cooper, right?" She said, flipping her hair in a flirty gesture. When Sonny had the energy to do that for me, it was so much cuter and successful. This girl was a horrible excuse for a flirt.

"Get out of here, Penelope." Sonny sneered viciously. The funny thing was I thought it was adorable.

"Make me." Penelope smirked.

I cracked up laughing.

"I know, right?" Penelope said with a gross smile. "Sonny is such a dork. I'm Penelope, by the way." She stuck her hand out.

"Riiiiight," I nodded, holding back more laughs. I noted in my mind the fact that Sonny had made me put her arm around her. "And this dork Sonny is actually my girlfriend. I would appreciate it if you didn't insult her, Penelope."

"Oh!" her eyes widened. "Well, I'm such a dork, too! Me and Sonny are dorky together! So, I'm worthy of being you're girlfriend too."

"Oh, no, no, no." I shook my head, embarrassed for this girl in front of me. "I'm afraid not, Penelope."

She noticed my stressing on her name.

"What? It's…it's Greek."

"No, it's not. It's just stupid."

"See? Sonny and I- stupid together!"

Sonny shook her head while rolling her eyes. And guess what happened then? My prayers were answered.

Sonny actually took a step toward the weird girl, emphasizing the tight arm around her, and turned her head a little to the side.

Here it comes…

Her hand came up to make contact with her gentle waves, and she flipped them behind her in the most successful manner. I'm pretty sure I'm drooling right now. The curls bounced playfully on her back for a few seconds before they went still in awe of her perfection.

Wow.

"So sorry, Penelope." She said loudly, sarcastically. "But he's taken. How much more of a rejection do you need?"

Then she came back to my arms.

Double wow.

"Oh, yeah?" Penelope smirked again, but I could tell she was fazed a bit by Sonny's incredibly believable words. "Who kills their own mother?"

On instinct, I came back with the words immediately. I couldn't believe even this girl would go so low and say those words.

"Don't worry," I laughed. "Your mother will kill herself after she's what she's brought up."

Then I pulled Sonny away from the strange girl but never dropped my arms.

"Are you okay?" I asked softly after we were a safe distance away.

"Yes!" She gasped with a huge smile on her face. "At the end, there, that comeback was so perfect I wasn't even bothered by her accusation."

"Good." I smiled, then I took a crazy chance- I lifted my hand and stroked her smooth cheek.

"Chad," She stage-whispered. "Penelope isn't watching anymore."

I smirked, moving a little closer to emphasize our proximity. "I know."

She stared blankly at me for a moment before looking ahead. I was upset that the moment was over, but happy that it had actually happened.

That whole scene brought something to my attention.

Sonny Monroe's jealousy was the strongest emotion in her at this time in her life. If I could get her jealous a little bit more I could get more energy, therefore getting more emotion.

I had a plan.

xXx

Sonny

xXx

My spirits were lifted. It was that simple.

Being in my hometown and with Lucy and Chad and Danielle had actually made me feel…happy. I had almost fainted when I realized it. I smiled, but I didn't really laugh. Maybe a few giggles here and there, but never did a care free sunny laugh escape my lips. Tomorrow was it- we would be in the funeral home and seeing my mother in a casket, fully prepared in the dress we picked out for her to rot in.

Hundreds of tears rolled down my cheeks.

Danielle sat in the backseat with me as Chad drove us back to the hotel. I yearned for it to be Chad's hand in mine, his arm around me and my head nestled into his neck. But it wasn't. A quiet sob of defeat rolled through me, but I held it back in my throat.

"Okay," Danielle whispered. "We're here, Sonny."

I got up and opened the door quickly, ready to get into bed.

When we reached our room Chad closed the door to the room I was in, blocking us off from Danielle.

"What are you doing?" I said softly, already back to my silent manner.

"Getting ready for bed."

"Why are you sleeping in here?" I asked, getting out a tank top and the same pants I was wearing when I had first said good night to Chad.

"Don't tell me you don't want me to sleep in here."

I rolled my eyes and turned back around, realizing Chad had already changed into some pants and had no shirt on. I once again marveled at his beauty, but turned away after I began to lick my lips. He had changed when I was in the room!

"You've got a lot of nerve."

I feel so more alive when I'm near him.

"I know."

I sighed, and went to the bathroom to change and then came back out. Chad was messing with his suitcase. I climbed into the bed towards the window and lie down.

"What are you doing, Chad?" I asked.

"Nothing." He said, standing. And to my surprise, he came toward me.

"What are you doing now?" I asked again, smiling in embarrassment.

"What do you think, Allison?" He smirked, and got into the other side.

The whole side of my body tingled pleasantly. But why had he called me Allison?

"Chad Dylan Cooper," I said, accusatory. "Are you planning to sleep with me?"

"Only in the literal way." He said, scooting closer to me. His arm snaked around my waist like he had this afternoon.

"Thank you for helping me earlier," I said. "Penelope is such a…you know."

"It was my pleasure to help." He made double meaning in the words.

"You're pleasure?" I asked coyly.

He smirked, pulling me closer and whispered in my ear, "Maybe I like holding you. What's so wrong with that?"

"Nothing." I said quickly- too quickly. "I like it when you hold me."

I nestled my head into his shoulder, breathing deeply despite my nervous state.

"Good. Because I'm going to be holding you a lot lately."

For a minute we lay in silence. I was still so nervous with him so close.

"You're shaking." He whispered.

I debated whether or not telling the truth. "…You make me nervous."

I heard him take in a sharp breath. I held mine until he began to rub my back with his hands, eventually moving under my shirt.

"Chad." I said quickly.

"Shh, relax." He breathed. "I'm not going to try anything on you. Just relax. Go to sleep."

I let his hands caress me appropriately into a deep slumber.