Here's the next chapter of "Open Your Eyes"
Disclaimer: Same as in Chap. 1!
Chapter 2
April closed the door behind her and tried her hardest not to break down then and there. Matthew didn't deserve to fall for someone like her. If she could she would turn right back around, throw herself in his arms and take it all back. But she knew that she couldn't do that to him or herself. The heart wants what it wants no matter how much you wish things could be different.
That thought brought her back to what she was about to do. She was scared out of her mind but she knew that she couldn't go another night without telling Jackson how she felt. After everything they had been through he needed to know the truth.
She made her way back to the pit. She quickly scanned the charts to see where they had placed Jackson. Once she found his bed she made her way over there. The curtains were shut around him. She took a deep breath and reached for the curtain.
Her hand stopped right before she touched it.
Could she really do this? Would it only hurt them both even more? Would he even care?
Meanwhile, Jackson was lying in bed going over the events of the night in his head.
He had been thrown while getting Evie away from the bus. He had instinctively shielded the little girl from the brunt of it. There had been a moment when he didn't know if he was going to be able to get them out in time.
And he was lying there cursing himself because in that moment the only person he had been able to think of was April.
She was getting MARRIED! He couldn't be thinking about her anymore. He was with Stephanie now.
None of this changed the fact that it was her face that he saw. Why did it have to be this way?
With Lexie he knew what he was getting into. He always knew that she was still in love with Mark. He was never fully invested in that relationship. That's why it wasn't truly difficult to make the decision to focus on his career in plastics.
April was a completely different story. If he was completely honest he had always been attracted to her, but had known that she was a relationship girl and he wasn't ready. When he found out that she was a virgin, she had been put in the off-limits category.
After the night that Karev hurt her, he had been extremely protective. And after he broke up with Lexie they started to spend even more time together. He couldn't help but become even more attracted to her.
The night of the boards he saw a completely different side of her that frankly turned him on immensely. He had been fighting it for so long and then when she kissed him he was done for. He made one attempt to stop it but then he couldn't deny himself or her with her looking at him that way.
He was in such a sated haze and so high off of the best sexual experience in his life that he didn't feel her withdraw. He should have known better, he should have known that she would come to regret it.
The next day he was on a roller coaster of emotions between her telling him about her broken promise, and then their conversation in the bathroom which led to another incredible moment between them.
He was lost after the board results came in. He felt guilty about her failing, he felt her distancing herself away from him and couldn't do anything about it, and on top of everything else he was falling for her.
But he was going to be leaving and she didn't have a job and he was so confused that he let her go. After the aftermath of the crash when he decided to stay in Seattle he was constantly reminded of her. He didn't have to courage to call her with his guilt still weighing on him.
And then she was suddenly here again, and he was filled with hope that maybe they would be able to fix their relationship. Only to have all his hopes dashed and his fears of her regretting what had happened between them confirmed.
But the intense attraction between them had been undeniable. He couldn't keep his hands off of her, and she couldn't deny him either. That didn't stop her from regretting it each time though.
Each time he would convince himself that she couldn't possibly share herself so intimately with him without feeling something deeper for him and then she would compare him to a car crash or dessert and he started losing hope.
The final straw came with their pregnancy scare. He had finally been honest with himself and decided to tell her how she felt and had been ecstatic when she had responded so positively. He had felt his heart break seeing her reaction to the negative test.
He knew then that he would have to build up defenses against her. After Bailey's wedding and sleeping with Stephanie it got easier. He almost broke down when he had to tell her about Stephanie and saw the tear she brushed away. When she pulled away from his touch he realized that he would have to harden himself and accept that she didn't feel the same way.
When she began seeing Matthew he couldn't help but get jealous. She was taking him seriously, she had just met him but she gave him more of a chance than she had ever given to her supposed best friend. It had hurt more than he cared to admit.
The proposal today had broken his heart again. He had let his guard down again, and he thought that he was moving on with Stephanie. Their relationship was easy, even though he knew that she was more invested in it than him. He had thought that he could become friends with April again and finally move forward. When he saw how happy she was to accept Matthew's proposal he finally accepted that she had never felt the same for him that he did for her.
He knew he had to really focus on moving forward and trying his best to get over her. But then the bus exploded and he couldn't stop thinking about her. And the scene she made while he was being examined wasn't helping. He couldn't stop picturing her and hearing her words; "You could have died!"
He had to be a masochist because seeing her reaction had actually given him hope that maybe she could feel something other than friendship and physical attraction to him. He couldn't think that way though. He had already been hurt by her enough. He could admit to himself that he was in love with her and would probably always be in love with her, but he would tuck that away and try to be happy without her.
All of a sudden his curtain opened and in walked the one person that he couldn't stop thinking about. His defenses kicked before he had even thought about it. "Don't! Whatever it is that's bugging you just keep it to yourself. Alright?"
After she closed the curtain and turned back around April just stood there for a moment not knowing how to say what she needed to say. Looking at him just brought back flashbacks of the explosion. She had to be near him, she had to touch him to convince herself that he really was here with her.
Still not saying anything she moved to stand beside him. Her hand reached for his face without a second thought. "April?" Her eyes flew to his when she heard him softly calling her name.
"You can't ever do that again!" Her voice broke as she said this. "You could have died!"
He said her name again softly and all she could think about was that he was alive and she was touching him and she couldn't have stopped herself from leaning forward and kissing him even if the whole hospital came crashing down around their heads.
It had felt like an eternity since he had felt her lips against his and he couldn't stop himself from kissing her back. He knew he shouldn't be doing this but he had never been able to not respond to her kisses and apparently never would.
It was a desperate kiss that expressed all the panic that she had felt that night. Her other hand flew up so that she was framing his face with both hands. He couldn't help but thread his good hand through the hair at the base of her neck and kiss back just as strongly. She only pulled away when they needed to breathe. Both were slightly panting both from the kiss and the raw emotion behind it.
Their gazes met when their eyes fluttered open and she breathed; "I can't live without you so you can't ever do that again!" She paused as she looked at his bewildered expression and then continued. "I haven't been fair to you and we've both hurt each other but when that bus exploded and I thought you were gone!" She closed her eyes as her voice broke again and moved forward so their foreheads were touching. Tears made their way down her face and fell on his chest.
"I love you Jackson. I'm so sorry it took me this long to realize it, and I know you might not feel the same but I was hoping that you could give me, us, a chance." With that she leaned forward and kissed him again. This time gently with all the love you held for him.
He responded instinctively, their lips brushed back and forth before her tongue came out and brushed his bottom lip. He immediately opened his mouth and their tongues began to leisurely explore each other's mouths.
He couldn't think straight and could only focus on the wonderful feeling of April's mouth against his and that she had told him she loved him! After all this time thinking he was the only one. But something kept nagging at the back of his brain and wouldn't let him fully enjoy this moment. When he finally remembered why they shouldn't be kissing. He pulled away from her and cursed himself for not having any self-control.
After they broke apart he hissed; "You're getting married! You can't kiss me like that and say that you love me when you are marrying someone else!" She opened her mouth to respond and he cut her off saying; "You moved on! I moved on! You're getting married! You're only saying this now because I almost died! You're in shock, once you calm down you'll go running to your paramedic and go back to treating me like the guy you banged in a bathroom once!"
He really was a masochist; he couldn't believe he let himself fall for even a moment. Before he could continue with that line of thought he was snapped back to attention by a slap across the face.
He turned back and stared at April wide-eyed. The expression on her face immediately made him feel like scum.
"I know I've hurt you and all I can do is apologize for that, but you have no right to say that! You were never just a guy I banged in the bathroom. You know me better than that! You're my best friend, I gave you my virginity! I know I messed up, we both did, me with my insecurities and guilt and you with your lack of communication!"
"I told you I had feelings for you!" He tried to argue but she cut him off.
"Yes you did, but you never told me what you wanted to do about that. I had no experience with this kind of relationship, you know that, I thought it was just sex on your end. And then you only proposed because we thought I might be pregnant."
"That wasn't the only reason!" Jackson said before he could stop himself.
Before April could say anything else he again interrupted her. "All of that doesn't matter right now anyways because you are getting married! I don't even know why we are goi…mmh"
He was once again interrupted by April kissing him. She pulled away and quickly said; "No I'm not!" "Not what?" He responded slowly. She then waved her left hand in front of his face.
He looked at it incomprehensively at first and then slowly shifted his gaze back to her eyes. "Where is your engagement ring?"
"I gave it back to Matthew, we sat down and talked and I told him that I couldn't marry him because I was still in love with you." April kept eye contact the whole time she said this.
"Still?" Was the only thing that Jackson could ask. It was slowly but surely sinking in that this might be real, that she could actually feel the same way but he was still wary.
"Come on Jackson, no matter how pumped I was after that fight; I would have never made love to you if I wasn't in love with you!" She said before she covered her mouth with her hands and looked down to her lap. That wasn't supposed to come out that way.
"Anyways, you know how I feel about you now. I love you Jackson. And I'm asking you to give me a chance to prove it to you. We have a lot to work on but I think what we could have is worth it. What do you say?"
Jackson was reeling. He was ecstatic, hopeful, yet wary and terrified all at the same time. But before he could say anything the curtains flew open and Stephanie came rushing toward him. April's face fell while they kept eye contact and a second later her pager went off and she had to rush off.
And that's where I'm leaving it for now ladies and gents! Next chapter will earn the M rating and we will be seeing Miss April's jealous side! =) That's all for now!