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Balance Factor Chapter 15

Year Three

Fear

A/N: So far, this has been the hardest chapter to write. Too many things going on, I think.

Read and Review, as always!

Harry entered Defense Against Dark Arts with a sigh. Most of his classmates were already there, but Draco had still been in the Great Hall, finishing up lunch. They had been reviewing some material for Potions and Harry did want to be prepared for anything Snape threw at him. Gin had disappeared early in the week, but not before he stopped by for some food.

Sitting down at an empty bench, he took out his books and started to read. He had skimmed the book earlier, but he wasn't confident about some of these creatures. What worried him the most was the boggart.

He had thought about his worst fears. There wasn't much he feared. Not with Ryuuko. Not with Shirogane. Not in the Light Palace. And Kazuki had learned to conquer his fears early. So what could he possibly be afraid of? What would the boggart turn into for him?

Harry was barely listening until Draco prodded him in the side. Most of the class was getting to their feet. Harry paused before looking at Draco.

"It's a practical class," Draco commented. "You have trouble paying attention to rather important things, don't you, Potter?"

"Oh god, it's not going to be another disaster like Lockhart's class, will it?" Harry asked, closing his eyes, feeling a headache come on. "That was a nightmare."

Draco grimaced at the reminder, looking slightly less excited.

Professor Lupin guided them to an empty room, thoroughly humiliating Peeves along the way. The class seemed to perk up at his sense of humor and look more eager. Hermione and Ron were talking to each other about what Professor Lupin would be like as a teacher.

Professor Lupin led the class into the staff room. Snape was inside, relaxing, but sat up a little when they entered. A sneer crossed his face.

"I would be careful if I were you, Lupin," he sneered. "Potter's in this class. He's known to surprise."

"We'll manage," Lupin said, dismissively. Harry smiled at Snape as the Potion's Master scoffed, getting up and moving out of the room. Professor Lupin turned back to the class. "Now then. There is a boggart in this wardrobe. It just moved in yesterday."

Harry completely turned out Professor Lupin at that sentence. Great, just great. He didn't even know what he feared, let alone know what he had to face. He tuned back in just in time for Lupin to explain that the counter curse Riddikulus and how the boggart is defeated by laughter. Harry paused and then nodded in understanding. It sounded simple enough.

Harry watched as the students went, one after one, calmly waiting his turn. He wondered what his fear could be, as he never really knew anything he feared. The boggart rounded on him and Harry raised his wand.

All of a sudden, Lupin ran forward, trying to block Harry from facing the boggart. But it was too late. The boggart had seen Harry.

There was a flash of blackness, the boggart forming and reshaping itself. The darkness dissolved to reveal a tall man with silvery white hair that trailed down on the floor and cold blue eyes, holding his chest. Blood had soaked his black and white cape. The man reached towards Harry, but before he could touch him, dissolved into blackness.

Harry took a step back, inhaling sharply. "Shiro… gane… You can't! You can't leave me here…!"

The boggart turned to Lupin as Lupin sprung forward, vanishing into a silvery white orb, floating. Harry jerked back as if burned and almost reached for the boggart, wanting to see Shirogane again. But then he dropped his hand. Shirogane wasn't here. He was probably back at the Shadow Palace. And Harry didn't have a clue how to get there from the Human World.

Harry turned away, letting Lupin deal with the boggart. He stepped back and stood next to Draco.

"Harry…? Who…" Draco started. Harry looked at him, pausing a little, debating on telling him.

"That was one of my Fathers," Harry said. "The Direct King of Shadows, Shirogane."

He finally understood. His fear. It wasn't the loss of Shirogane he was afraid of. It was the loneliness that came after. An eternity of living as the Balancer. To Shirogane, he was his son. To Shisui, he was the pupil. To Kou, he was a friend. But to the world, to the universe, he was the Balancer.

As much as he wanted to support the world, he wasn't sure if he wanted to be that and only that for the rest of eternity.

"You fear losing him?" Draco asked.

Harry smiled a little. "I fear what will happen if I do lose him." He watched and hurried out when Lupin dismissed them, ignoring the questions that were thrown his way. He gave a sad look to Ron and Hermione and hurried up to the Gryffindor dorms, wanting to be alone now.

-0-

Harry watched Hermione, Ron, and Draco leave the castle to go to Hogsmead. As his relatives refused to sign his form, he wasn't allowed to go. But that was alright with him at the moment. This meant that he would have a couple hours of peace.

He wandered the halls, feeding the Light in his Factor with the magic in the castle. Truthfully, it was probably a bad idea that he was becoming so dependent on the saturated magic ladened castle, but at this moment, he could not bring himself to care. Instead, his mind was occupied by the boggart and his fear. He focused on what he could do to eliminate the fear. Fear was a bad thing, considering that he could not afford to flatter in battle, which would likely be the only way Shirogane would be taken down.

"Harry?"

Harry turned, looking at Professor Lupin. The Professor paused and spoke again.

"Why don't you join me for tea?" Lupin offered. Harry hesitated, but nodded slowly, walking towards the door and in the teacher's office.

Harry sat down in an offered chair, looking at Lupin. Lupin smiled, pouring a cup of tea for him. "Thank you, Professor Lupin."

"You know, Harry, the fear of losing someone important isn't uncommon," Lupin said reassuringly. Harry paused in mid sip and frowned. "Though I expected your fear to be Lord Voldemort. So I was a little surprised."

Harry set his cup down and frowned. "I do not fear that coward who cannot even face death. He knows nothing about immortality."

"Harry?" Lupin asked, looking surprised at him. "You are much wiser than I thought you would be." There was a pause and then Lupin spoke again. "Who was that man?"

Harry turned away, slightly mistrustful of the other man. Then he turned back, figuring that Lupin could do nothing about it anyway.

"He was my Father," Harry said. Lupin looked surprised.

"Harry, I knew your parents growing up," he said gently. "James Potter was your father. Not that man."

"Not the Father of my body. The creator of my existence," Harry said, sipping his tea again. "He had a counterpart, who was also my Father." He didn't seem bothered by the questions, though his hand had twitched briefly on the cup. "It's natural you don't understand."

"What happened on the train, Harry?" Lupin asked, changing the subject.

"I chased the dementor away," Harry said bluntly. Lupin nodded slowly.

"There is only one spell which repels dementors though," Lupin said quietly. Harry laughed.

"Wizards always think that," he said, shaking his head. "Magic can take many forms, can it not? Whether it is a spell, or a curse, or used to brew a potion."

Lupin blinked. The thought seemed to have only occurred to him. "Are you saying you were using a specific type of magic?"

"That's right. It is not magic found on this world," Harry said. "No magic that should be in this world, really. But there you are." He paused as the door opened and Snape walked in with a potion.

Snape paused when he saw Harry, but then placed the potion down on Lupin's desk. "You should drink this straightaway Lupin."

Lupin smiled. "I will. Thank you, Severus." Snape frowned and placed a hand on Harry's shoulder.

"Potter, tonight, my office," Snape said shortly. Harry paused before looking at Snape. Snape swept out of the room.

"Harry?"

Lupin looked concerned. Harry smiled a little.

"He's worried, it seems."

-0-

Harry arrived in Snape's office, knocking on the door lightly. Snape opened it with a wave of his wand before glancing up from his grading. Harry stepped in, looking a little concerned.

"It's not good to be losing sleep, Professor Snape," Harry said, noting the bags under Snape's eyes and the tired look on it. Snape scowled, but stood up.

"What do you know about Sirius Black?" Snape asked. Harry smiled a little.

"Enough to know he isn't much of a threat to me," Harry said. Snape paused before sighing.

"I know you are powerful. That you use a type of unknown magic. That you have weapon you can use skillfully. That you are important to the balance of this world therefore will be protected by this world," Snape said. "But do not underestimate wizards, Potter. Some of them are very cruel and heartless. You will be surprised."

"Professor Snape, your worry is unneeded. I understand perfectly how cruel humans can be," Harry said calmly. "And how kind they can be. Black may be one of those cruel, heartless people, but that does not mean he does not have any redeeming qualities. It does not mean he cannot change his mind."

"Potter, he killed your… Well, your vessel's parents," Snape reminded him. "He betrayed them and let the Dark Lord kill them."

"I am well aware," Harry said, sighing deeply. "And do I despise him for it? Yes, I do. But does it mean I'll just be willing to kill him without making him suffer?" A dark smile crossed his face. "Of course not."

"…Right… Potter," Snape said, raising an eyebrow at him. "Do watch your back."

"Thanks for the warning, Professor."

There was a sudden loud crash from the ceiling. Something had happened upstairs. The two exchanged a look before rushing out the door and up the stairs to see what had happened.

-0-

Harry yawned. Apparently, Sirius Black had been spotted trying to get into the Gryffindor common room so they were all sleeping in the Great Hall.

"You'd think that if Black can break into the castle, he can break into the Great Hall," Ron said, rolling his eyes. Hermione giggled. "I mean, it's the first bloody doors in front of you when you walk in."

"Ron, the teachers will patrol," Hermione said, a hint of a smile on her face. Harry snorted.

"You'd think that a teacher would notice Black walking in the castle too." Harry stretched on the mat he was on, thinking about what Black would do if he found him. He glanced at the two way mirror he had tucked under his shirt, thinking about Draco's safety. Black wouldn't suspect something like that, would he?

He glanced up at the where the Slytherin were sleeping. Draco was talking with some of his dorm mates.

Harry closed his eyes as he placed his head on the pillow. "Then again, it's a little strange. How would he have gotten here in the first place? Why would he choose to enter in a time where so many people would still be awake?"

The Gryffindor match was the next day. Harry walked out, looking a bit unhappy with the rain. Wood, however, seemed angry, mumbling about how the Slytherin team didn't want to play in this weather. Hufflepuff looked just as unhappy with the heavy rain.

When Harry took off, he could barely hear the commentary. The wind blew the rain on his face. He wondered if he could really catch the snitch in this kind of weather. All of a sudden, it got cold.

Harry looked around, spotting something white in the top most stands without anyone there. It was a large white dog, looking straight up at him. There was something very familiar about that dog…

"Kou!" Harry's eyes widened as he tried to reach the stands, but the rain made the broom slippery. He stopped short as the Darkness in his Factor pulsed. Hundreds of dementors surrounded the stands, looking up at him. Harry gave a small start as the Darkness pulled him down, sliding him off his broom. He started to fall, fighting the pull of the Darkness inside him.

Harry felt like he was being plunged into a lake full of water, his body cold. He couldn't breathe, couldn't see, couldn't even feel the frigid air rushing against him. All of a sudden, it all stopped and warm arms surrounded him, both strong and gentle. Harry fainted.

-0-

"Potter! Wake up this instant or I'll find a way to beat you to death!"

Harry stirred at the sound of Draco's voice. He held a hand to his head, groaning. "Wha… what happened?"

"We lost," Ron said quietly. "Diggory got the snitch right after you fell. Dumbledore was furious though. He waved his wand at you to slow you down, and then shot some silvery stuff at the dementors. He was furious they had come onto the grounds."

Harry looked at Ron and then at Hermione. "Where's my broom."

"Uh…" Hermione looked lost for words. Harry frowned a little, looking at everyone in the room. Both Draco and Ron avoided his eyes.

"Well… when you fell… it… kind of kept going," Ron said slowly. Harry paused and sighed.

"So it hit something?" He asked, looking at Draco.

"It hit the Whomping Willow," Draco said. "And… you know, the Whomping Willow doesn't like being hit."

Hermione reached over to the side of the bed and pulled up a bag, turning it over. Pieces of wood and sticks fell out of it, the remnants of Harry's faithful broom.

"Oh… Well…" Harry didn't really know what to say.

"What happened up there… Harry?" Draco asked. Harry frowned a little sighing. "I thought dementors didn't affect you like they do us. You don't experience your unhappiest memory, do you?"

"No," Harry said. "I didn't realize it on the train, but apparently a mass of them have a magnetic effect on the Darkness in my body. It pulled me off the broom. Then…" He paused, unsure how to describe it. "I felt like I was drowning. Maybe it was the rain, but I felt no water."

He decided not to mention Kou. He wasn't even sure if he had seen him. It sure looked like him but that didn't mean it was him. Perhaps he had been hallucinating.

"Potter?"

Draco looked concerned. Harry glanced at him.

"Just before I fell unconscious though… I thought… I thought I felt Ryuuko's arms around me," Harry said. "I'm pretty sure no spell could reproduce that effect. Maybe… I was dreaming…?"

"Harry… Ryuuko… Didn't you say he was… well… dead?" Hermione asked. Harry nodded.

"He is… I'm sure of that. So that's why I'm a little unsure," Harry said, relaxing on the bed. "I never felt that way before though. I've never physically felt his touch in this body. But I was certain… it was him. Just for that moment."

-0-

"Teach you how to repel dementors?"

Lupin looked unsure as he gazed at Harry. Harry nodded a little, trying to be confident.

"I want to learn the magical way. The spell way. The dementors have unpleasant effects on me in large groups and I want to be able to repel them if I need to," Harry said. "I understand you are busy, Professor Lupin, but will you consider it?"

"…And you can't tell me what these effects are?" Lupin asked.

"I'm sure you heard of the match, Professor," Harry said. Lupin nodded.

"Alright, but it will have to wait until after Christmas," he said.

-0-

Harry inspected the Map with a small grin. He was a little astounded when Fred and George had shown him, but very much pleased. His own dot labeled "Harry Potter" surprised him. He was almost sure he would be labeled "Kazuki".

He paused and placed it down on his table, tapping it with his wand. "Mischief Managed." The map went blank.

Such an item would prove to be quite useful. But first he had to test it.

Harry slipped right behind Ron and Hermione in Honeydukes, looking at the sweets. "Boo."

Ron let out a rather high pitched scream.

-0-

Christmas came. Harry had unwrapped one of his gifts to find a shining new broomstick, the newest on the market. A Firebolt.

He had also gotten a letter from Hagrid about Buckbeak's trial. Apparently, the Committee for the Disposal of Dangerous Creatures had contacted Hagrid. Pansy had pointed out Buckbeak as the one who had attacked her. Through the chaos, Lucius Malfoy had heard the commotion and pressed for the execution of Buckbeak.

Draco seemed quite unimpressed with his father's actions. He had outright apologized to Hagrid and his friends, saying that he had no idea that his father had been doing something like that. Hagrid had burst into tears and grabbed Draco in a bone-crushing hug. Draco tolerated it.

Harry paused as he thought about who would give him such an extravagant gift. He thought about McGonagall, but dismissed it almost immediately. McGonagall wouldn't have gone this far…

Closing his eyes, Harry felt for his core. He touched it just as he noticed the balance was tipped again. Darkness was swirling around his factor. Was that due to the dementors? Or had something happened?

He reached out to the orb, touching it gently, cradling it. He had been careful this year. Careful to keep the balance from tipping one element or the other. He had recycled his elements and double and triple checked the elements were not collecting unused. So why was the balance still tipping this much?

Honestly, Harry was a little lost. He didn't know why things were so unstable. It was unusual for the balance to favor darkness this long. Usually it fluctuated between the two elements. But for several months now, it had been solely tilting towards darkness. Not only that, it was starting to take longer and longer to fix the equilibrium. Either his Light was having less and less of an effect or the Darkness was getting stronger. Was Shirogane doing something? Or was it someone else? Or was it the dementors this year?

Harry opened his eyes. He readjusted himself before sinking into his core again to re-stabilize the balance.