.

Balance Factor Chapter 19

Year Four

Reconciliation

A/N: Because Harry does not have his connection to Voldemort anymore, I had to change quite a lot of the start in fourth year.

Yes, there is a reason to Dudley's actions. You will find out later.

Read and review as always!

Harry inspected Shirogane's cane head. As promised, Draco had sent him the mirrors. Harry had sent one of the two with instructions on how to use it to Kou. Hedwig hadn't come back yet but Harry was just fine with that.

Running a hand through his long black hair, Harry got up. He walked to the door, grabbing a change of clothes as he exited, moving into the bathroom. The Dursleys had ignored his presence for the most part, except for Dudley. For some strange reason, when Dudley had seen him when he first came back, he started staring. He hadn't stopped since.

Harry turned on the shower and waited for the water to get warm. He placed his clothes on the table next to the sink and locked the door. He shed his current clothes and stepped under the shower.

Harry had made sure to buy nice clothes during his time in Diagon Alley. He hadn't worn most of them since the Dursleys would no doubt disapprove of it, but he had bought some relatively normal clothes in muggle London and had taken to wearing them. He wouldn't have, if Vernon had asked him to do yard work, but since Vernon had ignored him most of the summer, he supposed it wouldn't be too bad to try them out.

Harry let the water run down his face and hair, taking deep breaths through torrents of water. He had not used his magic, core or wizard since he had boarded the Hogwarts Express. But that was because, strangely, the balance had been stable every time he checked. Even at the end of the year. He wondered what was going on. Who was stabilizing it?

Shrugging off his slight discomfort, Harry turned off the water, reaching for his towel. He dried his face first and then set to drying his body. He had started to work out once more, training himself in his room, mostly doing push-ups and sit-ups. It was starting to show on his body.

Harry dried his hair last, letting his hair dry with a little bit heat from his fire magic. Ryuuko had laughed about it once when he had asked Shirogane. Shirogane smirked at the time, but Kazuki had been ecstatic to learn.

Sliding into his casual dress shirt was simple enough, as was slipping into his black pants. He left his shirt unbuttoned though as he opened the door and walked out, holding his dirty clothes that needed to be washed.

He passed Dudley in the hall and Dudley's eyes stared at him. Harry ignored it, his long black hair almost trailing to the back of his knees.

Harry paused as he entered his room, placing the clothes to the side in a basket. Aunt Petunia had instructed that he place his clothes there if they needed to be washed and came to collect them every couple days.

"Potter! When did you get so bloody ripped?"

Harry turned at the sound of Draco's voice, his emerald eyes twinkling a little. He looked amused. "Why, Draco, are you interested?" He grinned, buttoning his shirt bottom-up, leaving the top button open. "And here I thought you were into girls."

"I might make an exception," Draco drawled. Harry laughed and leaned back, looking into the mirror. He had propped it up earlier as Draco had been showing him the books he had gotten, but didn't put it back down. "Seriously, Potter, seeing your chest isn't something I see every day. Don't you have any sense of modesty?"

"I never hid my body from Shirogane, Ryuuko, Kou or Shisui. Granted, Shisui was our healer and it's a little hard to be shy around him," Harry said, sitting down on the bed and taking the mirror. "Why would I need modesty? It won't help me in battle."

"Potter, I would be careful. People might see you as a sexual conquest," Draco said. "Love potions, and all that."

"Draco, I doubt you know this, but I do not feel attraction like humans do," Harry said. "I feel bonds. Counterparts. I have no counterpart though, so I'll never feel romantic love. Shirogane and Ryuuko made sure of that."

"Why is that? They put a blocker on your emotions or something?" Draco asked, raising an eyebrow.

Harry sighed. "More like… My existence as a Balancer. I have both elements, so I do not have a counterpart to balance my element." He tilted his head. "Though they said nothing about taking partners. Friends with benefits or something." He smiled a little.

"What if someone had both elements like you?" Draco asked. Harry laughed.

"If there is a person, I might hate them," Harry said. "Humans fluctuate between the two. So something like romance would be troublesome for someone like me who needs to maintain the balance. I don't know much about Love potions, but they probably don't cause true love, do they?"

"No. Just powerful obsessions," Draco said. Harry nodded.

"We'll see about that then. Maybe you should administer some to me in private to see how I react?" Harry said, almost amused. "In fact… There are a lot of potions we haven't talked about, aren't there? I should ask Professor Snape to try some out on me."

"Are you seriously willing to be a test subject for that?" Draco asked, his eyes wide.

"Why not? It'll be good for me to know," Harry said. "I should get back to writing my letters though. Talk to you later, Draco?"

Draco hesitated, but nodded. Harry slipped the mirror in his extendable sack.

Picking up his pen, Harry started to write his letter to Hermione, but paused when there was a knock at the door. There weren't many people who actually knocked on his door in the house, so Harry assumed it would be Aunt Petunia. It wasn't.

"Um… Harry?" Dudley looked a little nervous. Harry blinked and opened the door wider, letting his cousin in the room. Dudley hesitated, but then entered, sitting on the bed. Harry let him, sitting in a chair at his desk.

"Yes, Dudley?" He spoke calmly, not particularly happy that Dudley had approached him, but also not angry. Dudley hadn't teased or bullied him in years and he was willing to let past things be in the past.

Dudley hesitated again and Harry waited patiently. Then Dudley looked up at him.

"I was wondering… why you never eat with us at the table. I mean… Dad hasn't stopped you from doing anything this year… so why won't you eat with us at the table?"

Harry looked genuinely surprised. Then he smiled lightly.

"Because meals should be eaten as a family, Dudley. Though I am part of your family, I did not wish to disturb the environment of your family meals," he said lightly. "Does it bother you?"

"But… not only do you not eat with us, you don't eat at all!" Dudley accused, pointing a finger at Harry. Harry placed his hand on Dudley's finger and lowered it. "I've seen your share of food. Eaten some of it too! And you never eat it."

"Dudley…" Harry said softly, surprised that Dudley had noticed. But Dudley continued on.

"In fact, in all my time knowing you, you barely eat anything! Since I was put on this diet," he spit out the word as it seemed distasteful in his mouth. "I've been noticing your lack of eating. How are you still alive?! Is it… m… m…"

"No Dudley," Harry said, shaking his head. "It isn't. There is no spell or wave of a wand that will fill me up. I enjoy eating food, Dudley, perhaps just as much as you. But the point is, I know when to stop."

"But you haven't eaten anything since you came back," Dudley protested. Harry paused.

This statement was true. As Petunia had felt sorry for Dudley, she had insisted the whole family go on the diet. Dudley would get portions larger than Harry and Harry, seeing that Dudley had been suffering, had left his portion for him too. The term diet was a strange one to Harry. Harry honestly didn't know what it was supposed to do, but Petunia had said something about losing weight.

"I left it for you on purpose, Dudley," Harry said quietly. "Truthfully, I kind of felt sorry for you. I see that you are suffering under the diet so I left my portions for you, knowing you'd be hungry enough to eat them. Honestly though, the prospect of a diet is lost on me. Change the foods you eat and the amounts. This is a bit of a drastic change though."

"So then… what have you been eating? I saw in a book that people will die in three days without food!" Dudley exclaimed. Harry sighed.

"People die in three days without water, Dudley. Not food. People can last a couple weeks without food," Harry said. Dudley shook his head.

"It's been a month! And you don't even look starved!" Dudley said. Harry considered his before taking a deep breath.

"Dudley, I don't eat right now because I don't need to eat," he said quietly. Vernon was at work, but Petunia was at home.

"Why not?! Surely w…wizards… need something to eat," Dudley said, his hand dropping in his lap. Harry nodded.

"They do. But I've always been a bit different," Harry said. "Dudley, are you asking me this because you want help on your diet?"

Dudley hesitated, but then nodded. Harry tilted his head back.

"I don't think I'm the best person to ask, Dudley," Harry said finally. "I have never felt hunger like you have. Regardless, I can try to help you with your diet. How did you want me to do that?"

"Mum's cooking is great… but I kind of wanted to eat your cooking again," Dudley said. "You… can still cook with…" He made a face. "Rabbit food, can't you?"

Harry laughed lightly, delighted and surprised. He had cooked in the past with Ryuuko. Ryuuko loved to experiment in the kitchen and Kazuki had joined him many times before. Together, they had presented all manner of foods to Shirogane, who looked less than happy to be the test subject. It had never been outright terrible, but sometimes, Shirogane would refuse to eat based on the color. Purple was a color Shirogane rejected often.

In the human world, Harry had cooked when Aunt Petunia was out since he was little. He remembered burning his hand on the stovetop and working in the kitchen to assist his Aunt. He didn't hate it, but he would have much rather cooked for himself or for Shirogane.

"Alright. Will you ask Aunt Petunia for me? If I ask her, she might get grumpy at me," Harry said, nodding. He stood up, looking at Dudley. "Is there anything in particular you wanted to eat or do you simply want something different than your usual salads and bland foods?"

"No… But… I remember that you used to… make these really good biscuits…" Dudley said.

Harry shook his head. "I don't think biscuits would be appropriate for your diet. What about fruit?"

Dudley pulled a face, but Harry smiled a little. "And a strawberry shake?" He smiled at Dudley's nod. "We should set a date for this. Though I don't mind cooking for you, I wouldn't want your mother to be breathing down my neck. How about you suggest Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia go out for a date that lasts a whole day?"

Dudley nodded eagerly. "You've… changed Harry. You're… different…"

Harry looked at Dudley before shaking his head. "No, Dudley. I think it's really you who has changed. I never thought you would actually come to me asking me to cook for you."

"Harry… Why does Dad and Mum treat you like that?"

Harry had been rummaging through his trunk and froze at the question. Then he pulled out a hair band and then pulled his hair up to tie it. Dudley was watching him.

"Treat me like…?" Harry said slowly, looking at Dudley. He had no idea that the other knew about their treatment of him.

"I had a dream the night before you… came back… I… remember… one night… Dad was really mad at you for something…" Dudley said slowly. Harry inhaled sharply. "And I heard you screaming… It was muffled, but you were… screaming… And Dad was beating you… with his belt or something."

Harry's hand touched a scar on his shoulder, his eyes a little haunted. He shook his head and looked up at Dudley. "Are you sure it wasn't just a dream?" Harry spoke kindly, not really wanting Dudley to know what he had been put through growing up. He dropped his hand and relaxed himself. Vernon had not beaten him since he had gotten a note from the muggle school about Harry bleeding through his shirt.

But Dudley wasn't deterred. He had noticed Harry's hand reach up and touch his shoulder. "Harry… can I see your back…?"

Harry instantly turned his face away. He pursed his lips, wondering if he should show Dudley. "I don't think you-"

"Harry…!" Dudley looked a little desperate. He had stood up, his enormous hands gripping Harry's shoulders. "I need to know!"

Harry looked at Dudley when he grabbed him. His face was tense, but then he sighed. "Alright."

Dudley let Harry go. Harry took a deep breath and turned so his back was facing Dudley, pulling his hair in front of his body so Dudley could see his back fully. His hands shook just a little as he unbuttoned his shirt and slowly pulled it down to his waist.

Thin scars criss-crossed Harry's back. Harry knew that they were still there, as his human body was very difficult to heal as opposed to his rei form. He had poured his entire core into healing his body that night, terrified he would have died from blood loss. Even with his magic repairing the damage through the night, he was still very much bleeding for a good portion of the week. Thankfully, infection had not set in.

Harry heard Dudley gasp in alarm. He gave him a small smile over his shoulder.

"Dudley…" He said quietly. "It's in the past. He hasn't hurt me since…"

"Dad did this?" Dudley whispered, touching the scars. Harry suppressed a shiver, but nodded a little.

"He was drunk that night, Dudley," Harry said quietly. "I don't think he even knew what he had been doing. But yes, he did it. Aunt Petunia was out that night, remember?"

Dudley shook his head. Harry straightened up and pulled his shirt back on. He turned to Dudley and saw the saddened, desperate look on his face. Harry's eyes softened and he placed a hand on Dudley's shoulder.

"Dudley… I don't hate Uncle Vernon. Despite what he's done to me, I do not hate him," Harry said quietly.

"How could you not?!" Dudley burst out, his eyes watery. "How could you not? After he did… that!"

Harry shook his head. "He was not in his right mind when he did this. I cannot say I am happy or glad he did it, but he did it and I have these scars now. I cannot change the past."

Actually, he was certain Shisui or Shirogane would be able to heal the rest of the scars on his body. Harry would rather choose Shisui, even if his methods were more painful. Shirogane would likely flip.

"Do… you think Dad's a bully?" Dudley asked. Harry looked at Dudley quietly.

"I believe he is, yes," Harry said softly. "But that is neither here, nor there." He smiled weakly and lowered his hand to his side. "Thanks for this though. You tried to understand. It means a lot to me."

Dudley nodded slowly. "Did it hurt?"

"Uncle Vernon would have likely killed me that night," Harry said, nodding slowly. He sat on the bed next to Dudley and looked up at the ceiling. Dudley looked at his cousin.

"I saw you before, you know…" Dudley said slowly. "No one else seems to notice… and when I point it out, they just brush it off… but sometimes you go missing for days… You sort of… lock yourself up in here… Why?"

Harry's eyes widened. He whipped around to look at Dudley and stared at him. Either the barrier was crumbling faster, or Dudley was more spiritually aware than he thought. When did his cousin become so perceptive?

"You just… seem to vanish out of everyone's mind… Mum forgets to feed you…" Dudley said, looking down at his feet in response to Harry's look.

"I should have been more careful around you," Harry said softly. He took a deep breath and then looked at Dudley again. "It's what I have to do."

"What?" Dudley asked. Harry smiled at him a little, looking down at the floor.

"My existence has a purpose," Harry said. "It is this purpose that I have to fulfill. When I need to fulfill this purpose, my existence vanishes from this world and I become a mere concept. You could say that I am special. Which is why I don't need to eat. Why I vanish out of people's minds." Harry looked at Dudley again. "Does that make sense?"

Dudley shook his head. Harry smiled.

"That's alright. You really don't need to know," Harry said.

"But then... why do you eat? I mean, Dad wouldn't complain as much if you didn't eat," Dudley said. Harry laughed, getting up and moving back to the chair, placing a hand on it.

"Look what happens when someone realizes that I don't have to eat," Harry reminded gently. "You noticed, though Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon didn't. And people would talk if they noticed a little boy not eating at all." He paused and opened his window, ignoring Dudley's squawk of protest as Pigwidgeon flew in, looking as hyperactive as always. Harry removed the letter from the owl's leg and let the owl sit on his desk as he wrote a reply.

"So… Do the people at… your school all use owls?" Dudley asked, the initial shock wearing off. Harry smiled and nodded.

"Most of them," Harry said. The Quidditch World Cup was coming. He wrote back to Ron and sent off the tiny owl, looking at Dudley. "Dudley? If you want me to cook for you, it should be within the next two days. I'm leaving on Sunday."

Dudley nodded and got to his feet. Harry noted that it appeared Dudley had lost some weight.

Huh, perhaps the diet was doing wonders.