Disclaimer: Not my Characters.

Disclaimer #2: Noncon. Squick factor increased 10X, as yes, Not-willing-to-Admit has added a mpreg. Like I say in my bio, I'm not-willing-to-admit who I am.

His vomiting, once it started anew, was a literal cascade of puke. Secretly, Severus had to admit that he was quite chuffed that his spiritual Albus had to hastily jump away when Severus deliberately aimed his projectile toward Albus' soft suede boots.

"Oh bloody hell, Albus, it's not like you're here," Severus tiredly protested, after the vomiting of whatever he had eaten had ended and only the absolutely wretched, retching dry heaves remained. "If you were bloody here, you wouldn't be wearing suede boots. The floor's muddy, and you are too much of a peacock to destroy your clothes."

Albus knelt next to him, and shook his head in bemusement when Severus helpfully pointed out that Dumbledore was ruining his fine, spangled silk robe.

"The vomiting might be due to a head injury," Albus softly stated. "Does your head hurt?"

"Yes, I've got quite the never-ending list of afflictions. I've got a headache. My back also is bothering me, no doubt due to my retching. I'm also… utterly… fatigued… besides seeing… hallucinations," snapped Severus. "Plus various bodily parts not normally mentioned in polite conversation are quite raw and uncomfortable, thanks to you and your unslakeable enthusiasm."

Least Severus attempted to snap, to use The Voice, the tone of which reduced seven years and Sybill Trelawney to tears, instead, his voice was more of a plaintive whisper. His hands compulsively clutched at the dirt floor, clawing and scraping.

"I was thinking…" Albus' voice was soft. Whether the ghost was real or just a figment of Severus' overactive imagination, the specter had quickly realized that his attempts at soothing Severus during his hauntings only unintentionally antagonized the lad.

"More fearsome words I have never heard spoken," Severus managed to gasp before he vomited once more.

Apparently, something had still lurked in his gut that desired escape.

"Easy. lad, easy," Albus whispered.

The phantom made as though to push Severus' lank hair back from the Slytherin's perspiring face, but Albus stopped before he got too close.

When the vomiting had ceased, and after Severus had wiped his mouth with his dirty hand in a feeble attempt to banish the bitter taste, he focused his attention on his specter.

"As you were saying, Albus?" Severus prompted. His tone was civil, even though he knew this Albus to be a delusion. Rudeness to the Physical Manifestations of Albus caused intense pain, so there was no reason to believe that telling the phantom to sod off wouldn't result in the same outcome.

"When you come back to the school, I can't have you teaching Defense," Albus explained.

"Naturally," Severus bitterly agreed. "You have your little furry golden boy in my spot. Was my seat even cold before you replaced me with the werewolf, Albus? The Dark Lord thought it quite amusing how quickly Remus substituted for me. I hadn't even vanished for more than a few hours, and you had boxed up my things. Did you build a big pyre and burn my prized possessions? The burning must have taken all of a few minutes, because I have so many valuables."

The Slytherin grabbed his stomach, and pursed his lips. He licked his dry lips for a bit, and then he sighed.

"If you were the real Albus Dumbledore, you'd be offering me a humbug right now," he tiredly protested. "Even you'd know that peppermint might help settle my stomach."

"You wouldn't take it from me even if I could offer it to you. I have relentlessly offered you sweets for decades, Severus, and you have never accepted any. But Severus, the real reason why Remus is once more teaching at Hogwarts is because the students need instruction," Albus gently chided, though his blue eyes were pained.

"Yes, and there he was, waiting in the wings, your dear, sweet Remus. I hope someone is ensuring that the werewolf actually drinks his potion this time."

Albus nodded his head once.

"You trust Remus, though he's nearly killed me twice. TWICE, Albus. Both times, all you worried about was poor little Remus, not sparing any concern for the one he almost killed… TWICE. I thought you had finally decided to trust me; that I had paid for my crimes sufficiently even to slack even the thirsty vengeance of upstanding, righteous, noble Albus Dumbledore. No, I should have known that you had your furry friend waiting in the wings, just in case the temptation grew too much for me and you had to sack me for everyone's protection"

The 'ghost' had found that by accepting Severus' rancorous comments without protest, the boy would often calm down enough to offer a diffident apology by the end of his haunting.

You're good, you know. You almost act like the Real Albus. He'd often let me have my say, knowing that at the end of my bitter tirade, I'd be a good little lap dog and beg his forgiveness for being such a vile creature. I'm sorry for being such a hateful git, Albus.

"No, that's not the reason. But, you'll need time to heal and recover, Severus, and I don't believe that frightening first years will be conducive to that end. Minerva is constantly complaining that she has too much paperwork due to my shenanigans, and that I need to find her an assistant. Perhaps Assistant Deputy Headmaster might be a suitable position for you? It will be a non-teaching position, and I'll make Horace the full Head of Slytherin."

Severus began trembling, and he put his hands over his head. His obsidian eyes were haunted as he stared at Albus.

"Assistant Deputy Headmaster?" Severus softly whispered.

"You'd have to work with Minerva, I'm afraid, but on the positive side, there will be a substantial pay raise," Albus dryly admitted. "I believe that she misses you and your arguments about Quidditch. Naturally, she won't admit it to anyone, but I know her quite well."

"Rodolphus, Rodolphus," Severus hoarsely uttered. "You need to work harder on impersonating Albus. AssistantDeputy Headmaster? You think that I would believe that Albus Dumbledore would offer such a position? To me?"

Severus began laughing. It was a rough laugh, and Severus continued chortling until he was sobbing.

"Rodolphus… Bellatrix was always the far more dangerous of the two of you, as she actually thinks," Severus spat out between his sobs. "Assistant Deputy Headmaster? Of Hogwarts? Albus didn't trust me enough to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts, do you really believe that I'd consider for even one lousy second that he'd promote me?"

Albus then put his hand on Severus' shoulder. The Slytherin reacted by cowering against the wall, trying to put as much distance as possible between him and Albus.

"Shall I roll over for you, Albus?" Severus questioned. "You've been remarkably patient."

"Listen to me, Severus Tobias Snape. I'm still searching for you," Albus promised. "I've taken the liberty of moving your mother to a new, safer location. She wasn't protected where she was. It's a much nicer facility, Severus."

"My mother? My MOTHER?" His voice broke while Severus screamed. "You stay away from her. Avada Kedavra! AVADA KEDAVRA! AVADA KEDAVRA!"

Severus, realizing anew that he was bereft of magic, then launched himself at Albus, determined to gouge out his eyes and rebreak Albus' nose. He passed through the image, fell onto the floor with a thump, and Severus began weeping.

"You stay away from her, or I swear that I will kill you, Rodolphus. I will kill you if it the last thing I ever do."

Minerva McGonagall greeted Albus warmly the next morning. The two instructors entered the Head Master's Office, so they could talk freely. The Head of Gryffindor took Albus' chin with her hand, and positioned him this way and that, and she shook his head in disapproval at what she saw in Albus' tired blue eyes.

"Another visitation?" Her voice softly questioned. "You look like hell, Albus. You've got more bags under your eyes."

"He accused me of having Remus Lupin on retainer," Albus softly explained. "He also stated quite firmly his belief that I didn't trust him enough to be a Defense Against the Dark Arts Instructor, and that I had waited with delighted anticipation for the perfect opportunity to sack him. Once my ultimate goal was accomplished, I quickly had his personal affects boxed and burned in a merry pyre. This time, Severus did not mention that his belief that you did a celebratory dance around the fire wearing nothing but your long, flowing locks."

"How'd he look?" Minerva asked, refusing to acknowledge Albus' comment. "Was he better than the last time you saw him?"

That visit had consisted of Albus talking to a mute Severus who had transfixedly stared at his prison cell walls.

"Not well. They haven't taken very good care of our boy, Minerva, as he was dirty and unkempt," softly admitted the Head Master. "I had rather feared that they had succeeded in shattering him but he seemed… stronger… last night as he was quite vexed with me."

Minerva smiled slightly, and Albus tilted his head.

"So you do care, Minerva," Albus teased.

The witch flushed and nodded her head.

"I confess to a certain fondness for the boy, Albus," Minerva admitted with a wry tone. "Then again, I don't just take anyone to my bed. I'm not a tart, Albus; I do have my ethics and my standards that I must uphold."

Albus stopped walking in his surprise, and he shook his head.

"Minerva, how long? All these years, you two bickered and fought about… everything and anything," Albus teased. "And you two were busy… shagging!"

"It wasn't a love affair, Albus, if you're worried about that." Minerva easily answered. "His heart only belonged to one person. I took the boy to my bed because I understood him. Albus, the boy did everything except offer to turn down your bed for you, and you never comprehended in the slightest what he was offering you."

"Alas, Minerva, I understood exactly what he was offering," Albus softly admitted. "I deliberately chose not to acknowledge it. He deserves far better than me."

"But you didn't comprehend how much it cost him to make that offer," she retorted. "I told him not to fall for you because you have these damnable Crusades, these Herculean acts of penance for what harm you believe you caused Ariana and Abeforth, and… for Gellert."

"You told him about Ariana?" Albus' voice was cool and controlled. Anyone else might be fooled by his tone into believing that Albus was discussing an inconsequential such as the weather, but Minerva knew full well that Albus' emotional trauma over that painful incident had never healed.

"No," Minerva tenderly insisted, trying not to let her hurt caused by Albus' lack of faith in her to show in her tone. "I keep your secrets, Albus. I did tell him that you have only once unreservedly loved someone."

"I loved you," Albus softly interrupted. His voice was as tender as a verbal caress.

"You loved me, yes, but not the way I deserved to be loved. Fortunately, I came to my senses rather quickly," Minerva tersely admitted.

Albus flinched as her words struck home, and Minerva placed her hand on his cheek.

"That was… unkind but not cruelly meant. My unrequited love for you is water under the bridge," she gently admitted. "But I warned the poor Slytherin about you. How you collect infatuated, lovelorn fools wherever you go, how you do absolutely nothing to give them any false hopes, and how you nobly refuse to take advantage of their obsessions."

"It didn't stop him, though," Albus calmly remarked.

"Didn't stop me," she teased. "Sev struggled so hard to earn your regard. A few kind words, thoughtlessly spoken by you, would find him elated."

"When did it start? This grand affair of yours?"

"After Sirius Black 'unexpectedly' escaped," Minerva admitted. "He wanted that Order of Merlin medal so badly. He thought with it, he'd earn your respect, and that his mother would be, at last, proud of him."

"His mother?" Albus questioned in a strange voice.

"Yes, Severus thought that with the Order of Merlin medal, he'd be able to take back all the pain the rash actions of his youth had caused her."

"His mother?" Albus repeated as though he wasn't sure that he heard Minerva correctly. "Does he ever talk to you about his mother?"

"Rarely, but he's never been exceedingly loquacious." Minerva paused, and stared intently at Albus. "Why? What should I know that I obviously have missed?"

"His mother is in a permanent vegetative state. Tobias Snape knocked her down a flight of steps shortly after Severus joined the staff here. Most of his salary goes toward her care. After recent events, I took it upon myself to visit her at the sanatorium." Albus hissed and shook his head. "It was not… a happy place, and her care was substandard, due to Severus, naturally, being in arrears and unable to pay this month's bill. I produced paperwork claiming that Severus had temporarily given me control over her affairs while he was on his 'sabbatical', and I removed her from that facility. I'm paying for her upkeep now, and will continue doing so for as long as I am able."

"Severus never told me that his mother was unwell," Minerva admitted.

"He spoke of it to me only because he needed a week's personal leave to oversee her initial admission to the sanitarium. Whenever I questioned him about his mother, he would only offer the barest of details. I understood it to be a rather painful subject for him, so I refused to compound his pain."

"Severus never speaks of what truly bothers him," Minerva said. "There's a lot of sound and bluster, banging and clanging of gongs, but what truly upsets him, Severus will not reveal."

"You seem to have a greater understanding of Severus than I do," Albus said.

"Well, yes, we were lovers on and off for the last three years. The first few years, I'd have to make the first move, but these last few months, he had become a bit more confident in seeking me out."

"Perhaps, my dear Minerva, he was falling for you," Albus gently suggested, with a merry twinkle in his blue eyes. "You are a remarkable witch."

Minerva, having been an instructor for far too many years, and certainly knowing a con job when she heard one, snorted.

"The lad prefers other boys, Albus. Severus came to my bed only because I willingly offered him affection with no strings attached. Our Severus was quite concerned regarding the Defense Against the Dark Arts instructor position and I didn't mind his need for reassurance. He wanted to do right by the students, to give them a proper background combined with suitable training in DADA, as we both can admit that our students' lessons have been somewhat erratic and inconsistent in that particular field."

"I find it quite hard to believe that Severus was troubled…" The Head Master protested lightly. "He's been after me for ages to give him that position."

"He knew the position was hexed, and Severus didn't want his failure to reflect poorly on you," Minerva answered. "For Severus, respect from you… from his fellow instructors… from his students… is paramount to him. That's why I thought it best to keep our affair secret. Everyone would have gossiped about him shagging a woman old enough to be his mother. He would have been ridiculed."

"And perhaps, it would not have mattered to him if you had been willing to admit that you were bedding him," Albus stated.

Minerva heard Albus' censure in his tone regarding what he believed her overwhelming desire for confidentiality, and her cheeks flushed, but only slightly. They were old friends after all, and they were brutally frank with one another.

"And if for some reason you had come to your senses, and decided to explore a relationship with Severus, be it a mindless tumble or something more serious, you would never have made a move if you believed that he and I were involved," Minerva retorted.

"As always, you're quite correct," Albus easily confessed. "I would have sent him on to you on Christmas night if I had known."

"Severus would have been shattered if you had sent him away. No doubt it took all of his considerable courage to ask you to bed him."

"No, Minerva, that's where you are quite mistaken." Albus pointed his finger at her, and then sadly nodded his head. "It took all of Severus' bravery for him not to flee when I actually agreed."

The Dark Lord summoned him, and for once, Albus was not his guard.

No, it was a gleeful Bellatrix LeStrange and assorted other Death Eaters who decided among themselves that it was quite necessary to Scourgify him repeatedly before he was admitted into the Dark Lord's presence. Must not offend the Dark Lord with dirty, tattered rags that smelled too strongly of puke and dirt.

"Severus," the Dark Lord's reedy voice hissed. "I'm so sorry to hear that you have not been feeling well."

"Master," Severus whispered. He placed his face on the floor, attempted not to show his fear. "I have not betrayed you."

"I know that, Severus. You are the most loyal of my Death Eaters," the Dark Lord softly admitted. "That's why you have been Chosen for a most important assignment."

"I obey," Severus quickly announced. He also noticed with dry amusement that Bellatrix and the rest of the Death Eaters seemed surprised and yes… unhappy… with the Dark Lord's tone with him.

"We will talk in private," the Dark Lord hissed. He then waved his hands at his other followers. "Leave us. This matter is completely between Severus and me."

The Death Eaters were confused and uncertain and obvious in their desire not to leave Severus alone with the Dark Lord. No doubt they were now worried on how the Dark Lord would react to Severus' less than flattering comments about his guards.

"LEAVE!" The Dark Lord raised his voice. "I will not ask again!"

Severus kept his face to the floor, trying to understand exactly the hell was happening.

"Severus, my most favorite follower. You have pleased me, Severus, and I have decided to reward you. You will be instrumental in the downfall of Albus Dumbledore."

"I am not worthy of your regard, Master," Severus whispered.

"Paters Gignere Ingeniter. Are you familiar with that particular hex, Severus?"

Fathers beget prodigy, his mind instinctively translated. It was Darkest of Dark Magic, as it was a spell for procreation that was most often used on unwillingly wizards. The child conceived thus would live off the wizard's magical energy until the time came for it to be born. That is, if the wizard lived that long, as there was an extremely high rate of mortality.

Severus flinched and made the mistake of looking directly at the Dark Lord. His stomach churned, and he put his hand over his mouth to prevent himself from spewing.

"Well,Paters Gignere Ingeniter certainly explains your ever present nausea, Severus," the Dark Lord crooned. "Congratulations are in order to Albus and you. Albus is technically the father as the polyjuiced form takes on all aspects of the original."

"It will kill me," Severus softly protested. The Slytherin was proud that his voice was calm, as inwardly he was screaming.

"Yes, I'm afraid that most likely you will be dead in thirty odd weeks, Severus. Paters Gignere Ingeniter is not a very forgiving spell. It takes all of the incubator's magical energy at first, just to keep the child viable. Then, as the child gets closer to term, the second father will be needed to donate his magical essence."

"I don't understand your plan," Severus softly admitted.

"When Albus rescues you…" Voldemort explained in his hissing tones.

"He will not…" protested Severus.

"Don't interrupt, Severus. As I was saying, Albus will rescue you, and once he discovers your closely guarded, most shameful secret, I predict that he'll do the decent, moral thing. He'll bond you as his mate so that you have the best probability of carrying the child to term and surviving."

"Albus will never agree to that!" Severus screamed.

"Yes, he will. Because when he asks you if you truly desire to carry the child to term, you will convince him that you desperately want the child."

But I don't, Severus nearly screamed, but he bit his tongue.

"You'll be Imperio'd into wanting the child, I'm afraid, as I believe you reluctant in wishing to nourish the child you've help create. Severus, you will persuade him that you always had a bit of a school boy crush on him, but were far too shy, too inhibited to even dream of pursuing the issue. Considering how the child was created, and how traumatized you will be from this entire experience, Albus will be determined to do the Right Thing."

The Dark Lord dryly laughed.

"As Paters Gignere Ingeniter weakens you more and more, Albus will bestow ever increasing amounts of his magical essence unto you. When Albus is weakened sufficiently, we will move against him."

Severus put his hands against his mouth, determined not to spew his guts in front of the Dark Lord. He had some pride left, but most importantly, he needed to keep his wits about him.

"You don't look well, Severus. Was it something that you ate?" Voldemort asked in a voice full of faux concern. "Don't worry, Severus, Albus is here to take care of you and the newest Dumbledore."

Albus softly laughed, and then patted a shaking Severus on his shoulder.

"I told you that I was giving you a very special present," Albus reminded him. "You thought socks, but this is something far, far better."

The imposter leaned over to Severus and loudly whispered into his ear, "Every time I look at you, I'll know that I'm the one that did it."

"I'm rather disappointed," the Dark Lord, who had eagerly watched the reunion, admitted with a disappointed sigh. "He didn't scream when he saw you. I want Severus to scream whenever he sees Albus' face."

"By the time I'm done with him, he'll scream alright," Albus quickly, and with much enthusiasm, promised.

"Perhaps, shrieking and bawling might be too much. Albus might quickly grow tired of Severus' hysterics, and not wish to be saddled with a screaming Nancy. That would be just my luck…"

"I could teach him to weep," Albus offered with a delighted, nasty grin. "A storm of silent weeping while big, fat tears run down his ugly, pale face. He'll make an effort to conceal his tears by letting his greasy, filthy hair fall into his eyes."

"Yes and he should be cowering in fear, with one hand cradled protectively over the little horror he's carrying," the Dark Lord spoke slowly, pondering the idea. "Albus is quite the sentimental fool, and the unmistakable fact that Severus is utterly terrified of him will profoundly disturb him."

"Perhaps Severus could be trained to plead for the brat's life whenever he sees Albus." The imposter that wore Albus' kindly face offered that twisted idea without a qualm.

"Albus, I like that idea. Very well, you're to break Severus as quickly as possible, but carefully, as our dear Severus is, after all, in a very delicate condition. He must not lose the baby; else we'll have to delay our plans until he's fertile again. How long do you believe that breaking Severus will take?"

Albus pondered the question for a moment, and laughed.

"A couple weeks at the most," Albus easily admitted. "I'm quite good at breaking people."

"Excellent. When he's adequately trained, we'll see about arranging for his rescue."

The Dark Lord laughed once more, and then placed both hands on Severus' face.

"I'm so proud of you. Albus will be so horrified over what has happened to you that he'll be agitated and unfocused, and you, my dear boy, will be responsible for fatally weakening him before he notices!"

And the Dark Lord continued to laugh.