Chapter 9:
The morning went by swiftly after her talk with Isabella. The girls were just finishing breakfast when Andrea had come down from the art room and were bouncing with excitement. Isabella joined them shortly after they had informed their mother that Kat was taking them to the art museum and that Caroline and Cassidy were going with them. After breakfast they rushed off for baths and to get dressed. By the time noon rolled around Andy was exhausted.
She had taken the girls to the park where they played Frisbee with their new puppy, fed the birds, played tag, rolled down hills, and had swing jumping competitions. When her cell rang from the studio she almost didn't answer it. She did, and was glad about it when she heard that two of the international orders were damaged by some lazy movers and the new designs she'd drawn two nights prior for the first lady had gone missing. She gave her secretary instructions on what to do until she got there and explained it to the girls and together they rushed home. She was able to get new sketches done and down to the studio in time to meet Isabella who had just finished repairing two of the dresses and showing her a third one.
The dress was beyond repair. She stared at it for a long while, then grabbing some scissors and a few pieces of fabric she turned the dress into an entirely different piece and sent one of the seamstresses off to make it happen. Isabella nodded her approval before rushing off to get some things over to one of the magazine editors. Smiling at her daughters who had decided to drive Aubrey crazy she went to her office picked up a few sketches and dropped off her laptop.
"Let's go ladies, we have to drop these off to Miranda for her new art director and then get back to the house before the twins get there." Andrea called to her children heading for the door, "Keep the house under control Aubrey. Call me if you need me. I'll be home most of the day." Her secretary nodded as the phone rang and she headed out with her daughters into the cool fall air. Sticking the folder into her bag she grabbed both girls' hands and they walked off, crossing at the cross walk before heading down to the Elias-Clarke building.
Walking through the halls of Runway felt odd. She remembered it now, but it was different. She was not walking the halls in fear of Miranda; in fact she was looking forward to the meeting. Her designs were seen everywhere and now it seemed as if Miranda wanted to have her work put into the Runway magazine. It was a very big compliment in the world of fashion to have the Miranda Priestly personally request your work. Smiling Andrea led her girls to the outer office where Brittany sat along with a tall thin woman with curly auburn hair, "Miranda Priestly's office, please hold." The redhead woman said glaring at Andy and the girls, "Who are you? Do you have an appointment?"
"Andy! Hey, she didn't tell me you were coming today?" Brittany said finally looking up from her desk. She shot a look at the other assistant, "You would think she knew Andrea DeMarzio on sight since she claims to own some of your pieces and to follow your career, but we won't hold that against Victoria, right Andy?"
Andrea laughed softly watching her daughters giggle and run over to hug Brittany, "Is she in Brit? I have the sketches she wanted for Emily, and the ones Nigel requested. He said he'd be here today with James."
"Well if it isn't Andrea Sachs in living breathing color!" a familiar voice with a heavy British accent said from behind her. Turning Andy smiled widely and embraced Emily.
"Em, you look great! So thin, what's the secret?" Andrea said chuckling softly, "Goodness, I miss you Em. We're really going to have to get together sometime soon. I actually have something hanging in my studio with your name on it."
Emily squealed in a non-Emily fashion and hugged her again, "Come Miranda is- Oh my god, Andy!" Emily stopped as her eyes fell on Rory and Lexxi watching her with shining happy eyes, "If they don't look like you did when I first met you. So cute with childlike innocence." She looked back at Andrea, "Wow, a mother, a fashion goddess, what else has changed with you?"
Rory looked at her mother then at Emily before she moved forward and held a little hand out, "My name is Aurora Isabelle DeMarzio and this is my sister Miranda Alexandria DeMarzio. You can call me Rory and she answers to Lexxi. It's nice to meet you Ms. Emily."
Emily smiled and shook her head before stooping down and taking Rory's hand in her own, "Well Miss Rory, aren't you precious." Looking over at the other little girl she smiled, "And hello to you as well Lexxi. You are both beautiful little girls." Emily stood and looked at Andy, "You are doing a wonderful job with them."
Smiling Andrea nodded and hugged Emily to her side, "Alright chickadees, Aunt Em here is going to take Mommy to see Miranda, now you girls can stay here with Brittany if you behave or you can come see Miranda before we meet the twins. But you have to be quiet in the hallway so everyone can work, ok? They have deadlines coming up and Miranda is very unhappy with them," she made a face causing the girls to smile.
Rory took Emily's hand and proceeded to lead her out. Laughing Andy said goodbye to Brittany, picked Lexxi up knowing she wouldn't be able to keep pace with Emily's fast paced stride, and followed them down to the art department.
Miranda was sitting behind Emily's desk her glasses perched on her nose looking intently at something that she was obviously not happy with because her lips were pursed in a thin line. She didn't look up when they entered but started speaking in a thin cool tone, "Really, is it too much to ask that someone show that they are competent enough to do their job. This photographer has to go. Use the one from the summer shoot and have it redone. Lose the black, add the red."
Rory walked over and climbed on Miranda's lap looking at the images she was pouring over, "Ms. Randa I think you should just take her out. She's not a good model, see look." Rory pointed at a few of the photographs and then up at Miranda, "See? She's not wearing them right. If she learned how to dress it would work with the black." Miranda laughed and nodded before she looked up at the other people in the office.
"Andrea, I am going to let your daughter come direct the photo shoots. She has an excellent eye." She smiled and hugged Rory before turning to a shocked Emily, "Get that model from the spring Valentino shoot. Have this done with her at the reshoot use the black. I want the prints on my desk by Tuesday."
Emily nodded and scooped up the photos and tossing them on the counter behind her, phone already to her ear as she walked out of her office.
Andrea pulled the sketches out of her bag and sat them down in front of Miranda, letting Lexxi down from her arms as she took a sit on one of the stools turning to lean against the counter, "Nigel and James' sketches are in the black folder there and in the red folder are designs for you to choose from. Isabella is currently working on all of them. Should have them no later than Wednesday. A few of the selections are being made by our factory in Italy, they will be shipped out Monday morning, and you should have them Tuesday night. If you need anything more just have Brittany call the studio and tell Aubrey. Isabella is planning to get a warehouse here so that she can start a catalog and hire a few more women to help with productions. Once that happens if you would like, Runway will be on the receiving list and you'll receive our catalogs as soon as they are printed. It would make this part easier for all involved. "
Miranda stared at her for a moment before standing Rory up and rising to her feet. Taking both folders in her hand she nodded towards the door, took Rory's hand and walked out Lexxi skipping along behind them. Sighing Andy picked up her bag and followed the trio out. Smiling she waved at Emily and made her way to Miranda's office. Brittany was sitting at her desk with Rory and Lexxi on either side of her looking at a copy of Runway. Victoria looked up when she opened the door and pointed to the inner office before turning back to her computer.
"Close the door behind you Andrea." Miranda said her voice barely audible from her private bathroom. Dropping her bag by the door Andy closed it and walked over to the open bathroom door watching Miranda dry her hands and looking at her through the mirror over the sink, "What is it Miranda? If you don't want the catalog you don't have to get one, we jus-" she broke off her voice dying out as Miranda turned her hand coming up to cup her face. She tried to step away from her only to have Miranda back her up against the wall their bodies pressed tightly together.
"Miranda," Andrea said breathlessly looking anywhere but at the woman standing in front of her, "Miranda… please…" she closed her eyes taking several deep breathes before she looked at the older woman, their eyes locking almost instantly.
"What Andrea? Please what?" Miranda's voice was commanding and quiet, her lips mere inches away. She wanted to kiss her again and at the same time she didn't. She didn't understand half of what was going on inside of her but her body was screaming for this woman.
"I don't know." She finally said, "I…" she leaned forward closing the distance between them and kissed Miranda. Her knees gave out and she was grateful for the wall because it and Miranda pressed against her was all that kept her standing upright. She groaned and pulled her closer to her, her hand tangling in the soft silver locks when she felt Miranda's tongue slide across her bottom lip. She opened her mouth to her and felt her body tremble when Miranda moaned into her mouth their tongues dancing together both giving and taking what the other offered.
She couldn't breathe, she couldn't think; all she could do was feel. Her body was hot and aching and she moaned softly the sound muffled by the mouth devouring hers, she pulled away from the kiss panting trying to pull air into her starving lungs. She let her head fall back against the wall when Miranda ran her tongue over her neck, kissing and nipping at the skin there. She was getting lost in the sensations and feelings Miranda was causing in her. When a cool hand ran over her stomach she trembled and gasped. When it reached under her bra to cup her breast she moaned and arched into the touch pulling Miranda's mouth back to hers.
Miranda's heated moan broke through the haze clouding her brain and she froze before pushing her away, "No! We can't." shaking her head Andy looked at Miranda before looking down at herself and fixing her clothes, "You can't touch me like that Miranda! Please. And stop looking at me like that. Oh god... I have to go" She went to walk past her but was pushed back against the wall with Miranda standing in front of her.
"Why can't we Andrea? You kissed me this time. I was trying to fight it and then you kissed me. You want me Andrea, why won't you admit that? You've always wanted me. I used to see it in your eyes. I saw it again last night, and just now when you were watching me." Miranda's voice was slow, soft, and warm it sent a shiver through Andrea's body. "Why are you fighting this so hard?"
Andy shook her head and closed her eyes, "I can't. I just… I can't. Please just let me go. Forget about this Mira… please." She looked up and frowned at the look of shock on Miranda's face, "What?"
"You… you remember that name? Since… since when?" Miranda's voice was soft, fragile and uncharacteristic of Miranda.
"Last night, at dinner, when Lexxi. You were there you know what happened. Rory winked at me. It was after that… things just started flowing back to me. Starting with you winking at me. You've only ever done that once. It was that night when your husband at the time crashed the gala. You thanked me for something I'd done to distract Irv Ravitz. And I called you Mira before I thought about it. I was about to correct it but you smiled, winked at me and walked off." Andrea looked up from the spot on the floor she was staring at and into Miranda's eyes. "I'm sorry that I started this, I just… Miranda, I can't do this with you. I'm sorry but I really just can't." she blinked rapidly against the tears forming in her eyes, "Caroline and Cassidy are going with the girls to the museum today, I need to get them home. It's about that time. I… I'm sorry." She turned her face away from Miranda and moved to get her bag stopping when she heard her name.
"Andrea, before you go," Miranda moved to stand before her and gently wiped a spot on her neck and jaw before dropping her hand and turning away from her, "I'll pick the girls up from your place tonight." And then she disappeared into her bathroom.
A few hours later Andrea was pacing her home library her thoughts so confused she had a headache from them. Her legs felt like rubber but she refused to keep still. She glanced at the clock again and sighed. Finally the doorbell sounded and she waited listening intently for the sound of voices or foot falls. Three minutes later Nigel and James stood in the doorway both looking at her with concern filled eyes. She knew she looked a mess, she'd pulled at her hair so much she was surprised it was still attached to her head, her tears hadn't stopped falling and it had been at least two hours she knew. She sighed and bit her lip before motioning them inside.
Nigel spoke first his voice gentle and worried, "Six, what happened? Are the girls alright?"
She nodded and then collapsed on the sofa pulling her knees to her chest and burying her face in them, "Nigel… I don't know what to do. I am so scared. And I can't make it go away! And he gets so angry and… and… I just don't know what to do."
James and Nigel exchanged glances before moving into the room and closing the door behind them. James sat next to Andy, pulled her against him running his fingers through her hair and Nigel sat down in a chair so that he was sitting in front of her, "Ok sweetie, start over and slow down this time. We'll help you figure out whatever it is that is going on."
Andy took a deep breath and nodded. For the next half hour she explained everything going through her head except she didn't tell them about Miranda's part in it. Just kept it simple and tried her best to speak about the things that bothered her most about the dream she had the previous night. She told them something she had never told anyone about not even Isabella and prayed that Nigel or James would be able to help her figure out what to do.
"So, your husband was abusive? Did he ever hurt the girls?" James asked when Andy was quiet for a while.
"No. I would keep them away from him when he was in those moods. Lexxi was easier at first because she was only a year old when it started. She couldn't walk upstairs yet. Rory had just turned 3 and was an active little thing. She would always come in to wake us up in the morning. I finally started waking up at 5 every morning and I'd sit in their room and draw until she woke up. When he finally went to the doctor and started getting treated it got better. Until it got worse. Finally it got so bad that I sent the girls to Isabella. Told her it was because he wasn't doing well and I didn't want them to see it." She sniffled and wiped the tears from her face, "When he finally noticed the girls weren't around he got so mad… and he... he snapped. He nearly killed me that night. I wanted to leave, I wanted to just run. The doctors said it was the tumor. I never told them the extent of his outburst just asked how such a kind, gentle man could turn into this monster. He'd been such a loving man. He was perfect, my friend and lover. He would hold me when I got so confused and scared because I couldn't remember who I was and he would remind me constantly. We got married after a year together. He adopted Rory the same day. She was such a sweet baby. He would always tell me that she was his soul child. She is so much like him it still amazes me. It worked out well; Rory doesn't even acknowledge she's not his genetically. We tried to explain it to her but she refused to believe any of it."
Andy stood up and began pacing again and staring at the ceiling, "I left once. He found me. It was worse when I got back. I didn't want to leave but I just couldn't stay and let him kill me. My babies needed me. I never tried to leave again though. Once was enough for me to learn that lesson. I just dealt with it as best I could. It went on for 4 years before the cancer spread and ate away his brain. He died 2 days before our anniversary. That was just a month before we left Italy. We made a 5 year plan when I found out I was pregnant again. After 5 years he wanted to move here. Well not New York. He didn't want to stress me out anymore. Whenever we talked about it and he mentioned New York I would freak out. We finally figured that I had some kind of unfavorable experience here." Andy chuckled and shook her head.
"So, you never told Isabella… or anyone?" Nigel asked softly.
Andy shook her head, "No. Sergei was the last person Isabella had left. She and her husband divorced when Sergei and Gabriella were still young children. He didn't want to be a father. So he left. Gabriella was a beautiful girl. She loved the water. She was on the Olympic team. Shortly before Isabella found me in Paris, Gabriella drowned. It makes no sense, even now. I reminded her of her Gabriella. Sergei stayed close to home after that. It was just the two of them. When Sergei got sick… we all did everything we could. Isabella called every specialist she's ever worked with or known. I flew with him all over Europe and to a few states here. No one expected the relapse. When we took him back to the doctor the cancer had spread."
Andy sat back down next to James who took her hand in his and gently squeezed it. She smiled sadly and continued, "He was depressed, angry, and hopeless. He had lost all hope; he didn't even want to try fighting it. I begged him to. Cried and pleaded. He finally agreed to see one more specialist. They had him taking some kind of treatments. He was scheduled to have surgery. Unfortunately it had spread too far by then. I sat at the bed with him for 3 months. Never once leaving. I watched over him, bathed him, and gave him everything he asked for. His mother came down and stayed at the house bringing the girls with her.
"After 2 months he stopped taking the medication. It was affecting his vision. He said he wanted the last thing he saw before he died to be us. So I didn't give him anymore. I sat there and watched the life drain from the only man I had ever loved. The only man who ever truly loved me, and loved all of me. He knew everything that I knew about me and he didn't hate me. Isabella would bring the girls in during the good hours, as they became fewer I wouldn't let them in the room. That last day he lived, he was lucid for about an hour and asked to say goodbye to them. He did. Lexxi didn't understand very well, but Rory did. She cried for hours and it broke my heart, I wanted to take away her pain. When they left he looked at me… and smiled. He told me I gave him two beautiful girls and raised them well. He swore that he would always love me and wait for me to come to him again. He kissed me with his final breath and died in our bed. I don't think I moved for almost a day. I laid there next to him and cried. Isabella had finally come to check on us and realized that he had passed. The girls and I moved into her house with her and Irene. I couldn't bare living in the house full of memories, happy and sad, peaceful and painful. I couldn't bring myself to tell her that her only son nearly killed me twice. It would break her heart. Sergei was her pride and joy. He meant the world to her. So I just kept it all bottled up."
Nigel frowned and hugged her softly rubbing her back. He gave her time to compose herself before he let her go and looked at James. James cleared his throat and spoke softly his voice thick with emotion, "Andy, you said in your dream he was angry. Why was he so upset? This could just be your subconscious way of warning yourself not to do something, or it could just be PTSD. It's only been a little over 2 months since he passed. You may not have dealt with it fully with everything else that has been going on in your life."
She looked back and forth between the two of them before she sighed, "I was sleeping with someone. We were in a rather intimate situation and suddenly it was him and he was livid. It was his eyes… the look in his eyes. I had seen it before, numerous times. Sergei was possessive; it got really bad after the tumor started growing. If someone looked at me too long he got angry with me. It was like his eyes came alive and had a fire burning within them. His voice was even angry. I woke up panicked and crying. Isabella came in and helped me calm down but… I can still see him, hear his voice. For almost an hour today I was having phantom pains from the last time he hit me."
James nodded and Nigel sighed. They were all silent for a while when Isabella's voice broke the silence, "Andrea," she moved into the room and sat down next to her before pulling her into her arms and holding her tight, "Why didn't you tell me? I always suspected after Rory said that he hit you… that something was going on that you didn't want me to know. I explained it away when you came to visit me and there was no evidence of it. Assumed she'd seen something else. You never should have stayed in that situation dear heart. You know I would have let you and the girls stay with me until he was well."
Andy started to cry again her grip on James' hand tightening her other arm wrapped around Isabella's waist, "I'm sorry. I didn't want to cause any issues between you two. He was all you had left. I'm so sorry."
Isabella leaned back and gently pulled Andy from her chest and brushed her tears away. Staring at her with all the love and admiration she felt for her visible in her eyes as she spoke softly, "Andrea, you listen to me and you listen to me well, you are my daughter, nothing and no one can change that. I may not have given birth to you, I may not have been present for the first half of your life, but you belong to me. The day you came into my life, my life had a meaning again. Sergei was my only son, he was precious to me, and he will always hold that place in my heart. You my dear were the blessing that kept me living. You gave me my first grandchild without question and allowed us to love and raise her as our own. She looks at me and sees her grandmother, not a step grandmother, not an adoptive grandmother, not a lady whose son married her mother, but her grandmother. You nurtured her, housed her, fed her and clothed her when even you barely knew who you were. Then you gave me my second granddaughter. An angel in her own right. You, Andrea, are the reason I am still living today. Not even Sergei could have taken you from me. Aurora and Little Miranda are beautiful, wholesome, intelligent, kind children because of who you are. When I was in that hospital in France I felt drawn to you, even while you were in a comatose state, you had an air about you that projected kindness and acceptance. I went to your room at least three times a day to check on you and talk to you. I would read to you and tell you about the world events. Just being near you put me at peace. When we learned you were pregnant I made sure to check on you even more regularly and little Aurora too. You my daughter are a gem; nothing will ever make me stop loving you."
Andy smiled and blinked rapidly before hugging Isabella tight sobbing into her neck, "I love you Momma. I'm so sorry I didn't trust in the love we have as mother and daughter. I will never make that mistake again. Ever."
Isabella kissed her head and rubbed her back until she stopped crying again and then sat her up. "Now, let's get back to the issue at hand. I agree with James. You are subconsciously warning yourself away from the situation. Sergei is just the method your mind has decided to use. The reasons you are using him are simple, first and foremost is timing. You don't think you should feel the way you do about this person," she shot Andy and knowing look and smiled when she looked away a slight blush rising up her neck, "so soon after his death. That is understandable sweetheart, however now that you have the memory of your life before Sergei, do you think it's too soon to feel this way?"
Andy stared at her for a moment before biting her bottom lip, "I don't know. Momma I told you this morning what happened before. I can't go let that happen again. This time around it would be worse; I have the girls to consider."
Isabella nodded but continued, "We'll come back to that in a moment. Here is something that is easier. When Sergei caught someone watching you he became possessive, controlling, all consuming. Correct?"
Nigel leaned forward, "You're conjuring up his anger to help shield yourself from what's really bothering you Six." Andy looked at him started and he just smiled, "You hate being controlled, you hate feeling like a possession instead of a person, you hate feeling as if your entire being is being consumed by one person's needs or wants. The only exceptions being your daughters. Miranda always made you feel that way. You left just when I thought you were done for and you would turn into another Miranda worshipper. I figured out why you left eventually." Nigel smiled again and Andy just stared at him her mouth agape and eyes wide.
James chuckled next to her and shook his head, "I actually did not see that one coming."
Isabella laughed as well and wrapped her arm around Andy's shoulders, "Nigel is right love. Miranda consumed you at one point. You fell in love with her in the worst possible scenario. She was your boss, your entire day was centered on what Miranda needed or wanted, but it's not the same as what Sergei did to you though darling."
"She's right Six. Miranda was just being la Priestly. She actually didn't realize how you felt about her until the gala Stephen crashed. There was something about a nickname?" When Andrea nodded Nigel smiled, "She tried to shield you from it all. She always said you were an intelligent girl and she didn't want you to end up like Emily. She saw the passion you had for life and work, once you stepped out of your small town shell and embraced city life and the fashion world. Emily learned her lesson when you went to Paris and she was still here in the hospital. She stopped worshipping Miranda, the icon, and started working harder and smarter for Miranda the woman. She gave the new seconds a harder time than Miranda did because none of them lived up to 'Andrea standards'. Eventually she found Brittany or Andy Jr. as we joked. Shortly after she took my job and I moved on to where I am now. Miranda never fully got over you leaving. She didn't know why until, well I believe it was Caroline and Cassidy who made her realize that she was in love with you."
Andrea gasped and looked up at Nigel who just nodded with a small smile playing on his lips. James laid his hand on her knee and gave it a gentle squeeze. Isabella chuckled and kissed her temple, "Yes dear, Miranda is in love with you. Anyone around the two of you together knows it. She just doesn't know how to tell you. She's never loved another woman before Andrea. You knew long before you met Miranda Priestly that you were a lesbian. She didn't know she was attracted to females until you walked into her life. I am sure even now she's confused about it. Question is what are you two going to do about it?"