#19 Hate

Light used to be so certain of the things he hated.

The way the law could be ignored. Ineffective.

The way innocent people were made to suffer.

That no-one wanted to do anything about it.

And L.

God damn L.

And now the final humiliation, to be a suspect of mass murder and chained to the world's three greatest detectives, embodied in one man.

Light sighed to himself as he watched the hands on the clock tick around slowly. Preparing himself mentally for another night with L.

They slept in the same bed now, originally it had been two singles, but they rapidly discovered that ended up with one or the other of them on the floor in the night, so a double it was.

Matter of fact, the only time Light found himself happily free of the repellent man was during those blessed few minutes when the two of them took their turns in the shower, and even then, those damn cameras kept their eternal stares upon him.

It caused him some curiosity that L would be so modest about bathing as to want to do it separately. Of course Light was aware that Europe (he was fairly sure that was where L was at least raised, if not born) had differing attitudes to communal bathing, but it wasn't as though L had gone out of his way to appear normal so far.

He sighed as he left the shower room, feeling L clip the handcuff back around his wrist instantly; the other silvery bracelet clipped neatly over the door handle of the bathroom as L scurried inside.

Light gave a deep sigh, stretching his limbs and rubbing the towel around his neck through his hair, contemplating, as he often did in these quite moments, what exactly he did know about the mysterious L.

Well, what he suspected, anyway.

He was from Europe originally, that must Light was prepared to take a guess at. Something in the way he pronounced the odd word now and then was enough for Light to be sure of that.

He wasn't just a hermit, the man was shy. Light was assuming that based on his reactions to bathing, having to share a bed.

As he ran through these few but significant facts, Light moved to sit on the floor and lean against the door he was chained to, he often did.

But tonight, something was different.

The lock hadn't been snapped into place. Light's wieght was all that was needed to push the bathroom door open with a soundless swing, sending Light sprawling to the white tiled floor, his head tipped backwards enough for him to stare directly up into the shocked and horrified face of L.

Of half-naked L, with wide, horrified black eyes.

And it occurred to Light that L, as a man, most certainly should not have breasts.

There was a girlish scream, and Light realised it was coming from L with some surprise.

And then the next thing he knew Watari had burst in, pulling Light from the bathroom and unceremoniously chaining the boy to the bed-post.

In the hours of silence that followed, Light's mind worked.

L was a girl.

He hadn't seen that coming. L was the least-feminine woman Light had ever met.

He recalled the bandages he had spied on the sink before being removed from the bathroom and frowned. She strapped her chest.

Why would L wish to pretend to be a man? And a pretty damn repulsive one at that?

Surely she ought to be proud, not many women could get to her level and stay there. Crime investigation was a male-dominated profession. It didn't make sense for the logical man – woman to behave like that.

The door opened slowly. There she was with her eyes cast down, fully dressed in the same baggy shirt (that made a lot more sense now) and plain jeans.

"Light-kun will please not tell anyone."

That voice… he could feel the traces of the male voice in there, but this was different, unforced, soft and tremulous. His mind tried to tell him there was no way that voice was coming from L of all people, but Light ignored it in the face if reality.

"I won't tell anyone providing that you explain why you're pretending to be a man, L." He replied, eyes not leaving her lowered face. She looked so ashamed.

"…I pretend to be male for a very simple reason, Light-kun." That soft voice replied. "L hates being a female."

Light very nearly laughed, it was just such a bizarre situation to be in. "You hate it? Why?"

She lifted her head slowly, and Light was confronted with that same face he saw every moment of the day… but… something about it was different, it had to be. He caught himself thinking that really, she wasn't that bad to look at, she might even be pretty, with a little effort.

She was frowning, but her large black eyes were sad.

"L has to be a man." She began, voice quivering. "Light-kun doesn't realise how difficult it is to gain any respect as a girl. How difficult it is for a girl to be safe in the world L chooses to live in. A girl would be seen as vulnerable, an easy target. Did Light-kun not notice that every person on the task force is male? I doubt that they would ever listen to a little girl's theories on Kira." Her knees bent and she lowered herself into her usual crouch, chewing on her thumbnail hard. "So L had to become a man… because no-one would listen to me if I was a girl." Her eyes slid closed. "And now neither will Light-kun."

Light frowned. "L, how dare you make that assumption about me? I really couldn't care less if you happen to be female or not. You've already proven yourself to be as capable as any man; I don't see why you keep pretending."
Those big, black eyes opened again, and Light saw how scared and uncertain she was behind them. Looking for the trick, the wickedness in his eyes that might tell her he was trying to humiliate her.

Light moved across the floor as far as the handcuff chain would allow, kneeling an arm's length away from L. He reached and took her shoulders, staring hard into her eyes.

"L is L. You're still the world's greatest detective." he spoke calmly. "Aren't you tired of pretending?"

The next day, L appeared in the investigation room with her chest unbound, her voice unaltered, and in a long white tee-shirt/dress, revealing legs that had even Light looking twice.

Light wasn't sure if he hated L anymore.