Disclaimers: Don't own KHR or its characters.
Warnings: fluff, swearing, PTSD.
UN-BETA'ed FOR NOW.
Namimori Hospital, 6.38pm
'It's your fault you're worth nothing. You hear me, brat? You're fucking worthless.'
'That's right. You can't go anywhere because nobody wants you. Right, Hayato?'
'Nobody wants a life-ruining retard like you around.'
...
"Hayato, I love you."
Gokudera stared at Yamamoto in utter confusion, at first not even understanding the words that left Yamamoto's lips. To him, they were just noises. Or words in a foreign language he did not understand. Then, as his brain eventually processed the information, his expression changed to shock. Then disbelief.
Gokudera shook his head slowly, eyeing Yamamoto with a suspicious look – like a cat afraid to creep out from beneath a table. "Yamamoto, I swear to god, if you're lying-"
"You think I am?" Yamamoto tucked a strand of Gokudera's hair behind his ear, "Look at me, Hayato. Do you really think I would lie about this?"
"You've lied about a lot of things." Gokudera mumbled doubtfully. However, even Gokudera himself couldn't deny that those brown eyes of Yamamoto's that intently met his own were filled with nothing but truth. And part of him knew that. But the other part of him – the larger, louder part – just refused to understand it.
You... love me?
You love me. The words sounded alien in his mind. His entire being was not adjusted to hear this. He wasn't brought up to think that he would ever hear it. ...you love me.
But- how? Why? Why would you love me? Why would you love someone like me?
The information just wouldn't – couldn't – sit with Gokudera.
"You-" Gokudera was still lost for words, "...you can't love me."
Yamamoto took Gokudera's hand in his own, "You won't let me?"
"No, it's not that. It's just- there's no way-" Gokudera was staring at their intertwining hands, his voice coming out in a faint whisper. "It's not possible."
Yamamoto held his hand tighter, "Why do you think that?"
"Because-" Gokudera found himself gripping onto Yamamoto as well, "Because-"
Because I'm fucked up. Because I'm worthless.
Because you're so damn perfect, and I don't deserve you.
Because nobody does. Because nobody loves me.
Not even my own dad.
Yamamoto embraced him, and it wasn't until then that Gokudera realized he had been shuddering. Yamamoto's lips were beside Gokudera's ears as he murmured, "I love you."
Gokudera's heart dropped. "...no."
"I love you."
"Shut up. You don't-"
"I love you."
"Stop it. Just-"
"Gokudera Hayato, I love you," Yamamoto cupped the silvernette's cheeks and made Gokudera look into his eyes. Now, more than ever, Gokudera felt like he was drowning in those dark brown eyes. Ironic, how Gokudera always felt like he lived life trying to breathe underwater – and Yamamoto had been fresh air. But now, Yamamoto was the one to suck Gokudera deep into a whirlpool.
And maybe Gokudera didn't mind drowning.
"Please," Yamamoto ran his thumb across Gokudera's cheek, "Believe me."
I'm not asking for much. I'm not asking you to trust me, or to return my feelings. I just need you to believe me.
Gokudera couldn't figure out what he was feeling. One moment, he would be confused. In the next moment, he would feel tears building up behind his eyes and was on the verge of another breakdown. Then, he would feel bitter and untrusting. And just seconds later, he would be ready to hand Yamamoto his life. Emotions clashed within the silvernette, and the turmoil left him with a sickeningly sweet aftertaste.
Emerald eyes flickered back and forth as thoughts ran through Gokudera's head, but none of it seemed to make sense. So in the end, Gokudera stopped trying to comprehend them altogether – and just allowed himself to feel.
Gokudera lifted his hand to join Yamamoto's on his cheek. Then, he closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, slowly.
Yamamoto smelled like rain. A rain in summer. A summer breeze. The warmth of sunshine after a shower. And all of a sudden, Gokudera wasn't conflicted or confused anymore.
I love this guy.
I knew it since before. Wasn't this what it was all about? This whole thing with me and him and Hibari – why he wouldn't let me go when I backed away; why I wouldn't let him leave when he was ready to. I fought to have him by my side, making all those deals, compromising and giving him time...
Wasn't it all for this?
Gokudera's eyes opened, shining as they looked upon Yamamoto. He whispered, "...you love me?"
"Yes," Yamamoto smiled, speaking without hesitation, his chocolate brown eyes melting. "So much."
He loves me. You love me.
For a split second Gokudera thought he felt his heart breaking. But then, he realized it was actually his heart springing to life. Gokudera shook his head, his face splitting into a helpless smile, eyes tearing up but never leaving Yamamoto's. "...you're such an idiot."
Yamamoto chuckled amiably, and Gokudera joined him. And before they knew it, they were laughing together like two children rolling around on a beach, feet submerged in ocean waves, bodies bathing under the warm sun, hair blowing in the sea wind. As the laughter began to die down, Yamamoto's eyes met Gokudera's once more. Then, at the perfect moment – perfect timing, perfect breath, perfect glimpse of their eyes, perfect curve of their smiles – Yamamoto kissed him.
It was one of those kisses one didn't think about – it just happened. Lips touched lips as though drawn by an invisible magnetic attraction, meeting each other airily, swiftly, barely a brush. Yamamoto leaned back and kissed both of Gokudera's cheeks briefly before capturing his lips once again. This time, firmer, longer – emotions finally put into play.
"Mm," Gokudera sighed blissfully, boneless in Yamamoto's arms. One hand loosely hung on the other's shoulders, fingertips grazing along the back of Yamamoto's head and neck.
Yamamoto hummed pleasantly on Gokudera's lips, kissing him time and time again as though he could never get enough of him. With every kiss, Yamamoto grew a little more fervent, and subconsciously, unthinkingly – almost naturally – he gently pressed Gokudera down onto his back on the hospital bed.
At first, Gokudera was still too mesmerized in the spell of Yamamoto's kisses to notice. But as his body recognized the weight and heat on top of it, as well as the pressure of his back being pushed into the mattress, Gokudera immediately broke the kiss with a loud gasp. His emerald eyes flew wide open, and he pushed Yamamoto away with full strength, his arms outstretched to keep as much distance between them as possible.
No. Nononononono- Help. Somebody help. Help. Stop -!
Gokudera's heart was thumping madly in his chest, his breath coming out in short little hysterical hitches. His body was tense, and his hands shook uncontrollably.
Yamamoto, suddenly realizing what he had done, instantly got off from the top of Gokudera's body. "Oh, crap- I'm sorry, Gokudera, I'm so sorry..."
"No," Gokudera murmured, hugging himself into a ball, "I'm okay. I'm okay. Just- give me a moment."
Yamamoto shook his head, "I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking. I never should've-"
"I'm fine," Gokudera's voice was suddenly very sharp, although his nails were still digging into the flesh of his own arms.
Yamamoto sat at the end of the bed and observed Gokudera's crumbling form, "Maybe I should get the nurse-"
"No!" Gokudera actually sprang up into a sitting position this time, green eyes narrowed dangerously at Yamamoto. "I told you I'm fine. It was just a minor... freak out. I freaked out a little bit. That's all."
Yamamoto rolled in his lips. He really did not know how to handle Gokudera when the silvernette acted like this. On one hand, he didn't want to upset Gokudera, but on the other hand, Gokudera needed to know that he, in fact, was not 'fine'. "Gokudera, it's okay. It's normal for you to be uncomfortable with being physically-"
"Don't make a big deal out of this, Yamamoto. If I say I'm fine, then I'm bloody well fine."
"But, Gokudera, you don't have to pretend-"
"Everything is okay. I'm okay. How many times do I have to say this?"
"Just now-"
"I freaked out, alright? It happens. But I'm fine. Don't you dare start acting all crazy cautious around me."
Yamamoto was still deeply unconvinced, "Gokudera-"
Everything happened very quickly after that. The moment Gokudera saw that Yamamoto wasn't going to believe him the silvernette grabbed Yamamoto by the collar, pulled him close, and threw himself over him, knees on both sides of Yamamoto's legs, arms wound around his neck. Then, Gokudera ferociously slanted his lips against Yamamoto's, kissing him hungrily, urgently, tongue and teeth in full action as he arched his petite body seductively against Yamamoto's torso.
Yamamoto was taken aback by the sudden intensity of it all, momentarily frozen in his spot. But Gokudera's lips quickly managed to coax his own into moving and responding, and from then on, everything elevated at an alarming speed. By the time Yamamoto caught his breath again, he was already groaning as Gokudera grinded against him, mouths battling in a heated kiss.
"Wait," Despite being as turned-on as he was, Yamamoto couldn't help but notice that everything was happening all too fast and all too soon. Gokudera was coming on way too strong. And as much as the animalistic, masculine side of his brain enjoyed the entire event, Yamamoto knew there was something not quite right. "Wait, Gokudera-"
Gokudera only bit his neck harshly as a reply, waist still rocking ardently against Yamamoto.
Yamamoto's entire body jolted with desire, but he tried his best to control himself, "Gokudera-! S-slow down..."
"Don't wanna," Gokudera murmured against his skin, seductively licking the spot he just bit. As he pressed his hips against Yamamoto, a satisfied smirk played along his lips. "Looks like you don't wanna slow down, either..."
"Shit." Yamamoto swore under his breath, having an all-out war with his inner self. "Gokudera, I'm serious. Stop."
"Mm?" Gokudera was too busy kissing the back of Yamamoto's ear to listen.
Holy... Yamamoto cursed everything good within him that forced him not to take advantage of the beautiful, lustful, horny creature unwinding on top of him. But at the same time, he clung onto those parts of him as desperately as he could. Yamamoto took one final deep breath, and then – feeling as though he was kicking himself hard where it hurt – gently but firmly pushed Gokudera off him and slid himself off the bed.
Gokudera blinked at him, utterly confused. Yamamoto thought Gokudera looked rather adorable sitting there panting softly with his green eyes wide and clueless. Gokudera frowned a little, "...you were serious about stopping?"
Yamamoto exhaled, still attempting to cool down. "Yeah."
Gokudera ran his hand through his hair, sighing. "What sort of moron pushes away a chance like that?"
"I guess I really am an idiot."
"You are." Gokudera mumbled, "One moment you tell me you love me, then the next, you push me away. It's always the same confusion with you, isn't it? One day you love me, the next day, you love Hibari Kyouya."
"That's not the same thing."
"It isn't, huh." Gokudera felt like he was supposed to be more pissed-off than he actually was, but the anger just wasn't there. Instead, Gokudera just felt sort of... sober. The silvernette sighed once again.
Yamamoto walked over to the side of the bed and gently pecked Gokudera's forehead, before moving down to nuzzle Gokudera's cheek and neck. "Don't make that face. You know why I stopped."
"...I do." And Gokudera did know. He knew Yamamoto too well and trusted him too much for his own good. But because of that, he could understand precisely why Yamamoto refused him.
He wouldn't feel right taking advantage of me. And I won't blame him. Frankly, I'm not the most mentally stable person on earth right now. Even I know that. Of course this baseball idiot would feel obligated to treat me 'right'.
...and, honestly, I don't know how I would have reacted if he went along with it, either. I guess Yamamoto knew that, too.
Yamamoto stopped because he knew that I needed to. He knows me well enough to understand that I needed to stop, and he was good enough – and cared enough – to do it.
Isn't that just like him?
Isn't that what drew me into him?
Like a moth to a flame, a creature of the night was lured towards the light. Gokudera had been aware of this attraction from the beginning. And even if you'll burn me when I get too close, I don't give a damn anymore.
Gokudera leaned into Yamamoto's neck, "...damn you and your stupid morals."
Yamamoto only chuckled softly.
Namimori Hospital, 6.38pm
Hibari Kyouya hated damaging public property. The idea of breaking the rules and destroying something which was meant to be shared by all just didn't sit well with him – this was why Hibari couldn't take his frustrations out on the Hospital's chairs or garbage bins – which was why, when Hibari found a group of color gang underlings smoking just outside of the hospital walls, the Skylark was given the perfect opportunity to release his pent-up fury.
BANG. BANG. BANG-
It wasn't often that Hibari would take on a large group all at once. It was too time consuming, and – like a classroom with too many students – Hibari often felt like he couldn't efficiently get to every individual. However, today, Hibari didn't care that it was a group of eight. He just wanted to hit something. Hit someone. Hit Yamamoto. Hit Gokudera. Hit Dino. Hit his father.
BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG-
Everything in his life was just wrong, wrong, wrong. And after so many years living his life trying to be 'right', Hibari had enough of seeing everything he ever worked for get destroyed. It wasn't fair. The Skylark always worked the hardest, always followed all the rules, always got the best grades, always went to his extra classes, always did what his father told him to, always, always, always...
I've had enough. What's the point of trying so hard?
BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG-
Hibari was just starting on finishing off his seventh opponent when Kusakabe appeared.
"Kyou-san," Kusakabe approached him carefully, resting a hand on the shoulder of Hibari – who was pummeling the poor boy to a coma. Kusakabe was the one who drove Hibari to the hospital in the first place, but it was still a wonder how his second-in-command always managed to locate him as though he had a personal GPS.
"They were smoking," Hibari reasoned simply, not stopping his actions.
"And you've punished them enough," Kusakabe squeezed Hibari's shoulders. "Come on, Kyou-san. It's late. The boarding house is waiting for you."
"Hn," Hibari smacked his tonfa on the delinquent's chin one last time before he dropped the guy to the floor. "Fine."
As they walked together quietly to the car park, Kusakabe began, "Kyou-san, may I ask what was the rush to the hospital?"
"Yamamoto Takeshi and Gokudera Hayato had been missing a lot of school," Hibari answered in a detached way, "Gokudera Hayato was sexually assaulted and is admitted here. Yamamoto Takeshi had been taking close care of him."
"The baseball ace?" Kusakabe raised a brow, "But I thought he was-"
Hibari glared at him, which Kusakabe knew as a signal of silence. Then, the Skylark looked straight ahead, allowing no emotion to touch his eyes, "Yes, he was intimate with me, as you were well aware. But things are different now."
Kusakabe immediately felt for his young master, "Kyou-san-"
"I don't want to discuss this any further," Hibari cut him off coldly. Kusakabe nodded, understanding.
When they arrived at the car park, Hibari could not see his car. Instead, there was another car there – a sleek, black sports car which looked excessively grand and expensive. The windows of the car were all blackened with a dark film. Hibari frowned, "Kusakabe, where's-"
"I'm very sorry Kyou-san," Kusakabe bowed his head. Standing beside him was another man, slightly taller, dressed fully in a neat black suit with a neat mustache and neat glasses.
"Who is-" Hibari's tonfas were suddenly stripped away from him by Kusakabe, "!"
The surprise of the event in addition to his previous physical exertion stunned Hibari. This was fortunate for Kusakabe and Romario, because the plan would never had run as smoothly if Hibari had been fully himself – with instincts as fast and sharp as any true predator. It was pure luck that everything the Skylark had gone through today had momentarily transformed him from a panther into a very stubborn house cat.
"My name is Romario," The man introduced himself. "Please, come with me, Kyouya-san."
"What? Who are y- oi!" Hibari immediately threw a punch the moment Romario grabbed his wrist, but Romario caught his punch in his palm – in the way that reminded him of a situation that happened before not so long ago. There were only so many people who could catch his punches like that.
Oh, no. Not this. Not him. Not now.
"Please get into the car, Kyouya-san," Romario tried to usher Hibari towards the car, but the prefect was so uncooperative that Romario ended up having to pick up his petite form. Hibari had never felt so helpless, but he could do nothing to the older man. Romario was obviously incredibly skilled at physical combat – on a level that was different to the self-taught and semi-trained fighting that Hibari was used to.
"Let me- Kusakabe! What is going on?" Hibari glared at his second-in-command.
"I'm only doing this in your best interests, Kyou-san," Kusakabe said, and bowed politely once again.
Hibari wanted to yell at him. Who does Kusakabe think he is to disobey him like this? But before he could say anything else, Romario had already put the Skylark inside the car and shut the door. Hibari tried to reopen it, but found that it was locked from the outside. He thumped at the window once in frustration.
"You're always so stubborn, Kyouya."
Hibari snapped his head around at the voice and found himself face to face with the one man he least wanted to see at that moment. The Skylark narrowed his eyes, "Dino."
Dino smiled at him apologetically, "I'm sorry I had to do this. But you refused to see me, I had no other choice."
"I refused because I didn't want to see you," Hibari crossed his arms. One quick glance around the car and Hibari could hear the words 'mafia' ringing in his head. The interior was practically all-black. The driver compartment was separated from the compartment he was sitting in with a dark screen that Hibari could bet was sound-proof.
"You're still angry at me," Dino noted.
"I'm tired of being angry." At you. At him. At them. At everyone and everything.
"But you are."
"Hn." Hibari had nothing to say to that. I'm just... tired.
Dino moved closer, and Hibari didn't move away. There was no point in moving away, he knew Dino would eventually get to him in this closed-space. They were in a car, for god's sake. It would be fair to say that Hibari's choices for escape were limited.
"Your eyes are red," Dino observed quietly.
"Hn."
"...who hurt you?"
Not 'were you crying?', not 'why were you crying?', not 'are you hurt?'. Dino already had the answers to all those questions. That's how well he knows me.
"No one," Hibari shrugged.
"Don't lie, Kyouya."
"I don't want to talk about it."
"You never do when it hurts you."
"Shut up." Hibari turned away. He was sick of talking to Dino already. Hell, he was sick of being around Dino in general. And he was sick of trying to do anything about it.
Dino sighed. "Come here."
"What? No-!" Hibari struggled when Dino pulled him into his arms, but Hibari was tired, it had been a long day, and Dino had grown much stronger with all his mafia training. By the time Dino had tucked Hibari's arms safely behind his back and had folded him into his own arms, Hibari gave up struggling.
"That was easier than I expected," Dino commented. "Not that I mind."
"...do whatever you want. I don't care anymore."
"I'm not going to do anything other than hugging."
"If you're thinking this will comfort me-"
"No. I'm just scared you'll slip away."
"I can't. I'm locked in your car." Hibari stated matter-of-factly, mentally rolling his eyes.
"I know." Dino said, but he still would not release Hibari from his embrace. Dino's nose was buried into the back of his neck, and the warm breath from Dino's lips raised goose bumps along Hibari's arms.
The car began moving, and Hibari glanced at Dino accusingly. "You're kidnapping me."
"Yeah... I am," Dino admitted, tracing the tip of his nose down the back of Hibari's ear.
Hibari shivered, "How very mafia-like of you."
"Anything to get what I want," Dino said, holding him closer.
Hibari tried to ignore him, "...where are you taking me?"
"Guess," Dino said, nuzzling the crook of Hibari's neck.
"How would I know? And stop that."
Dino continued to nuzzle, "You do. You've been there before. With me."
Hibari had gone to many places with Dino, but somehow, only one place stuck out in his mind at this moment – and the Skylark knew deep inside that this was definitely where Dino was taking him. It was the place where they spent the most nights together, the place where Hibari finally confessed, the place where they first made love, the same place Hibari saw Dino last before he disappeared from his life.
The location was so filled with memories between the two of them, it was terrifying. And Hibari knew that was exactly why Dino would bring him there.
"You know, don't you?" Dino murmured. "You remember?"
Hibari remained silent, not wanting to give anything away – not wanting Dino to know that he never forgot. Not even for a day. "I don't want to remember."
Dino pressed his lips on the back of Hibari's neck, long and firm, the warmth scorching right down the Skylark's spine.
"You will."
Dino's Vacation House, 10.41pm
Hibari did remember – frustrating as it was. In fact, the Skylark remembered the place so well he even knew where to look for the wall-clock on reflex. Looking at the furniture – placed exactly at the same spot, same angle – unnerved him with memories he did not want to have. It was all too much, too overwhelming, and Hibari just wanted to leave. But he couldn't, because Dino wouldn't let him, and the Skylark was weary of trying to fly with tied wings.
Tonight, the moon was full. It may be an illusion of some sort, but the moon appeared to be rounder and wider and brighter in the pitch-dark sky. Again, exactly how the Skylark remembered it to be.
Not a single damn thing different, huh. Hibari thought as he stood on the edge of the empty rooftop, leaning dangerously over the bars as he tilted his head upwards to gaze above. He could hear the sounds of crickets chirping in the woods, and the sound of water from a faraway waterfall – the woods where he knew all the trails, the waterfall he'd been in countless of times. It was quite ridiculous how well Hibari memorized every single detail of this place.
"Don't fall," there came the voice the Skylark least wanted to hear. Hibari didn't want to see him, smell the perfume on his skin, or feel his warmth, either. But Dino hugged him from behind, and the Skylark was forcibly consumed by all those senses anyway.
"Speak for yourself," Hibari mumbled, thinking of the many times he'd seen the blonde tumble down a case of stairs, tripping on absolutely nothing. 'Stupid', Hibari always said. But then Dino would flash him that smile – that stupid smile – and make his heart race.
Stop it. Thinking of that will do you no good.
Oblivious to the younger's thoughts, Dino chuckled, pulling the Skylark's waist closer. Hibari could feel hot breath on the back of his neck, and his stomach fluttered unpleasantly. He was so aware – too aware – of where Dino's arms were and how they felt around him.
"I used to do this to you all the time," Dino mused. "Right here, too. You'd be watching something – the birds, the sunset, the moon – and I'd hold you just like this."
Dino's skin was so warm, like a blanket in the cold night.
"Sometimes your hair would still be wet from the shower, and I'd wipe it until it dried. You always had this faint sakura scent about you. Even after you went off somewhere, the smell would still be clinging to my clothes." Dino buried the tip his nose into Hibari's hair, "Even now, exactly the same."
Hibari remained unmoving and silent, even as he felt goose bumps running all over his skin. And it was strange, because Dino was so warm the Skylark couldn't even feel the chill of the night.
"And sometimes you'd fall asleep, right in my arms. I used to sneak in a kiss on your cheeks because you wouldn't let me do that when you were awake," Dino smiled weakly. "Then, I'd carry you to bed and stay with you until morning. Sometimes I slept, but other times I'd lie there for a while next to you and look at you, listen to you. You probably don't know, but occasionally, you talk in your sleep."
Mildly surprised, the Skylark's eyes widened slightly.
"And most of the time," Dino moved his head closer, so that his lips were just lightly grazing Hibari's ear. "You called my name."
Hibari could feel a dark blush spreading right down his neck and to his ears. Something like that...
"Kyouya..." Dino murmured his name, and Hibari shivered. "Do you remember what happened here?"
"No," Hibari said quickly. Not because he didn't remember, but because he didn't want to be reminded. It was too risky, what with them being in this place, the full moon shining, Dino's arms around him with his skin being so, so warm.
"No?" Dino's lips were curled into a sad smile. "Really?"
"No." Hibari said firmly.
"...but I remember," Dino didn't give up. He never did. "It was full moon, just like tonight. We were standing out here, just like this."
Stay strong. Hibari rolled in his lips. Stay. Strong.
"And I kissed you, right here," Dino whispered, pressing his lips to the back of Hibari's ear. "And here," Dino's lips trailed to the nape of his neck, right under his jawline.
"Stop," Hibari closed his eyes, feeling like his walls were being peeled off, layer by layer. And Dino's warmth was coming closer and closer until the Skylark could feel his insides burning.
Dino turned him around, so that they were facing each other. Under the moonlight, Dino looked positively like an angel. A fallen angel. Completely irresistible. With sinful lips whispering his name like a prayer, "Kyouya, do you remember now? Do you remember what you said to me?"
Hibari trembled, unable to meet Dino's eyes. The Skylark was certain he'd be scorched to death if his skin was to heat up any further.
"Kyouya," Dino said once again, tilting Hibari's chin with his finger. The Skylark had no choice but to look into those pools of molten caramel, and was surprised to see how sad they were. Dino didn't have that cheeky little spark in his eyes when he was flirting, nor that heated hungry look he had whenever they were kissing. His eyes were just, simply, sad. Like a puppy that lost its mother. Like a child who was abandoned.
Like a man who was heartbroken.
"You told me you loved me."
Dino's voice was so faint, so weak, so vulnerable; as though he could hardly breathe.
And Hibari's eyes became clouded, and he didn't understand, before he realised they were filled with warm tears. His lips were dry, and his fingertips felt icy cold as if they were frostbitten. The Skylark's chest ached as though his heart was swelling, and if Dino was to say one more word Hibari was sure his heart would burst.
Why do you do this to me? And why am I affected so much by you? Why do I let you do this?
You killed me once. So why am I even considering handing you another gun?
You're only going to use it against me. You're only going to hurt me. You're no good for me. I should just pull the trigger and end this before you can. Shot. Bang. Dead. You'll be gone before I know it and I won't ever have to feel this way again. Without you, nothing would make me weak. Nothing would make me shed a single tear. Nothing would make me feel like you're sticking a dagger through my heart. I will be invincible. Made of iron. Unbreakable. Unshakable. Strong-
"You know, Kyouya..." Dino's eyes were watery, his hands on Hibari shaking just slightly. "...I love you. I really, really love you."
...lonely. Miserable.
Damn it.
Damn it. Damn it, Dino. Damn you.
Hibari didn't even realise he was shaking his head. Dino was so close, too close. His eyes too clear for the Skylark to see, his warmth just a stretch away, his lips mere centimeters from Hibari's own. As those words resonated in his mind, Hibari's heart was on the verge of collapsing.
"Please," Dino was speaking, but Hibari's mind was too overwhelmed to register what he was saying. Dino's fingers were tracing his cheeks, setting fire to his senses. Those fingertips came to touch his lips, and Hibari sharply twisted his face away. Dino looked hurt, "You don't have to forgive me right now. I'll make it up to you, I swear. I'll spend my whole life making it up to you. You don't even have to say anything. But, please, just... just let me kiss you."
Hibari didn't know it, but for Dino, this was his last chance. If Hibari was to push him away this time, Dino would finally let him go. Because if Hibari refused him here after everything he said, in this place where Dino knew they were most in love, it would mean that there was no chance for them anymore. It would mean that Hibari didn't care for him any longer. It would mean that there was not a single part left in Hibari that still loved him. And it would kill Dino, but he would let the Skylark go. Because he knew that it would be the best thing for Hibari, and Dino loved him enough to do so.
As for Hibari, he hesitated. Why was Dino asking him this, after all this time? If Dino had just kissed him, Hibari knew he wouldn't have a single ounce of power in him to refuse. If Dino had just forced him, Hibari would be boneless in his arms. But instead...
He's giving me a choice. It suddenly occurred to the Skylark. Of course, Dino was giving him a choice – a chance to escape and be free of him. And by doing that, Dino showed that he respected Hibari and his decision. Because he knows how important it is for me. Because he knows how much I hate to be restricted by others.
For a short moment, Hibari thought about refusing, because that was the sensible thing to do – the safe way to go. But then the idea of losing Dino forever came over him like a tidal wave and Hibari found that he couldn't breathe. The mere thought of living without this person drew all breath out of his lungs. That alone, made the decision for the Skylark.
Screw it. I don't care for being sensible anymore. Since when was I some coward who always took the safe path? Since when did I become so scared, so weak?
He's staying. I don't care what happens, but he's not going anywhere. Not now, not again. No matter how great the risk may be, no matter how much more I'll have to suffer...
He's worth it. Dino's worth it.
"Hn," Hibari finally nodded, and before he knew it Dino's lips were on his own, kissing him as though he was the most important thing in the entire world.
"Kyouya... Kyouya..." Dino whispered his name breathlessly between kisses as though in worship, his lips cherishing Hibari's in ways that made the Skylark light-headed and weak in the knees. Dino's arms were all around him, his fingers in his hair, his breath warm and sweet. And even though Hibari hadn't given Dino any more permission than just to kiss him, all the time, Hibari couldn't help but think...
...finally.
Lancia's House, 3.58am
GASP.
Gokudera woke in a half-scream. Sweat beaded on his forehead, his breath labored. Still panicking, he scanned the room. It was his first night out of the hospital and he was back in his room at the Dynamite's HQ, but it wasn't until his eyes lay on the person sleeping beside him that Gokudera relaxed.
"Yamamoto," Gokudera whispered his name, snuggling closer to him. Of course, the silvernette was hardly ever this affectionate when Yamamoto was awake, but in these moments, Gokudera allowed himself to do what he wanted. Gokudera was thankful that Yamamoto received permission to stay over with him at Lancia's, because the silvernette would honestly find it a struggle to wake up and not see his 'safety blanket' right beside him.
Funny, how four days of having Yamamoto almost permanently by his side and already Gokudera couldn't imagine how he would manage without him. At this rate, I'll end up becoming this idiot's clingy stalker. Gokudera imagined the situation, and had to smile when he realized Yamamoto wouldn't really mind stalker-Gokudera all that much. The baseball nut would probably accept the attention with open arms and a stupid smile. That's the type of idiot you are. The thought made Gokudera chuckle quietly, lightly bumping his forehead against Yamamoto's.
"If you're gonna make out, wait until I fall asleep again, 'kay?" A lazy voice droned out from the futon on the ground.
"...hm?" Gokudera turned around to see his roommate's wide eyes looking up at him. "Spanner. You're up?"
"Mm-hm," Spanner yawned, "The downsides of being a shallow-sleeper."
"...sorry," Gokudera grumbled when he realized Spanner probably woke up because of all his thrashing around moments ago.
"No worries," Spanner waved him off, "As long as you're not copulating with Yamamoto Takeshi, other noises are fine by me."
"You'll be watching everything anyways," Gokudera smirked, "Voyeur."
"Only for educational purposes," Spanner reasoned nonchalantly.
"What?" Gokudera laughed incredulously, "What educational purposes?"
"Oh, you know, it'll be quite useful to study Yamamoto Takeshi's techniques and the effects it may have on your body, which will be applicable to Shouichi and-"
"O-KAY! Okay, okay..." Gokudera looked petrified, "TMI much?"
"You asked."
"Right," Gokudera rolled his eyes. No point in arguing with this mechanical freak of logic. Emerald eyes glanced at the sleeping form beside him. Yamamoto slept with the face of a sleeping puppy, and Gokudera couldn't help but allow a slow smile to spread along his lips. Unlike you – your logics swing from being non-existent to logics so pure and true they belong to a child.
Spanner watched Gokudera watch Yamamoto. Quietly, he mumbled, "He really loves you, y'know."
Gokudera turned to look at him, "Why do you say that?"
"I can see it. The way he looks at you," Spanner shrugged, "It's what I predict is how I look at Shouichi."
"Hm," Gokudera hummed. He'd seen how Spanner looked at Shouichi, and although he would never admit it, Gokudera was rather envious. Spanner's eyes always followed Shouichi and gazed at him as though he was the most amazing, most perfect creature that belonged in his arms. They were two parts to one machine, opposite magnetic poles, an antagonistic pair of muscles, fitting together as a pair of lens would fit into a frame of glasses. Yamamoto and I... are we like that as well? Gokudera found it hard to believe with all the stumbles in their relationship.
"And, come on, he wouldn't be here if he doesn't," Spanner rolled onto his front, "He's been with you practically 24/7."
"Hm."
"Why do you doubt his feelings? I think they're pretty obvious."
"It's not that I doubt what he feels for me," Gokudera shook his head, "It's what he feels for someone else as well that threatens me."
"Threatens you?"
"Yeah. Threat. He's a threat," Gokudera mumbled. He's a threat, because I'll freeze over and shatter when he leaves – because without him, I'll be in pieces.
"But if you think about it," Spanner mused, "He's sort of a good threat, isn't he?"
"What do you mean?"
"He's only a threat because he matters," Spanner explained. "And that's better than not having a threat at all."
Slowly, the message sunk into Gokudera. Spanner has a point. He raised an eyebrow, "...you're surprisingly deep for someone who practically lives in the garage."
Spanner shrugged, "I have Shouichi there with me."
"Psh," Gokudera threw a pillow at him. "Stop gloating."
"I'm not."
"Shut up, Spanner. Go to sleep."
Spanner grinned. Gokudera threw another pillow at him, but it didn't wipe the cheeky grin of his face. It annoyed Gokudera – mostly because he couldn't help but be insanely jealous of the relationship Spanner and Shouichi shared.
Why is it so easy for them? Gokudera wondered, as he rolled back to face Yamamoto. And why is it so hard for us? What's the difference? Because you have Hibari Kyouya? Because we started off badly? Because we live in different worlds? Gradually, as thoughts consumed him, Gokudera became obsessed with the idea of finding a proper answer. Somehow, the ultimate answer must exist.
Because you shine in the light whilst I lurk in the dark? Because your dad couldn't be any better whilst my father couldn't be any worse? Because you were raised with the sound of laughter and I was raised in the stench of alcohol? Because you see the best in people and I expect the worst?
Maybe it's because we're too different. We were never meant to meet, never meant to be, aren't we? Maybe- maybe the only thing holding us together now is what that horrible bastard did to me.
Takumi. Takumi, Takumi, Takumi.
You disgusting, horrible, horrible bastard.
It might be you – what you did – that brought Yamamoto back to me. But because of that, I'll never trust him to stay. What you did – it corrupted me. I don't know how low I'll stoop to keep him here. I don't know what I'll do to him to tie him down to me. As long as your memory lives in me, I'll never trust him.
As long as your memory lives in me.
As long as you live in my memory.
As long as you live.
As long as you live, Takumi.
...as long as you live.
In the dark of the night, emerald eyes grew darker still.
A/N: Lateness is inexcusable D: Although I mean it when I say this time I have a good reason – university applications and all that. I'm really sorry guys...
So, we broke the 300 reviews mark! :D Thank you soooo much! I cannot even express how grateful I am and how much I appreciate all of your support! I love, love, LOVE reading all of your reviews, and it's what pushed me to write this chapter :D *cuddles*
Special thanks to Phoenix of Starlight who never gave up on me even when I was horribly AWOL. This update is for you, darling!
Please review and let me know what you think of this chapter! Or just yell at me for being late/threaten me to update faster :P Trust me, I need the motivation. Love ya'll! x