WARNING: Slight mention of sexual abuse to a child.
Disclaimer in ch. 1
A/N: Unbeta'd All mistakes my own.
Chapter 19:
"Mommy... Randa wake up! The nice police ladies are here!"
Lexxi's voice pulled Andy from her sleep and she sat up in bed her body coming to full alert as she looked at her daughter's smiling face just inside her bedroom door.
"I wasn't dreaming?" she whispered her heart beat calming as she realized she was indeed awake and looking at her baby girl in their home.
"No sweetheart, it wasn't a dream." Miranda said from next to her.
Andy looked down at the blue eyed beauty lying next to her and smiled. Covering a yawn she stood up and moved to kiss Lexxi's hair, "You run and tell the nice detectives that I will be down shortly Princess. Mommy needs to get dressed and do something really fast... and ask Irene to fix up some coffee for me alright?"
"I will in a minute Mommy." Lexxi said as she ran over and jumped on Andrea's bed to greet Miranda.
Andrea watched the older woman interacting with her daughter and noticed how right it felt to see them there like that. She smiled as Miranda sat up tickling Lexxi causing the small brunette to squeal with laughter. Chuckling herself Andrea made her way into the master bath to relieve her bladder and have a quick shower.
Standing in front of her the mirror with her toothbrush between her lips Andy peeked out into the bedroom to locate Miranda. She found the woman standing before her closet door fixing the belt she had just looped through her black Citizens. Watching her Andy felt the now familiar warmth she associated with Miranda run through her. Her heart rate picked up slightly and she felt a tantalizing heat swirl low in her stomach. Turning back to the sink she finished brushing her teeth before grabbing the black case that held her make-up. Checking once more over her shoulder she opened the hidden compartment and took out a small red velvet box. She opened it and stared down at the jewelry inside and felt a nervousness that she knew had no grounds but she couldn't rid herself of.
Taking a deep breath Andy left the bathroom and walked over to Miranda wrapping her arms around the elegant woman and resting her chin on the smooth skin of her shoulder. Their eyes locked in the mirror and Andy smiled running her fingertips lightly over Miranda's toned stomach, loving the way the muscles there flexed beneath them. She felt and saw Miranda relax against her a soft smile forming on her lips.
"I have something I want to give you." Andy whispered after a few minutes.
Miranda turned in her arms and frowned, "Why do you sound so nervous about it darling?" she asked.
Andy chuckled shaking her head wondering how she could forget how well Miranda knew her. She shrugged and pulled her lover across the room and sat her on the edge of the bed.
"I honestly couldn't tell you. I mean you would think after all this time I would be... calmer. It's just well... you're you and I am me... and things never really go the way I plan. Of course there is always the issue of you not liking it or something and -" the rest of her words were cut off as soft lips met her own.
"You're rambling dearest." Miranda whispered against her lips with a smile.
Andy took a deep breath and nodded, "Yes... I was. Well anyway just... sit there." she said moving away from the bed and the love of her life to pace the floor.
She paced back and forth for a few minutes her mind running in circles going over every possible way this could turn out. Her thoughts turning to the impromptu marriage proposal last night and the reaction Miranda had after it was out, she sighed heavily and turned to the woman sitting regally in her jeans and lacy red bra on the bed they had shared every night over the last week and a few occasions before.
Andy smiled and took the box out of her pocket and sat it next to Miranda. Watching her lover's eyes dart between the box and herself she chuckled softly, "I said something to you last night in the art studio and before you could answer me Lexxi woke up from a nightmare and I left... before you say anything there is something I need to get out. While the timing was… is… was all wrong the sentiment is not," she paused and took a deep breath before sitting next to Miranda and taking her soft cool hands into her own.
"Over the last few months we've formed this relationship that has been both wonderful and scary. I have never felt for anyone what I feel for you Miranda, not even the man I married, and that terrifies me and thrills me at the same time. When I could remember nothing more than my name there were parts of you that still with me`. There are things about me that you still don't know and I want to change that but... I fear how things will change when you know everything there is to know about my life. My past is not a pretty one. As you saw this past week and years ago in Paris, bad things seem to happen to me. I need to know that you will not be one of those bad things. I want to marry you and spend the rest of my life with you and our children but I will not put my girls through the pain of losing another parent. As well, I will not put myself at risk of abandonment again. My parents left me and took my family along with them and that was while I was around Caroline and Cassidy's age. When I decided to go to Paris with you... my best friends abandoned me along with Nate and a few other people that were in my life at the time.
"There is a pattern of abandonment in my life and before you give me an answer I want you to think about what I am asking. I am asking you for marriage but I am also asking you to stay with me... Miranda... for the rest of our lives... I am asking you to be that person I can depend on when I can't depend on anyone else. You've become an integral part of our lives and I want it to stay that way but I cannot risk my babies... or myself. To lose you now would be devastating... to have you walk away from me at a later time would damn near kill me and I will not take that risk. I am sorry if that sounds harsh but I have to think about my girls and Isabella. They are all I have in this world and I cannot put them through something like that. I can't allow you further in if you are going to break what is left of me. My children have already lost their father and I cannot put myself in a position where they could lose me as well. Think about it if you need to... I will wait because I need to know that you are sure about this, about me… about us. I love you Miranda Leanne Priestly and I will continue to love you until my dying day... but if I have to let you go, I will do so." Andy said finally letting her eyes drop from Miranda's to stare blankly at their still joined hands.
The silence that followed made Andrea uncomfortable and more than a little scared. She inhaled deeply and closed her eyes focusing on something other than the fear that was making its way through her body. Miranda was completely still next to her so much so that if she had not been still holding her hands she would have thought the older woman had vanished. Slowly she pulled her hands away from Miranda's and stood up, "I am going to see what the detective needs, you should join us when you are ready." she stated allowing her eyes to fall on the woman still seated on the bed and smiled a small smile, "The ring is yours no matter your answer."
Without a backwards glance Andrea silently left the room and made her way down the stairs in search of the detectives.
Miranda sat on her love's bed in the beautifully decorated room in a house that had become a second home to herself and her girls thinking over everything Andrea had said to her and the time they had spent together since she returned from Italy. She picked up the small jewelry box running her fingers over the soft velvety texture wondering if she was ready to promise forever to the younger woman. She knew she loved Andrea, that much was undeniable and she knew that Andrea loved her as well she just could not for the life of her understand why.
Dropping the still unopened box back to the bed she stood and finished dressing and made her way to the bedroom her oldest had claimed as her own when they decided to stay at the DeMarzio house until things settled down. Opening the door she was surprised to find both of her daughters awake and sitting huddled together on the bed whispering softly. She cleared her throat causing clear smiling blue eyes so much like her own to shoot over to her and she smiled entering the room shutting the door behind her.
"Morning my darlings, sleep alright?" she asked moving to sit with them.
"Morning Mom," Caroline said smiling brightly and nodding her head.
"What's wrong?" Cassidy asked her, completely ignoring her inquiry.
Miranda sighed to herself shaking her head slightly, "Nothing is wrong sweetheart I just need to speak with you both about something very important." she said.
The girls exchanged a look and then turned worried eyes on her and she smiled at them before holding out the small red box Andrea had left with her. She heard twin gasps and remained silent waiting for the inevitable questions she was sure would follow. She was not disappointed.
"Oh my god! Who is that for?" Cassidy asked.
"Are you proposing to Andy?" Caroline inquired.
"When did you get that?" Cassidy demanded.
"Why didn't you tell us?" Caroline and Cassidy asked together the tone of their voices and the look in their eyes going from happy laughter to hurt.
Miranda shook her head and quickly explained to them the events of last night and this morning leaving out nothing important knowing that her daughters would never forgive her if she lied to them. It was during that conversation that she realized just how much her girls had grown up and just how mature they were to be so very young in age still. Cassidy the more observant and sensitive of the two picked up on her indecision first and glared at her in a perfect imitation of herself.
"You are such an idiot Mom!" she nearly shouted.
"Cass!" Caroline exclaimed her eyes as wide as saucers.
"No Caroline, she is." Cassidy said looking at her sister briefly. "Mom, I love you... you know that but come on you have to stop this. Andy loves you... I mean really loves you and you let her walk out of that room without an answer! She's probably downstairs now beating herself up over this! She's fragile Mom... very fragile. You were so out of sorts when she first came back and couldn't remember you... you've been in love with her for years and you know it just as well as I do. I've watched you and I've watched her and you are going to break her if you let your insecurities come between you. She loves YOU. She doesn't need your name or your money and she is still here. The usual arguments won't work this time. You have to get over this fear you have of letting people in or you're not only going to lose Andy but those two little girls you consider your own as well. "
Miranda stared at her daughter as tears slowly made their way down the teens soft pale cheeks and felt her heart clinch in her chest. She opened her mouth to speak but Cassidy stopped her.
"No... Don't. Please just think about this alright. Andy has lost just about everyone that has ever meant anything to her and I promise you she is down there thinking she's about to lose you. Her parents abandoned her because she's a lesbian. Her mother died and she didn't know it until years later! Her father completely erased her from his life and never looked back. She lost her friends because she refused to leave you even when you were too blind to see what was going on with both her and yourself. Her husband died Mom... he died. The only person she could remember being in love with and loving her, died and left her with two children to bring up on her own. Although he didn't choose to leave her, he did and now you are allowing her to believe you are going to do the same thing." Cassidy told her, her voice softer now and her tone calming slightly.
Miranda sighed and pondered what her daughter said knowing that she was right. She hadn't known why Andrea didn't have her parents around or why she never spoke of her family beyond her children and Isabella and she never thought to ask her. As she thought about what Andrea said and what Cassidy had just told her Miranda felt her heart break for her young lover. Tears formed in her eyes as she looked at the box still sitting in her hands and thought of the woman that gave it to her.
She felt two sets of arms wrap around her and gladly hugged her children in return enjoying the comfort they brought to her. Her tears slowly eased off until they stopped completely and she hugged her girls to her chest kissing each of them softly on the temple before she let her arms fall to her sides.
"Thank you Cassidy." she whispered to her youngest child her eyes showing her love and gratitude.
Caroline took the small velvet box from Miranda's palm and opened it. She gasped at the sight her eyes widening, "Mom have you looked at this ring?" she asked in an awe filled whisper.
Miranda shook her head and held out her hand for the box. Her mouth dropped open as she stared at the platinum ring with a large dark blue diamond surrounded by smaller white pear shaped and black cushion cut diamonds. The ring was breathtaking and looked to be a smaller yet perfect replica of the infamous Hope Diamond pendant with only a slight difference in the color and placement of the smaller diamonds. Gently taking the ring from the box, Miranda held it between her thumb and forefinger admiring it in silent amazement at the beauty and sentiment behind the choice of ring.
"She knows you well." Caroline said quietly.
Miranda nodded and handed the ring to Cassidy when she held her hand out. She watched her daughter rotate the ring in her fingers and smile brightly, "She engraved it. Look."
Leaning over along with Caroline, Miranda looked to where Cassidy was pointing to see that the ring was in fact engraved. She read the phrase on the ring and felt her heart stutter in her chest as they ran around through her mind.
Together… We Live on Hope… Together… Forever… We Live on Hope… Together
It was a non-stop chant dancing around her brain and ingraining itself in her heart and soul. She knew what her answer was and she had a feeling she knew what it was all along. From the day she had first laid eyes on Andrea Sachs in her office at Runway years ago the young woman had been constantly in her thoughts. The 'smart fat girl' had wormed her way into Miranda's heart without a warning and she would not be budged from her place there. Sitting there on the bed with her daughters she realized that she truly did not want to lose Andrea again, now or ever.
Miranda looked at her daughters, placed the ring back into its box, and stood up slowly, "I do believe there is an answer that I need to give Andrea." she said softly.
Cassidy and Caroline exchanged worried looks and Miranda laughed softly, "No need to worry my darling girls, I am not going to let her get away from us again." she said kissing them both and walking out of the room.
Andrea frowned and looked at Olivia as if she had multiple heads, "You want me to go back there?" she asked softly her mind refusing to believe that the detective was asking her to return to that cabin where those bastards held her daughter.
"There is something you should really see Andy... before it comes out somewhere else." Jo said her voice calm and soothing.
Andy shook her head pinching the bridge of her nose, "Please just tell me what it is you found."
The detectives exchanged a look and then Olivia finally spoke, "There was a hidden door in one of the back bedrooms of the cabin... what we found on the other side of that door is very disturbing."
"Disturbing how?" Isabella asked coming into the library with coffee for everyone.
Taking cups from the tray and thanking Isabella the detectives turned back to Andrea, "There were pictures, cut outs, drawings, articles, and videos of you everywhere from as far back as your college years. We found some equipment that I don't want to guess the use of and pharmaceuticals we are still identifying. Photos of both Rory and Lexxi that have never been seen by the public or in any of your family albums were found as well." Jo said her eyes never leaving Andrea's face.
Andrea froze feeling the blood drain from her face as she stared wide eyed at Jo and then Olivia, "Are you saying... he's been stalking me?" she asked softly after a long tense silence.
Jo simply nodded and Andy felt the air leave her lungs as her mind tried to process what she was hearing. The fact that the man she had lived with for years was not who he appeared to be was not really that much of a surprise after what he'd done this past week. Still she could not wrap her mind around what her girls had to do with any of this. As that thought went through her mind Andrea felt her blood run cold, "Oh my god... Jo... the pictures of the girls..." she stopped unable to put the thoughts into worlds without bile rising in her throat.
Seemingly understanding the question, Olivia stood and squatted in front of Andrea holding tightly to her hand, "Andy, breathe please. There were no photos of the Rory in any state of undress. A few of them both in their swimsuits on a beach and a few photos of Lexxi in ball gowns and pageant dresses from this past week." she told her slowly, "While she is in different stages of undress every photograph has her in at least panties so there are no nude pictures. We know she was kept medicated and asleep for most of the week and that Mr. Thompson tied her up when she was awake after she tried to run away the first night he was there."
Andy felt her anger flare hotly for a moment and then took a few deep steadying breaths. She knew about Lexxi being made to model and change for Christian since her daughter had mentioned the blond man making her change and bathe while he watched. Her thoughts came to an abrupt stop and her anger flew up swiftly as Jo's words reached her ears.
"Andy there were some compromising photographs of yourself, your late husband, and-"
"Do NOT say it! Jesus Jo!" Andy said jumping out of her seat and pacing the length of the library. "This is insane. What the hell does he want from me! Why is he so interested in my life? He walked away from me not the other way around."
Jo and Olivia exchanged glances, "What do you mean he walked away from you?"
Andy sighed and stared at the ceiling, "Before I left for Paris... Nate and I broke up because he couldn't deal with my working at Runway and always choosing Miranda over him. It's not that I was actually choosing Miranda at that point but I was choosing to keep my job. I mean Miranda was my boss, yes I was in love with the woman but I was not actively pursuing anything with Miranda. She was way out of my league and I knew that. Hell I never even considered the fact that Miranda would be interested in me except to ask where her coffee was. The last night I spoke to Nate he was pissed because I told him I was going to Paris instead of Emily and he went off saying something about calls and relationships. Miranda called right after that and he rolled his eyes at me before walking away. I had not seen nor heard from him until the night of the opening and he grabbed Lexxi shaking her around." she told them running a hand through her hair.
"While that does seem unusual it does explain the amount of hatred he feels towards Miranda. It also explains why he kept repeating that the bitch had to pay for hurting you." Jo said thoughtfully.
Olivia nodded, "What about your history with the other man?" she asked.
"Mm... I met him while working for Miranda. He would show up at different places I was at. James's, Lily's show, twice he had the nerve to show up at the restaurant Nate was working at the time, the museum, Paris... we slept together once while in Paris. It was a drunken one night stand but... it happened. I think I saw him once while in Italy as well but I was unaware of who he was due to the lack of memory." Andy said moving to the far desk.
"Ok... Andy, we need to talk to Lexxi. I know how hard this is but we need to know what happened after they took her from the school." Olivia said softly.
Andy stiffened and shook her head, "No... Please, no. She's been through enough Olivia. I don't want to make her relive all of this." she cried.
"Listen Andy," Jo said moving to stand just before her, "if this were my daughter I would never want to put her through this either. I could not imagine what I would do if someone took my Chloe but I do know that I would want to know if someone hurt her in any way. We were so busy searching the house and questioning Mr. Cooper that we didn't get around to talking to Lexxi last night."
Andy stared at Jo tears falling from her eyes and dropping from her chin to her chest. Her mind was telling her it was the logical thing to do but her heart was screaming out for her to protect her baby. She saw the compassion and understanding in the detective's green eyes and sighed nodding slightly, "Alright but if you hurt her Jo... so help me I will hurt you, cop or not." she said her voice low and cold.
Jo nodded and Andrea looked to Isabella, "Momma would you get Lexxi for me please." she asked softly.
"Of course dear heart and I'll have Kat take the other girls out. Before you say no I will have two of our guards with them at all times but they should not be here while Lexxi relives this week. I'll be in my study if you need me. I love you sweetheart. Be strong for your daughter." Isabella said before walking out of the room.
"Mommy? Nana said you wanted to talk to me?" Lexxi said softly coming into the library with Miranda just behind her and effectively ending the silence that had descended upon the room.
"Yes I did munchkin. C'mere." Andy said holding her arms out to her daughter.
Lexxi quickly moved to her mother and climbed up on her lap, "What's wrong Mommy? You look sad." she asked innocently.
Andy smiled at her little girl and kissed her forehead before leaning her own against it looking her daughter straight in her large brown eyes, "Jo and Olivia want to talk to you Princess. Mommy's going to be right here with you and at any time if you don't want to talk anymore you tell me and they will stop. Ok?" she said.
Lexxi bit her lip in what Andy knew was a nervous habit both her girls had picked up from her and that small gesture tore at her heart. She did not want to do this to her but she knew that Jo was right and she needed to know what happened just as much as the police did.
"It will be ok baby. I promise you it will be ok. Mommy is not going to let them upset you." she whispered softly hugging her daughter to her chest.
She felt Lexxi nod against her chest and lifted her eyes to the detectives and then to Miranda asking her with just her eyes to help her get through this. She smiled slightly when the elegant woman moved to sit next to her taking a hold of her hand.
"Lexxi," Olivia started moving closer to them kneeling in front of the sofa, "can we talk about what happened when you were taken from the school?" she asked her voice soothing and friendly.
Andy tensed slightly squeezing Miranda's hand lightly as she watched her little girl curl into her and look up at her. She nodded slightly letting her know that it was alright. She felt the deep breath her baby girl took before she started telling them what happened over the past week starting with the man grabbing her at the school. She told them how he held her at knife point in the car and made her take off her clothes and put on the ones he had for her. Her voice trembled slightly when she spoke of the conversation that they had heard part of on the tape recorder, which Andy learned was the one she'd given to her when she told her she wanted to be a journalist when she grew up.
When Lexxi started talking about the things that happened at the cabin when she would wake up, Andrea felt her body tremble and Miranda's hand tense in her own. Her heart broke at the fear and pain she heard in her daughter's voice when she told them how Christian had threatened to kill Miranda and Andrea himself if Lexxi didn't do exactly what he told her to. Unknowingly Andrea started crying and tightened her hold on the little girl when her voice trailed off just after she told them about the way the two men kept her tied to a bed post and one of the men would come in at night and touch her in ways that made her feel bad.
Andrea felt her stomach turn as bile rose in her throat and her body shook with rage, disgust, pain, and another emotion that she could not name. She eyed Jo and Olivia over Lexxi's head at the same time moving her daughter to Miranda's lap. She was going to be sick and she refused to do so in front of Lexxi and make her feel worse about what happened. Quickly leaving the library Andy made it to the bathroom just in time to empty her stomach into the toilet. Her throat and eyes burned, her stomach was turning itself inside out, her lungs ached from the lack of oxygen, and she felt the tremors running through her increase in intensity.
When she finally stopped vomiting she stood on wobbly legs and rinsed her mouth out and face off a new found rage rolling through her, setting her blood to boil. She clenched her fist and teeth together trying to get her emotions under control before she returned to the others.
"Andy, let me in." she heard Isabella call through the door. She opened it with a trembling hand and stepped back as the only mother she truly ever had walked in and took her into her arms.
"You have to calm down sweetheart. Lexxi will not talk to the detectives anymore. She's curled up in Miranda's arms crying for you. I know it's hard, believe me I want to castrate the asshole badly, but we have to help Lexxi first." Isabella told her still holding her rubbing soft fingers over her scalp.
Andy nodded slightly breathing in Isabella's spicy scent and letting the familiarity of it comfort her frayed nerves as she forced the images that had started forming in her mind's eye away. She thought instead about the smile her daughter gave her when she came to wake her this morning, she thought about the laughter that fell easily from her lips, and the bright twinkle that her eyes held when she was planning to do something mischievous. Calming slightly Andy let go of Isabella and run her hand over her face before nodding, "Alright."
Andy left the bathroom with Isabella close behind her and went back to the library. Without a word to anyone she made a beeline for Miranda and gently picked her daughter up cradling her against her chest. She whispered soft loving words to her little girl giving her all the comfort she could manage. When she could no longer think of words to say she began to softly sing and rock Lexxi in her arms.
"I am taking her to the Emergency Room to be checked out. I should have done it last night but I was not thinking clearly." Andy said once Lexxi had fallen to sleep.
"We'll go with you and have anything they find put into the police report. I am so sorry about this Andy. No child should have to endure what Lexxi went through and no parent should have to go through what you are. I am going to do everything in my power to make sure these bastards do time and a lot of it." Jo said softly rubbing her back comfortingly.
Andy managed to give her a weak smile and nodded, "Thank you and thank you for making me see reason. As much as it sickens me to know what they did to her I am glad I know and I can help her get past this the best I can." she told the green eyed detective.
"Andrea, the car is waiting and Isabella has already assembled your security detail." Miranda said softly from doorway.
Andrea nodded already moving out of the library and towards the front door. Before she walked out of the house she turned back and looked at Miranda who had not moved from her previous position, "Miranda..." she said softly her eyes pleading with the older woman for what she was unsure.
She hated herself for needing Miranda; she really wanted to let the woman think. The conversation from just over an hour ago was still fresh in her mind and the silence that had followed behind her stipulation on the proposal still echoed in her brain. She thought about how she told Miranda she would let her go and it broke her heart as she realized now would be as good a time as any.
Biting her lip she let her eyes close against the tears as she exhaling slowly, "Never mind." she said softly not sure if the woman actually heard her and refusing to look up at her she turned walking silently out the door.