Disclaimers: Don't own KHR or its characters.
Warnings: fluff, swearing, PTSD, and LIME. Woo-hoo!
UN-BETA'ed FOR NOW.
...as long as you live. As long as you live.
Gokudera was obsessed. Once the idea popped into his head, it became a permanent seed that germinated within him, growing by the moment, and Gokudera found it harder and harder to ignore the thoughts that plagued his mind.
The silvernette stood by the sink and allowed tap water to run through his fingers, emerald eyes focused on the cigarette burn on his palm as he gingerly fingered it. The skin there was hard and rough with the beginnings of a scab, surrounded by darkened flesh which oozed plasma whenever Gokudera applied any pressure.
Ugly. The mark that Takumi left on him was so ugly – just like the memory of him that lurked in his thoughts.
Ugly, ugly, ugly. You ugly thing. Get off me. Gokudera began to scrub at his palm, willing the burn away, going faster when he saw no progress.
Get off me, I said. Get off. Get off! In desperation, Gokudera grabbed a bottle of soap and rapidly pumped out the liquids onto the burn. He hissed in pain as the alkali stung him but remained intent on cleaning the wound off his hand, his emerald eyes seeing nothing else but the scab. But it seemed to be that the more Gokudera scrubbed at it, the uglier the mark became as the scab became swollen with water and blood and plasma seeped from the cracks.
"Urgh-" Gokudera clenched his teeth. Get off! Get the fuck OFF me Takumi!
Takumi. Takumi. Takumitakumitakumitakumitaku mita-
"Argh!" Gokudera gasped loudly as he dug his nail under the scab and ripped it right off his skin. Blood trickled down his trembling fingers into the sink, giving the water a sickly pink tinge. Gokudera stared at his bleeding hand with twisted satisfaction, smirking as he saw the scab disappearing down the sink.
Good... good. Disappear, Takumi. Go away. Die. Yes.
Die, die, die, die, DIE-
"Gokudera, are you still in there?" Yamamoto's voice snapped him out of his thoughts.
"Ah, yeah," Gokudera hastily closed the running tap. Some blood got onto the silver in the process, and Gokudera quickly rubbed it away with his clean hand.
"You okay? You've been in there for a while," Yamamoto sounded concern.
"Yup! I'm fine, totally fine-" Gokudera replied, pressing a tissue into the fresh wound and holding it in his fist. The blood stained the paper red almost immediately. Gokudera frowned. That won't do.
Yamamoto was unconvinced, "You sure? Can I come in?"
"No!" Gokudera panicked, "I mean, yes! Yes. Just- wait a moment. I'm- naked. Yeah."
"...Gokudera, what's going on?" Yamamoto saw right through it. Damn. Since when did this idiot get so smart?
"Nothing. Nothing's going on. It's just-" Gokudera took one look at his hand and decided that there was no way he could hide something that obvious from Yamamoto. Mentally swearing, he threw the piece of dirtied tissue away. "-I'm bleeding."
"You're bleeding?" Yamamoto's voice was instantly on high alert, "Where? Are you hurt? You're scaring me, Gokudera. Can you please let me in?"
"Calm down, moron," Gokudera sighed, opening the door with his uninjured hand. Yamamoto stood there with dark brown eyes worried, eyebrows furrowed in deep concern. Like a little puppy looking for its master. The image made Gokudera smile at the corners of his lips. He showed Yamamoto his hand, "It's nothing really. The scab just came off when I was showering."
Yamamoto took a good look at Gokudera's palm and sighed when he realized the wound wasn't that deep. He raised a hand and tucked a strand of silver hand behind Gokudera's ear before he murmured, "Don't do that again."
"Do what?"
"Scare me. You were in there for so long. When you said you were bleeding I thought you fell over and hit your head or something."
Gokudera chuckled, leaning his face into Yamamoto's palm. "Don't be stupid. Do I look that clumsy to you?"
Yamamoto shrugged, "You only just got off the wheel chair and back on your feet. It's natural for me to be worried."
"More like paranoid, I'd say," Gokudera shook his head, "Honestly. I'm the Smoking Bomb of the notorious Dynamite gang and you all treat me like a five year old."
Yamamoto grinned, "Maybe it's because you act like a five year old."
Gokudera raised a brow challengingly, "Oh- what was that, baseball idiot? Push me around in a wheelchair for a few days and you think you can take me on?"
Yamamoto met his challenge with a cheeky smile, "Oh, I don't know. It seems a bit unfair to pick on a little kid, don't you think?"
"Bastard!" Gokudera pounced on Yamamoto, who laughed cheerfully – fully expecting the blow. In their little fight they fell onto Gokudera's bed and wrestled vigorously on the mattress, taking turns to flip each other on their backs. Gokudera was in the lead when Yamamoto began tickling his waist, causing the silvernette to lose all power in his arms and legs, curling up into a helpless ball.
"Stop- it! Yama- ah! Yamamoto! You're such a- cheat!" Gokudera gasped between little jerks of his body as Yamamoto's fingers continued to torment his sides. "Stop!"
Yamamoto chuckled at Gokudera's powerless state, "Alright, alright. I'll stop now."
As soon as Yamamoto's fingers stopped working, Gokudera took advantage of the moment and threw Yamamoto onto his back, sitting over him with a victory grin. "Gotcha."
Yamamoto shook his head exasperatedly, "Who's the one cheating now?"
Gokudera shrugged, grinning. "Who cares. I still win."
"Hai, hai," Yamamoto gave in, sitting up to kiss Gokudera lightly on the cheek. "Now, let me treat that wound for you. Okay?"
"Mm- fine," Gokudera nodded passively, satisfied that he had won their minor battle. But his momentary glee was short-lived. As Yamamoto started working on his palm, Gokudera's mind once again wandered down that lane that Gokudera knew should be forbidden. But it was inevitable. The once-small seed had now grown into a plant that entwined itself with Gokudera's brain, the tangles too complicated to be undone.
Gokudera may be happy with Yamamoto now, but it would only ever last a minute – or at most, an hour. Because at the back of his mind, the silvernette was always pondering why Yamamoto was with him – why Yamamoto stayed. And every time, Takumi's name found its way into the equation. And Gokudera would be left alone, awake at night, doubting the feelings of the man who slept next to him.
Sure, he knew Yamamoto loved him. Gokudera knew that, and he believed it now. But he also knew that Yamamoto was in love with Hibari Kyouya – and Yamamoto was goodhearted, so goodhearted that there was no way he would ever leave a rape victim for Hibari. Takumi was the factor that tipped the balance for them all. Without Takumi, who would Yamamoto be with right now? If Takumi didn't rape him, would he still have Yamamoto in his arms? Gokudera didn't know.
As long as Takumi was still there, the questions will never fail to eat Gokudera up.
And as long as that monster was alive, Gokudera would never know.
...as long as you live, Takumi.
Namimori High School, 8.18am
When Yamamoto finally came to school – leaving Gokudera with the Dynamites at their HQ – it wasn't long before he found out that Hibari was absent and had been absent since the day before. It was considered rather big news for Nami High especially because the Head Prefect of the Disciplinary Committee was known to have a 100% attendance record. Even when Hibari was dying with fever he would show up at school. It was, therefore, incredibly strange for Hibari to be absent – without reason as well. Some of the students were even starting rumors that the Head Prefect was kidnapped, ridiculous as it sounded – but highly plausible, considering Hibari's family status and profile.
Yamamoto couldn't get the image of Hibari's face and the broken sound of Hibari's voice out of his head. The disquieted feeling accumulated in his chest.
'That's exactly what it is. You could leave me, but you couldn't leave him. That makes it pretty clear what's going on.'
'You chose him over me.'
Those dark eyes of Hibari's were hurt, and Yamamoto could tell. But at that moment, he was so focused on Gokudera that he neglected Hibari's feelings. If anything happened to him... Yamamoto clenched his fists. Unable to stop himself, Yamamoto called him at the first chance he got.
Yamamoto called him once, twice, three times – and just when Yamamoto thought he would hang up and call the police or search for Kusakabe instead, the line picked up.
[...] Hibari was silent, but Yamamoto knew he was there from the soft sound of breathing on the other side.
"Hibari...?"
[Why are you calling me?] Hibari's voice was drowsy but firm.
"I-" Yamamoto was at a loss for words.
'I need time to think. You need to figure out what the hell you want to do with your life. Until then, I don't want to see your face.'
"...you're not in school. I was- I'm worried," Yamamoto mumbled sheepishly.
[...you're worried, huh. No need. Save it for Gokudera Hayato.]
Ouch. Yamamoto winced, "I just wanted to know if you're okay."
[Yes. Is that all?] It was obvious that Hibari was intent on ending the conversation as quickly as possible.
Yamamoto could feel a numb aching inside him. Part of him knew that he deserved this attitude from Hibari. But to think that this cold, unemotional voice used to belong to his Skylark who once blushed in his arms was- heartbreaking. Weakly, Yamamoto whispered, "Kyouya..."
[Mm... Kyouya...] An unknown voice came from the background before Hibari could reply. It was a deep, low voice of a man – muffled by what Yamamoto suspected was a pillow.
Yamamoto frowned, his voice dropping a tone, "Who's that?"
[None of your business.] Hibari replied quickly, and hung up.
"Kyouya!"
Yamamoto was left standing there, gripping his mobile tight in his hands. The image of his Skylark being in bed with another random man immediately triggered something dark within him. Annoyance. Frustration. Anger. Jealousy. He couldn't accept it. Nobody was allowed to touch Hibari the way he did, hold him in their arms like he held him. No one. He's mine.
And whilst Yamamoto was vaguely aware that he was being a horrible hypocrite, he couldn't stop the envy from boiling up within him. They may be on a break, but to Yamamoto, Hibari still belonged to him. At least he thought so until he heard that man's voice just now.
No. He's mine. I can't lose him to someone else. I can't. Not after all this time.
Yamamoto dialed Hibari's number again but found that his phone was already switched off.
"Damn it," Yamamoto cursed under his breath.
Who could it be? Hibari's not the type to go off with a stranger – it couldn't be a stranger, could it? But who else is there? I've never seen him being close to anyone else...
Suddenly Hibari's voice came back to him.
'You know... my ex came back.'
Yamamoto's heart sunk.
'He was the first person I cared about. We were together for two years-'
"Kufufu, there you are, Ace. I've been looking for you."
Yamamoto snapped out of his thoughts and looked up to find Mukuro looking at him curiously. "Ah, 'morning Mukuro."
"Is something the matter? You look slightly on the depressive side just now. Not a good look for you, Ace," Mukuro smirked, wrapping an arm casually around his shoulders.
"Mukuro," Yamamoto sighed, "Can I ask you something?"
Mukuro's eyes practically sparkled, "I'm at your service."
"You've known Hibari for quite a long time right?" Yamamoto began.
"Mm-hm. Quite."
"Do you know if Hibari... I mean, he dated this person in the past."
"Ahh," Mukuro tapped a finger on his lips, "Yes. He did, didn't he?"
"Ah, yeah. I was wondering if... you knew who it was?"
"Kufufu, you wound me, Ace," Mukuro smiled, "Of course I know."
Yamamoto felt his heart thumping harder in his chest, "Who?"
"...Dino Cavallone," The foreign name rolled smoothly off Mukuro's tongue, "Possibly related to the Italian mafia, from what I know of his last name. He used to work here as a gap student in the Infirmary. Rumor has it he's Hibari Kyouya's first love. I saw him around here quite recently. You might've met him in the nurse's office."
Dino Cavallone.
Yamamoto swallowed thickly, thinking of the blonde, handsome Italian man who took care of the sick Gokudera. Dino had eyes that melted like butterscotch every time he smiled and a warmth that emanated from him like a shining aura. His presence alone was incredible – strong, yet gentle and dignified. Dino was a man who was well-raised, ridiculously charming, and completely untenable. Yamamoto wasn't at all surprised this was the person Hibari fell for in the past.
His first love – and they were together for two years... Yamamoto felt deflated. There's no way I can compete with that.
But I don't want to lose him. I don't. Not to anyone.
"Is that a bit of jealousy I sense there?" Mukuro teased.
Yamamoto shook his head slowly, sighing, "...I'm being really unfair."
"Unfair?" Mukuro repeated, raising a brow. "Ahh- that's right. How is our lovely Smoking Bomb doing? I've heard he's off the wheelchair. Your presence must be nursing him back to health – you know what they say. 'Love heals' and all."
"Yeah, he's-" Yamamoto paused and stared at Mukuro. The last time he checked, Mukuro didn't know of his affair with Gokudera. "How did you know all this, Mukuro?"
"Kufufu, I have my sources," Mukuro shrugged. "And, please, it's obvious between you and Gokudera Hayato."
"As obvious as it is between you and our Headmaster?" Yamamoto couldn't resist.
"Ooh, Ace, low blow, low blow. You've been hanging around the Dynamites too much."Mukuro whistled, "But we're talking about you at the moment. I really am curious as to what you plan to do with the whole two-timing deal. It's like a saga – a little gay Twilight, kufu."
Yamamoto cringed, "About that..."
"Don't tell me you haven't figured it out, Ace," Mukuro looked at him with those unnerving mismatched eyes.
Yamamoto fidgeted. I thought I had figured it out. For a moment, I thought I knew what I wanted. But then it's back to the same old selfish routine. I'm thrown back into the same cycle. When I'm with Gokudera, I don't want anyone else. When I hear Hibari's voice, I don't want to let him go. I need to stop. I need to stop this. It's not fair.
And yet... I don't know how I can possibly stop. How do people stop themselves from feeling? How do I stop myself from wanting?
Mukuro pat his back, "Ah, don't make such a face. When the time comes, you'll figure it out."
Yamamoto exhaled, feeling altogether fed up with himself. "I hope that's true."
Hibari or Gokudera. Gokudera or Hibari. Yamamoto needed to make a definite decision and he needed to make one soon – or was the choice even his anymore? What if Hibari already made his mind – oh god, what if Yamamoto was already too late? The thought of him losing grasp on Hibari forever drained all the blood from Yamamoto's heart.
No. I don't want to lose Hibari. I can't lose Hibari.
He swallowed thickly. ...so where does that leave me with Gokudera?
Dino's Vacation House, 8.20am
"None of your business."
Hibari snapped his phone shut, closing his eyes momentarily before he switched the phone off altogether and dumped it by the bedside table. Hearing Yamamoto Takeshi's voice invoked too many emotions within him – mostly of betrayal – and Hibari was already too overwhelmed to handle the excess. The fact that Yamamoto saw him as a second choice still stung him deeply and Hibari would be damned if he allowed the sophomore another easy way out.
Unless he makes up his mind, Yamamoto Takeshi can go to hell. Hibari decided.
Suddenly, a strong arm wrapped around Hibari's slim waist and pulled him close to a flat, warm chest. His voice, deep and smooth as brandy, was drowsy as he mumbled into Hibari's hair, "...who was that?"
Hibari considered telling Dino a lie, that it was 'no one', but saw no reason to it. Thus, he told him the truth. "Yamamoto Takeshi."
Dino's arms tightened around him, his lips finding their way on the back of Hibari's neck. "Mm."
The Skylark arched a brow, "You're not going to complain?"
"No," Dino nipped at Hibari's shoulder, making him shiver. "I don't have any right to complain. After what I did, as long as you're with me, you can torture me as much as you want. Make me so jealous I'd burn..."
The words, whispered in Dino's heated voice against his skin, sent chills down Hibari's spine. Shifting uncomfortably, Hibari mumbled, "What you said last night-"
"Yes," Dino kissed along the nape of Hibari's neck slowly, "Make me want you so much I can't stand it."
Oh. Hibari could feel heat rushing through his body. Trust Dino to bring casual conversation into sex talk. Hibari turned himself around and faced him, "Dino, no."
"Don't do this to me, Kyouya," Dino's eyes were almost golden in the morning light, so warm and bright and kindling with desire. Desire for him – Hibari realised with a twinge in his chest. Dino's long fingers toyed with Hibari's hair, the back of his hand brushing Hibari's cheek. "At least let me kiss you."
Hibari fell silent, not knowing whether he should comply. The Skylark knew he wanted to comply. With his body pressed to Dino's, Hibari's skin tingled with yearning. But the rational part of him was determined not to let Dino get to his head too fast too soon. The level of influence Dino could have on him was too dangerous – Hibari needed some sort of shielding, a distance, a layer of protection against how much Dino could affect him. However, Hibari's reasoning could not stop the Skylark from wanting Dino with a passion – because he missed him so ridiculously much and Dino was so warm and, god, Hibari needed him closer. And what harm could a kiss do? After all, he already allowed Dino that much. But they were on a bed and there was very high chance that a kiss would lead to something more. With the internal battle going on within him, Hibari remained quiet, brows knitted together in a tiny knot.
Dino took the periodical silence as permission and solved Hibari's dilemma by pressing his lips to the Skylark's. All thoughts and reasoning fled away from Hibari's mind, then, and he blinked in surprise several times before he melted right into the kiss, his slim arms wrapped around Dino's bare shoulders. The man slept topless, allowing Hibari to directly feel Dino's toned muscles beneath his palms.
"Nnh..." Hibari breathed as their lips met, parted, then met again. Dino added a little more pressure with every kiss, and afterwards the slightest slip of tongue which coaxed Hibari's mouth to open and allow him entrance.
"Kyouya..." Dino whispered his name between kisses as he tasted Hibari delicately but deeply, as though Hibari was wine and Dino was a drunkard. When Dino's large hand came behind Hibari's head and tilted him backwards at an angle where Dino could better explore him, Hibari found that all strength was lost in his limbs. All that his mind was capable of thinking of was Dino. Dino, Dino and Dino alone.
Don't lose your grip. Hibari had to remind himself. Don't get carried away.
Last night, Dino asked Hibari to spend the night in the same room. The implications of that request immediately set off alarms with Hibari – after all, the first and last time they shared a bed ended up with Dino disappearing on him for a year. It was barely possible for Hibari to trust Dino not to repeat the past. The wreck that Dino left him in had embedded a deep-set fear within the Skylark, and it was a scar difficult to erase. Dino knew this and promised him that he would not do anything Hibari did not want – and the man kept to his promise, keeping his hands to himself all night.
And at the present moment, as though Dino had been restraining himself to the point of overbearing limits, he couldn't keep his hands off Hibari.
"Nn- Dino-" Hibari panted after a particularly passionate, breath-stealing kiss. Dino's taste, breath, scent, voice and touch combined overwhelmed Hibari's senses. The blonde's large hands were sensually moving up and down his sides and back, applying intentional pressure at certain areas that made Hibari sigh shakily, complete putty in Dino's hold.
Dino's lips found Hibari's ear and he dipped his tongue lightly inside. The wet sounds of licking and Dino's breath made Hibari gasp, pleasant shudders rolling down his back. Dino then continued his trail down to Hibari's neck, pecking him all along the way, before stopping to linger at the base of Hibari's throat. The Skylark was frozen, absolutely unable to move or breathe or make any sound as Dino worked his mouth and tongue on his collar bone.
"Ah-" Hibari exhaled heavily in a quiet moan when Dino finally ceased the merciless sucking on his skin. A deep bruise began to show, and Dino fingered it gingerly as he kissed Hibari's cheek. Dino then reclaimed Hibari's lips eagerly, erotically flicking his tongue and biting Hibari's wet lips.
Hibari did not know when or how Dino's hands slipped under his shirt, but the moment Dino's fingers slid over Hibari's nipple the Skylark hissed sharply, breaking the deep kiss they were sharing. His smaller hands immediately came to grasp Dino's wrist to stop him.
"No," Hibari shook his head weakly, panting and flushed with desire. "Can't." The Skylark's brain seemed incapable of multi-syllable words.
I'll slip. I'll definitely slip if we go any further.
Dino, also panting heavily, obediently – albeit reluctantly – removed his hands from beneath Hibari's shirt. His caramel eyes were molten, heated as they focused on Hibari, before he quickly twisted his face away as though he was pained.
"Go," Dino mumbled lowly, "Go take a shower."
Hibari nodded. In the process of edging himself away, Hibari paused and was embarrassed to find out that he was well aroused. The Skylark quickly glanced at Dino, and saw that the Italian was also in a similar state.
"Kyouya," Dino groaned, "Go quickly before I can't stop myself."
Hibari nodded once again before he made his way off the bed. As he stood up, his knees wobbled and he stumbled slightly, finding his limbs weak and powerless. Hibari quickly regained himself and managed to reach the bathroom and shut the door behind him quickly enough. As soon as the door was shut, Hibari leaned his back against it, facing the ceiling, closing his eyes and breathing deeply.
That was close.
Stripping quickly, Hibari stepped into the shower and let the cold water run, intently willing away his arousal.
Five minutes later and Hibari's hard-on remained standing, solely because Hibari simply could not take his mind off of the Italian blonde outside. Dino and Dino's lips on his, Dino's hand on him, and that well-toned body pressed tight against his own. Oh, and what Dino would've done had Hibari not stop him just now... The Skylark cursed under his breath.
"Kyouya..." All of a sudden, the subject of Hibari's frustrations' voice came through the door, and Hibari shivered despite himself.
"Hn," He answered in a hum, not trusting his voice to form words without breaking.
Dino's shadow could be seen through the door slits – he was so close, and Hibari's fingers trembled, wanting him in his grasp. The Italian spoke through the door in a pressed, low voice, "I can't bear it... I want you. God, Kyouya, I want you so damn much..."
Hibari's breath hitched as he felt blood pool into his abdomen with Dino's words. The Skylark rested one arm against the bathroom wall as he tried, with difficulty, to contain himself.
"I'm going mad," Dino's voice was unstable, like the lid atop of a pot of boiling water. "All I can think about is you. I want to hold you against me, so close that we can't tell whose skin is whose. I'll kiss your lips, your cheeks, your neck – I'll kiss you all over, leave my mark all over you... your chest, your stomach, your thighs... ah, your thighs. I'll part your thighs, and take you in my mouth until you're all the way in. And I'll suck you, lick the tip and tease you, so lightly that you'll be gasping, aching for more-"
"Unh-" Hibari groaned, fisting his hand against the wall. His erection, by now, was so taut that the tip was pressed against his lower stomach.
"Kyouya, please," Dino murmured in an almost-pained voice, "Open the door for me. Let me love you..."
Hibari could not stand it any longer. Naked and dripping wet, he shakily stepped towards the door and ever so slowly turned the knob.
"Mmph-!" Dino's lips were on his immediately, kissing him roughly, heavily. Hibari's arms fell naturally around the taller man's neck, his body falling against Dino's. Dino's hands roamed his exposed torso freely, fingertips and palms seductively pressing into his flesh as they moved. The Italian half-carried Hibari back into the shower, all the while not breaking their kiss. Dino's sinful lips did not leave the Skylark much air to breathe as Dino's tongue baited his breath time and time again. During the kiss, Dino blindly turned on the hot shower. The warm water that poured over their bodies heated them up even further.
"Di- ah- Dino-" Hibari panted desperately between kisses, "Not- not all- the way..."
"Okay," Dino nodded, moving to bite Hibari's earlobe, "I promise."
Hibari's back was pressed to the bathroom wall then, as Dino's mouth latched itself on Hibari's pale neck. The Skylark took this opportunity to look over Dino's whole body. Dino's skin was glowing with a light golden tan, his muscles flexing beautifully with his every movement, but what really caught Hibari's eyes were Dino's tattoos. They were a clear physical difference that marked Dino as a different man from the last time Hibari held him. The patterns were intricate with flames of different colors, barbed wire, skulls, a stallion, and letterings which identified Dino as the next boss of the Cavallone famiglia. Intrigued, Hibari began tracing his index finger down the tattoos, beginning his journey from the flaming skull on his neck, down the flames on his well-toned arm, and then down the sides of his torso, lower and lower until the tattoos disappeared beneath the hem of Dino's trousers. With heat rising in his cheeks, Hibari wondered how low the tattoos really went.
"What are you thinking about?" Dino caught Hibari's fingers and intertwined them with his own.
Hibari rolled in his lips, avoiding Dino's gaze. In the quietest voice, he mumbled, "...you."
A warm smile spread across Dino's face, "I'm glad."
"What else c-could I think about- ah-" Hibari tripped over his words when Dino's thumb rubbed against his hardened nipple. The small, pink nubs were already taut and sensitive to the touch. Dino pinched him gently, and Hibari arched his back like a cat. Admiring his response with lit up eyes, Dino bent down and circled Hibari's other nipple with the tip of his tongue.
"Nn," Hibari gripped Dino's shoulders, biting his bottom lip to keep from crying out.
Dino flattened his tongue against the nub, then mouthed Hibari's nipple entirely, sucking him gently. His free hand rolled the nub of Hibari's neglected nipple between his index and middle finger, occasionally teasing it with his thumbnail whilst simultaneously grazing his teeth on the other side. Hibari hissed, leaning his head back against the wall. The untouched member between his legs was painfully hard and leaking with pre-cum.
"Hn-" Unable to stand the lack of friction, Hibari grabbed one of Dino's hands before he shakily guided it downwards.
Dino understood immediately, and diverted his attention from Hibari's chest to between the Skylark's legs. His large, warm hand cupped Hibari softly, and Hibari almost cried out for Dino to hurry up and finish him off. But the Skylark managed to keep his lips shut and only clenched his fingers on Dino's arm. "Nnh-"
"So cute, Kyouya..." Dino murmured, running his thumb up Hibari's hard shaft and teasing the slit lightly. Hibari trembled, wanting – needing – to feel more. Dino smiled, his eyes flitting up to meet Hibari's hooded ones, before he slowly, deliberately, took the Skylark into his mouth.
"Mm-!" The hungry look in Dino's eyes and the heat and moist that wrapped around him was enough to drive Hibari to the edge, but his release was denied when Dino curled his thumb and index finger tightly around the base of Hibari's cock. "Ah-! W-what..."
Dino hummed around his erection, sending hot sparks of fire up Hibari's spine as his tongue worked him, expertly lapping and swirling in ways that made Hibari mewl and writhe beneath him. The Skylark fisted both his hands in Dino's blonde hair, trembling with desire.
"L-let me-" Hibari panted, breaking off in a gasp when Dino took him deeper. His petite form shook, at the verge of his orgasm but unable to get there with Dino's fingers wrapped around him. Hibari's cock was becoming painfully swollen with lack of release. "Dino-!"
Eventually, Dino gave in and removed his fingers from Hibari's base. The man then curled his hand around Hibari and pumped him whilst his mouth worked the tip of his member. Dino's other hand reached up to twist his nipple at the same time as Dino's tongue dipped into the slit of Hibari's cock.
"Nngh-!" Hibari came violently, his entire body shuddering with tidal waves of pleasure washing over him. His hands clutched Dino's hair and he released inside Dino's mouth, moaning lowly, feeling his limbs become heavy like lead. Hibari had to lean his entire weight against the wall to keep his body upright, gasping for breath.
The warm water washed away the semen remaining on Dino's lips, and the rest which remained in his mouth, Dino spit into his hand. Hibari watched dazedly as Dino removed his trousers and used Hibari's cum to slather his own hardened erection. Dino groaned as he stroked himself several times, and Hibari swallowed thickly, now remembering just how large the Italian was.
Hibari also rolled in his lips when he saw that, yes, Dino's tattoos did indeed go very low. The dark patterns stretched right down the man's v-line and around his thighs. And for the love of him, Hibari could not understand why he found the sight so frustratingly sexy.
"Kyouya..." Dino moaned his name, and Hibari felt his body contract in reaction. Dino's lips pressed heatedly against his cheek, and he whispered in a deep, guttural voice, "Turn around for me."
Hibari turned as Dino requested. Hell, Hibari would probably have done anything asked of him if Dino kept using that voice.
Dino's bare body then pressed up against his back, and the sheer heat of Dino surprised Hibari. With skin against skin, Hibari found it hard to breathe all of a sudden, and he bit his lip when he felt something hard against his lower back.
"Don't..." Hibari said breathlessly – almost without any conviction behind his words. To be honest, Hibari had almost forgotten why it was so important to hold back. Dino was so close, and Dino wanted him, and he wanted Dino, and oh, Dino's hot breath was down his neck and Hibari could not stop himself from leaning closer to him.
"I won't go inside you," Dino kissed the back of his neck, "I already promised you, didn't I?"
"Hn..." Hibari closed his eyes. He couldn't think, couldn't speak any more with Dino in such close proximity.
"Put your arms against the wall," Dino whispered, and Hibari complied. "Now bring your legs together... yes. Can you hold yourself up?"
Hibari exhaled, "...barely."
"Hold on just a little longer, okay?" Dino pecked his cheek, and planted a gentle kiss on the side of his forehead. Dino then wrapped his left arm around Hibari's waist to support him, whilst Dino's right hand wrapped around his own cock, positioning himself behind Hibari. Dino's member was wet with Hibari's cum, and it slid easily as Dino nudged the head up and down Hibari's entrance.
"Ah- Dino-" Hibari shook his head. "No..."
"It's okay," Dino kissed his shoulders tenderly, "its okay... I'm not putting it in."
"Then what-" Hibari couldn't finish his sentence when, all of a sudden, he felt Dino slip in between his thighs. Hibari's eyes widened, "Ah-"
"Kyouya..." Dino moaned as he slid between Hibari's slender thighs, back and forth, faster and faster, the motion of sex.
"Nnh-" Hibari rolled in his lips, realizing what Dino was doing. And yes, Dino didn't break his promise, they weren't going all the way – but it damn well felt like they were. Dino's shaft was so hot between his legs, his breaths coming in short warm pants against Hibari's neck, and the friction between them sent tantalizing shocks throughout Hibari's body, right through to his toes.
"Mio Dio, Kyouya..." Dino groaned in his native tongue, causing Hibari to gasp. Dino's voice sounded different in Italian – deeper, older, sexier...
Dino's hands were all over him. One hand was toying with his nipples, the other taking hold of his re-hardening member and pumping it in time with his thrusts. All the while, Dino's lips were never unoccupied, trailing down from Hibari's neck to his shoulders and collar bone. Hibari was positively trembling from sensory overload.
"D-Dino..." Hibari breathed as he felt another orgasm nearing, his knees weakening. His quivering fingers were losing their hold on the wall, and if Dino went any faster or thrust any harder, Hibari would surely collapse. "Can't."
"Nngh-" Dino sped up his rhythm, both his hips and his hands, and Hibari gasped, slamming his palm on the wall. Dino bit his shoulders and groaned when Hibari's thighs tightened around him, "Kyouya... my sweet Kyouya..."
Unh- I want him... closer, I need him closer... inside... Hibari's breath hitched as his inner walls clinched in tiny spasms, longing for Dino to drive into him, enter him, push into him, take him – take him...
"Ah- haah..." Hibari shook his head, feeling his release just fingertips away, white hot sparks shooting past his eyes. "Dino-!"
"Unh- Kyouya-" Dino appeared to be close too, as his thrusts became more erratic, his unsteady hand sliding up to touch Hibari's face. "Kyouya, baciami..."
'Kiss me.' Hibari knew what the word meant, remembering all the times Dino had used it in the past. Turning his neck to face him and reaching his hand backwards to pull Dino towards him, Hibari met Dino's lips with a sigh, their tongues sliding naturally against each other.
"Mm-!" They both climaxed the moment they kissed, their muscles rhythmically contracting together as Dino held Hibari close to prevent him from falling. Hibari felt his insides clench painfully as he spent himself over and was in a haze as Dino rode out their orgasm – Dino practically holding Hibari up as the Skylark no longer had any power to do so.
When it was over, Hibari slid towards the bathroom floor, panting, face-flushed and eyes glazed over. Dino sat down with him and continued to kiss him delicately as though he couldn't have enough of him – his face, his cheek, his forehead, his nose, his eyelids, his lips... Hibari lost count of how many soft kisses Dino pressed to his skin as he murmured sweet nothings into his ears, both in Japanese and Italian.
And as Dino carried him to bed, Hibari clung to him like a child, refusing to let him go even when Dino laid him down on the mattress.
"Stay," Hibari had ordered in a small voice, "Stay..."
The Skylark was so adorable Dino could not resist pecking his soft lips one more time, "...I'm not going anywhere."
"Don't you dare leave me," Hibari's hand gripped Dino's wrist tightly – so tightly it was bruising.
Dino cradled the Skylark in his arms, "No. I won't. I promise."
"Don't you dare..." Hibari mumbled sleepily, "I'll... I'll bite you to death..."
Dino chuckled, pressing a long kiss to Hibari's forehead. By the time Dino retreated, Hibari was already fast asleep, exhausted and overwhelmed with pleasure.
Dino smiled, brushing away Hibari's hair from his face – his beautiful Skylark...
"Ti amo, Kyouya."
Dynamite's HQ, 4.13pm
The scab was reforming. This time it was even larger. Scabbier. Uglier. Gokudera couldn't bear seeing a second of it.
Gokudera checked the clock. Yamamoto was most likely still in school – baseball practice usually lasted until late in the evening. Yes, in school, where the good kids should be. Gokudera still had plenty of time. Spanner was out in the garage with Shouichi working on their mechanics' project. The rest of the Dynamite gang was out.
Good. No interruptions.
The silvernette slipped into the bathroom, closed the door behind him, and began his work on his hand. But this time wasn't as easy as the last – Gokudera tried to dig his nails under the scab and rip it off but the scab wasn't developed enough to have an edge to be dug under yet. And it was frustrating because Gokudera hated, hated, seeing it there and it was so ugly and he needed the darn thing off of him.
Gokudera attempted for a few moments to actually dig his nails into his flesh itself, but his nails were too blunt. He needed something sharp. A knife. A blade. Yes.
Fumbling through the cupboards within the bathroom, Gokudera frantically searched for an object which will be able to cut through his skin. He eventually came upon a tiny metal pair of scissors with a curved, extremely pointed tip. The metal gleamed maliciously against the white bathroom light. Gokudera experimentally pricked his finger with the tip – immediately, a droplet of fresh red blood formed on his fingertip. Perfect.
Standing back up and wresting his palm upwards on the edge, Gokudera took a deep breath before he pressed the tip of the scissors hard into his flesh. He hissed as the metal bit into him and blood flooded his palm, but Gokudera was determined not to stop. No matter what, he needed to get rid of that mark. He needed to.
With a sort of obsessive compulsive concentration, Gokudera used the scissors to carve out the forming scab. Gritting his teeth, he plunged the blade deep into his palm and dug out his skin. Occasionally, groans and curses of pain escaped his lips when he struck particularly deep or cut a bit too much – but most of the time, Gokudera felt numb – the numbness that haven't left him since that awful night.
"Urgh-" By the time Gokudera managed to rid himself of the hardening skin, his hand was covered in dark blood, and it was throbbing in pain. Gokudera was breathing heavily, but found – with some twisted satisfaction – that he was finally feeling something. The numbness had disappeared. And the feeling that he had managed to peel away yet another thing Takumi left him with was... incredible. Invincible.
Wanting to feel more of that release, that freedom, Gokudera slowly pressed the tip of the scissors into the flesh of his arm. Then, he quickly dragged the scissors up and through his flesh, blood gushing out of the trails he left.
"Agh-!" The pain left Gokudera gasping, but as his blanched fingers trembled, Gokudera never felt more alive.
Yes. This. I need this.
But before Gokudera could make another cut, the door clicked open.
Gokudera's heart sunk to his ankles.
"Gokudera...?" Yamamoto's eyes were wide, confused. Then, he saw all the blood and his eyes were immediately filled with fear and concern. He rushed towards Gokudera in long strides, "What happened? Why are you-"
CLANK.
Gokudera, in shock, dropped the scissors in the sink. The clang of the metal against ceramic echoed throughout the room, the sounds seeming to mock Gokudera.
Yamamoto stared at the bloody scissors, then back at Gokudera. Emerald eyes avoided his own, and Yamamoto's own dark chocolate eyes grew darker as he looked at Gokudera's arms and he realised what the silvernette had done. Quietly, Yamamoto mumbled, "...you cut yourself?"
Gokudera turned his face away, pulling his sleeves down to cover his bleeding arm.
"Gokudera... you-" Yamamoto suddenly found himself very, very angry at the silvernette – so angry that he was shaking under his skin. Yamamoto gripped Gokudera's uninjured wrist hard, "What the hell do you think you're doing?"
Gokudera rolled in his lips shamefully, "...I don't know."
"You don't know? You don't..." Yamamoto felt like he needed to throw something. The grip around Gokudera's wrist tightened so much that Gokudera could feel his blood circulation being cut off.
"You're hurting me," Gokudera mumbled in a small voice.
"I'm hurting you?" Yamamoto repeated incredulously, "Just take a look at the sight of your arm!"
Gokudera flinched away when Yamamoto raised his voice. Noticing, Yamamoto swore under his breath and let go of the silvernette. Yamamoto turned away, appearing as though he couldn't look at Gokudera at the moment.
Looking at Yamamoto, Gokudera suddenly found himself quite annoyed. What the hell is it to Yamamoto if he wanted to cut? It was his own damn body – he could do whatever the hell he wanted with it. Raising his chin, Gokudera crossed his arms and spoke, "Why the hell are you so angry, anyway?"
Yamamoto snapped his head towards Gokudera, his eyes flashing. "Why am I angry? You're asking me that? You really don't get it, do you?"
"Well, yeah. No. I don't get it," Gokudera shrugged, feeling a small tinge of pleasure from regaining some of his power over Yamamoto.
"Don't," Yamamoto's voice was pressed low, "Don't try me, Gokudera."
Gokudera narrowed his eyes, "Who the hell gave you the right to tell me what to do?"
"Gokudera," Yamamoto grabbed his bleeding arm and Gokudera hissed when the fabric of his sleeve rubbed against his wounds.
"Let go of me, Yamamoto!" Gokudera thumped Yamamoto's chest but Yamamoto caught his other hand too. Gokudera was going to fight him further, but Yamamoto squeezed his arm again, and the shock of the pain caused Gokudera to freeze.
Yamamoto loosened his grasp a little when he saw that Gokudera was becoming docile. "How many times have you done this?"
"...first time today," Gokudera mumbled.
"Are you lying?" Yamamoto looked deep into his eyes.
"I'm not!" Gokudera growled, "Damn you!"
"Okay," Yamamoto ran his thumb around the back of Gokudera's hand, "Okay, I believe you... let me bandage it for you, now, alright?"
Gokudera nodded and followed Yamamoto out of the bathroom. He sat on the bed in silence as Yamamoto treated his cuts with precision and care, bandaging his arm and hand neatly. When Yamamoto was done, he seemed to have calmed down a whole lot.
Taking Gokudera's hands in his own, Yamamoto questioned him with a gentle voice, "Can you tell me why?"
Gokudera fidgeted, before realizing that there was no means of avoiding the truth. Any lie he spun would only complicate matters. "I feel... dirty."
"Dirty?"
"Dirty," Gokudera repeated. "Ugly. The scars that bastard left on me... the scabs. They're ugly. I can't see them. I can't have them on me. His marks. I needed them out. Then, when I cut it out of me it – hurt. It really hurt. And it's weird, but I haven't been feeling much of anything, and that pain just makes me... I don't know. I feel like I'm here. I'm alive. Like – like he's releasing his hold on me... man, that sounded way better in my head, I swear."
"Gokudera..." Yamamoto pulled him close, scooping the silvernette into his arms.
"I'm going insane," Gokudera mumbled against Yamamoto's neck. Then, he chuckled bitterly, "Didn't I tell you I'm too much of a wreck to save? I told you. I warned you."
"You might be," Yamamoto murmured, stroking his hair, "But that doesn't change a thing about how I feel about you."
Gokudera smiled weakly, hiding his face on Yamamoto's shoulders, "...that's because you're an idiot."
"...please don't cut again," Yamamoto pleaded quietly. "Just don't. For me."
Gokudera fell silent. "I can't promise you that."
Yamamoto went quiet. Then, he suddenly stood up. His face was determined.
Gokudera looked up at him quizzically, "What?"
Yamamoto went into the bathroom for a second, then came out, grabbing something firmly in his hand.
"What are you-" Gokudera began, before he saw the reflection of the metal against the light. His emerald eyes grew wide in realization, "Yamamoto don't-!"
But Yamamoto had already quickly slit his arm with the very same pair of scissors Gokudera used to cut his own. Bright red blood splurged from the wound and Yamamoto groaned in pain, gripping his forearm tight. Gokudera immediately sprung himself towards Yamamoto and snatched the scissors right out of his hand before he threw it across the room.
"You moron!" The silvernette shrieked at him, pushing at his chest with every yell, "What the fuck do you think you're doing? You stupid, motherfucking idiot! I can't believe you just did that! Fuck, I am so bloody angry at you right now! Don't you fucking dare do that ever again! Do you hear me, Yamamoto Takeshi? Never ever!"
Despite hissing through the pain, Yamamoto managed to smile sheepishly, "...now you know how I feel when I saw you just now."
Gokudera, boiling with fury, blinked a few times in confusion, before understanding dawned on him. Slowly shaking his head, he thumped Yamamoto's shoulders with his fist, "...fine. Fine, I get it. I won't do it again."
"And every time you slip up," Yamamoto nodded towards his bloody arm, "I'll cut too."
"What?" Gokudera repeated ridiculously, before he looked at Yamamoto and realized that the guy was dead serious. He sat back on the bed, shaking his head. Why would you go so far as to do that for someone like me? Why, Yamamoto?
Emerald eyes watched Yamamoto as he treated and bandaged himself. Trying to be at least a little helpful, Gokudera handed him the bandages and saline water when Yamamoto needed it.
"...you could've gotten AIDS, you know," Gokudera began quietly, just as Yamamoto was finishing off.
Yamamoto smiled, "Gokudera, you're HIV negative. Your blood test results came back yesterday, remember?"
But you didn't think of that when you cut yourself just now, did you? You're not the type to think things through like that. Gokudera sighed, once again, not being able to comprehend why Yamamoto would go to such lengths to prove something to him. What was Yamamoto trying to achieve? Just to make me stop cutting? Is that it?
"Ah-" Gokudera was surprised when Yamamoto suddenly pulled his unwounded arm towards himself. In the baseball player's hand was a marker pen. Gokudera frowned, "What are you trying to do now?"
Yamamoto didn't answer, but turned Gokudera's arm so that his palm faced upwards. Yamamoto then began drawing a little picture on Gokudera's wrist – his hands were all over it, so Gokudera couldn't tell what it was at first.
"You're gonna give me skin cancer," Gokudera grumbled.
Yamamoto chuckled, "Considering how much you've smoked and drunk, if you're gonna get any kind of cancer I'm pretty sure it won't be because of this little mark I'm making."
"Tch," Gokudera clicked his tongue, unable to counter-argue against Yamamoto.
"There. Done," Yamamoto smiled brightly as he closed the lid back on the pen.
Gokudera frowned at the black inking on his wrist, "...what in the world is that?" It looked like some sort of creature with four legs, but Gokudera couldn't tell whether it was a dog, a cat, a tiger, or a bear. It had some stripes on it, so Gokudera was pretty sure it couldn't be a bear...
"It's Uri!" Yamamoto said cheerfully.
Gokudera glanced at him sideways, "...Uri is not that ugly."
"Hey, hey, it's not that bad," Yamamoto laughed. Yamamoto had always laughed so easily – it was a sound that Gokudera had become addicted to. And every time Yamamoto laughed, Gokudera couldn't help but feel a small tugging at the corner of his lips, too.
"So, why have you drawn this... thing on me again?" Gokudera asked, tapping the lopsided cat with his fingers.
"I've drawn 'Uri' on your wrist," Yamamoto began, "because now, if you cut here, you'll not only make me cut, but you'll be killing chibi-Uri as well."
Gokudera stared down at the picture. All of a sudden, the unbalanced cat looked so much more adorable now that he knew why Yamamoto drew it. Quietly, Gokudera murmured, "You would do all this for me..."
Yamamoto grabbed Gokudera's hand, his face completely serious. "Of course I would."
Gokudera's emerald eyes trailed towards the bandage on Yamamoto's arm. Already, blood was seeping into the gauze and tainting it dark red. Gokudera's chest tightened at the sight. You really would do all this just for someone like me. For someone so unworthy...
"Idiot," Gokudera shook his head at Yamamoto, although his emerald eyes were shining amiably. "You're such a fool. A moron. So stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid..."
Yamamoto smiled weakly, "Ah- well-"
"I love you." Gokudera's eyes were completely clear as he spoke those words.
Yamamoto was momentarily paralysed. Then, his face split into one of the brightest smiles Gokudera had ever seen on him. "Me?"
"No, baseball idiot, I was talking to the wall," Gokudera rolled his eyes, though he was smiling as well. "Of course I meant you."
Yamamoto immediately took Gokudera into his arms and hugged him tight, smothering him with kisses to both his cheeks. Gokudera complained that Yamamoto was suffocating him, but the silvernette was laughing all the while. It felt good to finally tell him. It felt as though Gokudera finally allowed himself to confirm the feelings he had for Yamamoto.
Yes. I love you, Yamamoto. Gokudera smiled as he hugged Yamamoto and rested his chin on Yamamoto's shoulders. But his emerald eyes were calculating – still holding a tinge of darkness inside those deep green pools.
I love Yamamoto.
That's why there's one thing I have to do – to protect him. Against me.
Because as long as you live, I'll keep hurting him – and I don't want to do that anymore.
...so I'm going to kill you, Takumi.
A/N: MERRY EARLY CHRISTMAS! :D For those of you still here and still reviewing... THANK YOU so FREAKING much. I love you all! The support I get from you all is amazing, and the reviews really were the driving force behind me writing this chapter! ;D *cuddles and blows kisses* This fic is coming to an end preeeeetty soon – so bear with me just a little while longer! ;)
Ps. Woops, this chapter was late, wasn't it? Why? To put it simply, I was being a brat and not writing because not enough of you reviewed last time. And when I don't start a chapter quickly enough, I tend to leave it forever because I get super busy. So... partly your fault, partly my fault ._. Solution? REVIEW. It takes me several hours/days to write a chapter – it takes you just 5-10 minutes to write a review (unless you're Phoenix and wonderful and writes me pages and pages of lovely goodness). IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR? D:
On a brighter note: have an AWESOME holiday, you incredible people! :D xx PLEASE REVIEW!