Muggle Sang the Blues
Chapter 4
"A Day's Dilemma, A Life's Decision"
Severus, to be quite frank about it, didn't know what to make of his feelings towards her. It wasn't everyday that he just so happened across a former student that he felt so completely at ease with.
Laughing, talking, admiring the way she thought, the cleveriness. He had not felt this way for anyone really, not in such a long time. And certainly there was the age factor to consider. The law of principle screamed at him for what he wanted. How dare you desire this. Were you not once her mentor, her guide, her teacher. Damn! long before she was even remotely aware of love shared between a man and woman. Her reaction he feared greatly, like the hunted, fears the gun.
He was so afraid that if he brought his heart to surface, and revealed it, then he would be devastated when she rejected him, shunning even his existence for the rest of his lonely days. He feared she would distance herself from him (and then he'd go back to Hogwarts and unleash his broken heart onto his helpless pupils. Until he satisfied his own self pity.)
Hermione, was now on break and just as always she would find time to come and engage with him. Severus had grown to expect her company, and in fact he found time every night for the past couple of weeks to visit the club. Solely for her, he looked forward to her smiles,and questions, as there were many in their conversations. He was her personal open book, and she devoured his knowledge page for page.
He allowed himself a moment to stare at her. A moment more to reflect on the mass of warm autumn hair that she tried to tame into a tangled french braid, while they chatted. But no amount of pinning and twisting could contain it all and loose strands licked her cheeks and behind her ears. Her hair was much longer, fuller. She had grown to be such a beauty to behold. Her eyes made of the finest, most seductive brown, like the brownstone quartz, they too were emeralds to him, her skin like porcelain, lips red as -
"And it's been two whole days now, and still no plumber. I feel so utterly unclean." Hermione's ranting pulled Severus out of his trance. "She's an absolute monster Professor!"
He loved her voice, especially loved it when she spoke directly to him, only him, when they were alone. He hated that she continued to call him Professor. The sound of her tone chased away the saxophone, the tambourine man and smothered out the humming in his head from his drinks. "Have you considered all of your resources Miss Granger," he was quickly trying to recover where his mind wander from her conversation. "Have you taken into account perhaps returning to Catchpole for a short spell?" he said, his eyes straining not to find the center of her brown ones.
"You're so fortunate to not have worries," she sighed deeply."not to wonder for the well-being and safety of a child or family matters. You come and go as you please, and you need not care about such mugglish things... bus fare or cab fees. Not as I do now."
"And you, are fortunate to have such a beautiful daughter to worry your life away with, and she, she is equally fortunate to have you for a mother. Every minute of every day. I feel I have missed my chance in this life. With most of my life behind me, I fear my days will wilther away into the dungeons Hogwarts, potions and students…not much has changed about me since your time at the school...not much has change. Perhaps it's too late for change with me. My voyage died with the Headmaster."
"Yes I most certainly am fortunate. and your wrong Professor you have changed...so much." she smiled.
It seemed an eternity before her shift finally ended, together they walked side by side, and finally came to the alley way that she used for disapparating home. "And who keeps your daughter on the evenings you have to work?" he asked handing over her sweater.
"Harry and Ginny on most nights. They are really great with her and completely understand my worries about using magic around her. On other nights Mrs. Weasley offers, she feels a bit lonely with everyone gone now."
This was it, he thought, it would be hours before he saw her again, talked with her. The thought brought him misery. "I insist you accompany me home," he said suddenly. "Two days without running water or a decent shower. Surely you can not stand for such an atrocious person as this Mrs. Millions. I know I could not."
Hermione wanted break into a laugh.
Harry would have said that he was no easter bunny! But apparently he had forgotten this. She said not a word, she only smiled, he was being so delightful.
"I have a spare lavatory there, I seldom use it. I'm sure you shall find it most accommodating. Consider it an invitation. You'll feel more like yourself once you've freshened up. Afterwards, I could accompany you safely back, to retrieve your daughter on your journey home." he said.
It was pure desperation that drove his words. He could not let her leave him, not again. He couldn't miss out on love twice in this life. love. . .had he fallen in love with her?
"That's very thoughtful of you Professor but I couldn't ask that much of you. I don't want to be a burden. I'll be fine really. Matilda and I usually take the train."
"Please, burden me…" He asked without a moments hesitation.
He wanted so much to touch her, to share his thoughts with her. But he swallowed his heart back in place. He possibly sounded like a worrying old fool to her. "As you stated before, I have nothing to do, not a living soul awaiting my arrival. Nothing more than a drafty home… dull …quiet. And you should not be traveling alone Hermione. Not on these streets."
Truthfully, he felt so overwhelmed in her presence. So blown away by the young woman she had become, that he could not keep his mind from straying, with the most unpure thoughts. A blast of air blew from under a passing bus, it blew her hair about uncontrollably and his hand came up to brush it away, touching the side of her face. Her skin felt like satin. He wasn't thinking when he held her cheek, reveling in their closeness and he touched her lips.
He withdrew quickly...Sweet Merlin what was he doing? He didn't want her to notice his longing for her. He didn't want her to misread his desire as mere lust, even if it could be added as a contributing factor, it was not the only veracity at play for him.
"Oh dear!" Hermione said as she read the message his touch delivered. She broke away from him and brushed back her hair. Her heart was thumping wildly.
"I'm sorry it was…I just meant to-"
"No, I know …it's ok really."
"I've had far too much to drink tonight."
"Only a glass…" she assured him, shaking her head.
"Do forgive me! Please, I would never -."
"No of course not, honestly it's… It's alright." she said. "Silly hair of mine always a bit tossed about. I suppose I look like a troll…"
"No, not at all." he said, when what he wanted to say was "No entirely the opposite. You are beyond beautiful..."
The background of the traffic became their melody now. The street lamps silhouetted a man she had not seen, until only now. He looked down at her with eyes so unknown, so unsnape-like. They were all at once the eyes of a different man. A man - yes, he was a man in every sense of the word. Tall, broad and dressed as handsome as any of the men she had seen tonight, his dark hair - like the shadow of a raven's upon a midnight stroll. She stepped forward as he stretched out his arm for her, wanting her to take it. His lips were smiling but it was a disguise to mask the sadness she saw behind those eyes.
"Shall we go find your Matilda?" he said warmly. He was hurting, she could see it. "I'm sure she's looking for you Miss Granger." his words were as playful as his lieing smile.
A crossroad, she had not seen one in such a long while. But that's what lay before her now, an unpredictable path, a crossroad. With only a moment to wisely choose the correct one, which way was the wisest to take? If she chose she would only have to say goodbye and rid herself of the ackward sensation he gave her, put him in his place with ten words or less.
Her fingers tremble slightly, as she chose, as she slipped her hand into his secure arm.
Mistake. No, she felt no mistake. Within moments he kissed her hand, making a declaration of undying love only to her as he lead her safely into the alley way.