Sorry for taking a while to update! Hope you like this chapter!

Kate propelled through the bathroom door. She clutched for the porcelain sink, her hands shaking, and turned on the water full blast. She plunged her hands in to the icy water. Splashing her face, she washed off the tracks of her tears, pain, and self-hatred. She had genuinely messed up this time.

She lifted her head and gazed at her reflection somberly in the mirror. Water dripped in rivulets down her face. Her hazel eyes were blood shot and puffy from crying. Hair was falling out of her messy bun, cascading in frizzy waves around her face.

"What have I done?"

Angrily, Kate switched off the faucet and pushed herself away from the sink. She began to pace the tiled floor, a caged animal to her own inner thoughts.

You need to go back in there and make him listen.

You need to apologize to him and make him understand your reasoning.

You have to fix this!

But…what if he won't forgive me?

What if he never wants to see me again?

What if when I finally let someone break down my walls, they decide not to stay?

"AGH!"

Kate shouted in to the vacant bathroom. She abruptly halted her feverish pacing and lashed out a fist towards the nearest object in her path. She needed a release, something to alleviate these things she was feeling. Her punch connected with a stall door, sending it flying inwards on its hinges, smashing against the side with a thunderous force.

"God damn it all to hell!"

Kate shook her hand quickly, trying to stop the shooting pain in her knuckles. She looked down scornfully at her throbbing fist. It was the least she deserved. She never did make smart decisions when trying to release her emotions. And usually she had gloves on and the punching bags weren't made of metal.

She flexed her fingers inquiringly, wondering if she did any damage. None were too painful or stiff to move. Just hurt like hell.

Still shaking her hand, Kate walked back to stand in front of the mirror.

"My god."

She looked awful. She combed back some stray bangs and rubbed at the tear streaks on her face. She had to look presentable when she went back to see Martha and Alexis. She couldn't let them know anything was wrong.

"Well, this is as good as it's gunna get."

Kate stuck her sore hand in her pocket. That would hide it. With one last glance in the mirror, Kate exited the bathroom. She looked down the hall both ways. No one was in sight. Good, that means no one heard me, Kate thought with relief. With one final glance towards Castle's door, the detective made her way slowly back to the waiting room area.

Martha looked up at the sound of footsteps coming from the hall. She was not prepared for the sight that greeted her. The usually collected and stoic detective looked lost; her eyes were bloodshot like she'd been crying, her hands were stuffed nervously in her pockets, and she looked like she held the weight of the world on her shoulders.

The older woman glanced at her watch. It had only been 20 minutes. What could have possibly transpired in that hospital room?

The detective reclaimed her seat next to Martha, barely noticing Alexis no longer sat on the other side of her grandmother, and gazed off miserably in to the distance.

"Kate dear are you all right?"

Beckett startled out of her thoughts and looked questioningly at Martha.

"I'm sorry Martha did you say something?"

"I asked if you were all right. You seem…shaken up. Did something happen?"

"No. No. Of course not. Everything is fine. He woke up for a little bit but then went back to sleep."

Martha narrowed her eyes at the detective.

"Katherine Beckett. I have known you for almost 4 years now and I am a seasoned actress. Do you not think I will know when someone is lying to me?"

Kate dropped her gaze and kept it glued to the ground. She felt heat rising in her cheeks at being caught in the terrible lie. Emotion began to clog her throat at the memories of what happened in the room.

"It's fine. I'm fine."

"Kate." Lifting the detective's chin, Martha brought Kate's gaze away from the floor to look at her. Kate looked like a scared child, uncertainty brimming in her haunted eyes. Martha felt her heart go out to the detective. Kate seemed so determined to blame this all on herself, and wallow in self-loathing. The older woman knew she had to help. "That dear was not a very convincing performance if you ask me." At this accusation, shock registered on Kate's face and she scoffed at the comment.

"Martha, I am fi-"

"Kate, no matter how many times you say it, I still won't believe you. I know this is hard for you, but please let me help. Talk to me, tell me what happened- what really happened."

Kate looked deep into Martha's eyes and saw no deception, and knew she could confide in her; tell her everything she was keeping inside. All at once, it started to pour out, seemingly unending.

"Martha we're partners. And for a long time that's all we were. Or maybe all I thought I wanted to be. But…well…I don't want to be just partners anymore. It took me a long time to realize it, but I finally did. I was so afraid of being happy, of living my life and being in the kind of relationship I wanted to be in. Because that means putting my heart out there, and possibly getting it broken. So I was afraid of getting hurt, and of finally being happy. I put up walls, I hid behind them, and I shoved the emotions into a corner and never gave them a second look. Until today. I almost lost the man I lo-…I care about and that scared me more than anything."

"It's good you finally recognized it kiddo, because everyone else knew, we just were waiting for you two to wake up and realize you were more than a writer and his muse. Kate, have you told him any of this?" Martha asked, desperately trying to keep the happiness in her heart from gracing her elegant features.

"Well, not really…well it's complicated."

"Kate, life's complicated only when we make it complicated. Take it from me; life is simple when you are honest with yourself and with others. So try being honest with him."

"But…Martha I think I've lost him. When I was trying to save his life, I had to say some things to Rick that I knew would hurt him, but I needed to say them. I needed the captor's focus to be on me instead of Rick. So I said the things I knew would hurt him, just so I could get him out of harm's way. It was the only way to convince the captor that Rick didn't have to die. I couldn't let him die because…well, I realized I couldn't live without him. So I had to say that I didn't care about him, how nobody could care about such a childish, egotistical person, even though I do care, I care so much. It was the only way…the only way I could save him. But, the lies I told…they hurt him, Martha. So how can I be honest with him now, when he believes the lies?"

A tear slipped down Kate's cheek and she bit her lip, fighting for control over her emotions.

"No matter what you said, you saved his life. You chose to sacrifice yourself so that he could live. And for that, I will be eternally grateful. But now, there needs to be some damage control. It is obvious to me you didn't mean what you said, and he would be a fool to believe anything different. Let's go fix this, together."

"Martha, you really don't have to-"

"That's the thing dear, I really do. Let's go."

With that final remark, Martha stood up from the chair. Looking back at the detective she could see blind optimism in her hazel eyes. The lost child look was replaced by one of innocent joy and hope.

Martha reached out her hand to pull Kate to her feet. Hand in hand, the two women strode towards Castle's room.

Reaching the door, Martha gave a firm knock. Hearing no response, she turned to Kate and said, "Wait out here, I just want a minute alone with him. I will come get you when I am done." Kate nodded in response and leaned against the wall next to the room.

The door opened, and Martha was astounded by the view inside. This was the first time she had actually seen her son, and what lay before her shocked her to her very core. The pale, still form lying on the hospital bed looked nothing like Richard. It was a ghost of the man he usually was. Her heart constricted at the sight, feeling the hurt course through her veins. She crossed the room to sit in the chair next to his bed. As she sat, the old chair creaked, causing her son to stir from his sleep.

Castle creased his forehead at the noise, but didn't open his eyes. Thinking it was Kate coming back in, the writer said in a stony voice, "Beckett I thought I asked you to leave."

"Is that any way to speak to the woman who birthed and raised you?"

"Mother?" Castle's eyes shot open. He grimaced as the bright lights overhead seem to pierce through his skull. Blinking away the black spots in his vision, Castle turned his head slowly towards his guest.

"Yeah it's me kiddo. How are you feeling?"

"Mother?" Castle asked again, not fully wrapping his head around why she was here.

"Yes, yes. We've established that Richard."

"What are you-what are you doing here?"

Martha rolled her eyes at her son. "Isn't it quite obvious, I'm here to visit my only son while he lies injured in the hospital."

It was Castle's turn to roll his eyes at her theatrics. Not being able to come up with a sarcastic comment, he remained quiet, staring at his mother expectantly. Martha leveled her son's stare and cleared her throat a little. This was where the hard part started.

"Well kiddo, how are you doing?"

"Fine, Mother. Where's Alexis?"

"Now don't go changing the subject Richard Castle! I know you too well. If it were a paper cut or a bruise you would whine like a little kid. But whenever you are actually hurt, you keep to yourself and put up this whole 'fine' façade," Martha replied sternly. And quieter she said, "Much like a certain detective we know…"

"Mother I'd like to know where Alexis is."

Castle said again, not letting the matter go. Martha sighed. This is going to be harder than I thought.

"She went out to the store to buy a few things. Since we couldn't get in to the loft because of…well because, I sent her to the store to pick up some essentials."

That means make-up and chocolate, Castle thought. He turned his head back to look back up at the ceiling, suddenly finding the silence uncomfortable. His mother appeared to want to say more, and he had a bad feeling he knew what she wanted to talk about. He shut his eyes briefly; feeling the pounding headache he seemed to always have, intensify a few notches.

"Richard."

Sigh. He didn't like that tone of voice. It was her mothering tone; the one she seldom used and that he resented. He brought his good arm up and pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to ward off the hammering in his skull.

"Mother. I know what you are going to say. Just…don't."

"Richard Alexander. We will be having this discussion whether you like it or not."

"I can't right now. Please."

Martha's eyes widened, stunned at the pleading tone in his voice. She had never heard him sound like that. He sounded so defeated…so broken.

Castle opened his eyes and looked at his mother. The pain and sorrow Martha saw in those blue eyes made her heart ache.

"I know its hard right now, kiddo. But you can't run away when life gets hard. Sometimes the hardest things are the ones most worth doing. And there's a woman standing outside, scared out of her mind at the possibility of losing you. So I think it's time you gave her a chance."

"But-"

"No buts kiddo. It's time for you to accept what happened and to hear her out. I'm not saying you can't be mad, because you can feel what you want to feel. All I'm saying is to try and listen with an open heart and open mind."

Castle exhaled loudly. God, he didn't want to do this. Not one bit. But for once, his mother was right. He had to face this sooner or later.

"Okay. Send her in."