Remy
(told in his point of view)
.
I can't believe she broke up with me! What did I do to disserve this? I have been asking myself that all night. I was so angry I couldn't even get to sleep. I heard her leave her room but I didn't dare go out there because if I did I knew I would yell at her. I was livid. Even Jimmy didn't bother to come near me in case I took my anger out on him.
After a while I got off the bed and went to the balcony to smoke. I liked to smoke when I was depressed. I know I've practically stopped, but I really needed it since there was no alcohol around. Outside I looked up as I smoked to still see her there. A part of me wanted to call her down. A part of me didn't. I listened to the latter half and just watched as she hovered then flew out of my life forever.
I came back into the room, "JeanLuc got a light?"
"Question is do you need it."
"Don't patronize me ."
"You're a mutant. Just do it yourself." Jimmy said from his corner of the room. And he was right. I didn't need a lighter. Lighting my cigarette I finished a pack in near an hour before we headed back home.
I was surprised that Bella wasn't there. But Bobby was and my anger needed to be taken out on something. Anything. I found Bobby on the couch with some chic between his legs. I told her to go; Bobby zipped up his pants, and tried to run. I didn't let him get far. I knocked him over and pounded his face just like the old days. As I hit him I wanted to think about his betrayal but all I could think of was her.
I beat him far after he stopped struggling against me. And when I felt my hand heavy with his blood I stopped. JeanLuc told me to take it easy for a while. Yeah right …
Monday…
I was still mad at the girl. Snow was still outside. I kept smoking. And I was completely confused. I wish I could shake her left from right and ask her what I did wrong. I'm the victim here! Damn it all! Women should be considered the eighth wonder of the world.
What was with them? One moment you're sharing giggles, the next your receiving a punch in your face. You tell a girl you love her and give her nice gifts; she takes them, and then asks for more. Women always want more!
Have they ever considered that I might not want to give them more? How come Rogue just couldn't be happy with the way I am now? Many a femme is ok with me! What makes Rogue think she deserves more. I'm only one person!
Upset I kicked the coffee table in the living room, knocking over its contents, before placing my feet on it. Then I grabbed the remote, but I couldn't focus on them. I was blinded with rage. Is this how Logan normally feels?
Tuesday…
I punched the wall in my room indenting it. I dreamt that our argument was just a dream until I woke up to the cold truth. I was still confused. I didn't get it. I paced back and forth knocking everything over, ripping down paintings, kicking over dressers, cursing, banging my fist on everything. Blowing things up.
Damn I just can't take this anymore! I needed to forget her. Pulling on my coat I stepped into the cold and traveled to a bar I frequented. I turned my usual into a triple, drinking myself into oblivion as I looked up at the table dancer.
"Tough night honey?" she asked.
"Ya hav no idea?"
"Can I help ya out?" she asked hopefully. I wanted to say yes. Ravishing her body would help with some of the aggression, but instead I said , "Nah, I got 'er ta keep me company." Pointing to my liquor.
"Let me know if ya change yer mind?"
I smiled at her. Why did I say no? Did I say know because I still so obviously care about Rogue or did I say no because I knew it wouldn't help?
Wednesday …
I'm stuck in traffic and why is their nothing on the radio but love songs !
Thursday…
My father confronted me today.
"Remy get ya self tagether."
"Why should i?"
"Ya cant sit here all day."
"Yes I can." I told him stubbornly.
"Do you want to talk then?"
"Why did she leave me," I shouted, "What did I do wrong!"
"Woman tend ta think bout te future more than te present."
"Wat does te future hav ta do wit tis!"
"Did ya hear a word she said?"
"Is this bout marriage? Does she think I never thought of marrying her?"
"You thought of marryin Bella once …"
"Yeah an we all saw how well tat worked." I snapped lighting yet another cigarette.
"Yeah we all saw that. Maybe she just …"
"Just wat?"
"Notin."
"No tell me!"
"I thank ya need ta learn tis lesson fer yerself."
"Wat lesson?"
"See tat's yer problem right there."
…
By Monday I was completely trashed. I couldn't tell a deck of cards from a pile of shoes, but I could recall her clearly. Whenever I closed my eyes I could almost smell her. The faint scent of her vanilla perfume mixed with that tang of spiciness that I loved so much.
The way her soft hair felt as I ran my fingers threw it. I could almost see the fire in her green eyes. I remember staring at her lips and wondering how they tasted and once I got a taste how much more I wanted.
I miss sparing with her. Something about that 'I'ma kill ya' look in her eyes turned me on to no end. I miss her voice, our arguments, and our good days.
I miss riding together under the moonlight without a care in the world because when she was free she was truly happy. She would smile and laugh. Everything from Logan to Mystique was forgotten. All there was for us was the empty road in front of us; it was like riding into our futures together.
I miss trying to make her happy. When I met her I aint gonna lie, she did look like something straight from Depress-A-Me Street. But as we spent time together I defrosted her. It took me a while to realize that she had the same affect on me.
I could talk to her about anything. Probably because I would know that no matter what I said her life was worse than mine, so she never judged me. She didn't look at me and see professional thief nor did she see fuckable man candy. She saw me. That was a difference between her and Bella.
It is funny how I've been drinking and smoking to forget her and I cant. I'm still mad … well not as much as I was last week, but mad enough. I wanted to hate her first and foremost for dumping me. I have never had a lady leave me even if I left them, key example being Bella. Secondly I was mad because she made me miss her every waking second. There was no way to leave her mentally although she had left me physically.
"Remy ya want ta eat sometin?"
"No." I told my father watching him leave.
…
Today I decided to decide wither or not I wanted to continue my relationship with her or not. The first thing I did was pull out a notepad and jot down a few notes.
I still cared for Bella no matter how much I tried not too
I do not love Bella anymore, but she's still my first love
I love Anna
I'm afraid of the love I have for her
I'm afraid to commit
Do I want to commit to Anna forever?
Answer question number six
Looking at it I knew that I didn't love Bella, but I still cared for her. So first I decided to see where we stood. If she were hurt would I save her? Yes. If she were lying in my bed now would I screw her? No, but I'd definitely think about it. If Anna and I didn't work would I go back to her? Hell no. Would I consider it? Maybe.
So Bells wasn't my greatest love, but she held a part of my heart. Her hold is nothing compared to the hold that Rogue has on me.
Number three is so obvious. Of course I love Anna and I'd do anything for her. But is simply loving her enough? At that I thought about what JeanLuc once told me about him and Camille. He loved her, coveted her, married her knowing how much danger he could had put her in. He told me that if he knew she'd die like that that he would have never married her no matter how much he cared about her.
So both Rogue and I are mutants. We're X-Men. No matter what we will have dangers in our life unless we leave. But if we're together we can look out for each other. But I guess if I look at this from a chick's point of view about the marrying thing her friends all probably will get married. Don't all girls dream of that since their little?
I guess I never thought of Rogue as just another girl. I'd die for her in a second, but getting on one knee before her scares the living daylights out of me even more so than psycho Bella. And I know we don't have to get married right away, but in the future she will want that. Question is do I? And if I do, why do I want to?
Making another list I decided to write both Rogue's cons and pros and do the same for me starting with Rogue's cons.
She can be very very mean
Very very stubborn
Can't get her to act like a girl sometimes
Logan will forever be in my future
We argue all the time (note that could be partially my fault)
Why can{t she ride on my bike with me sometimes?
And she can be so random at times like the other day
She dumped me !
Ok, now on to her positives:
She's hot
She can ride a bike
Her accent is cute
Her smile
Her stubbornness
More short jokes for Logan (hehe)
Her bravery
Her love for me
Even though she didn't have to she saved me and my brother and my father
She understands me
She doesn't judge
She smells good
We have a nonsexual/interactive relationship that works
The way she can make even the worse days a little brighter
The way I need her
The way we get along
This list is getting long (stop here for now ; continue later)
Sighing I decided to write down my cons
Thief
Addicted to pit pocketing
Poker hustler
Something like a stalker when it comes to things I like
I kidnapped her once
Worked for Magneto?
Killed people
Hurt people
Probably will do 6 and 7 a lot in the future
Smoke
Drink
I love table dancers and hot strippers; preferably underneath me ….
I love the ladies
I love flirting with ladies
I kinda like Bella
Worked for Sinister (will I see him in future? Failuresnot2try says yes [sigh])
Don't work a respectable job at all, never did
I go through Rogue's lingerie when she's not looking (don't tell her that …yet)
I'm very jealous when it comes to Rogue and I do things I don't regret to them, but probably should
Thinking I am far more evil than I thought I wrote my positives
XMen member
I helped push the professors wheel chair a few times
Took my girl shopping (w/ money I earned from my illegal jobs) …
Damn, I can see why Logan hates me so much, almost. There isn't one good thing about me at all! Which bids the question as to why any woman would love me besides for my good looks. When I look at Rogue's list she's more like Mother Teresa and I some scumbag devil worshiper on the 'how holy are you' list.
I can't even give my girl a really good future. Not like this, but am I willing to let her go and let someone else attempt to make her happy? Hell no! But I can change that. I can give her a better life. I could change for her. She's not asking me to morph into someone else. She's just asking me to be a polished version of myself.
I wouldn't mind her polishing me. Ok thoughts out of gutter aside I am kind of afraid of the way I love her. I need her in a way that I've never needed any one else and the days without her haven't gone well at all. I can only assume that they'll get worse.
And I wonder where she's at all the time. Is she safe? Did she make it to her destination ok? Did she meet some guy who thinks he's better looking than me and fell in love with him? Is she hurting like I am or am I being the dramatic one for a change?
"You look whipped son." JeanLuc said sitting a tray of food in front of me.
"I aint whipped."
"Oh really. Where have you been since she dumped you?"
"Here."
"And what have you been doing here?"
"Just shy of nothing."
"An ya thank of er all te time don't ya."
"Can't help it."
"Ya wonder if she's thankin bout ya or more importantly if she's moved on already."
"She will not move on!" I said menacingly.
"And …"
"I get te point, I'm whipped. Happy now?"I told him. He just seemed amused. Then I decided that I know what to do.
"I'm goin out fer a while."
"Ta get more smokes."
"Haha very funny. Ya make a better comedian than a tief." I told him. It's decided then. I'll go in town for a few days and see what I do. If I go back to normal than Rogue didn't mean as much to me as I thought and if the later happens I'll be home waiting for her.
…
Today's my third day of trying to live without her since I decided on doing so. It's been rough. Every day I put food on an empty plate besides me. I go into her room just to feel closer to her. And when I go bike riding I feel like something's missing. I still flirt with ladies although it's more for fun than pleasure.
I think constantly of why I brought her down here in the first place. I did want my family to get to know her because I felt it was necessary. I guess maybe my heart had already made my mind up a while ago and I just never noticed.
So I'm going to do a few jobs. Make some money. And go wait for Rogue at the institute. I hope she's there already. I cant wait to see her again. And I need to apologize for how rude I was the other night …
At the Mansion….
"So what brings you here Gumbo and where's Rogue?" Logan asked. He had a while ago decided to come back.
"Actually I cme looking fer 'er. Is she here?"
"Nope. Isin't she with you?" Logan asked perplexed.
"No … she umm," lowering my voice down very low, "Dumped me."
"Come again?"
"Ya heard me."
"She dumped you. As in you and her are no longer together. Hahahaha I knew my girl was smart!" Logan celebrated doing back flips all the way to the front door before opening it and singing, "Rogue and Gambit aren't a couple", through the whole place.
Thinking this was going to be a long day I went to my room to unpack my clothes and wait for my woman to get home.
.
…xxxXXXxxx…
Another long chpt:)
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