Disclaimer: We don't own Hetalia, unfortunately. It belongs to Hidekaz Himaruya. Also, expect yaoi in later chapters. Don't like it, don't read it.
Note: …my time management skill are atrocious. I'm going to beg for forgiveness now for what I'm about to do to Alfred. Please don't kill me? Does anyone want to see some of the pics we took from MTAC? I got an awesome shot of a nurse!England and punk!Wales. They were great and the cosplays kicked ass.
Alfred returned the kiss and smirked as he tickled Arthur's sides just for the heck of it. His stomach, it seemed, had other, less than playful ideas. It growled loudly, causing the American to blush in embarrassment.
Arthur laughed, but soon he was quiet once again. The silence didn't last long as he heard that and ended up laughing loudly, right from the heart. He wrapped his arms tighter around Alfred ad kissed him gently, slowly as he kept giggling. How adorable.
Alfred's face turned several shades of red before settling on a deep scarlet. He smiled shyly, happy to hear his angel laughing. It was a welcome change to all the drama. In return, however, he began to mercilessly "attack" Arthur's ticklish spots.
Arthur shut his eyes and only laughed even louder. His laugh was adorable, right from the heart each time when he laughed like this. He tried to grab Alfred's wrists, but it was in vain.
"A-Alfred! S-Stop!" he tried but continued laughing.
He felt so fragile in Alfred's hands, so small. And he felt that Alfred was his hero, that he would always protect him.
The shy grin quickly turned a bit devious, "Why should I?"
Alfred showed no signs of stopping, but kept his advances playful. After a moment, he leaned in and kissed Arthur. Sliding his legs off the bed, he went to find the bagels Mattie had packed. His stomach snarled again while he dug through the 'fridge. He grabbed a bagel and a can of coke, then walked back to the bed with his snack.
Arthur was panting heavily, a hand on his chest. It hurt from all that laughing he wasn't used to. His shirt had been pulled from the struggling and his other hand was resting at his belly.
"Ha.. Ha.. A-Alfred.. You will.. regret this.." he mumbled, closing his eyes and gulped.
Alfred smiled around the bagel and sat down with his back against the wall. It took him a little bit to finish off the bagel and about half the coke before he sat the can down again. His eyes twinkled playfully as he eyed the disheveled punk, who ran off for a bit to change into dry clothes.
"Oh?" he asked teasingly once Arthur had returned to his bed, "And how's that?"
"Are you sure you want to find out?" he asked, sitting up with a smirk.
He knew that Alfred would regret it. Just knew it and Arthur would enjoy seeing Alfred like that. And then, Arthur would also hope for something to happen.
"Y-yeah," the American responded.
Alfred tried to keep the smile on his face, but something about Arthur's smirk made him nervous. Butterflies, or maybe it was just the caffeine… whatever it was, his stomach fluttered in response.
Arthur nodded and got out of the bed to stretch. He then crawled on the bed, to Alfred, sitting in front of him, biting his own lip before licking it. He then brushed his hair away, leaned down and nibbled at the zipper to Alfred's pants. Arthur's hand caressed his inner thigh. He opened the pants with his teeth and then tugged them down.
"Mmmh.." the punk hummed.
The blush returned full force as he watched his angel, "Ah... Arthur?"
Arthur looked up at him, making eye contact. His emerald green eyes just staring; clearly showing lust, love and need. He licked the member through the fabric. He wondered if Alfred would find it as a turn on, so why not try it? He licked and sucked the member through the fabric of the underwear. It only got harder and harder. Lust-filled sounds escaped him. His hand started playing with the balls gently from the other side of the underwear.
Alfred unintentionally fell back on his pillows. His eyes closed momentarily as a quiet whimper escaped his slightly parted lips. It'd caught him off guard, but it felt so good... The whimpered turned into a breathy moan as his angel fondled his most sensitive areas.
The punk smirked. Of course, Arthur did everything he could to turn Alfred on.
"Mmmh… so hard already?" he chuckled and pulled the underwear down.
The member was already harder than Arthur had thought. A chuckled left him as he let the member rest against his cheek, before tilting his head and licked up the length, slowly. He loved hearing Alfreds moaning and he moved back, grabbing around the member.
"Do you regret?" he asked, smirking. He pumped it slowly as his thumb played with the foreskin
Alfred attempted not to react too strongly, but failed in the end. His back arched ever so slightly into Arthur's grip.
"N-no," the American panted slightly.
"Mmn.. You will," he chuckled.
The punk stripped out of his shirt and pants, now only wearing boxers. He kept playing with the foreskin before jerking it again, first slow, then quicker and quicker. Arthur slowly leaned down, teasing the tip of the member with his tongue.
"I doubt it...ahh," the words jumbled a bit and turned into a low pitched mewl.
Alfred hoped through his lust-clouded thoughts that his angel wasn't just teasing him. He reached up and laced his fingers into Arthur's hair, pulling ever so gently.
Arthur rubbed his tongue at the head before slowly taking the member into his mouth. It quickly filled his mouth, but he continued and then he sucked, bobbing his head quickly already as he played with his balls.
Alfred swallowed convulsively as words failed him. He could barely think straight while Arthur continued his ministrations.
Suddenly, he pulled away.
"Do you want to be inside me?" he asked before spitting at the member
A low keen found its way from him when his angel pulled away. All he could do was nod, almost helplessly, in response to Arthur's question.
Arthur smirked as he moved away from Alfred. He got fully dressed and trailed off to his bed, sitting down with a book and started to read. He didn't even say a word.
Alfred stared at the punk for a while, trying to piece together what had just happened. The tips of his ears burned as he realized that Arthur had been teasing him. Pulling his underwear back on, he marched to the bathroom and locked the door behind him. He sank to the floor, ignoring the discomfort caused by the action.
Arthur looked up. He guessed he would just need to masturbate. In fact, he had never had sex with Alfred and he wanted his first time to be special, not all of sudden. He would want to cuddle with him long time before and turn each other on by touching each other fully dressed.
Alfred sat there for a moment and tried to calm down. His head throbbed with his pulse; the dull ache was made worse by his rapid heart rate. Dizziness overtook him as he slide down so that his head was on the bath mat. Vertigo swept over him as he desperately tried to stay awake. Within seconds, he passed out.
Arthur waited… and waited. But he never came out. He walked to the door, knocking.
"Alfred?" he called out, but there was no answer.
He tried to open the door, even though he knew it was impossible to open from this side. He ran to the medic's room and hammered on the door.
Zach yawned and pulled away from Matthew's sleeping form. The Canadian had insisted on literally crashing with him after a nightmare had plagued his dreams. The medic shuffled over to the door and opened it. He looked sleepily at a panicked Arthur.
"What happened this time? Alfred PMSing?" he asked rubbing at one of his eyes.
"Uh… I don't know! But he is in the bathroom and isn't responsive! You have to help," he said, lowering his brows.
"Wonderful..." Zach groaned, and then turned to grab a small black bag from the pantry.
He walked back up to Alfred's room with Arthur and sat down in front of the bathroom door. The medic pulled out a tension bar and a few various other tools from the bag and began working with the tumblers in the lock. It'd been a while since he'd had to pick a bathroom lock, but pretty soon, the tumblers aligned. He opened the door a bit, then sighed again.
"First," he said, looking at Arthur, "Don't tell anyone I just did that. Second, he's unconscious and his foot's up against the door. We'll hurt him if we open it all the way now. Third... why is he just wearing his boxers?"
"Of course, I won't. Oh... I see," He smiled, "And well-" he froze as he blushed darkly.
"I-I was giving him a blowjob.." he answered faintly.
The punk was hoping Zach wouldn't hear it, but he knew he did and got Arthur was embarrassed.
Zach shoved himself to his feet and smacked Arthur upside the head rather hard. He glared down at the punk. He clenched his hands into fists at his sides to refrain from hitting Arthur again. Exhaustion burned away quickly with his anger.
"The kid has a concussion, Arthur! What the hell?" he snapped at the punk.
Arthur stepped back but up against the wall.
"I-I didn't think it would affect it! I'm sorry!" he lowered his brows, afraid if Zach would beat him up, "A-And I had forgotten! I just... I-I…" he was stunned, he had no idea what to say.
"That's your problem, isn't it?" Zach was trying very hard not to yell at this point, "You don't think!"
The medic sighed heavily, shaking his head. He didn't want to fight with Arthur, but this was ridiculous. It was common sense that such an injury would be affected by heightened blood pressure. Unfortunately, common sense was becoming a real rarity in the world.
"I-I am sorry," he apologized, taking a deep breath, "How will we get him out?"
Arthur tried to change the subject. In fact, he did know he shouldn't have done it. His father had been a doctor, after all. But he didn't think. He just wanted to touch Alfred, to pleasure him.
"It's not me you need to apologize to," Zach huffed.
He turned his back on Arthur and knelt by the door again. Bending his arm at a somewhat odd angle, he managed to shove Alfred's foot out of the way. The medic motioned for the punk to follow him; he'd played soccer and upper body strength had never been his focus. He needed help moving the American.
Arthur followed, but was a little lost. What should he do? Where should he grab? "U-Uh what should i?.. Uh.." he felt like that no matter what he said, it would be stupid. He sighed as he waited for a reply
"Same as last time," Zach sighed, "Get his feet and I'll get his torso."
The medic prayed that Matthew wasn't this accident prone or he'd be in for a world of trouble later on.
Arthur nodded and grabbed around Alfred's ankles, lifting them from the floor.
"Got them. Just to the bed?" he asked, looking at the older in front of him.
"Yeah," Zach mumbled.
Zach hoisted the American from under his arms and carried him to his bed. The medic was getting really tired of their bullshit. Between Canadian imposed insomnia and this crap, he was about to lose it.
Arthur sighed as they finally got Alfred up on the bed.
"Zach… Can I get a time? I mean, I think I need a doctor," he looked down, embarrassed
Zach looked over at Arthur, looking tired, and raised an eyebrow, "What'cha mean?"
The medic covered the nearly naked American up and sat down at the table. He didn't really want to move for the time being.
"I think I need to talk with someone about all my problems, because if I don't, I will get mad at someone again. I'll blame them and stuff... I need to get my head cleaned."
Zach gestured to the seat across from him, "Alright. Want to sit down and tell me what's going on?"
"Uh, I don't want to be in same room as Al. If he wakes up," he mumbled.
"You did quite a number on him this time," Zach resisted the urge to faceplant into the table, "I can pretty much guarantee that he won't be waking up anytime soon."
'Shut up,' the punk thought.
Arthur sighed, "It's just… I know you hate me and stuff, but I feel like everyone hates me..."
"Arthur, I don't hate you," the medic spoke sincerely, "Just the way you handle some things."
"I know I am bad at handling everything. I've had a horrible life, so I never learned how to handle it. And now, there's Alfred; the first good thing. Yet again, I don't know how to handle it," he confessed.
Zach listened intently, taking note of everything the punk said. He didn't want to interrupt again. At least, not yet. The medic glanced over at Alfred while Arthur was talking and saw the slightest of changes in his REM pattern. Glancing back at the punk, he didn't let on that he'd seen a thing.
"And... I don't know. So much has happened in my life, I just want to be happy now," he said faintly, looking into Zach's eyes.
With a sage nod, Zach met Arthur's gaze, "What's stopping you from achieving that happiness?"
The medic was curious, but he was also asking for the American's sake...
"I don't know, but whatever I do, it's not good enough… from grades to social issues and I can't better because I am depressed. On top of that, Francis likes me, but I like Al, and then Francis hurts Matt because of me. I am a source of sadness." Arthur had hardly paused long enough to breathe during his rant.
"I'd avoid calling Matthew by anything other than his name," Zach suggested, "All the same... you need to do what you know is right for you and hope that everything else falls into place. Francy-pants is currently in custody and Matthew will be just fine."
"But then something else will put me down. I have tried to commit suicide twice, but that didn't go as planned. Nothing ever goes as planned…"
Zach sat there, stunned for a moment. Conviction steeled his heart for the questions he knew he was going to ask, but was almost afraid to hear the answer to.
"How?" he asked, keeping his gaze locked with Arthur's, "And why would you want to go out that way?"
"How…? First time, I ate pills, but my organs started to set out, so i ended at the hospital for 3 months. Second time, I-" Arthur paused for a moment, "I was hanging myself. I did die, but as I told Alfred, my father was a doctor. He saved me".
Arthur sat there for a moment, started to feel the rope around his neck again before answering the last question.
"And why I wanted to die? Well..." He leaned back, "I had a mom, a dad and a brother. The perfect family, supposedly. Nah... my brother was always better than me in everything. I knew I could just study more, but I was too sad. He had a nicer body while I was a little chubby. So, I trained hard. As you can see... I couldn't stop. Then, I meet some rough guys. They asked me if I could get them some weed and I could. Suddenly, I was popular, so I did everything they told me to. I started drug peddling and took drugs myself. One night, I was high and a guy touched me. I liked it though because I didn't know what was happening. My father had found me on the sidewalk and he had to push the guy aside. I am glad he did that… Still, I feel horrible."
Zach listened without judging Arthur's choices. The punk's story wasn't unlike one he had heard a dozen times while working at the clinic as a counselor. While he couldn't empathize with the ones who had attempted suicide, Zach was able to sympathize with where Arthur was coming from. His home life wasn't the best for a few reasons. Still, there was one thing that worried him about the situation and he wasn't sure if the punk had heard it... a half-choked whimper from Alfred's bed. Zach knew he'd been awake for a while; long enough to hear all about Arthur trying to end his life.
Obviously, Arthur hadn't heard a thing. And since he didn't get an answer, he continued since he thought Zach was waiting for something.
"You know, it's just... You have to be really miserable to want to end your life. And it wasn't like I didn't want to live, I just wanted to end the pain. I know it's selfish, but… why not? I didn't know Alfred, I had no real friends... Nothing. I had my dad, who died. After his death, I wanted to try again. I guess you could say it was a suicide attempt. I was out walking to get some fresh air. Allistor and I had just come home from dad's funeral. After a while, I didn't know where I was. I walked until I found an highway. I remember seeing a truck and staring at its wheels before the time came, then I ran towards them. I was sure I would die… but instead of getting under the truck, I hit the wheel and fainted."
Zach sat back in his chair, still looking intently at Arthur, "I'm starting to wonder if I shouldn't introduce you to one of the kids that's supposed to come down to the clinic tomorrow. He's had some similar problems, but most of his have to do with when his parents divorced. I've met with him a few times already and saw his attempts at ending his life; the kid's arms are covered in more scars than I'd care to count. He says it's getting better, but I'm not so sure sometimes."
'Scars?' Arthur thought. Well, he did have many scars, but not on his arms. They were on his thighs, where it was easier to hide them. Even Alfred hadn't seen them. Scars are awful and Arthur thighs looked like something that had got burned 100 times because of cutting. It sounded like an idea, someone with the same problems huh? Arthur tilted his head to the side and brushed his hair away. He had a scar from the rope.
"I have this one," he lied as he gestured to the rope's mark, "But I would like to talk to him."
"Ya know, you're still really easy to read, Arthur," Zach said with a sad smile.
The medic was certain that there were other scars lingering on the punk's pale frame. He sighed, standing and heading for the door.
"I left my number on the fridge the last time I was up here. Text me if you need someone to talk to," his gaze shifted to Alfred, "The kid's right there and he's been awake for a bit."
Zach walked back to his room and crashed next to Matthew once again.
Alfred stayed under his comforter with his arms pinned to his chest. That was supposed to be confidential information... and Zach had just told his angel. And yet, Arthur had spilled something even worse to the odd brunette.
Arthur sighed and looked at the sleeping Alfred. He stroke Alfred's cheek.
"I love you so much, Al.. You are my world, my universe, my heartbeat… everything," he leaned down and kissed his forehead, "But someday, when you wake up… I won't be here anymore. I won't be anywhere except heaven. I would wait for you. I will finally be that angel whom you love so much." He sighed, "I can't tell you when you are awake. I don't want to see you cry. I know it's selfish, but I don't want to be the reason for failure... for everything that's bad. I love you, Alfred Jones. I will always love you," he whispered, kissed his lips before walking to his own bed, snuggling under the covers and curled up.
Alfred felt the tears fall silently down his face when Arthur turned his back. How could he say such things!? The American knew what he wanted to do... he'd stashed a few razorblades in a small stuffed polar bear Mattie had given him and his wrists itched. The sensation was almost maddening as he shoved at it, trying desperately to make it go away. There was something more important right now. He got up, wiped the tears away and walked over to Arthur.
"C-can I sleep with you?" he asked timidly.
Arthur blinked. Shit. Had Alfred heard it…? Maybe. He couldn't think of it now, he just moved a bit so Alfred could be there. He just wanted to be held close again; feelings Alfred's warmth. Wait, Arthur had said that… 'Someday when you wake up, I won't be here.' Could it be the reason that he would sleep with him?
"Of course you can," he answered.
Alfred slid under the sheets and snuggled close to his angel, holding him close. He kissed Arthur's soft lips. When he pulled back, the saddest look lingered in his blue eyes.
"I just want you to know that no matter what, you always have somebody here for you. Always. I'm never going to leave you," he said quietly.
"You heard it? How much?" he asked, holding Alfred's hand. Kissing each and every fingertip before moving into his arms.
Alfred's eyes misted over as he looked at his love, "...pills, Arthur? Really?"
Arthur curled up a bit, "W-What was I supposed to do? I was scared and i just wanted to sleep forever. It's so hard because I still want to die, but there one thing I want more. It's you. Still, I am not sure if I can live like that," he slowly teared up, "I need to feel that you are real.." and then he cried.
Alfred wrapped his arms around his angel, pulling Arthur close, and nuzzled into his hair. He knew how Arthur felt... wanting to sleep forever. It had been a few years since that once September, but he still remembered how it felt to bleed out. That time, Matthew had been with him when he woke up. His brother had made him want to live on and now... he didn't want to lose this, the way he felt or the one person who mattered most.
He ran his hand through Arthur's hair soothingly and kissed his forehead, "I know... I know, but I'm here for you and this is real. I love you."
Arthur closed his eyes as Alfred ran his hand through his hair. It felt nice… relaxing.
"I-I know it's real. Everything is real; the pain, the sadness. I hate reality and you are real, but to me, you are more like a dream... an unreachable dream," he looked into Alfred's eyes as tears threatened him once again and whispered, "I am not good enough for you. You are my dream, my heaven, and I want to die... so I can be with you."
Alfred listened and kept petting Arthur's hair. He smirked into his angel's hair, thinking back to a play Mattie had taken his to all those years ago; The Man of La Mancha. He wasn't a crazy knight or anything, but one of the songs just fit this moment. So he was an unreachable dream, huh?
"I guess that's my goal in life, really," he said after a moment, "To dream the impossible dream... because even the most impossible things can become a reality. To fight the unbeatable foe, such as loneliness or depression. Even those emotions can be overcome by happiness and love. To bear with unbearable sorrow simply because one day there's always going to be something that makes everything better. And to run where the brave dare not go. I'm willing to go the distance... as long as you're with me."
Arthur smiled, "I wish I could go with you, but I would eventually stop. I'd fall and fail; I'd keep you from your dream. I had a dream once," he mumbled, "I wanted to find the one I love. I have now; it's you, but Alfred... you don't understand," he sat up, covered his face.
Alfred tried to keep the hurt from his face when Arthur moved away. He understood more than what his angel was giving his credit for.
"I don't get it. I am a teenage boy who is thin, suicidal, a punk, and an outsider. And you are tall, sexy, tanned, handsome… even your voice is hot. …why me? Why not some pretty girl?" he asked feebly as he fell back into the bed and moved close to Alfred.
The American wrapped his scarred arms around Arthur once again, considering what he was about to say.
"That's the best part, isn't it..? Finding a new dream, a new reason to keep going," he smiled adoringly at Arthur, "Why you? Because no one else is as charming, awe inspiring or handsome... and no one will ever hold my heart the way you do."
Alfred grinned, looking slightly embarrassed, "Plus, girls aren't my type."
"So… you'd mind if I would wear a short, tight dress?" he asked with a little shy smirk.
Arthur leaned over. He didn't truly want to die. He knew that Alfred could and would save him, if worse came to worse. He moved in, kissing his chest. "Alfred.."
"W-why would you do that?" Alfred asked as he attempted not to laugh at the mental image he was getting.
He failed miserably and his face turned a dark shade of scarlet. With Arthur so close, he was certain that his angel heard his pulse quicken.
Arthur laughed.
"Some guys would find it sexy," he glanced up at him, "Would you?"
The punk chuckled and kissed his hero's chin.
Alfred looked even more flustered at the question, then frowned slightly. Why would he want to see that? A dress paled in comparison to what he'd seen earlier, after all. Arthur was perfect the way he was. The American shifted slightly and kissed his angel.
"Perhaps," one of his hands dropped to caress Arthur's side, "But why cover this up at all?"
"W-Well.. I just thought you would think I'd be sexy if I wore a short dress and gave you a lap dance while stripping," he laughed
Alfred hid his face in Arthur's hair and mumbled, "I'm beginning to think you enjoy doing this to me..."
The American was acutely aware that he wasn't wearing anything other than his boxers. This didn't help matters...
Arthur hugged him tightly.
"I am sorry," he whispered, closing his eyes, "I am still a little sad… we should sleep."
Alfred moved Arthur's arms and rolled over on his back, pulling his angel on top of him as he moved. He hummed contentedly as he pulled the duvet over them. Kissing Arthur's forehead once more, he wrapped his arms around his angel.
"Don't be sorry. Sweet dreams, my love," he said quietly, then picked up a lilting melody, "Rains will pour down, waves will crash around... but you will be safe in my arms."
Arthur blinked and smiled warmly when he felt the kiss. He then closed his eyes and rested his head on the others chest. His hand wandered across Alfred's bare chest briefy. He closed his eyes and slowly fell asleep
"N-Night..." the punk murmured as he passed out.
Alfred was half asleep before he realized his CD player was still going. 'It's too late to get up and turn it off now,' he thought, smirking slightly. Between the melody and Arthur's soft breathing, he fell into a deep, peaceful sleep.
Afterward: Thanks to everyone who's stuck with us and reviewed! I'll try to post the next bit soon...