#80 Forget

The fall of Kira's kingdom was long, and it cost blood.

L fought his way out of the palace with his bare hands and teeth. He did things he never thought himself capable of. Murder was so easy, after years of torture all his internal rules about hurting people went out the window. Later, there would be time for him to regret it and repent, but in those moments when he fled, L relied on his anger and misery to drive him through the security guards in a mess of blood.

And then came the uprising. Scattered children of Wammy's house threw off the shackles Kira's followers had placed on them, crept out of hiding, and came together again. Together they marched in bare feet on the homes of Kira's leaders, the last symbols of Light's reign, those who refused to fall even now their god had been killed in his own bed.

They broke into Damegawa's studio of lies and gutted him on one of his own shows, a bloody message to the world. Kira was dead, and Wammy's house was coming back.

They found Mello just in time. Half-starved and loosing the will to live. It took weeks of care before he could comprehend the truth that the horrible nightmare was slowly ending. He was free again.

Wammy's army grew stronger with Mello's rescue. Those who had followed Kira out of fear saw that there was at last a light at the end of the tunnel and joined them.

Kira's goddess was next to fall. She took out some members of the group with a scrap of the note she had hidden in her home, but they overwhelmed her quickly.

L paid little attention to how his followers killed her, his interests were focused on finding one small boy in that great palace.

He was chained in a tiny torture chamber. When they opened the door he screamed and started kicking violently, tears racing down his cheeks as he begged to go home and be safe again.

He cried harder when L hugged him and whispered in that gentle and familiar voice that it was over at long last.

He even allowed Mello to carry him out of there, his thin white legs unable to support himself. He kept bursting into tears at the smallest things, the red marks chains had left on his wrists, people kindly offering him food and hugs and the simple things he'd been craving for so long, things he'd forgotten existed.

Through every march on every Kira follower, Mello searched the houses. He searched every corner and closet, desperate to find any hint that what they had all been told wasn't true. He protested to L that it wasn't impossible Light and his men had lied about the missing third successor's death.

L thought that was wishful thinking, but didn't have it in his heart to tell Mello this. In this dystopian world the only thing they had to cling onto was wishful thinking and sheer determination.

When they found blood splatters in the slave's room of Mikami's mansion Mello broke down and screamed to the heavens that it wasn't fair. He renounced his faith and cursed his god for taking Matt. Then he cursed Matt for leaving him. Then Mikami and then god again as he ran out of people to blame.

It was late one night, L and his two surviving successors huddled around the fire as they'd lit in the shelter of an abandoned building. Other members of the army steered clear, huddling around their own fires, knowing that the three would want only each other's company.

L offered round cups of something alcoholic that they'd picked up on a supply raid. Near shook his head but Mello almost snatched the thing from him, throwing back the lot before holding out his cup for more.

"Mello should pace himself." L mumbled. "You're no use to us hungover."

Mello answered him with a glare.

Near coughed and huddled closer to L, anxious and fearful still. "L is right, Mello…" he sniffed. "Drinking won't bring him back. And it won't make you feel better."

Mello growled. "No it won't, but I don't care." He threw back another shot and shook his head at the burn in his throat. "I never effin told him, you know."

"Told him what?" L replied, of course he knew, but Mello needed to get it out before he'd start to feel any better about what had happened.

"That I loved him." Mello muttered, his voice breaking slightly with misery. "Twenty effin years we knew each other, six of 'em he was my goddamn boyfriend an' I never once told him I loved him." He choked and scrubbed the back of his hand at his eyes, trying to force back the tears. "I didn't deserve him. That's why he's dead."

Near shook his head, "Mello is being ridiculous. Matt is dead because of Kira."

L reached across and patted the blonde's shoulder. "I'm sure he knew how you felt… you just… forgot to say it out loud, that was all."

It was cold comfort to Mello. He reached for another shot.

There was a rustling from the shelter's entrance, a stick-thin figure staggered inside. He stumbled to the nearest fire; there was a mumble of conversation, and two of the small group he wandered into led him through the network of fires and huddled Wammy's children, towards L.

"L, another one wants to join up." One mumbled in explanation. "He said he knows you…"

L looked up from the blonde slowly, his already wide eyes stretching further. He nodded a few times, then appeared to recall something and shook Mello's shoulder violently.

"Mello, Mello, look."

Mello growled, staring into his drink. "Like I give a hell about whoever's shown up. Tell 'em to go join the ranks with the others and leave me with my goddamn drink."

"…M-mello?"

The voice was contorted. Hoarse from some infection or another, broken with exhaustion. Only a lover would have recognised it.

Mello was on his feet before his cup hit the floor. He'd turned before it had even began to roll.

He didn't look the same; it would have been impossible for him to look the same. His arms were criss-crossed with scars, not all of them self-inflicted. He was so covered in filth his hair looked more black than red. His goggles were gone all together, making his eyes unable to focus.

But it was him. It was Matt and Mello didn't seem to care how he had changed, or how he had escaped (which turned out to be a harrowing tale of breaking out of hospital and living rough for months on end). All that the blonde even said to him that night was "I love you" over and over.