Chapter 17.

Kurt glances to his left and finds his boyfriend nibbling unsurely on his lip. He leans over and nudges the hockey player with his shoulder. "If I didn't know any better, David, I'd say that you were nervous."

"Fuck yes I am!" Dave hisses in a grouchy tone under his breath, his head whipping to stare the paler boy down. "I can't fucking sing in front of a shitload of people! You know that! I barely like singing in front of you, most times…" Why does Kurt think Dave used to slushie the Glee Club? Aside from it being the loser central of McKinley High by the other students' standards, Dave was secretly jealous that they had the courage to stand up in front of everybody and flaunt their talents.

"Dave, be reasonable," Kurt huffs, running two fingers through his own hair to fix it from the heat of the room. "It's nothing. Look, I'll even let you choose the song. What would you feel comfortable singing?"

Dave snorts a laugh. Jokingly, but with a straight face, he lists, "I dunno, Reel Big Fish? Nine Inch Nails? Mindless Self Indulgence?" not really meaning any of them, even if they happen to be bands on his iPod.

Kurt rolls his eyes. "Don't make me choose for you, Dave. I'll pick a duet that completely unflattering to your voice if you refuse to cooperate."

"I'm thinking, okay? Why don't you go over there and listen to Brittany and Santana sing? Looks like they're on first. Leave me be for a minute."

"Fine," Kurt sighs, and relents with a shrug as he saunters off in the direction of the crowd.

Meanwhile, left to himself, Karofsky kicks a tow at the carpet and plops himself down on an armchair.

Oddly enough, Mike Chang comes to sit near Dave, cocking his head in the other boy's direction. "You two get into a fight or something? I don't like seeing Kurt pouty like that."

Dave sighs. "Nah, it's nothing. He just doesn't like that I can't pick a song for us to sing, and that I really don't want to sing at all. He expects a lot out of me sometimes, but I don't know how to live up to his expectations all the damn time."

Mike nods solemnly. "Yeah, I get how that is. Tina's the same way." He flicks his head at the stage. "But hey, there's a list up there of karaoke songs, if you wanna shuffle through them and find something that'll please him. Just saying." And he gets up, whistling along with Brittany and Santana's song.

Blinking once or twice, Dave shrugs and decides, Why not take a gander? Kurt might playfully scold Dave for cheating by looking at a list for inspiration, but whatever. They have to sing something there's actually music for, anyway, for it to sound best.

"Mind if I steal this?" Dave asks as he picks up the album of karaoke CD booklets. The DJ shakes his head, flippant, while he plays the middle-end of the former Cheerios' song. He flips through the book without much interest, skipping all of the cliché musical songs like ones from Grease. He hesitates a moment on 'As Long As You're Mine' from Wicked, because he remembers hearing it in the car before and thinking about how he occasionally feels that way about Kurt. But he shrugs it off and keeps searching.

Dave stumbles upon Creed songs, relatively old ones, but good ones. 'Hide,' 'Don't Stop Dancing,' 'Wash Away Those Years,' 'Wrong Way,' 'Stand Here With Me,' 'My Sacrifice' (and of course the more popular ones, like 'With Arms Wide Open' and 'One Last Breath'). He ponders this last one, 'My Sacrifice,' in particular; it isn't a duet, and he doubts that Kurt will know it, but… what if Dave sang it alone? What if he proved himself to Kurt that way, since even now, in this place with all of Kurt's accepting, newly easygoing (most likely the independent college life's doing) friends, and with so much love taking over most of the sour parts in Dave… there's always that lingering sense of bully-mentality, that cowardice and self-loathing and fear and disappointment and sense of not being adequate enough, not being deserving.

So… could a song fix things?

Maybe. It's worth a shot.

Grinning, Dave finalizes his plan by choosing 'My Sacrifice' by Creed as a song for himself, to sing after something Artie and Puck have jotted down on the list for themselves, and right before a duet Dave selects at random for himself and Kurt (it winds up being 'Strawberry Fields Forever,' the Across the Universe version; he hopes Kurt doesn't mind, or has at least heard the song in passing before).

This should be interesting…

XXX

"Looks like we have Dave up next," Puck smirks as he announces the singer to follow him and Artie. He grins. "Does this mean we finally get to slushie you back, dude?"

"Ha ha, very funny," Dave snorts, stepping up to take the mic, and he watches as Kurt's attention is caught from where he stands in the crowd with Quinn drifting off mid-sentence from a conversation with him. "But yeah, I guess this does seem pretty stupid, huh? Me, singing by myself. But, uh, I have my reasons. I think some of you might get it. Anyway… I'm gonna be singing 'My Sacrifice' by Creed, 'cause, you know, it's a good song. And some of the lyrics are… uh, important to me," Dave relays with evident reticence.

The soft guitar starts up, and Dave sways in time with the melody, being careful not to look anyone in the crowd in the eye. Then, as the rest of the drums and such picks up, he starts to get more into it, rocking out to the beat and stealing glimpses of facial expressions breaking out into smiles. Slightly more confident, Dave begins to sing as the mark comes around.

"Hello my friend, we meet again; it's been a while, where should we begin? Feels like forever…" Dave shakes his head, closes his eyes for a moment, and continues, "Within my heart are memories: a perfect love that you gave to me. Oh, I remember…" For a brief moment, Dave locks gazes with Kurt's shimmering baby blues, and he sings with real emotion in his voice, "When you are with me, I'm free; I'm careless, I believe; above all the others we fly; it brings tears to my eyes… My sacrifice."

Kurt's now making his way up to the front of the party crowd, trying to get closer to the small platform. He peers up at his boyfriend, his irises darting back and forth, seeking something. Dave can't bear to look; there's something more intimate there than sex, something deeper there than dating. He doesn't want to think about it, even if he's already said 'I love you,' because loving someone and feeling like a certain person is another part of your soul is two separate things.

After a short musical interlude, the lyrics roll around again, and Dave licks his lips and opens his mouth to sing them. "We've had our share of ups and downs; oh, how quickly life can turn around… in an instant. It feels so good to reunite within yourself and within mine; let's find peace there…" And he truly means this last bit, he really does, and he can tell as he risks another look at Kurt that the porcelain boy understands. "'Cause when you are with me, I'm free; I'm careless, I believe; above all the others we'll fly… This brings tears to my eyes. My sacrifice."

And with the subsequent round of music, Dave bangs his head a little, his legs broadening in to a wider stance, kicking once or twice on a particularly loud symbol clash, and stretching his chin to the ceiling as he belts out some of the lyrics as passionately as the leader singer of the original.

"I just want to see you again… I just want to see you again!" and he purposely swishes his body on a few notes, then wraps his fists in the air for some of the drum bangs.

Then, as the music starts to slow, Dave relaxes his face and opens his eyes slowly, feeling embarrassed with himself at first for getting so in to it, but then he realizes that this is a room full of gleeks and that each and every one of them are staring at him now in ridicule or disapproval, but in awe and respect, and they seem genuinely pleased with his act, so Dave doesn't feel half as embarrassed any longer when the next verse rolls around.

He leans forward and sings softly, "'Cause when you are with me… I'm free… I'm careless, I believe… Above all the others, we'll fly… This brings tears to my eyes…" And he suddenly bursts into being again, air-drumming and doing a surprisingly high kick as he switches back to his more passionate tone, "'Cause when you are with me, I'm free; I'm careless, I believe; above all the others we'll fly! It brings tears to my eyes; my sacrifice! My sacrifice! I just want to see you… I just want to see you again! …My sacrifice…"

Panting, Dave waits as the song fades out completely before he re-opening his eyes once again and looking out at all of the stunned/pleased faces of the past Glee Club, and he's more than relieved when they actually applaud him. And soon Kurt is hopping up on the platform, his back to his friends, to give Dave a strong peck on the cheek.

In his ear, Kurt murmurs, "I'm so proud of you."

And honestly, that's the best thing Dave's heard in a long, long while.

"Damn, dude! Why weren't you one of us in high school?" Puck teases as he joins the pair on the small stage and takes the mic that Dave willingly hands him. He gives the other jock a clap on the back before turning to the other partygoers. "So, looks like you can just stay up here, Kurt, 'cause the two of you are on next. Knock 'em dead," he grins, and hands the mic to Kurt first.

"Um… what are we singing, now?" Kurt smiles meekly, glancing over at Dave.

"You'll see. I think you know this one," Dave replies low enough for only Kurt to hear. He winks. "It's a good one. And I know for a fact an artsy-fartsy guy like you has seen the movie it's from."

Kurt quirks an eyebrow in interest, and as the DJ begins playing the song, Kurt's face lights up in recognition. Away from the mic, he whispers excitedly, "OhmiGaga, I love this song!"

"Thought you wouldn't mind it," Dave smiles in return. "You're up first. You can sing all of Jude's lines. I'll take Max's."

Grinning, Kurt nods and begins, "Let me take you down, 'cause I'm going to… strawberry fields… Nothing is real… Nothin' to get hung about; strawberry fields forever. Livin' is easy with eyes closed… Misunderstand all you see. It's getting' hard to be someone, but it all works out; it doesn't matter much to me…" Turning back slightly, Kurt hands the microphone over to Dave and a thrill runs through him as Dave's smooth voice chimes out the next verse.

"Let me take you down, 'cause I'm goin' to… strawberry fields." He rolls his head on his shoulders and with a curt shake, adds, "Nothing is real. There's nothin' to get on about; strawberry fields forever." He hop-steps up to Kurt and they place the mic between them to sing in unison.

"Always know sometimes it gets me; but you know I know when it's a dream; I think you know –"

Kurt butts in, "I need a yes –"

And they continue together, "But it's all wrong; that is, I think I disagree." With the brief musical pause, the two college boys link hands, unashamed, and listen as everyone starts clapping in time with the beat. "Let me take you down, 'cause I'm goin' to strawberry fields… nothing is real… and nothin' to get on about; strawberry fields forever. Strawberry fields forever…"

Kurt sings out, "Strawberry fields forever~!"

And then they find themselves dancing together, swerving in and out and around one another during the musical interlude as if they rehearsed it, and all too soon, the song is over.

Everyone is screaming now, applauding louder than they had for Dave alone, and there's something like a shining glow of happiness bursting in Dave's chest, a sensation he isn't used to feeling; this sense of pride and accomplishment he rarely feels unless he's made a really good goal at the end of a quarter or an entire game of hockey.

And while Kurt is more used to the feeling, it's different this time, because as he feels Dave's lightly rough-textured hand slip into his own, he realizes this is more of a shared feeling, a joint sense of pride, and it's this kind of happiness that is new to Kurt, because he's always been just a little self-centered with his fashionista, diva-like personality, and suddenly he can feel it melting away completely. It's okay to be a little needy of someone else, a little co-dependent, he realizes. And he likes how it feels, as if a small weight had been lifted from his shoulders, and something truer than he's ever felt before shines through.

They take a quick bow before retreating from the stage, Rachel going up for a second time, but this time with Quinn and Mercedes in tow. They sing a rather powerful version of a mash-up of 'Heaven's A Lie' by Lacuna Coil and 'God Help Me' by Rebecca St. James (Kurt snorts, the name of the artist reminding him of Jesse, and he wonders if Rachel is thinking the same, even temporarily). There is bright applause, and after a few more rounds of karaoke (Dave and Kurt deciding not to go again, because they don't need to, and they don't even know what they'd sing anyway).

After a final round of applause, drinks start circulating again, and pretty soon, there's dancing and loose talking and the hours of the night fly by. Gifts are exchanged, a group collection of Christmas carols is sung, and snow starts to fall outside. It's late, and people are getting sluggish, and a few are admittedly buzzed or drunk, and it's all in good fun even if they are underage.

When it's time to go home, Dave tugs Kurt off to the side and murmurs, "I don't know what to do. You're probably going back to your parents' house, but I don't think I should spend the night with you there like we originally planned. My mom texted me during the gift-giving thing and said that I could come home tonight if I wanted to. Should I?"

Kurt sucks in air. Slowly, he lets it out as he said, "I don't know. That's a tough one, Dave. It's your call. But I'm sure my parents would rest easier if they knew my boyfriend wasn't sleeping in the same house as me; they're already telling me not to ever let them know if we've ever done anything together since we live in the same dorm room." He quirks a smile. "Not that I'd tell them I lost my virginity anyway. That's personal. But yeah, I personally think it might be good for you to go home tonight and use this opportunity to talk to your parents together tomorrow. And it really, really would ease my parents' minds not to wonder if I'm sneaking out of bed to come make out with you on the couch in the middle of the night or something."

And it makes Dave blush to hear that, but he nods in all seriousness. "Yeah, okay. 'S long as you're not offended or think that that I'm ditching you."

Kurt shakes his head. "No, I understand. And I don't think or feel either of those things." He touches Dave's forearm, rubbing it a little. "This is a good thing. We'll go our separate ways tonight, and then some time tomorrow, we can meet back up again and talk, if you like."

"Sounds like a plan to me," Dave agrees, and leans forward to give Kurt a tiny kiss on the forehead, it tasting lightly of salty sweat. "I'll see you tomorrow. I'm going to head out, now. You can ride back with Finn, right?"

"Yeah, but let me get my stuff out of the car first, stupid!" Kurt laughs, nudging Dave. "If I don't, what will I wear to bed? Or tomorrow, for that matter?"

"Oh yeah. Almost slipped my mind."

"What mind?" Kurt jokes airily as he moves to say goodbye to his friends. Dave's gives awkward handshakes in parting – but surprisingly receives a hug from Rachel – and follows Kurt and Finn out the door. They load up Finn's car with Kurt's bags, and then Kurt waves goodbye as Dave piles in to the car.

It's a relatively short drive home, and it almost feels weird to be back since Thanksgiving; now because of the time or all of the events between, but because he knows that he'll be returning as a gay son, and not just as a son. It feels weird, uncomfortably weird. Dave stiffens at the wheel and revolves his shoulders, trying to loosen himself. It's no big deal, right? Both of his parents know, and they seem okay with it, especially since he's going home to them right now.

So then why is it Dave feels so damn scared?