#94 Soul

A/N: this continues from 'Bible'

Mello often felt guilty, it was an inevitable offshoot of his highly devout way of life, spent following either L or god's teachings. How easy it was for those two men to make him feel guilt.

But on this day his guilt was focused squarely on the fact that his best friend in the entire world had gotten sick, probably from all the time he spent sneaking in to keep Mello company when he was sick.

The red-haired boy was currently tucked into his pokemon-patterned bed, a cold cloth over his forehead and covers right to his chin, making him look much smaller and weaker than he actually was. Mello felt like the worst person in the world whenever he saw him like that.

The blonde boy made a point of sneaking into the room, breaking the rules about quarantine, if only alleviate his own guilt about having made the red-head sick.

"Mnh… Mell… my tummy hurts…" he whined from under the covers.

Mello smiled fondly and ruffled his fringe, slightly damp from where the cloth had been resting. "I know Matty. Want me to go get you some meds?"

The head shook slowly. "Nnh… I'll only upchuck them again."

Mello forced back a small laugh at that. It had been so great earlier on, when that old fart Roger had forced some tablets down Matt's throat and he'd promptly thrown them back up all over Roger's new suit. The pair of them had spent a good twenty minutes giggling together about that.

"Well how about something to drink?" he suggested, sitting on the edge of Matt's bed and kicking his legs out of boredom.

Matt shook his head again. "No…" he grabbed the covers and pulled them over his head. "Now my head hurts too."

Mello gave a bored sigh and hopped back off the bed, wandering to the bookshelf they shared. Generally speaking he didn't touch any of Matt's books, game guides and movie tie-in's, not like his own shelf filled with reference books and files of old cases.

With a sigh and without really looking he grabbed one, not really registering that the covers had pages from a comic books stuck over them. He opened it and scanned the first line.

'Coming out; a young person's guide to homosexuality…'

Mello's mouth dropped open and practically threw the book to the floor, terror seizing his throat. The damn thing fell open at a diagram he really could have done without seeing.

It had to be a mistake, right? Matt picked it up for a joke, of course!

Trying to prove it to himself he grabbed another book, a manga, he knew Matt was into those Japanese comics, he'd usually try and nag Mello into translating for him and-

The first panel showed two extremely attractive and naked boys, doing things Mello had no name for an certainly no desire to learn.

"Matt!" he intended for his voice to sound enraged, but it came out a choked-up squeak.

Matt; poked the top of his head out of the covers. "What?"

Mello coughed. This time he managed anger. "What the hell is all this?" he demanded, throwing the books onto the bed.

Matt sat up and peered blearily down at them. It took a second, but then the terror set in over Matt's face.

"Oh god, Mello I-"

Mello caught him a slap across the face, "You've lived in my room since we were kids and now you decide you're a queer?"

Matt, holding his head, glared back at his friend. "…How… how dare you?"

"What?" Mello snapped, caught aback.

Matt managed to steady himself, one hand on the headboard of his bed to keep himself steady. "You… you said just a week ago it's not a choice. It's like having blue eyes or something…"

Mello growled. "That's not the point! I didn't know I was sharing my room with one of you!"

Matt winced at the spite in his friend's voice. "…But nothing's different… I'm still me."

Mello shuddered. He tried to think of another argument to support his repulsion. He tried to remember the exact passage wherein god forbade things like that, and then remembered that only the other week matt had smashed that argument to pieces. He remembered how they'd spent every moment of their lives together since they were four years old. He wondered why Matt had kept something like this from him, and got his answer in his own reaction.

It was all too much. He shuddered and fell on his knees. His hand scrabbled for his rosary. He caught it tight and started to mutter to himself.

Matt slid onto the floor beside him and took his hands. "Mello… it's ok. It's ok, nothing's changed."

Mello sniffed and let himself fall forwards against Matt. "Everything's changed."

"How? We're the same people, right? Only difference is you know I like boys." Matt giggled slightly. "Not like I'm gonna molest you. Or start saying 'fabulous' and lisping."

Mello managed a slight smile at that.

Matt smiled back, then frowned slightly and shot to his feet. "Oh god I gotta puke…" he stammered, before racing out of the room and towards the bathrooms at top speed.

Mello sighed and picked himself back up, gathering the two books from Matt's bed to return them to the shelf.

Later on he told himself it was intellectual curiosity that drove him to secretly read the yaoi book cover-to-cover, twice.