A.N.: Poor Catnip. So confused.
Chapter 3: Farewells
I begin to frown heavily as the Peacekeepers escort us into the Justice Building. The Justice Building is the only building in District 12 that could be called grand, or at least the only one I know off. It is built in a classical style, with pillars, carvings in the walls and symmetry all around.
Gale is escorted into a large hallway first, four Peacekeepers keeping in check with him and he is lead into a room to our left. He glances over his shoulder and tries to assure me with one of his grins, but I see it's more of a grimace than a smile.
Where Gale was lead into a room to the left, I am led into a room to the right. The Peacekeepers stay a short moment to make sure that I will not try to escape, then depart from the room and close the double, mahogany doors.
The room is richly furbished. Red carpet hides the floor and one part of the room's walls is hidden by a large bookcase, filled with thick books. In the middle of the room sits a fancily carved table and a set of chairs covered in velvet. It's the biggest display of wealth I have ever seen. Each chair could richly feed my family for a month, not to mention what the chair and bookcase could give us. It makes my hands shake.
I think of Gale, and if his room is similar to mine. I can imagine him growling at the display of prosperity. Maybe he would break the room down, those steely eyes of his set ablaze with hatred for the Capitol and the circumstances it has forced us into. I sit down at the table and let my hands run over the smooth wood.
I want Prim. I want to close my arms around her and tell her everything is okay. I want to reassure her, because maybe, just maybe it might bring some peace to my own mind. For one simple moment I want to ignore what has happened, and pretend that everything will go back to normal. That I will hunt again in the woods. That I will hiss at Buttercup, Prim's ugly cat, every morning like I always do. That I will wake up tomorrow with Prim next to me, her blonde hair messy from a night of twisting and turning.
My longing for the past is shattered as the door opens and Prim rushes in. Our mother follows her, but slowly.
Prim rushes to me and jumps into my lap, hugging me firmly to her. Reluctantly, I wrap my arms around her too. Not because I do not want her hug, but because I am not certain I will let her go after I embrace her. I gulp heavily as I feel mother put her arms around the two of us. We sit like that for several minutes, simply soaking up each other's presence. Then I start to talk.
Prim is to stay in school and sell the milk from her goat. She is not to take any tesserae. She is not to take in any other animals, because feeding Buttercup is already another mouth to feed. Prim is to show Rory what she knows about herbs and he will give her meat for cooking. She simply nods while silent tears run down her cheeks, not relinquishing me from her hug.
Then I turn to mother and make my expression as stern as I can.
"You have to take care of her," I demand.
Mother nods weakly. "I-I will. I'm better now."
"I'm serious, mom. You cannot disappear. You cannot fade away. If I.. If I.. While I am gone, you are all she has. You have to be there for her."
"I will!" Her voice sounds a little bit stronger, but I am not content yet.
"Swear it."
Mother takes a second before she answers. "I swear."
I nod slightly, then simply bury my head in Prim's blond hair. The feeling of longing I had before she had come in the room disappears as I realise I cannot have her by my side forever. I cannot have her by my side any longer than the Peacekeepers currently allow us. I cling on to her for as long as I can, but the Peacekeepers come too soon.
"Try to come back to us, Katniss.. Please!" Prim whispers urgently as the impatient Peacekeeper comes closer to drag her away from me.
"I'll try Prim, I'll really try!" I whisper back, my throat clenching in pain as I fear that I will have to disappoint her. The chances of me returning are next to nothing.
"I love you," Prim whispers as the Peacekeeper's hand locks around her wrist and begins to pull her away.
"I love you!" I whisper back, then repeat the same for my mother who is now silently crying. The Peacekeeper drags them both out and I am left alone in my velvety room.
I begin to pace up and down the room, trying to think of anyone that might visit me. Apart from Prim and my mother I cannot come up with anyone, until I think of Madge. She would be the only one that I could call a friend besides Gale, and the only one that I expect to possibly visit me after my mother and sister.
When the door opens again, I expect Madge to walk through, still in white dress she wore to the Reaping and her blonde curls in bound up in a pink ribbon. I look at the baker in confusion as he walks into the room awkwardly, gazing backwards as the Peacekeeper closes the door.
"Mr. Mellark? What are you doing here?" I ask him.
"I.. I'm.." he stutters a little and looks a little like a lost puppy. I invite him to sit and he quickly takes a seat.
We sit in silence for a moment. Then he slowly reaches a brown bread bag towards me. I accept it with a confused look.
"Cookies. I made you some cookies," he answers and scratches the back of his head. "I just want to tell you that what you did was very brave. What you and the Hawthorne boy both did."
That's right. Because of Gale's call-out, Peeta Mellark was spared the horrors of the arena. He will not have to fight for his life. He can just continue baking bread and living his life. I feel a stab of jealousy at Peeta's escape of a horrible fate while Gale and I are forced to fight for our lives, but that jealousy disappears as soon as it appeared. Peeta saved my life, and through mine, my mother's and Prim's. If anyone deserves saving, it's Peeta.
"Thank you," I mutter, and fumble a little with the bag.
Mr. Mellark coughs softly and crosses his arms.
"I.. I uhm.. I knew your mother when we were younger. She lived across my family's home in town."
I wait for the point to his remark, but he remains silent. After a long moment he coughs again.
"I won't let them get hungry. I'll look after them." Mr. Mellark dodges my confused gaze, but I know that he is sincere.
"Thank you," I whisper again, softer this time, and only look up as the Peacekeeper opens the door again and lets the baker out.
My nerves are now settled a little more. With Rory hunting, mother selling her remedies, Prim selling the milk from Lady and Mr. Mellark's support, my mother and Prim should be able to get by. They should have enough food without Prim taking the tesserae.
The door opens again and this time, it is Madge that walks through. She doesn't cry and she doesn't avoid my gaze, instead she gently wraps her arms around my neck.
"I'm sorry, Katniss," she mutters. There is no pity in her voice, just compassion. I appreciate her even more for it.
Before I can say anything, she pushes something in my hand. I look down and open my hand and feel my eyes grow wider. In my hand lays the pin Madge sometimes wears to school. I remember admiring it at one point, but more so for its value than the pin itself. The pin features a tiny golden bird, its wings extended in flight, attached to a small golden ring.
"You have to wear it," Madge insists.
"Wear it? I'm going to the Capitol, Madge. I doubt this will make the final make-over I am undoubtedly getting."
Madge shakes her head. "No, I mean wear it in the Arena. They allow you to wear one thing, right?"
I nod. "But Madge, this is too much."
I am surprised by how fierce of a look Madge shoots me. "Wear it. As a reminder of home."
As I do not protest anymore, she grabs the pin from my open hand and pins it on my dress. There is a knock on the door and Madge gives me a quick kiss on my cheek before departing through the opening door.
My list of visitors has come to an end and the Peacekeepers swarm back in to my velvety room to escort me out. We leave via the back door of the Justice Building where a row of sleek black cars waits for us. I ask the Peacekeeper near the second car in the row if I am allowed to ride with Gale, but he simply shakes his head and opens the door for me. I try to stretch time a little by looking over my shoulder at the Justice Building, but I feel an impatient nudge against my back and decide to climb in the sleek car.
The ride to the train station is so short I barely have any time to appreciate the red velvet interior of the car. Before I know it I am practically hauled out of the car and once against escorted to the station. The station is buzzing with people. Reporters and people from the District have all gathered to tell us goodbye. I doubt any of them expect us to return, not alive anyway.
I work hard to keep my face free of any emotions, which is hard when I see Gale step out of his car. He is looking as determined as ever, his jaw tense and his fists slightly clenched. There is some form of relief in his eyes once his gaze falls on me, but he is wise enough not to let it show on his face. I try to do the same, but doubt that I can do it as well as he does.
We have to stand in front of the train for a few minutes, only to be blinded by a million flashes and trying to ignore the hundreds of questions that are shouted at us.
I want to hide behind Gale, but I know that I will not be allowed to, and hiding will certainly not do me any good with getting the Capitol to like me. Still, I inch closer to Gale until our shoulders are almost touching. I want to grab his hand and cling to it as it is one of the only familiar things in this sea of the unknown. I refrain, however, and keep my hands tightly at my side.
Gale and I are herded into the train and we both sigh in relief as the doors close. Effie appears behind us and guides us into what seems to be the dining room. She waves in the general direction of our rooms and chimes enthusiastically about the speed of the train, which will take us to the Capitol in less than a day. She then continues on how dinner will be served in an hour or so, giving us enough time to explore the train and get freshened up.
Gale and I exchange a glance before departing in the direction our rooms are supposed to be.
My room is even more luxurious than the room in the Justice Building. It has a double bed, a private bathroom and a huge closet with all varieties of clothes I could imagine and more. Most of those varieties were both strange to me and terrifying, as some of them consisted out of less fabric for the bodice than some underclothes I own. I steered clear of the closet for now. Instead I slumped down face down on the huge bed and groaned.
A few minutes later I felt a weight slump down next to me and I raise my head a little. Gale is lying on his back on the bed gazing up at the ceiling. I want to break the silence, but I realise this is the first time we are alone. The subject of his volunteering as tribute is inevitable. I groan again and slump my face back into the covers.
"Why did you do it, Gale?" I groan.
"Do you really need to ask?" He replies.
I sit up and cross my legs. "What about our deal? You broke our deal, Gale!" My tone is far more accusatory than I had intended, but I cannot keep the hurt out of it.
Gale remains silent and keeps staring up at the ceiling. For what seems an eternity, I glare at him, while he avoids my gaze.
"We made that deal a year ago, Catnip. Things are different now."
"Different how?" I flush slightly and for a short moment I am glad that he is avoiding my gaze.
"Different enough that I wouldn't let you go to the Capitol alone. I can't let you wreak havoc all on your own and have all the fun," Gale's smirk is back as he turns his face to me. I want to let it go there and then, because that stupid smirk is seemed casual enough to let it go.
"You broke the deal that was supposed to keep our families fed."
"Well, they will be fed. Rory can hunt, and your mother and sister can sell things to get by."
I am about to interrupt him and tell him that it might not be enough and that his actions might have dire consequences for both our families, but he cuts me off and sits up.
"Look, Katniss." He didn't say Catnip. He must be really serious.
"I know that we had that deal. And I know that me volunteering was stupid and impulsive, but if I could do it again, I would. You are my best friend and my hunting partner. We have each other's back. And I was not about to break that streak by letting you go into that arena without me."
I winch as sudden tears want to roll down my eyes. "Only one of us has a chance to get out Gale, and we both know the odds are not in our favour."
Gale leans in closer, his face without any sign of his smirk, and grabs my hands. "I know, Catnip. I know. It doesn't matter."
I growl as I pull my hands from his. "Damn it, Gale, it does matter!"
I rise from the bed and start pacing around. "It could have been so easy! I would take part in the Hunger Games instead of Prim, together with Peeta Mellark, I would save him because he deserves to and help him survive as long as I can and then I would die! You and mom and Prim would be sad, but you would survive and live a relatively happy life! That's how it's supposed to be!"
Gale scoffs a little and scowls slightly. "You know it wouldn't be a happy life, Katniss, not even a relatively happy life. The Capitol doesn't allow such a life for its subjects. And with you going to the Capitol and possibly not returning, I am not staying behind!"
His voice now matched mine in intensity and ferocity and when rose from the bed, we met face to face, both stubborn in our opinions. Our little squabble was so familiar in this unfamiliar setting that I managed a grin. Gale looked at me slightly confused, but replied my grin with one of his own, albeit a uncertain one.
"What?" he asked.
"Well, at least I am facing my demise with my best friend and partner," I smirk. "Hunting partner! Hunting partner! I.. uhm.." I scratch my head and flush slightly again.
Gale seems a little confused by my ramblings to myself, but grins slightly nonetheless. We fall into an easy hug, a simple hug that spoke volumes and reminded both of us of simpler times, happier times in which we both didn't face our demise. But at least we are facing it together.
At that moment Effie decides to walk into the room and we break apart rather awkwardly. Effie takes a long moment to look from Gale to me and back again, then breaks out into a bubbling laugh.
"I'm sorry, I didn't want to disturb you two lovebirds!"
Gale and I both start talking and denying her statement, resulting in a jumble of words that make no sense whatsoever. In Effie's eyes, our denial only makes her statement truer and more accurate. She claps her hands and looks at us as if we are a new outfit that she just gathered together and made it work. I throw a glance at Gale and am slightly surprised to see him actually laugh. Gale hardly ever goes beyond his usual smirk or crooked grin, and for him to be laughing in Effie's presence that practically screams Capitol.. I shake my head in slight confusion, but manage a slight grin at Effie's enthusiasm. Her bubbly behaviour has been our source of entertainment for years and has provided us with many impersonation jokes that we would act out in the woods. Now we get to see the real thing up close and even in our dire circumstances, it has both Gale and me smiling.
Effie leads us to the dining room where we take place at a long, mahogany table already set with many plates of various foods. I look at Gale and he is looking at all the food with a mixture of longing and disgust at the vast display of wealth. I feel less disgust as my stomach starts growling as soon as I smell all the varieties of food.
When I reach out to a rather delicious looking stew, Effie taps my hand with her long manicured nails and gives me a stern look. I pull back and shoot her an indignant look.
The reason behind her refusal for me to dig in already soon comes through the kitchen doors. Apparently what I was going for was the main course, but first we are served several kinds of appetizers. Once Gale is over his disgust for the prosperous display of food and his hunger wins it out, the appetizers soon give way for the main course.
"I was going to tell you that your manners aren't truly terrible, but I think I have changed my mind," Effie comments as Gale and I both stuff ourselves with the food. We exchange a glance and shrug simultaneously.
Haymitch doesn't seem to join us for supper, and although Effie comments on his absence, none of us really mind him and his drunk odour not being there.
Slowly, our stuffing of food slows to a stop and Gale and I both huff as we try to get used to a full, full stomach. Effie gazes at us over her folded hands, her eyes twitching back and forth to find any sign of any romantic background we might have.
She leads us to another compartment that has been decorated as a living room. We watch the recap of the Reapings of other districts. I flinch internally when I realize that I will be fighting these other kids in a battle for life and death. I want to hide and ignore them, but I know it is necessary to know one's competition.
Only a few of the kids stand out. The first Reapings to be shown are those from the first few districts. There is a big guy from District 2 that rushes forward during his Reaping to volunteer, his eyes glinting with pride and joy over being in the oncoming fight. There is a fox faced girl from District 5 with red hair. She seems.. cautious and already calculating how to best survive in the arena. I gulp heavily as the Reaping from District 11 is shown. The girl tribute is a twelve year old, dark-skinned girl with big brown eyes. Her appearance is so different from Prim, and yet I cannot stop seeing similarities. I almost breathe in relief when they show the Reaping from District 12. With a groan, I get off the couch and say goodnight, for I have no desire to see the recap of my life falling apart.
"Unbelievable how Haymitch behaved during the Reaping. Really unprofessional. A shame he is the only possible mentor for the two of you," I hear Effie say.
"Don't worry, Effie. We'll just bait him out of his room tomorrow with a bottle of booze and bribe him with liquor in return for his help," Gale jokes. I shake my head slightly. It's so weird to hear Gale talk with Effie Trinket, who is Capitol up and down, so easily, yet it is also kind of endearing.
I wish them goodnight and Gale gazes over the edge of the couch to catch my eye for a long, lingering moment. I turn around and depart for my bedroom compartment. Once in the room I see that I am quite flushed and quickly discard my clothes for a hot, hot shower, so that I have something else to blame that red flush on.