Stephenie Meyer owns all characters and situations in this story. I'm just having fun and I will not profit from this work. Reviews, however are a wonderful way to compensate me....
Chapter 4- Penitence
I walked over to the passenger's side door and took Bella's hand with a sigh. We walked wordlessly across the parking lot to the place where Jacob waited. His face tightened at the sight our interlaced fingers, and I could see a slight tremor in his large hands.
Well aren't they cute, He thought bitterly as he started intently at Bella. Don't know how she stands holding hands with Count Jerkula…bet it feels like gripping a Popsicle that doesn't melt. God, he stinks too. Focus, Jake! Just tell him that if they cross the line again we won't be so nice next time. All these kids are staring at me…
He was right about the staring; nearly every student walking across the lot was distracted by the sight of him. Many of them had stopped in the act of walking to their classes to gape openly at the spectacle. Most of thoughts were a jumble of anxiety and curiosity, though a couple of the girls had other ideas.
He's huge…who is that guy?...freaking me out! Someone should call the cops...is he new here?...Oh he's hot… nice bike…wonder if he's got a girlfriend…
Bella seemed to notice the attention her friend was attracting as well, because she was shooting oddly surprised glances at the faces around her. She seemed astonished at the wary looks Jacob was getting. Naturally, she didn't see the danger.
I stopped about 9 feet in front of him. The tension between Jacob and I was palpable now; the events of last weekend had made an already volatile situation even more perilous. Instinctively, I loosened my grip on Bella's hand and positioned her safely behind me.
Filthy bloodsucker! Acting like I'm the threat again. Jacob snarled mentally. What happened this weekend with the red head that's trying to kill Bella just proves they're the ones she should be scared of…
I suppressed a growl and swallowed a mouthful of venom.
"You could have called us," I snarled angrily, interrupting his thoughts before they could get more offensive.
"Sorry," Jacob retorted. "I don't have any leeches on my speed dial." And miss the chance to see Bella? No way! I still can't believe Sam let me come here. I keep asking him if I can go to Forks when the vampires aren't around, but he still says no.
I shuddered internally at the thought of Jacob showing up at Charlie's while I was out hunting or otherwise occupied. I needed to make sure he didn't attempt it.
"You could have reached me at Bella's house of course," I retorted. He understood the dual meaning at once.
Damn mind reading parasite. He thought as he gritted his teeth. The tremors in his hands intensified a little.
I tensed in response; this encounter was dangerous in so many different ways; if Jacob lost his temper, he could hurt someone and I would have to risk exposure to stop him. Bella was too close, and there were too many things I didn't want him to say in her presence…could I convince him to meet me between the territories this afternoon?
"This is hardly the place, Jacob," I said in a falsely calm voice as Mike Newton stopped eagerly on the sidewalk, trying to eavesdrop.
"Could we discuss this later?"
Bella was still watching our exchange intently, trying to make sense of it as our classmates grew more interested and suspicious. She wasn't going to let this go any more than her friend was. The tension in my body intensified.
"Sure, sure," Jacob retorted, stupidly misinterpreting my apprehension. "I'll stop by your crypt after school."
He thought I didn't want to face him on my own. I wasn't afraid for myself, but I had to admit that would've felt better if Alice were here. What a rotten day for her to be late.
"What's wrong with now?" He continued, undeterred.
I glanced significantly around at the gathering crowd of students who were hoping our obviously tense verbal exchange might come to blows. They were blissfully unaware of just how dangerous that would be. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Tyler Crowley elbow Austin Marks to draw his attention to us. Tyler was hoping that Jacob would give me a black eye, though he didn't think the size difference between us would stop me from winning a fight; he was scared of me. Bella's eyes followed mine and she stiffened at the unwanted attention we were getting.
"I already know what you came to say," I hissed in an angry whisper, reminding Jacob again of my ability to read his thoughts. I hoped that the growing crowd around us would be enough to make him relent and go home. "Message delivered. Consider us warned."
I felt Bella tense behind me and my eyes flickered to her face for a brief moment. The familiar worried crease marred her eyebrows.
"Warned?" Bella echoed in confusion. Her voice was higher than usual with anxiety. "What are you talking about?"
"You didn't tell her?" Jacob asked, gaping at me in shock. He'd been sure I would use the near miss as a chance to poison Bella's mind against him. "What, were you afraid she'd take our side?" Bloodsucker doesn't want Bella to hear what really happened…he knows they were in the wrong on Saturday. He added mentally.
"Please drop it Jacob," I said in a deceptively calm voice. My insides were a jumbled mess of apprehension and fury.
Mike Newton, Ben Cheney, Austin Marks, and Tyler Crowley were completely transfixed by the scene now. Ben was mentally debating on whether or not to come to my aid. I sincerely hoped he didn't try.
"Why?" Jacob sneered in response. He's trying to act all cool, but I can tell he's nervous. He's definitely keeping stuff from her. He added mentally.
Beside me, Bella's gentle grip on my hand tightened a little as she frowned thoughtfully. "What don't I know, Edward?"
I couldn't answer her. I was too angry to form a coherent sentence. And, I had no idea what to say.
"Jake?" Bella asked, turning her attention him when I didn't respond. I hated the way she said his name.
Stupid bloodsucker didn't even tell her about the breach. I can't wait to spill the beans! She's gonna be so pissed at him. Maybe she'll send him packing when she finds out what they did. Jacob thought, raising his eyebrows dramatically at Bella.
I knew then that there was no hope of keeping our confrontation with the wolves a secret. Could I at least prevent her from finding out the reason? I glanced fleetingly at Bella's worried face and clenched my teeth together as Jacob's thoughts became spoken words.
"He didn't tell you that his big brother crossed the line Saturday night?" Jacob asked condescendingly. It was a rhetorical question since he had deduced the answer already. He stared at me, and his thoughts were desperate to provoke me. "Paul was totally justified in…"
I felt Bella's body tense in horror beside me, and I couldn't take anymore. I was stressed past endurance.
"It was no man's land," I hissed, foolishly taking the bait before I could stop myself. Loathing coursed through me as Bella's heart raced from fear.
"Was not!" Jacob retorted childishly as his fists quaked. I prepared myself to attack as all thought of discretion evaporated. If he transformed in front of Bella…
Thankfully he took two deep breaths and calmed himself. He stared intently at Bella, willing himself not to change.
"Emmett and Paul?" Bella choked. "What happened? Were they fighting? Why? Did Paul get hurt?" Her voice grew more shrill and frantic with every syllable.
Oh no freaking way! He didn't tell her about any of it! She doesn't have a clue. That lying leech…Jacob thought indignantly.
I willed myself to ignore his thoughts as I turned to answer Bella. I needed to reassure her before she could ask more questions. I was desperate to get her away from him before he could voice his suspicions aloud.
"No one fought," I told her, refusing to acknowledge Jacob's astonished glares and mental fury. "No one got hurt. Don't be anxious."
"You didn't tell her anything at all, did you?" Jacob snarled angrily. "Is that why you took her away? So she wouldn't know that…" She should know the redhead is back. He's got no right to keep this from her…
An image of the gaunt and pale Bella I'd seen in Alice's memories swam to the surface of my mind in a fraction of a second. It was the night she'd nearly died from jumping off a cliff, and she was telling Alice about Victoria. Alice's recollections of her terrified face haunted me.
NO! I wouldn't let him do this to her.
"Leave now," I growled in a choked threat as I swallowed another mouthful of venom. The rage that consumed me was so intense that I could barely repress the wild urge I felt to rip Jacob's head off and shove it down his throat. I heard Bella let out a soft gasp beside me as she took in the dangerous revulsion in my face. She was the only reason I hadn't attacked. Her presence was the thread holding me in place.
"Why haven't you told her?" Jacob pressed foolishly as he chose not to heed my warning. What kind of game is he playing? Is he afraid she'll finally see how bad he is for her and ditch him? He thought.
The sound of multiple pairs of feet behind us distracted me slightly, but I didn't take my eyes off Jacob as I searched the thoughts of the onlookers. The crowd of students had grown exponentially, and I knew it was just a matter of time before an adult intervened.
This is getting good! I hope that Jacob kid pulverizes the freak…looks like he's having a 'roid rage. I can't believe Ben wants to help Cullen! I wouldn't lift a finger against a guy that size for anyone, let alone him. Mike thought as he restrained Ben Cheney. His grip on Ben's shoulder was the only thing keeping him on the other side of the parking lot. I sincerely hoped that Mike didn't loosen his hold.
Suddenly, I felt Bella's body tense beside me, and her heart stopped beating for a fraction of a second. She began to tremble all over and her breathing changed from its normal pattern as she started hyperventilating.
She knew.
My chest was filled with fury and heartache. The hatred I felt for Jacob Black grew stronger than I would have thought possible. But my love for Bella was far more powerful and it was the difference in the two emotions that kept me sane.
"She came back for me," Bella spluttered between panting breaths, her voice thick with the tears. Her face was the color of milk and her lips were an alarming shade of bluish white.
I pulled her close to me, gently cupping her face in my hands in an effort to calm her. The tearful panic in her deep brown eyes caused my insides to writhe in anguish.
"It's fine," I promised soothingly as my fingers moved lightly up and down the apples of her cheeks. The tension in my hands eased slightly from the contact with her skin. "It's fine. I'll never let her get close to you. It's fine."
Fine! What a freaking joke. It's not "fine" that a dirty bloodsucking bitch is chasing her because of what he did. Where was he a few months ago when she needed protection? He's such a hypocrite… Jacob thought disgustedly.
Bella leaned her face into my hands and let out a soft sob. Rage and hurt pulsed through me again at the terror on her face. I turned to confront the source of the trouble and saw that Jacob Black was too busy being angry with me to feel much remorse over Bella's pain. This made me even angrier. How could he pretend to love her and remorselessly hurt her this way?
"Does that answer your question, mongrel?" I hissed, staring daggers at the overgrown boy as I continued to try to comfort Bella. None of her fears would be an issue right now if the wolves had just allowed my family to follow Victoria into the water.
"You don't think Bella has a right to know?" Jacob argued relentlessly. "It's her life."
"Why should she be frightened when she was never in danger?" I replied in a muted whisper. I had kept her safe and happy by taking her away, and he was upsetting her unnecessarily .
"Better frightened than lied to," Jacob replied forcefully. Danger or not, It's not fair to keep her in the dark. She's a grownup who can make her own decisions. He thought stubbornly.
Yes, I was well aware of Bella's adulthood, but her age had nothing to do with my actions. I had no desire to quash her independence; I was trying to prevent her from worrying needlessly. I was certain that if she found out about Victoria, I would never be able to get it through to her that she was safe and she'd be more desperate than ever to be changed. Plus, I knew she would be more concerned about my family than herself, and thus more likely to do something reckless in an unnecessary attempt to keep them out of harm's way.
Bella's eyes were closed now, and the tears were spilling down her pale cheeks. I brushed them away with the tips of my fingers. Seeing her like this was agony.
"Do you really think that hurting her is better than protecting her?" I asked quietly, trying to get him to see my point. I sighed inaudibly as I heard his obstinate thoughts. He was too young and foolhardy to understand my motives.
"She's tougher than you think," Jacob persisted. "And she's been through worse."
Jacob didn't continue aloud; His expression turned intensely pensive and somewhat sad. An instant later, I knew why.
A flood of memories played quickly in his head like some sick movie preview.
I saw Bella's pale, expressionless face as Sam Uley found her curled up in a sodden ball on a bed of pine needles in the darkened forest. He was talking to her, but she didn't answer him. He picked her up off the ground as she began to mutter 'he's gone'… over and over. I recoiled as his thoughts burned my whole body and I seemed to have lost the ability to breathe.
The vision shifted, and Bella was standing beside her truck outside Jacob's house, her face was gaunt and there were deep dark circles etched under her eyes. The clothes she wore hung on her almost skeletal frame. She was so frail and sad…
Another shift and Bella was sitting beside Jacob on the beach, her arms crossed tightly over her chest as though she was mortally wounded.
'Do you know what she wants?' Jacob had asked her. He was referring to Victoria.
'Of course,' Bella whispered. 'She wants me.'
'Why?' Jacob probed as he tried to comfort her.
'Edward killed James,' Bella replied, nearly choking on my name. Her eyes were full of a hurt so intense that I nearly cried out. 'She did get…pissed off. But Laurent said she thought it was fairer to kill me than Edward. Mate for mate. She didn't know-still doesn't- that things aren't like that with us anymore; not for Edward, anyway.'
'Is that what happened; why the Cullens left?' Jacob asked sympathetically.
Bella looked at him, the misery in her eyes more pronounced than ever and she tried to shrug indifferently. 'I'm nothing but a human after all. Nothing special.'
I had done that to her. The despair that washed through me was indescribable; second only to the anguish of the gut wrenching horror I'd felt at Rosalie's erroneous news of her death.
"That's funny," Jacob said darkly as he watched my expression twist in misery. I cringed again at the pleasure he was taking from my pain.
"What are you doing to him?" Bella demanded abruptly, her insistent voice breaking Jacob's concentration.
"It's nothing Bella," I said mechanically, composing myself as much as I could. "Jacob just has a good memory, that's all."
It took every ounce of self restraint I had to keep my composure. I didn't want Bella's sympathy now. I deserved every ounce of grief that Jacob's terrible recollections had inflicted upon me.
Jacob turned his focus back to me, smiling darkly as another memory played in his mind.
'Why do you do that?' Jacob had asked her as he tried to pry her arms away from her chest. They were sitting in his car, talking about my family and she was clutching her midsection in this recollection the same way she had on the beach. 'You do that when you're upset…why?'
'It hurts to think about them,' Bella replied in a broken whisper. 'Its like I can't breathe…like I'm breaking into pieces.'
This last thought reminded me of the way I'd felt so often during our separation. When I would remember the way she'd looked the day I left, a sensation like I was falling apart would rip through me and I found it impossible to catch my breath. She had truly suffered just as much as I had, or perhaps more, given the blasphemous lie I'd told her.
"Stop it!" Bella cried in response to the grief that marred my face. "Whatever you're doing!"
"Sure, if you want," Jacob answered in a mischievous voice. Bella glared furiously at him, but he was too sadistically amused at the response he'd gotten from me to care. "It's his own fault if he doesn't like the things I remember." Thought you should see what you did to her; so much for protecting her from getting hurt and being upset huh? Self-righteous bloodsucker. He added wordlessly for my benefit.
I grimaced again, but the shift in my features was too brief for Bella to notice. Jacob's mouth turned up in a grin. Just as I turned my attention back to Bella, a loud, urgent mental voice intruded upon my thoughts. Jessica Stanley had summoned Mr. Greene. He was peering at his disdainfully through the blinds in his office while Jessica looked on eagerly.
Don't recognize the boy, and I'm sure I'd remember him if I'd seen him before. He looks dangerous...certainly shouldn't be on the school grounds if he's not a student. And there's Miss Swan, of course! That young lady is heading for trouble, I'm afraid…running away from home twice in a year's time, emotional breakdowns, now it seems as though she's gotten Mr. Cullen involved in something ominous with this boy…I'm going to go out there and get rid of him one way or the other before he starts a fight. I'll call the sheriff if I need to… he's her father, and he could handle the situation if it gets out of hand…
"The principal is on his way to discourage loitering," I said quietly. "Let's get to English, Bella so you aren't involved."
The last thing we needed on top of everything else was for Bella to get into trouble again after all the things that transpired a couple of months ago. Mr. Greene would punish her severely and Charlie had just un-grounded her a week ago. And if Mr. Greene called Charlie he would assure him that I was the problem, not Jacob.
"Overprotective, isn't he," Jacob sneered, speaking only to Bella this time. He was thinking about how unhealthy he perceived our relationship to be. "A little trouble makes life fun. But, let me guess; you're not allowed to have fun." We had our share of trouble when he was gone, I guess …like all the times I had to take her to the ER when she fell off the bike… but it was fun… I could do a lot more with her than he could in other ways too…
I glared furiously at the dog, my teeth flashing at his memories of all the risky things he'd done with her during my absence, and all the repulsive things he wanted to do with her now.
"Shut up, Jake," Bella snapped defensively; too defensively for my liking. Did she have more fun with him than she did with me?
Jacob laughed, and the sound was the equivalent of rusty nails screeching over a chalkboard in my head.
"That sounds like a no," Jacob retorted as his laughter faded. "Hey, if you ever feel like having a life again, you could come see me. I've still got your motorcycle in my garage."
Bet that bloodsucker's a real bore. Old Quill said he remembers seeing the coven when he was really little, so that must make Cullen like at least a hundred or something. He added mentally.
I growled at him, but Bella didn't notice. She seemed too shocked at this piece of information about her old motorcycle to hear me.
"You were supposed to sell it," Bella said, her eyebrows raised in surprise, and something more…a hint of pleasure, perhaps. "You promised Charlie you would."
"Yeah right," Jacob replied with a warm smile. There was a wistful edge to his words that Bella didn't seem to notice. "Like I would do that; it belongs to you, not me. Anyway, I'll hold on to it until you want it back." Embry says I should just get rid of the damn thing, but I can't… that would be like letting go of her and all the great times we had. She loves that bike. Selling it would feel like giving up, and I can't.
"Jake," Bella said sadly, and there was a longing in her voice that ran through my core like an invisible knife.
Jacob's thoughts were tender in response to the way she said his name. I suddenly felt like a fly on a wall; an insignificant intruder witnessing something private.
"I think I may have been wrong before," He said thickly, his mind on the letter he'd sent her last week. "You know, about not being able to be friends. Maybe we could manage it on my side of the line. Come and see me." Sam won't be able to say anything about it if she comes to La Push. The Cullens can't follow her there. I need to try to change her mind about her plans to let him bite her. He thought
I kept my face a mask of external serene indifference as I tightened my hold on Bella infinitesimally.
Bella's deep brown eyes flickered in my direction, searching for a reaction to Jacob's invitation. She knew that I was not going to change my mind about her going to La Push. Jacob's request meant nothing.
"I…er…don't know about that Jake," Bella stammered uncomfortably.
Jacob's face changed then, all the bitter anger vanished from his features as he remembered the discussion he'd had with his father. Billy had advised Jacob to be honest about his feelings for Bella at Charlie's request.
I was gonna do this in a different way, but I'd better just tell her now in case I don't have another chance, He thought.
"I miss you every day, Bella," he said thickly, ignoring me. "It's not the same without you."
Bella's face was forlorn and I saw her eyes clouding over again. The invisible knife in my chest twisted roughly.
"I know and I'm sorry Jake, I just…"
This was a really stupid idea, He shook his head. I can't talk to her as long as he's here. Jacob thought with a sad sigh.
"I know," Jacob said as he tried -and failed- to compose himself. "Doesn't matter, right? I guess I'll survive or something. Who needs friends?" I'm sure I sound just as stupid as I look, too. Bet the bloodsucker likes seeing me squirm too. He thought.
He was wrong, of course. I didn't like seeing him this way. Although I cared nothing for his feelings, particularly after the way he'd tortured me with his memories, Bella's response to his display of emotion hurt me deeply. I felt her shift slightly in his direction beneath my grasp and I tightened my grip instinctively. Mr. Greene was striding toward the three of us now, his thoughts growing more urgent as he registered the tension between Jacob and me. Jessica had joined Mike, Tyler, Ben and Austin, who were still watching our exchange.
"Okay, get to class," Mr. Greene called in a stern, authoritative voice to the onlookers. He pointed in the direction of the brick classroom buildings.
Several of the students complied at once, but some were reluctant to walk away. Chief among the stragglers were several boys that wanted to date Bella. Mike Newton was particularly disappointed that he hadn't gotten to witness Jacob Black hit me in the face.
"Move along, Mr. Crowley," Mr. Greene snapped through narrowed eyes when he didn't obey fast enough. Tyler had been hoping to see me get into trouble for fighting even though he thought I would win; he was still upset over last year's prom.
"Get to school Jake," Bella muttered insistently. She was worried about the mutt getting into trouble when she should have been worried about herself. Jacob's thoughts were smug and unconcerned in contrast. He was too cocky and self centered to consider the problems his presence could cause her. The principal was craning his neck over the crowd to get a better look at the situation.
I wonder how old this boy is; I can tell he's still in high school, but if he's 18, I'll have him arrested if he doesn't leave. He's probably one of those hoodlums from the reservation I've heard about. The principal at the Quileute school says she can't get any of the parents to support disciplinary action when she tries to punish them for skipping class. Says they stay out all night doing God knows what. Mr. Cullen certainly is holding on to Miss. Swan tightly. Is this boy threatening her in some way? She's been crying obviously. Maybe I should call Chief Swan regardless. He thought worriedly.
I reluctantly dropped my arms from Bella's waist and took her hand instead. I didn't want to make the situation worse with my body language. Mr. Greene was pushing his way through the onlookers forcefully, and he was only a few yards away from us now. He was getting angry that the crowd still hadn't totally dissipated.
"I mean it," Mr. Greene roared furiously at the stragglers. "Detention for anyone who's still standing here when I turn around again."
The last of our audience scurried away quickly, but many of them continued to look over their shoulders at us as they shared whispered theories over the reason for our confrontation.
"Ah, Mr. Cullen," Mr. Greene said shrewdly, addressing only me as his eyes flickered briefly at Bella and Jacob. "Do we have a problem here?"
This ought to be good. I wonder how hard I'd have to push him before he wet his pants. He's scared. Jacob thought as he misinterpreted the principal's flustered face and rapid heart rate.
I growled inaudibly in frustration at the dog's nonchalant attitude. His adolescent mentality and over inflated confidence in his physical abilities were a dangerous combination; just more reasons why I didn't want Bella associating with him.
"Not at all Mr. Greene," I lied smoothly. I wanted to get Bella inside before Jacob said something stupid to provoke the principal. "We were just on our way to class."
"Excellent," Mr. Greene replied, reassured by my convincingly calm demeanor. "I don't seem to recognize your friend." He turned his appraising eyes to glare at Jacob. "Are you a new student here?" He asked rhetorically. This boy is definitely trying to make trouble, and I won't have it. He thought as he waited for Jacob's response.
"Nope," Jacob replied, his tone disrespectful. His thoughts were even more insolent.
"Then I suggest you remove yourself from school property at once young man before I call the police," Mr. Greene snapped. Yes, he must be one of those Quileute problem children… he obviously has no respect for authority. He added mentally.
Jacob nearly laughed out loud as he imagined Charlie pulling into the school parking lot with his emergency lights on, prepared to get rid of some dangerous truant and finding him instead. He smiled condescendingly.
"Yes, sir," He retorted sarcastically as he attempted a poor excuse for a salute. I better get out of here now since I've done my job, but it would be funny to see the look on Principal Tight Ass's face when Charlie pulled in and told him I'm his best friend's son. He added mentally before climbing onto his bike. The engine roared to life a moment later and he was gone.
Mr. Greene gritted his teeth and glared after the motorcycle as it vanished from view before turning his attention back to us.
"Mr. Cullen, I expect you to ask your friend to refrain from trespassing again," Mr. Greene said crisply as he studied my face carefully. He was trying to figure out what sort of connection I could have to Jacob Black, and his mind raced through a variety of wild possibilities. Drugs, maybe…he wondered about my life before I moved here for a moment.
The last think I needed was for some human to get curious about me. Mr. Greene was a smart man. If he thought I was up to something unsavory, he would consider it his obligation to look into my past. I cursed Jacob Black in my head.
"He's no friend of mine, Mr. Greene, but I'll pass along the message," I assured him. I wanted to disassociate myself from the uncouth dog, but more importantly, I needed to appease him so that I could take care of Bella.
Mr. Cullen has always been well behaved and good mannered just like all of his adopted siblings; a good student too. I think he's telling the truth. I can't believe he'd be involved with a lowlife like that boy; He must have been protecting Miss Swan from some unwanted attention. A lot of the boys do seem to be quite taken with her…He thought
I cringed internally. Yes, too many boys-and dogs- were taken with my Bella.
My Bella.
"I see," Mr. Greene said after a pause. "If you're worried about trouble…"
"There's nothing to worry about Mr. Greene," I said in a placating tone. "There won't be any trouble."
"I hope that's correct," Mr. Greene replied and there was an undercurrent of a threat in his voice.
I knew that if Jacob Black showed up here again things would be a whole lot worse for everyone involved. I thought that was highly unlikely Jacob Black would return, but I'd learned the hard way over the last few months to never assume anything.
"Well, on to class. You too, Miss Swan." Mr. Greene said, satisfied with my answers for the moment.
I nodded at the principal before ushering Bella toward the English building, my hand wrapped securely around hers. Her face was still pale and her cheeks and eyelashes were wet.
"Do you feel well enough to go to class?" I asked her gently after we were out of earshot of Mr. Greene. My mind raced through a variety of excuses that I might make to get her out of school for the day; none of them seemed convincing.
"Yes," Bella replied in a surprisingly calm whisper. She was clearly shaken, but resolute. I knew she wanted nothing more than to interrogate me. Once the shock wore off she was going to be frightened and furious.
'She's tougher than you think, and she's been through worse,' Jacob had said.
Yes, she had certainly been through much worse at my hands, and I would never be absolved of the guilt I felt for every single hurt she'd suffered.
I tried to repress the terrible things Jacob had showed me today, but I knew his memories of Bella's suffering would be burned into my brain forever. I banished my thoughts and focused instead on the words of the Frost poem Mr. Berty was reciting when we walked into class. It was one I knew well; I'd first read it over 80 years ago and the words seemed to have a deep personal meaning to me today.
…But oh, the agitated heart
'Till someone finds us really out
(Or so we say) that in the end
We speak the literal to inspire
The understanding of a friend
But so with all, from Babes that play
At hide-and-seek to God afar
So all who hide too well away
Must speak and tell us where they are
Mr. Berty had just started a detailed analysis of the poem when Bella pulled out a piece of paper and began writing furiously.
What happened? Tell me everything! And screw the protecting me crap, please. She wrote quickly, pushing the note onto my desk.
I sighed heavily, wishing that I could gloss over the danger and knowing it would do no good to try.
"In Revelation, Frost is talking about people who hide their true face from the world, including those who hide and keep their innermost secrets from their loved ones," Mr. Berty droned. I winced; his analysis hit too close to home for me today. I wrote my response and handed the paper back to Bella when I finished.
Alice saw that Victoria was coming back. I took you out of town merely as a precaution-there was never any chance that she would have gotten anywhere close to you. Emmett and Jasper very nearly had her, but Victoria seems to have some instinct for evasion. She escaped right down the Quileute boundary as if she were reading it from a map. It didn't help that Alice's abilities were nullified by the Quileute's involvement. I wrote back quickly.
To be fair, the Quileutes might have had her too if we hadn't gotten in the way. The big gray one thought that Emmett was over the line and he got defensive. Of course Rosalie reacted to that and everyone left the chase to protect their companions. Carlisle and Jasper got things calmed down before it got out of hand. But by then, Victoria had slipped away. That's everything.
My version of events depicted the wolves in a better light than they deserved; it was really their fault she'd gotten away.
I handed the paper back to her and copied out Mr. Berty's lecture in my notebook with my left hand while she read. She scowled at the words I had written, her frown deepening as she reached the bottom of the page. She didn't respond to me for a moment. She seemed lost in her thoughts, and I could see a shiver pass through her as she erased what I'd written and poised her pencil over the page once more.
What about Charlie? She could have been after him. She scribbled.
I shook my head; naturally she was more worried about her father than herself. I started to explain to her that Esme had been guarding him, but she was writing again before I could respond.
You can't know that she wasn't thinking that because you weren't here. Florida was a bad idea.
I ran a hand through my hair in irritation. Did she really think I should've stayed behind to help the others? Didn't she understand how hard it was for me to let her out of my sight just to satisfy my basic needs and hunt? As if I could tolerate being on the other side of the country from her for two whole days! I started to explain this on the well used piece of paper we'd been writing on, but thought better of it. Now wasn't the time for that conversation. I needed to lighten the mood a little.
I wasn't about to send you off alone. With your luck, not even the black box would have survived. I wrote in a half teasing manner. I knew the reference to her danger magnet status would irritate and distract her.
She scowled in annoyance at my comments and rolled her eyes at me as she wrote a response.
So let's say my bad luck did crash the plane. What exactly were you going to do about it?
Why is the plane crashing? I replied in the space below her words. I continued to take notes as she read.
The pilots are passed out drunk. She scribbled. Her face was starting to regain some color and she looked a little less anxious.
I pressed my lips together to suppress a smile. She was sidetracked.
Easy. I'd fly the plane. I wrote back. Bella wasn't aware of it, but I had obtained my pilot's license before she was ever born.
She didn't seem incredibly surprised by my response. Her lips tightened in annoyance.
Both engines have exploded and we're falling in a death spiral toward the earth. She scrawled. I nearly laughed at her clever retort as I crafted a reply.
I'd wait until we were close enough to the ground, get a good grip on you, kick out the wall and jump. Then, I'd run you back to the scene of the accident, and we'd stumble around like the two luckiest survivors in history.
I was only half serious, of course; thanks to Alice there was no way we'd be on a doomed flight to start with.
Bella gaped at me, clearly at a loss for words. I'd gotten in the last word.
"What?" I murmured rhetorically in response to the incredulous look on her face. She started writing again a moment later.
You will tell me next time. She scribbled forcefully.
She was still a little paler than usual, but her expression was full of the stubborn determination that I recognized easily. There would be no arguing the point.
I gazed into her eyes and saw strength and bravery in their chocolate depths. I knew then that I had made a mistake. I never should have kept the truth from her. As much as it pained me to admit it, Jacob Black's horrifying memories of her during my absence proved his point. She was stronger than I had ever given her credit for. She had bore the pain of our separation and lived through it, and if I were a mortal human, I would not have survived. I would have failed where she succeeded.
I sighed heavily through my intense remorse for all of the well intentioned errors I'd made since September and nodded.
Thanks. She wrote simply.
A mental voice from the front of the room distracted me a moment later.
It looks like Miss Swan and Mr. Cullen are writing their own poetry back there. There's nothing I hate more than kids who pass notes in my class. I'll embarrass the hell out of them…they won't do it again…Mr. Berty thought as he walked toward our seats.
In the time it took for him to take half of a step, I snatched the paper away from Bella and shoved it into the pocket of my jeans. Bella looked up from her desk in shock as Mr. Berty approached us.
"Is that something you'd like to share, Mr. Cullen," He said in a loud, sarcastic voice. The whole class turned to stare eagerly at us, clearly hoping for some more trouble this morning. I heard Jessica Stanley talking to Lauren Mallory in an urgent whisper about the events in the parking lot as I tore the page out of my notebook and handed it to him.
"My notes?" I said in a bemused voice as he skimmed the paper.
His eyes darted back and forth as he skimmed the page, his thoughts growing more irritated and abashed as he read. After a moment, he handed the paper back to me and returned to the front of the room, cursing too softly for the others to hear.
I know they were passing notes, even if I can't prove it. There's something strange about that Cullen boy… He thought irritably as he returned to his lecture. I took Bella's small hand under the desk and squeezed it in a gesture of gentle reassurance. She squeezed back, and I knew she'd forgiven me.
"I'm so sorry Edward!" Alice whispered rapidly when she met me outside our study hall two hours later. I had just left Bella at the door of her Calculus class when Alice caught up with me.
"I wasn't looking for you and I can't see the wolves anyway, so I had no idea about what had happened until I had a vision of Bella chastising me over lunch for not telling her about Victoria," she continued apologetically, her amber eyes full of worry. She was speaking so fast that the humans around her thought she was humming under her breath.
"It's alright," I whispered, hoping to change the subject. I wanted to think about something else to try to clear my head of Jacob Black's memories. "I knew you and Jasper would be preoccupied." They had left to hunt after our phone conversation the night before.
She glared at my attempt to lighten the mood. She was too upset to be deterred.
"Tell me everything," she insisted.
I sighed heavily as the image of Bella in Sam Uley's arms sickened me again.
"In a minute," I muttered as we took our seats. "I need to check on Bella."
I searched for a familiar mental voice and located Mike Newton, who was sitting a few seats away from Bella in the cold calculus classroom. Mr. Varner hadn't arrived yet, so he was engaged in a conversation with Ben Cheney, Austin Marks and Tyler Crowley about my confrontation with Jacob Black this morning. I scowled in annoyance.
"Have you been down to La Push lately?" Mike was asking the others as he tried to convince them that Jacob Black could beat me in a fight. "Lauren and I went to the beach a couple of weeks ago and believe me, Jacob's friends are just as big as he is."
I grimaced as his memories of the trip he'd taken with Lauren turned graphic. Jessica Stanley wouldn't be so trusting of Ms. Mallory if she knew what Lauren had been doing with Mike. Jessica had been asking Lauren for advice about how to rekindle her romance with the perverse Mr. Newton for the last month.
Huh," Tyler Crowley said in reply as he considered Mike's argument. "Too bad it didn't turn into anything. Guess we'll never know how it would've turned out."
"It didn't look over to me," Austin Marks countered. "Maybe we'll get to see." He had feigned ignorance about the situation to his friends, but his girlfriend was a resident of La Push and he knew a bit more about the conflict than the others did.
Mike glanced at Bella out of the corner of his eye and grinned. He didn't realize it, but I could tell by the tense look on her face that she could hear what they were saying.
"Anyone in the mood for a bet?" Mike asked the others, who had not noticed the brief shift in his gaze.
"Ten on Jacob," Austin said at once, thinking of Jacob's physical strength. Austin had seen the overgrown mutt pick up his motorcycle with one hand when he was visiting his girlfriend last weekend.
"Ten on Cullen," Tyler said.
"Ten on Edward," Ben said with conviction. I wished that I had chosen to watch through his mind instead of Mike's.
"Jacob," Mike insisted hopefully. He really wanted to see Jacob gravely injure me.
"Hey, do any of you guys know what it was about?" Austin asked as though he didn't know. He was really trying to see just how much the others knew about the situation. "That might affect the odds."
"I can guess," Mike retorted as he and his friends briefly turned their attention to Bella. She shifted uncomfortably at the scrutiny.
"I still say Jacob," Mike muttered under his breath.
The others didn't catch the double meaning in his words, but I saw it in his head. I'd nearly forgotten about the movie he'd attended with Bella and Jacob while I was away. He'd seen them together, and witnessed the connection between them. I winced and turned my attention back to Alice.
So Jacob changed his mind about the friendship thing, Alice mused wordlessly after I'd finished giving her all the details of my conversation with the dog.
I nodded once in a silent reply. Alice sighed.
We'll just have to keep a close eye on her, Alice thought. But now that she knows about what happened over the weekend, maybe she'll think twice about going to the reservation anyway. She wouldn't want to start a fight.
I rolled my eyes at her.
"You know Bella better than that," I hissed quietly, barely moving my lips. "She doesn't think that way."
Alice nodded in concession. I know, but I'd like to believe she'd have more sense than to go there when things are already so tense between us and the wolves. She thought.
I sighed wearily. I was too emotionally drained to talk about it anymore. Alice patted my shoulder sympathetically and changed the subject.
"The place was beautiful," She said quietly. "Jasper and Emmett have decided it would be a great place for the three of you to go this weekend. There's plenty of big game."
I winced at the reminder of my impending trip. Leaving Bella for an overnight hunting excursion was going to be even harder than usual.
Don't even think about trying to get out of it," Alice muttered sternly when she saw a vision of me cancelling on Emmett.
"You know Carlisle said we need to hunt more often now that Victoria's back and things with the wolves are strained. Emmett told Rosalie he wants to spend some time with you so she'll get off his back about going to Seattle this weekend. Plus, you've been insisting that Jazz feed even more than everyone else since Bella's going to be spending more time at our house. Going with them is the least you can do." She scolded.
"I know," I whispered in reply. I pinched the bridge of my nose between my thumb and forefinger in resignation.
"Bella will have plenty of things to do while you're gone," Alice reminded me. "She has to work Saturday morning and she has plans with Angela in the afternoon. She won't have time to go to La Push anyway."
I nodded, feeling slightly reassured as the bell rang and I walked as quickly as I could toward Mr. Varner's classroom without being conspicuous.
"We're going to have to be extra cautious about the borders," Carlisle was saying as the eight of us congregated in the living room later that afternoon. "The wolves will be on their guard and we should be as well. The last thing we need is a fight, especially since we have the same goal."
"Stopping Victoria is what's important," Esme agreed.
Jasper had informed the others of my encounter with Jacob Black that morning after Alice's vision of Bella's anger at her. Everyone had been waiting for the three of us to arrive at the house after school. Since Bella knew all about what had happened last weekend, there was no point in excluding her from anything we discussed, and I wasn't going to make the mistake of keeping secrets from her again.
Bella's pulse quickened at the mention of Victoria's name and I kissed her hair reassuringly. She didn't relax.
"There's been no sign of her anywhere since Saturday," Rosalie said as she sat down on the large white sofa next to Emmett. He patted her thigh absently and she shifted closer to him. "Maybe we scared her off for the time being."
"I don't think so, Rose," Jasper disagreed. "Her actions on Saturday proved she's too tenacious to be deterred." You tracked her Edward. Surely you agree with me. He thought.
I nodded once at him, grateful that he hadn't spoken aloud about my disastrous attempt at hunting her a few months ago.
"She's not going to give up until I'm dead, or I've been changed," Bella chimed in before anyone else could speculate further. I cringed, knowing what she was going to say next. "Maybe we shouldn't wait any longer, Carlisle…"
Carlisle shook his head emphatically before she could finish her sentence.
"There are seven of us, Bella," He said gently. "And, with Alice on our side, I don't think Victoria is going to be able to catch us off guard. I think it's important, for Charlie's sake that we stick to the original plan." And I don't want to change her when she's under this kind of pressure. It wouldn't be right. He added mentally. I nodded approvingly in his direction, and he smiled briefly.
Good for Carlisle. I don't know why she's so eager to change anyway. She's making a stupid mistake. I don't care how much she loves Edward, she shouldn't die for him. It's ridiculous. Rosalie thought angrily. I sighed and hung my head guiltly in response to her thoughts.
It's the truth, she added mentally, glaring at me.
Esme got up from the couch abruptly, ending my silent argument with Rose as she walked over to where Bella and I were sitting. She knelt down in front of us and stared intently at Bella. Her eyes and her thoughts were full of love.
"We'd never allow anything to happen to you sweetheart," Esme said reassuringly to Bella. "You know that. Please don't be anxious." She leaned over and kissed Bella's forehead. The poor little thing! Edward, you should take her to Port Angeles when you get back on Sunday. She needs to get her mind off this mess. Esme said silently.
"Oh come on, Bella," Emmett chortled as he tried to cheer everyone up. "You wouldn't want to deprive us of a good fight would you?"
Bella gave him an irritated look, and he laughed.
"I'm really glad Edward didn't kill you," He continued in a teasing tone. "Everything's so much more fun with you around."
Alice and Carlisle laughed, but Bella didn't relax at all.
"Thank you for that reminder Emmett," I snorted sarcastically in a voice too soft for Bella to hear.
Rosalie glowered at him furiously. "Idiot," she hissed quietly. I really wish he'd be a little more serious about this disaster, especially after what happened on Saturday.
"I'm offended, Bella," Alice interjected indignantly. ""You're not honestly worried about this are you?" I knew she'd react this way if she found out. Stupid dog, She thought irritably.
Bella scowled angrily at Alice. She still hadn't totally forgiven her best friend for keeping her in the dark about her vision. Alice was always much more candid with her than I was when it came to sensitive subjects like this one, and she felt a little betrayed about the deception.
"If it's no big deal, then why did Edward drag me all the way to Florida?" She snapped furiously. Her cheeks reddened as blood rushed into her face and I saw Jasper shift his body further away from us.
"Haven't you noticed yet, Bella, that Edward is just the teeniest bit prone to over reaction," Alice replied with a shrug of her tiny shoulders. I glared at her.
Sorry for selling you out, Edward. I'm just trying to make her feel better. You know I didn't want to take any chances either. She added silently.
Bella gritted her teeth and her heart sped up again. I glanced pointedly at Jasper, and he nodded as he sent soothing waves of energy flowing in Bella's direction. The effects were almost instantaneous, and I felt Bella's entire body relax. She rested her head on my shoulder, and her soft mahogany hair brushed against my neck. I shivered slightly at the sensation. Jasper chuckled and shook his head. If I were capable of blushing, my cheeks would have been flaming red.
"I know what you're doing, Jasper," Bella muttered quietly, stifling a yawn that had nothing to do with my brother's talents.
"You're exhausted," I said as I stroked her cheek. "Why don't you go upstairs with me and lie down for awhile. You've had a long and stressful day and I think you've got a touch of jet lag."
"I slept fine last night and I need to get home and make Charlie's dinner," She argued feebly.
I cupped my hand under her chin and pulled her face up to meet my gaze. "Charlie can order a pizza or fry an egg," I countered. "You need to rest. A short nap might help you readjust to the time difference. Carlisle will call your house and leave him a message to let him know you'll be home later."
I leapt up from the couch with her in my arms so quickly that the movement was over before she could process it. Emmett snickered at the shocked look on her face as I sprinted up the stairs with her.
"This is stupid," Bella was saying irritably as I wrapped her up in the large fleece blanket I kept for her. "There's no reason for us to wait until after graduation!"
I smiled down at her smugly. I knew Carlisle would not change his mind no matter how much she pressured him. I lay down beside her on the couch and pulled her close to me. The sofa was cramped, and I couldn't wait to for our bed to arrive.
"That is between you and Carlisle," I said with a shrug and a smile. "Of course, I'm willing to make it between you and me at any time that you wish. You know my condition."
"Ugh," she grumbled disgustedly, pressing her face into my chest.
My good humor evaporated. I gritted my teeth to keep from responding to her reaction. I wanted to ask her why she hated the idea of being my wife so much, but I didn't. I was afraid of the answer.
I pondered the question long after she'd fallen asleep in my arms. I knew that she didn't have commitment issues; when Bella made a decision, there was no changing her mind. Her determination to become a vampire was proof of that.
Was immortality the only thing she wanted to commit to, though? Was she afraid to be tied permanently to me once she'd been changed? Perhaps she wasn't sure if she would want me when she was immortal. Was she trying to keep her options open? Or was this about something else entirely…someone else? Did her feelings for Jacob play a role in her reluctance?
I groaned softly as I obsessed over the possibilities and theories, and after awhile I couldn't tolerate sitting still any longer. I got up from the couch, careful not to interrupt her nap and walked over to the window wall. I paced back and forth as I stared unseeingly through the glass. Alice had seen us getting married, but she'd been wrong before. Something could change. I sighed and walked absently over to a small side table in the corner of the room and opened the drawer.
The black velvet box hadn't changed much over the last century. It was still soft to the touch, though the color had faded a little. I opened it gently and pulled out the ring that my father had given my mother so many years ago.
Dim human memories surfaced in my mind. I remembered lying in my mother's arms as she rocked me to sleep when I was a very small boy. I would place my little hand over hers and run my fingers over the stones in the ring she wore. My fingers brushed over the cool diamonds now as I reminisced. I had many trinkets and mementos from my human life, but this one was the most precious to me because of the love it represented.
I stared at the glittering stones and imagined the way it would look on Bella's slender little fingers for the millionth time; this ring was rightfully hers now whether she wanted it or not. No other woman would ever wear it if she chose not to marry me.
A whisper interrupted my mental musings.
"I love you, Edward," Bella muttered in an unconscious declaration as she turned onto her side. I closed the little black box, replaced it in the drawer and lay down beside her again as all the doubts in my mind were banished for the moment.
"You don't have to help me with this if you don't want to," Bella said as I assisted her with preparing dinner on Friday evening. She smirked at the disdainful look on my face as I chopped up a tomato.
"Nonsense," I said, smiling in return. "I'm much more skilled with a knife than you are." She rolled her eyes as she put an oiled skillet on the stove and turned her attention back to the chicken she was preparing.
I watched her as she coated several pieces of chicken in spices. Her eyes were shadowed and tired; she hadn't been sleeping well. It had been a long week, and I was glad that it was over, but I was dreading my ill-conceived hunting trip.
"So, what time are you leaving?" She asked too casually as she placed the seasoned chicken in the pan.
"I told Jasper and Emmett I'd meet them at home at 3am," I replied as I handed her the bowl of diced tomatoes. "If that's okay with you," I added.
"I'll be fine," she repeated for the hundredth time this week as she adjusted the temperature on the hot burner.
"Are you sure you don't mind, love?" I asked worriedly. "I could go somewhere nearby…"
"Yes, I'm sure, Edward," Bella said impatiently. "Alice said there was nothing to worry about and she's going to be close by. "I've got plenty to do on Saturday, and I know you have to be tired of deer."
The truth of the matter was that I would've loved to go somewhere different to hunt if I weren't so afraid to leave her. I hated being away from her, but I'd promised my brothers I would go and try to have a good time. She smiled at me reassuringly, but it didn't quite reach her eyes. I winced.
"Bella, if you want me to stay, I will," I said firmly, taking her hand and brushing my lips across her warm fingers.
She rolled her eyes at me. "For the last time, Edward, I'll be fine." She said just as Charlie's cruiser pulled into the driveway. "Go have fun. Bag a few mountain lions for me."
I smiled down at her and embraced her as tightly as I could without hurting her. She hugged me back just as fiercely and buried her face in my chest.
"I love you," we both said at the same time. I laughed. We stood there, wrapped around each other until the sound of Charlie's footsteps on the walkway brought us back to earth.
Bella was deeply asleep when I finally decided I couldn't procrastinate about leaving any longer. I shifted her weight away from me with even more reluctance than usual, missing the warmth of her as soon as the physical contact was broken. She frowned slightly in her sleep and turned over onto her side. I stroked her cheek gently and she murmured my name. Sighing sadly, I walked over to the little desk and grabbed a sheet of paper and pen.
I'll be back so soon you won't have time to miss me. Look after my heart-I've left it with you. I wrote.
I folded the paper neatly and placed it on the pillow beside her. She had no idea just how true the words were; I felt as though my insides were still lying on that little bed beside her. I was ready to return before I'd even left.
"How was your wolf?" Jasper teased me as we ran through the mountains near Glacier National Park later that morning. It was the off season and the park wouldn't be open for visitors for another 3 weeks. We had the place to ourselves.
"Surprisingly unsatisfactory," I said as the warm sun glinted on my face. "I need something bigger." I had killed the wolf more for sport than for feeding. It made me feel better somehow to take out my aggression on something canine.
"Hell yeah you do," Emmett agreed, still messy from the Elk he'd just finished. "Your eyes are still dark, kid. You've got to hunt more often."
"You sound like Mom," I joked, feeling unusually light hearted. I missed Bella terribly, but I was actually enjoying myself a little.
Emmett laughed. "I've been trying to get in touch with my feminine side. Do you have any expert advice for me, Edward?"
I'm glad he's not acting all emo right now. He's having fun for a change. He added mentally.
"Yes," I deadpanned. "In order to avoid possible alienation of affection from your mate after a near death experience with a werewolf, make sure find plenty of ways to avoid angering her further. Otherwise you might wind up feeling deprived."
I burst out laughing and Jasper joined in. Emmett responded by throwing two small boulders in our direction. I zipped out of the way, causing mine to smash into the rock behind us, and Jasper held out his hand and swatted the other one out of his way, turning it to gravel at his feet.
The laughter died in my throat a moment later when I felt my phone vibrating in the pocket of my jeans.
"Alice?" I said as fear ran its fingers up and down my spine.
"Stay calm," Alice said as soon as I picked up. Her voice was shaking and my insides turned to ice.
"Alice?" I repeated stonily.
"I can't see her," She whispered. "She's gone."
Another voice I'd heard through a telephone less than three months ago echoed darkly in my head; Rosalie's.
'She's dead, Edward'.
"How long ago!" I bellowed in response as panic consumed ever cell of my body.
"Twenty minutes," She replied, her voice breaking. "I was still out with Esme when I had a flash of her in her truck and then…there was nothing."
Nothing.
Jasper tried to calm me, but I growled furiously at him and he stopped.
"I got to Newton's as fast as I could," she continued. "I followed her scent from there, but I didn't get to the line in time to stop her. I went back to the store and Mike Newton told me that his mom sent her home right after she arrived this morning because they weren't expecting many customers today. She must have decided too quickly for me to see her vanish…"
"Wait for me between the territories," I interrupted. "I'm on my way. Call me if she comes back before I get there."
'Come and see me' Jacob Black had said on Monday morning. Apparently Bella had decided to accept his invitation. I growled again at her careless disregard for her own safety. Perhaps I would accept his invitation too.
"What are you going to do!" Alice cried, and I knew that my image was fading from her sight as well.
"I don't know yet," I lied. I was already running before I hung up the phone.
As I raced past the mountains in a blur, I knew it was all a matter of time…hours…minutes…seconds before the treaty was broken. It was meaningless to me now, an archaic formality.
The fires of hell couldn't keep me from her, and neither could a pack of wolves.