Okay, here it is; chapter 6. I had a harder time with this chapter than I did the others for a number of reasons. Not the least of which was the reunion scene, which wasn't originally supposed to be in this chapter. I hope I got it right and that you enjoy it.
On a more personal note, I have been ill and was in the hospital yesterday. Nothing serious is going on, but I will be having surgery sometime in the near future, so my updating might be a little spotty at times. I have a young child and a demanding job as well, but I will do my best to try to post every two weeks or so.
Twilight and all its characters and situations are the property of Stephenie Meyer. Portions of dialogue from Eclipse are used out of necessity for the plot. I own nothing here and I will not profit from this work.
Chapter 6- Possibilities
"Isn't there some other way to handle this? I hate lying to her," I asked Alice as we drove home on Wednesday afternoon. I had just dropped Bella off for her shift at Newton's and I was obsessing once again over the false story I'd told her about my upcoming hunting trip.
"Sorry, Edward," Alice replied apologetically. "But I can't see any other option. I checked, and if you tell her the truth, she vanishes on Thursday after work. That must mean she'll try to make plans with him then instead of what she was going to do on Saturday. She's determined to see him while you're gone." I don't understand why she's being so careless. This persistence is extreme, even for Bella. She added mentally.
I sighed, my shoulders slumping automatically. Yes, it certainly was extremely reckless for Bella to stubbornly insist on pursuing her friendship with Jacob Black.
That's because he's more than a friend to her, A nasty voice in the back of my mind said. My stomach twisted at the thought.
"Don't worry, Edward," Alice said reassuringly, and I could see from her thoughts that she had misconstrued the reason for my increased anxiety. "You know Bella won't stay mad at you for fibbing about your hunting trip. She can't." I've seen the two of you together when you get back, she thought, smiling.
An image of Bella and I intertwined on the new bed I'd purchased for her flashed briefly in Alice's mind. My stone body almost felt warm at the picture in her head and then the intimacy of the situation Alice had seen embarrassed me. If I could blush, my face would have been crimson.
"I didn't look any further," Alice assured me truthfully as the vision evaporated. Besides it's not like you don't have TMI on all the rest of us, especially Emmett and Rose. Yuk. She teased silently.
"True," I chuckled in spite of my embarrassment as I pulled the Volvo into the garage. "But at least I don't try to see it."
"Ha ha," Alice retorted humorlessly. "Like I would look into the future to see what Rose and Emmett are doing. I don't need to be psychic for that." I may be brave but I'm not stupid, she added mentally.
I snorted as I parked the Volvo in my usual space in the garage. Alice hopped out of the car at once, her mind on the new toy that I'd had delivered for her the previous afternoon.
"Are you going to stay in the garage and stare at your car some more?" I teased as her eyes fell upon the shiny yellow Porsche parked on the other side of Emmett's jeep.
"What else can I do with it right now?" she grumbled. "It's not like I can drive it in Forks. It would attract too much attention. I suppose I could try to convince Bella to go to Olympia with me. We could drive it there."
"Esme said she told Charlie you would be staying home for Bella's little surprise sleepover," I reminded her. I knew Bella wouldn't want to go on a road trip in Alice's flashy new car. She hated speed almost as much as she hated attention.
"I know," Alice said with a martyred expression.
"What exactly do you have planned for Bella?" I asked her curiously.
"Just girl stuff," Alice shrugged. "Pedicures, maybe a makeover or some new clothes..."
"That sounds much more like your idea of fun than Bella's," I scowled. "If you make her miserable I might have to send your car back to Portland."
"I've got all of her favorite movies on hand and Esme is going to go to Port Angeles and pick up dinner for her," Alice replied defensively. But the efforts will be largely wasted since she's going to be mad at you. And she's always cranky when you're gone anyway. Alice added mentally.
"I was only teasing about your car," I snarled as my insides twisted with guilt. Leaving Bella was hard enough as it was without the reminder of how unhappy she was when I was gone.
"Oh and by the way, Carlisle is going to tell you about a change of plans for the trip when you go inside." Alice added abruptly.
"What do you mean?" I snapped irritably before she could show me the reason for the change. "Surely we aren't going anywhere tonight! I already told him I couldn't miss school Thursday and I won't leave without seeing Bella…"
"No, that's not it," She said, unruffled by my attitude. "You're going to the Cascades instead of Montana." There are a lot of mountain lions in Northern California and he knew you'd enjoy that more than Glacier Park. He wants you to have a good time since you didn't get to hunt last week and you hate being away from Bella. Alice thought.
"Oh," I replied lamely, touched by my father's gesture. It was more than I deserved considering how upset he'd been with me after I nearly broke the treaty he'd worked so hard to establish.
Alice rolled her eyes at me as she stroked the Porsche's glossy yellow paint. "You really should try to sound a little more enthusiastic when Carlisle mentions it." Before long, you won't have to leave Bella behind when you go hunting. She added silently.
I gritted my teeth at the reminder.
"Be honest, Edward," Alice said in response to my irritation. "You'll be a much happier man when she's a vampire and you know it."
My annoyance shifted to guilt in a split second as all the desires I buried deep inside my subconscious bubbled to the surface of my mind. Bella running with me through the forest, spending carefree sleepless nights with her doing all the things we couldn't do now, no longer having to worry about her getting hurt by Victoria or the Volturi or anything else. We would never die and time would cease to matter…
"Yes," I blurted before I could stop myself, and Alice heard the desperate longing in my voice. "But what I want isn't the point, Alice."
"It's what she wants too," Alice replied forcefully.
"It's what she thinks she wants," I grumbled, leaning up against the hood of the Volvo. "She's too young to…"
Alice growled at me.
"Didn't you learn anything from your mistakes?!" Alice asked furiously.
You have no right to decide for her. Bella knows her own mind and she wants you. You know from what happened a few months ago that she can't live without you anyway, so there's no point in her staying human. She thought.
The reminder of my painful and pointless decision to leave her last fall made my chest ache.
"I know how foolish I was," I said as I hung my head. "I would never be stupid enough to walk away from her again, but she's still a human teenager. She deserves to have time to change her mind."
I thought of the conversation Rosalie was planning to have with her while I was gone and I winced. Rose could be very persuasive when she wanted something, and she really wanted Bella to reconsider immortality. The thought made me anxious and hopeful all at once.
"She's not going to change her mind, Edward," Alice said as she closed her eyes and searched for our future again. I could see myself standing underneath an archway full of flowers, waiting expectantly for my bride to join me…
That's all I'll let you see. I've already bought her dress and I refuse to ruin the surprise. She thought as she shook her head and the image vanished.
"I know that's not what she wants," I said with a sad sigh as I thought of the ring-her ring- that was still resting in its little velvet box in my room, waiting for her fingers to warm it…I was terrified that it would never leave my side table drawer again.
"She does," Alice disagreed. "She just doesn't know it yet, but she'll figure it out soon. Bella's still human in my visions about the wedding."
I nodded in relief as I tried to push my selfish wants aside and hoped she was right about everything.
My conversation with Carlisle about our plans had given me a little enthusiasm for our trip, so I was in a good mood when I pulled into the parking lot of Newton's ten minutes before Bella's shift was supposed to end. There weren't a lot of cars in front of the store, so I hoped that Bella might be able to leave a few minutes early. I glanced through my windshield at the store to see that Bella was busy arranging some new arrivals in the display window. She smiled at me as she awkwardly tried to strap a bulky backpack to a flesh colored male mannequin. I grimaced as she nearly dropped it. She was going to get hurt.
I hopped out of my car and moved as quickly as I could without attracting attention. The little bell over the door jingled, announcing my arrival. I spotted Mike Newton leaning against the checkout counter. I cursed him under my breath. Why wasn't he offering to help Bella? Then I saw Lauren Mallory approaching the register with a very short pleated skirt and a pink tennis racket and I had my answer. Disgusting.
Mike looked up from the counter as he handed Lauren her change, his repulsive fantasies interrupted.
"Hello, Mike," I said, flashing my teeth in a menacing smile. He shuddered slightly.
"Hi," he answered in an unsteady voice. He gives me the creeps even when he's acting friendly. I don't know how Bella stands it. He thought. "I guess you're looking for Bella…"
He was just about to direct me to the display window when an earsplitting crash resonated from it. Panic surged through me like an electric shock.
Bella.
By the time Mike called out her name, I was already striding toward the source of the noise. If she was seriously hurt I would kill him with my bare hands. I threw the window curtain open so quickly that it fell into a heap on the floor.
Bella was lying on her back with her shaking hands splayed out on the ground, her face red with embarrassment. I swooped in at once and picked her up.
"I'm okay," she said quickly in response to my frightened expression. "No blood."
"Does anything hurt?" I asked her quietly, ignoring her comment about blood as I examined her appearance. She shook her head and she looked fine, but all the same…
"Bella, are you alright?" Mike panted from behind me as Lauren stood in his shadow. How did he get to her so fast? He thought.
My movements had been somewhat indiscreet but I didn't care. I pushed Bella's hair away from her face and glared at him from over my shoulder.
"You really shouldn't be lifting heavy things like that by yourself, Bella," I grumbled pointedly as I gestured at the oversized back packs.
"Sorry Bella," Mike said sheepishly in response. "I should've helped you." It was pretty stupid to ask her to do the display. As if I needed to look like a jerk in front of Cullen. He's such a showoff, running over here to grab her like that…wish I'd gotten to her first.
An odd, glazed expression marred his face as re-imagined the scene with him in my place, pondering how Bella's body would feel in his arms. I suppressed a growl with difficulty and moved her out of his line of vision.
"It's no big deal," Bella said with a shrug. Her heart was still beating faster than usual from the fright of her fall. I kissed the top of her head soothingly. "You know me, it happens all the time."
"I'm really sorry," Mike repeated sincerely, dropping his head and putting his hands in the pockets of his jeans. "I'll take care of the rest of this." I heard Alice Cullen say Edward was leaving town this weekend; maybe I'll ask her if she wants to go see a movie while he's gone…I could make it up to her…
"I should get you home," I said quietly, repressing the urge to impale Newton on the discarded curtain rod lying at my feet. "You need to lie down and relax."
"Are you sure you're okay, Bella?" Mike asked, trying to save face.
Ugh, look at them fawning over her. It's pathetic that Mike still likes her. She'd never break up with Edward Cullen for him. She's not that pretty…Lauren thought enviously as she watched our exchange with narrowed pale eyes.
Lauren was a loose girl with no morals or character and so I ignored her thoughts.
"I'm fine," Bella repeated irritably. "I just want to go home." She gave me a significant look, and I knew she didn't want me to carry her to the car. She hated this kind of attention.
I gently guided her back onto her own feet and wrapped my arm around her, wondering how I was going to tolerate leaving her for two days. As we were walking out of the store, my eyes fell on a crumpled newspaper lying next to the register. The headline caught my attention at once:
Still no leads in the case of Missing Seattle teen: Police are baffled.
If this continued, the Volturi would be here sooner rather than later and there were no guarantees that we would be able to avoid a confrontation. I shuddered and pulled Bella closer at the thought. At least Alice was watching for any choice they made that might impact Bella. Alice would take care of her.
"Hey Bells, hello, Edward," Charlie said cheerfully when Bella and I walked through the front door a short time later. He was watching a baseball game on TV and polishing off a slice of pizza.
Bella was surprised by his friendly attitude toward me, but I knew the reason behind it. He was looking forward to my trip a lot more than I was.
Might as well be nice to him…he's gonna be gone this weekend and Bella's visiting Jacob on Saturday...hope they can sort some more stuff out and she'll go see him more. He thought.
"Good evening, Charlie," I replied as I helped Bella shrug out of her sodden rain jacket. My tone was polite but I tensed almost imperceptibly at his mental musings. Almost; Bella noticed of course and from the expression on her face she'd figured out the reason for Charlie's mood and my irritation.
"Why don't we go upstairs and cram for that quiz we have in English tomorrow, Edward," Bella said pointedly, tugging lightly on my arm. I grabbed her backpack off the living room floor and nodded.
"Aren't you hungry, Bells?" Charlie asked, frowning at this abrupt conversation. "Is everything okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine, Dad," Bella replied. "I just really need to study. I'll take a slice of pizza to my room."
"Alright," Charlie consented suspiciously. "But your curfew is still 10:30 whether you're studying or not."
Bella nodded as she took a slice of cold pizza from the nearly empty box sitting on the coffee table.
Charlie watched her carefully for a moment as we turned to leave the room. He was wondering if I had done something to upset her, and while the idea of us arguing pleased him, he didn't want his daughter to get hurt. I briefly considered mentioning her little accident at work to him but I knew Bella would be furious with me if I did.
"Do you want me to get you something for pain?" I asked her as she walked somewhat stiffly up the stairs. I was worried that she would be sore tomorrow from her fall. I cursed Mike Newton and his behavior again in my head. If he asked her out while I was gone, it would be the last thing he ever did.
"I'm okay, really," Bella grumbled as I followed her into her bedroom. "Honestly Edward, you worry too much."
I sighed heavily at her dismissive attitude as I tossed her backpack onto the bed. If she only knew just how much I worried about her! And tonight would be my last night with her before my trip, though she wasn't aware of that.
"Well, all things considered, I think I have plenty of reasons to worry about you," I retorted. Werewolves, crazed vampires, excessive clumsiness, no survival instincts...
Bella rolled her eyes at me in response. "Can we study now?" she asked impatiently as she bent over the bed and started rifling through her bag for her English notes. The pearl grey sweater she was wearing was a little too large and it slid down her shoulder, exposing creamy white skin. My breath caught in my throat.
"You really wanted to study?" I teased as I tore my eyes away from her bare flesh. "I thought you were just making excuses to be alone with me in your room."
Her mood shifted and she smiled up at me through a mess of papers and I took her hand. The warmth of her fingers pulsed through my palm and I inhaled unevenly as I pulled her to me in one soft tug.
"What did you have in mind, Cullen?" Bella asked me with a seductive smile as she wrapped her arms around my neck. I brushed my fingers over her lips and she kissed the tips of them softly.
"Not English notes," I whispered thickly, thinking of my upcoming trip as I replaced my fingers with my mouth.
She leaned into me eagerly as I savored the softness of her lips on mine. I recklessly pulled her closer, eliminating the tiny space between us, stroking her hair with my free hand. Her heart thudded against my chest and I moaned.
Enough Edward! An insistent voice in my head said as I moved the hand that was in her hair to the small of her back. She shivered deliciously in response, and I knew I had to stop now or I never would. I pulled away from her unwillingly and she groaned in agitation.
"Too much," I panted as I held her at arm's length.
"Not enough," she argued breathlessly. Her cheeks were flushed and her hair was perfectly disheveled from my fingers.
And I realized that she was right. This would never be enough for either of us. Eventually, I would give in and lose control. I shivered with fear and desire at the thought.
Bella and I did eventually study for our English quiz on The Canterbury Tales, though it was an unnecessary exercise for me. I enjoyed discussing literature with her at length, however, and I was entertained by her perspective on Chaucer. The conversation turned to other works and again I found myself intrigued by her take on Wuthering Heights. I decided that I might re-examine the wretched novel just to see if it was more appealing to me now. We were so engrossed in our conversation that even I was shocked when Charlie knocked on Bella's door and reminded us of her curfew.
"I'll be back soon," I soothed Bella in a whisper as she reluctantly walked me to the door. I wanted to kiss her, but Charlie was glaring impatiently from behind her back, so I squeezed her hand reassuringly instead.
"Goodnight," Bella said for Charlie's benefit.
"Goodnight," I repeated quietly. Despite my reassurances to her, I hesitated as she let go of my hand, unwilling to lose a moment with her before I had to leave tomorrow.
Fortunately, Charlie went to bed early and so I was able to sneak back in to Bella's room by 11:30. She was tired and the Tylenol that I insisted she take seemed to intensify her exhaustion. I cradled her in my arms as she slept peacefully, watching her dream for a long time before my mind wandered to unpleasant places.
Bella was convinced that she wanted to be a vampire, and I had finally voiced my own desire for her to be changed today. It seemed ironic that I was acknowledging my selfish wants on the eve of Rosalie's confessional. Would Bella change her mind just as I was beginning to accept her choice? Alice didn't think so, but Bella's reactions weren't exactly easy to predict. If she did decide to stay human, what would be the consequences of such a decision? Would she try to live out her human life with me? How fleeting would that life be, given the danger she was in from Victoria and the Volturi?
I sighed deeply just as Bella rolled over and buried her sleeping face into my chest. I was brooding over problems that I didn't have a hope of solving at the moment when all I really wanted to do was enjoy the feel of Bella's warmth against me. I was going to be without her for two nights too many. I stroked her hair and tried to forget my worries, but my mind replayed the story I'd seen in Rosalie's thoughts so many times over the years and I couldn't seem to shake the macabre images. I reached down and grabbed a battered paperback from a stack beside Bella's bed.
Wuthering Heights.
I skimmed absentmindedly through the pages for several minutes before a quote from Heathcliff garnered my full attention.
"I wanted to crawl to her feet, whimper to be forgiven…for loving me. For needing her more than my own life, for belonging to her more than my own soul."
In an instant, I saw the image of Bella with a pallid face and crimson eyes standing before me. Her cold skin was hard and her heart was silent. I wondered for a moment what her life would've been like if I had left last spring before she had a chance to know me for who and what I am. Would she be in love with someone else? Would she have a mundane and mortal future ahead of her?
I shook my head bitterly as I remembered the first night I'd spent in her bedroom last March. That night, I finally admitted to myself that I loved her with every fiber of my being and I was desperate to find the strength to leave her alone. But then she'd asked me to stay in her sleep and I had selfishly granted her request. Even then I was unable to walk away, and I still couldn't believe that I'd been foolish to try last fall.
My absence had not only failed to save her from this fate, but the consequences of it had only made matters worse. My foolish and hasty departure had given her the opportunity to form a relationship with a dangerous werewolf she now considered to be one of her best friends. Worse yet, the Volturi knew about her and Victoria was trying to kill her. It seemed that nothing would prevent her from traveling down the path that she was on.
Perhaps Rosalie could; maybe her story would sway Bella where everything else had failed. Again I wondered what that would mean. Would she spend her human life with me, or would she turn to Jacob? My insides twisted at the thought of her walking away from me for him. How would I survive losing her? I started examining the book again, and another quote caught my attention.
"If he loved you with all the power of his soul for a whole lifetime, he couldn't love you as much as I do in a single day."
Jacob Black could never love her the way that I did.
And two quotes from this detested book struck a chord in my heart. I had my answer. I would never stop fighting for her, no matter what she decided. I was hers from the moment I first saw her in the school cafeteria 17 months ago. My heart loved her completely before my mind could comprehend the meaning of my ability to resist her blood. I conquered and defied my base instincts for something far more powerful, and the fear my presence should have inspired in her was irrelevant. She knew what I was and instead of running she'd embraced me and in spite of my vile nature, she loved me. She was meant for me; there was no other explanation.
"Edward," Bella mumbled as she shifted in my arms again. I kissed her forehead and smoothed her wild hair away from her face and all was right with the world for the moment.
Bella wasn't suffering any ill effects from her fall the previous day, and she seemed to be in a good mood when I reluctantly dropped her off at Newton's after school on Thursday afternoon.
"Please be careful," I said to her as I pulled up in front of the store entrance.
Bella rolled her eyes at me and chuckled. "I won't be putting any more backpacks on aggressive male mannequins today, so don't worry about me."
I laughed in spite of myself at the joke before leaning over the seat to kiss her forehead.
"I love you so much," I said as I took her face in my hands and stared intently into her eyes. She leaned into my touch and sighed.
"I love you too," she said, stroking my cheek. We sat there for a long moment, just savoring the contact.
"Are you okay, Edward?" Bella asked me finally when it was time for her to go inside.
"I'm just fine, love," I replied with a smile that I knew didn't reach my eyes. "Don't worry about me." She laughed at me for repeating her words.
"I'll see you tonight," she said as she closed the car door.
I felt a moment of guilt for the deception about my trip, but then I reminded myself of what Alice had said about her plans to see Jacob Black and I drove away with a clear conscience.
"Turn that thing off!" Emmett insisted as I checked my cell phone for messages. "No human could get away from 3 vampires, Edward; she's fine."
I didn't respond. I knew that he was probably right, but if anyone could get away from 3 vampires, it would be Bella.
I glowered at Emmett for a moment, but my expression changed as I took in his disheveled appearance. His cheeks were spattered with flecks of blood and there were splotches of red all over the grey sweater and jeans he was wearing. I suppressed a small smile.
"That's a nice look for you, Emmett," I retorted as I turned the phone's ringer off and put it in my pocket. "The whole ensemble screams serial killer."
Carlisle and Jasper snorted loudly as they waded in a nearby stream. I laughed harder at their response as I walked over to join them.
"He's got you there, Em," Jasper managed finally when he'd stopped laughing. "Between the blood and the face you're making, you look like a mug shot waiting to happen."
Emmett retaliated by jumping at Jasper, who wasn't prepared. An aggressive but playful fight that Esme would not approve of commenced.
"Your eyes are looking better," Carlisle commented as he studied my face. I know that you miss Bella, but you really needed this, Edward. He added wordlessly.
"I know," I replied in response to both statements. "I've missed our trips, but at the same time it's so hard to be away from her. Thank you, by the way, for opting to come here. I know you would've preferred Montana this time of year."
"Think nothing of it," he replied with a smile. "Esme and I are planning to go there alone the week after next when we leave again." Though I still want to hunt at home before that, he thought.
"Do you anticipate more problems with the wolves?" I asked him gravely as I thought about the reasons for his insistence that we hunt more often than usual.
"No," Carlisle answered honestly. "Not unless we get too close to the line, but the strategy of playing us off against each other worked for Victoria once, so she may try it again if she comes back."
"Oh, she'll be back," I assured him angrily. "She's too tenacious to give up that easily, and she thought of James as her mate," I growled automatically at the memory of him, and hatred swelled inside of me like a black balloon.
I feel sort of sorry for her loss, Carlisle thought impulsively. I can't imagine what I would do without Esme.
"How can you possibly feel any sympathy for her after everything she's done?!" I fumed incredulously. "She's a monster, and he didn't even love her; James wasn't capable of caring about anyone but himself. I heard it all in his head. I had no idea she felt so strongly toward him because he felt nothing for her."
"You know what I meant, Edward," Carlisle replied calmly. "I was merely trying to put myself in her shoes for a moment." I would never justify her actions. She's going after an innocent girl and murdering people. She's a terrible person. He added wordlessly as Jasper and Emmett's fight continued in a clearing nearby.
"Yes, I understand your point," I admitted. "But I cannot have an atom sized amount of compassion for anyone who is a threat to Bella's safety."
"Speaking of compassion," Carlisle said carefully. "There's something I think we need to talk about."
I could see the subject he wanted to discuss in his head and I gritted my teeth.
"Please hear me out before you get defensive son," Carlisle implored. I'm worried about you, He thought.
"I know that you mean well, Carlisle," I said, closing my eyes as though I were praying for the strength stay calm. "But I can't let her go to La Push, no matter how indebted I am to the wolves for what they did for her while I was gone. It's too dangerous."
"I'm not suggesting that you do it for their benefit," Carlisle replied patiently. "I want you to do it for hers." I hate seeing the two of you at odds over this, and the constant disagreements could damage your relationship. He added silently.
"Everything that I'm doing is for her," I grumbled stubbornly, ignoring Carlisle's thoughts. "I'm trying to keep her safe."
Jasper and Emmett rejoined us then, both of them looking disheveled but exhilarated. Jasper's jovial high from their wresting match waned as he absorbed the emotions surrounding Carlisle and I. Emmett merely listened with curious interest.
"I understand that you're trying to protect her," Carlisle said softly. "But, the wolves didn't hurt her while we were gone; they kept her safe."
"Sheer dumb luck," I argued. "They're volatile creatures who have little fighting experience. Alice can't see them, I can't watch her on their lands, and…"
"I don't really like the idea of her being with them either," Carlisle interrupted. "But Jacob Black is Bella's friend and she cares for him. She's only got a few more weeks before her change, so why not let her visit him between now and then? Her ties to him will be severed soon anyway." You've been so protective of her humanity. Don't you think she deserves some last chance interaction with her friends before she makes the transformation? He thought.
I winced at his thoughts. I had never considered the idea that Bella might need to tie up loose ends with her friend before she gave up her human life. Was my all consuming desire to protect her making me narrow minded and selfish? Or was there even more to it than that?
You're jealous, too, Jasper thought. He had felt my fear and anger over Bella's interactions with Jacob Black before, of course, but he'd never acknowledged this smaller part of my worries.
"I thought we came here to hunt," Jasper interrupted in an effort to break the tension. "Edward, if you want to talk about your feelings, I'll be happy to call Dr. Phil and set up a TV interview for you, but for now maybe you could do me a huge favor and distract yourself with something to eat so I don't have to feel your pain."
Jasper's attempt to change the subject worked, and Carlisle and Emmett were laughing so hard I thought they might actually start rolling on the ground. It wasn't like Jasper to say something like this and that made it all the more amusing.
"Yes, Edward, I think you should try to eat a little something more before your daytime debut," Carlisle teased. I'm sorry I upset you. Try to relax son. That's why we brought you here, he added mentally.
"That would make a great show," Emmett choked through his guffaws. "On the next episode of Dr. Phil: Anorexic Vampires who love too much!"
Even I was laughing as I shoved him off the rock he was perched on.
I was halfway finished with the mountain lion I'd captured when I felt the phone vibrate in my pocket. For a split second I was able to consider stopping to answer it, but the severity of my thirst made it impossible for me to find the will to do so. I continued with my meal and checked it as soon as I was done. I felt a shiver of fear when I saw Alice's number, but it wasn't her voice that I heard when I listened to the message.
'You-are-in-trouble,' Bella's furious voice hissed through the speaker of my phone. 'Enormous trouble; angry grizzly bears are going to look tame next to what's waiting for you at home.'
"End of message," the mechanical female voice announced after an irritable click.
I stared down at the phone for a moment in shock as I absorbed the curt tone of her message. She was really upset with me. Alice had predicted her frustration, but hearing it through the phone was hard to swallow nonetheless, especially when I thought about the reason.
Once again, we were at odds over Jacob Black.
Bella and I rarely ever argued, but in the last few weeks this source of contention had caused more disagreements between us than anything else we'd ever fought over during the entire course of our relationship. Was Carlisle right about the damaging effects of our fights? The possibility worried me almost as much as Jacob Black did.
"Hey, Edward," Emmett called from the other side of the stream. He had heard the message of course. "Sounds like you're in the dog house because of a dog."
I glared at him as I shoved the phone back in my pants pocket. Leave it to Emmett to find the humor in my situation. But, I supposed I deserved it for teasing him when Rose was angry with him a couple of weeks ago. Well, I probably didn't considering how much more perilous things were for Bella and me.
"Okay, Emmett," Jasper said, sensing my turmoil. "Why don't you go for a run with Carlisle while I help Edward relax." Your feelings are all over the place, Edward! He thought.
We sat down beside the crystal stream as Carlisle and Emmett took off through a thicket of trees.
"Try not to worry too much about Bella's message," Jasper said as he sent a wave of calm in my direction. Alice said she wouldn't stay mad at you. She'll be over it by the time we get back. He added mentally.
"I know she won't," I replied, trying in vain to smile a little. It was a stupid and pointless gesture considering my present company. Jasper could feel my emotions.
"That's not all you're worried about," He said bluntly as he stared at the darkening purple sky above us. I didn't answer him; it wasn't a question, after all.
"She knows what she wants, her feelings haven't wavered at all," Jasper said firmly. And Alice is sure of the way things are going to turn out. She's going to be happy after she's changed. He added silently.
Yes, Alice was sure about Bella's feelings and Jasper was sure about Alice, so it was a simple matter to him.
But I wondered if Bella had really thought it through. I desperately wanted her to take extra time to try to figure out if becoming a vampire was what she really wanted. Could spending time with Jacob Black help her make a better choice? Carlisle believed that she would be safe enough with him.
No! The possessive, frightened part of my mind shouted at my logical side. I couldn't allow her to be with him. He could hurt her…
Or he could take her from me.
"She chose you, Edward," Jasper said as he correctly interpreted my mood. "Even after everything she saw in Italy and all the grief she felt when you left, she forgave you. She truly loves you, and you have to trust that and trust her."
"I know," I said honestly. "But maybe I'm not the best for her."
Suddenly an image of Bella appeared in my mind as clearly as if I were looking at a photograph. She was glowing, her face alight with happiness and hope as she clutched her swollen belly. She was carrying a child.
A child I could never give her.
"It's up to Bella to decide what's best for her," Jasper replied. You know what happened the last time you tried to make decisions for her. He added mentally.
Jasper was right. It was her choice. *******************************************************************************
We spent most of the next day exploring the area and competing for the largest prey. I tried not to dwell on how much I missed Bella, but it was a wasted effort. The more time that I spent away from her, the more painful our separation became, and the anger I'd heard in her message haunted me. I started to call her back, but my cell signal was spotty at best way out here, and I knew that a phone conversation wasn't what I wanted. I needed to see her, to hold her in my arms and hear her say she loved me and she wasn't angry anymore.
By the time we were headed back to Forks it was just before midnight and I was uncomfortably full and so desperate for Bella that I wanted to crawl out of my own skin and into hers. The sounds and scents of home were like paradise, calling to me as we reached the river.
There almost here! I've missed Jasper. I've got to tell Edward about Bella's little trip. He won't like it when he sees the motorcycle in the garage. He'll be worried when I tell him she was upset. I wonder if he can hear me yet. Alice thought.
Motorcycle!!? She must've managed to get away from Alice to see Jacob Black. It was the only explanation for her to be around a motorcycle; and what had upset her? If it was Rose I would throttle her.
I ran faster through the woods, racing past the others.
"What's wrong?" Carlisle called from behind me.
"I just need to talk to Alice," I replied stiffly.
Edward! You heard me. Jacob Black showed up at school Friday morning and she took off with him on that ridiculous motorcycle of his. You know I can't see him and I had no idea he would be clever enough to plan something like that. I didn't call you because I knew you'd race back here again. She came home this afternoon on her motorcycle and she was really upset but she wouldn't tell me why. She didn't even eat dinner before she went to bed. I'm sorry, Edward. Alice thought, the tone of her mind pleading with me to understand.
Bella had taken off with Jacob Black again behind my back. In spite of all my best efforts to keep her away from him, she'd managed to see him anyway. I stopped in the garage before I made my way into the house and saw Bella's little deathtrap of a motorcycle parked next to my Volvo in the garage. I imagined a thousand different horrors as I pictured her speeding dangerously down the crooked, narrow highway without a helmet. A logging truck running her off the road, a car hitting her, her losing control of the bike…she could've been killed. I knew from Jacob's thoughts that she'd had accidents on it in the past.
Carlisle's words from our conversation about Bella visiting La Push echoed in my mind.
… 'The wolves didn't hurt her while we were gone; they kept her safe.' He'd said.
As I walked up the stairs to the front porch I knew he was right; the wolves had never injured Bella; she was alive because the wolves had kept her safe from Victoria. However, if she continued to try to find ways to sneak away with Jacob, she was going to get hurt, and the consequences of that would be catastrophic for me and possibly for the treaty. And there was also the matter of all the arguments we'd had over this lately.
'The constant disagreements could damage your relationship,' Carlisle thought when we were discussing the matter on Thursday evening
It seemed that I had no choice but to relent. But, what would it cost me? I listened to the sounds around me, and as I walked into the quiet house, I could hear the perfect sound of her heartbeat and the rhythm of her breathing coming from upstairs. There was nothing I wouldn't do for her, and so I set my own fears and jealousy aside. She had chosen me, after all.
Rosalie was standing beside the large windows in the living room, lost in her thoughts. The others weren't back yet, and Alice and Esme had gone outside to wait for Carlisle and Jasper.
I know I frightened Bella…Alice said she had nightmares last night but I don't care; if it changes her mind it was worth it. She needs to understand what she's giving up and I don't think she gets it. Rose mused deliberately.
I could see Bella's face in her mind, pale and frightened as Rose told her in perfect detail what had happened to her the last night of her human life. At least she had edited out the most violent parts. I didn't stop to speak to her about what she'd done. I was afraid I would lose my temper and I didn't have the desire or the energy to fight with her now.
"Rose," I heard Emmett say from the front porch. "Could you come out here, babe?"
Rosalie glanced at me for a moment before she headed outside to join Emmett.
Esme said we should give you some time alone with Bella, Edward. I told her it was pointless since you guys won't be doing anything interesting, but she insisted. Emmett thought as he and Rosalie took off running.
I ignored his wordless jab. All I wanted was to be with Bella. I raced quietly up the stairs and silently opened my bedroom door.
I chuckled to myself when I saw that Bella had stubbornly decided to forego her new bed and sleep on the sofa. She was curled up into a ball beneath the gold comforter, her hands resting under her cheek like a small child.
She was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen.
I was desperate to hold her close, to feel her warmth. I picked her up carefully so as not to disturb her rest; she looked so tired! She did not stir as I lay down with her in the bed and cradled her to my chest.
I held her tightly and watched her sleep, listening to her murmur unconscious I love you's to me. But after awhile her skin began to cool and I knew I needed to pull away from her for a bit. I carefully slid my arms out from under her, and she rolled over. The movement seemed to startle her and she stirred. She must have been expecting to fall onto the floor. I shouldn't have moved her.
"Sorry," I whispered guiltily when her sleepy brown eyes focused on my face. "I didn't mean to wake you."
Her little body seemed to stiffen for a moment, and I knew she was expecting me to chastise her for her trip to La Push the day before, but I had no intention of doing so; I was upset about her motorcycle rides sans helmet, but that conversation could wait. All I wanted was to be with her; to hold her and show her how much I'd missed her. Alice had said she wouldn't be angry anymore by the time I got home and I hoped fervently that she was right. The idea of quarreling right now was unbearable to me.
I waited carefully for a moment, wondering what she was thinking. Was she still angry? And then she reached for me, taking my hard, icy hands in her warm, soft ones and moved to close the distance between us. I responded eagerly, placing her against my chest again, which was still warmer than usual from her touch. She leaned her face into my neck and began trailing warm, soft kisses from my throat to my mouth. I shivered slightly at the touch. I had missed her so. Staying controlled and focused was going to be much more difficult than usual. I returned her kiss carefully as a result.
I pulled away from her and laughed lightly at the cheerful expression on her face. I was thrilled that she was pleased to see me, and that she'd forgiven me.
"I was all braced for the wrath that was going to put grizzlies to shame, and this is what I get?" I teased. My heart was soaring. "I should infuriate you more often."
"Give me a minute to work up to it," She chuckled as she pressed her lips to mine again.
"I'll wait as long as you want," I breathed against her mouth as I ran my fingers through her soft waves. The feel of her hair was like the most exquisite silk in my hands.
I could feel her heart start to beat a little faster at my touch and I knew she was getting excited as well. I loved the way she responded to me.
"Maybe in the morning," she panted.
"Whatever you prefer," I said with a smile as I shifted imperceptibly to adjust myself. I pressed my lips to the side of her neck, feeling her warm pulse beating against my mouth as the familiar electricity heated my entire body.
"Welcome home," she murmured thickly as I continued to pepper her neck and jaw line with light kisses. "I'm glad you came back."
"That's a very good thing," I whispered huskily as she tightened her hold on me.
"Mmmm," She groaned as the soft pads of her fingers tickled my neck.
I held her tighter, feeling a kind of aching desperation in the pit of my stomach and beyond, a power tension that begged for a release that I couldn't have. I wrapped my fingers around her elbow and moved my hand across her torso, carefully avoiding the soft curves above her belly. It wouldn't do for me to go that far, but I craved so much more.
I ran my palms lower still, tracing along her hip and down the outside of her thighs with feather light strokes. I knew that I was torturing myself, but her response to the feel of my touch on her body was urging me forward. I cupped my hand around her knee and recklessly curled her soft leg around my hip. My acute senses could smell, feel and hear the way she was reacting; the moisture, the heat and the sound of her breathing and I couldn't stop.
"Not to bring on the ire prematurely," I said thickly, trying to slow myself down enough to gain some measure of control. "But do you mind telling me what it is about this bed that you object to?"
She shifted unconsciously against my hip joint, and the warm of her caused me to react impulsively. I rolled onto my side, moving her above me. I lifted her chin to gain access to the base of her throat. I could feel the light warm weight of her, and her shallow, excited breathing enticed me further as I kissed her neck.
"The bed," I prompted her teasingly. Maybe she would appreciate her new accommodations a bit more now. "I think it's nice."
"It's unnecessary," she whispered unevenly.
Perhaps I needed to continue my demonstration of the way the bed worked.
I cupped her face in my hands and pressed my lips to hers once more. Passion surged through me as she yielded to my mouth, silk against stone. Without breaking the kiss, I did another half turn until she was beneath me. I could feel her warm heart racing beneath her chest and her desire made me giddy. I chuckled softly.
"That's debatable," I replied breathlessly as I shifted again. I was so wound up that the pleasure was almost painful. "This would be difficult on a couch."
I tasted her soft lips with my tongue, outlining the perfect shape of her mouth. She was panting as though she'd been running and her warm breath tickled my face.
"Did you change your mind?" she choked.
Instantly, I felt a terrible surge of irritation that punctured my excitement like a pin caressing a balloon.
"Don't be ridiculous Bella," I chided her. "I was just trying to illustrate the benefits of the bed you don't seem to like. Don't get carried away."
How many times had I told her what would happen if I tried to make love to her?! I would break her.
"Too late," she grumbled unhappily. "And I like the bed."
"Good," I replied, kissing her forehead in a much more chaste manner. "I do too."
I liked it much more than I should.
"But I still think it's unnecessary. If we're not going to get carried away, what's the point?" she asked irritably.
"For the hundredth time Bella, it's too dangerous," I snapped, knowing that my annoyance was partially due to my own unfulfilled desires.
"I like danger," she retorted.
I was instantly reminded of the little red motorcycle that was currently lounging beside my car.
"I know," I said angrily, thinking of her little joyride.
"I'll tell you what's dangerous," Bella said hurriedly, and I knew she was trying to change the subject before I could start lecturing her on the perils of riding a motorcycle, especially without a helmet. "I'm going to spontaneously combust one of these days and you'll have no one but yourself to blame."
I looked at her disgruntled, flushed face and felt an intense wave of guilt. I sighed sadly, wishing with everything inside me that I could give her what she wanted; what we both wanted. Didn't she understand that I would hand her the moon and the stars on a string if I could? I craved her more than anything in the universe, and I hated pulling away from her.
I gently and deliberately started to put some distance between us, disgusted with myself for the way I'd been acting. I hated upsetting her.
"What are you doing?" she said in surprise, tightening her hold on me.
"Protecting you from combustion," I replied calmly, trying to keep the guilty emotion out of my face and my voice. I was grateful that the others had decided to go for a run to give us some privacy. If Emmett could hear what was going on in the house, he would tease me mercilessly.
"I can handle it," she argued as she slipped herself back into my arms. I cradled her close again.
"I'm sorry I gave you the wrong impression," I said regretfully. "I didn't mean to make you unhappy. That wasn't nice."
"Actually, it was very, very nice," she cooed in her most irresistible voice. I could feel myself getting flustered again. I took a deep, calming breath.
"Aren't you tired?" I asked flatly. "I should let you sleep."
"No, I'm not," she replied in that same smooth voice. She didn't sound tired. "I don't mind if you want to give me the wrong impression again."
I groaned internally at the way she continually tested my resolve.
"That's probably a bad idea," I said calmly, though my body was begging me for a different response. "You aren't the only one who gets carried away."
"Yes, I am," she said petulantly, her lower lip jutted out in a perfect pout.
I laughed at the absurdity of the situation. Did she really think that she desired me more than I did her? I'd waited a century for her! How could she possibly believe that I wasn't desperate to give in?
She still didn't see her own appeal.
"You have no idea, Bella," I said blackly, thinking again of how long I'd waited to be with her. "It doesn't help that you are so eager to undermine my self-control, either."
"I'm not going to apologize for that," she said, her chin jutting out stubbornly.
I sighed again. It was time for us to discuss something much more difficult, and I needed to change the subject anyway. The others would be back soon.
"Can I apologize?" I asked.
"For what?" she frowned as she tried to study my face in the darkness.
"You were angry with me, remember?" I reminded her reluctantly.
"Oh, that," she said flatly. I could hear soft movements downstairs now.
"I'm sorry I was wrong," I said, swallowing my pride and fear in a large metaphorical gulp. "It's much easier to have the proper prospective when I have you safely here," I pressed her closer to my chest. "I go a little berserk when I try to leave you."
"That's an understatement," I heard Emmett snort from downstairs. I ignored him.
"I don't think I'll go so far again," I continued for Bella's benefit and Emmett's. I wasn't going to let him or anyone else drag me on another extended trip like this for a very long time. "It's not worth it."
Bella smiled, and I could feel the relief in her entire body, reminding me of how much she suffered when I was away.
"Didn't you find any mountain lions?" she asked jokingly.
"Yes, I did actually," I replied lightly. I had enjoyed the hunt, and it was an enlightening trip. "Still not worth the anxiety; I'm sorry I had Alice hold you hostage, though. That was a bad idea."
"Just because you made a mistake doesn't mean I didn't earn my car," I heard Alice grumble from down the hall. I nearly laughed.
"Yes," Bella nodded in assent.
"I won't do it again," I promised.
"Okay," Bella said cheerfully. I was so lucky to have her. She was far more kind and forgiving than I deserved. "But slumber parties do have their advantages," she continued in that voice that drove me insane. "You can hold me hostage any time."
"Mmm," I breathed, and I tried to ignore Emmett and Jasper's snickering. "I may take you up on that."
"So is it my turn now?" she asked in an entirely different tone. Her voice was quiet and strangely remorseful.
"Your turn?" I repeated questioningly. I had no idea what she was thinking.
"To apologize." She replied as though I were missing something obvious. Was she about to drop some startling revelation on me?
"What do you have to apologize for?" I asked warily.
"Aren't you mad at me?" she asked, her forehead creasing. She looked just as confused as I felt.
"No," I replied truthfully. On the contrary, I was immensely grateful that she'd forgiven me for being a crazy overbearing caveman and locking her away like some fairy tale princess in a dark fable.
Her frown deepened. "Didn't you see Alice when you got home?"
"Yes," I replied. Well I hadn't seen her but I had talked to her in my peculiar way. "Why?"
"Are you going to take her Porsche back?" She asked nervously.
"Of course not," I answered indignantly. "It was a gift."
What sort of guilt trip had Alice put on her?
"Don't you want to know what I did?" she asked apprehensively.
Was she bracing herself for some kind of confession? She had nothing to feel guilty about. I was the one who'd behaved irresponsibly, disregarding her feelings and forcing her to resort to dangerous measures to see her friend. Or was there more to the story about her adventures on the reservation? A pang of jealous insecurity stabbed through me, unbidden, and I felt my insides twist with a familiar fear.
Had something happened between her and the dog while she was gone? Was that the reason she'd been so upset when she came home Friday afternoon? My thoughts swirled with panic but I kept my face smooth and indifferent. I would kill him if he'd hurt her. I shrugged to try to convey my phony nonchalance, but I was even more curious now.
"I'm always interested in everything you do," I assured her. "But you don't have to tell me unless you want to."
I really wanted her to tell me what had transpired, but I didn't want to question her. Bella would tell me when she was ready.
"But I went to La Push," She protested.
Ah. This was about the trip itself, not what had happened while she was there.
"I know," I told her calmly. I was being ridiculous. Bella was incapable of doing anything inappropriate behind my back. She was a lady, and I was a monster for even allowing the thought to enter my mind.
"And I ditched school," she continued.
"So did I," I reminded her, somewhat surprised that she would bring that up. What was I, her father?
Actually, I was old enough to be her father's father.
Bella ran her fingers over my face as though she were trying to interpret my true feelings with her touch. She stared unseeingly in the direction of my profile for a long moment.
"Where did all this tolerance come from?" she said suspiciously.
I sighed heavily. I'd behaved so badly over the last few weeks.
"I decided that you were right," I admitted after a pause. "My problem before was more about my....(jealous overprotective terror of losing you) prejudice against werewolves than anything else. I'm going to try to be more reasonable and trust your judgement. If you say its safe then I'll believe you."
I didn't trust the dog, but I did trust Bella, and that was really the heart of the matter. If I continued to hold onto her so tightly, she was going to slip through my hands like water.
"And...more importantly....I'm not willing to let this drive a wedge between us."
And my words seemed to ease some tension in her that I had never even realized existed. Her whole body seemed to sigh as she buried her face into my chest in contentment. It was as though some dreadful, heavy burden had been lifted off her shoulders. I felt terrible for the stress she'd obviously been under as a result of my actions.
"So, did you make any plans to go back to La Push?" I asked idly, trying to keep my tone light.
Bella tensed in my arms at once, her heart skipping a beat. Whatever had happened in La Push had really upset her. My curiosity burned.
"Just so that I can make my own plans," I said hastily. I didn't want to make her feel worse.
"No," she replied in an odd mechanical voice. "I don't have any plans to go back."
"Oh, you don't have to do that for me," I replied carefully, hoping to get some kind of explanation from her.
"I don't think I'm welcome anymore," she said in a broken whisper.
My heart twisted at the pain in her voice. The dog had done something to hurt her feelings to say the least, and the hatred I had for him flared.
"Did you run over someone's cat?" I asked in falsely light voice. I wanted to know what that filthy mutt had done to upset her so I could rip his head off his shoulders.
"No," Bella said with a sigh as she seemed to be bracing herself to tell me what had happened.
"Jake and I had been out riding," she bit her lip nervously, and I knew she didn't want to discuss the motorcycle again. When I didn't react to her mention of the bikes, she continued.
"We were talking about the day he came to the house and ratted me out to Charlie and..." she paused and I could tell she was getting to the difficult part of the story.
"And?" I prompted her, trying not to sound pushy. I was sure I knew where things were going.
"And he asked me about my plans to change," Bella whispered. "He wanted to know if I meant it....I thought Jacob would've realized...I didn't think it would surprise him."
She paused again and I waited for the worst.
"He wasn't expecting...that it was so soon."
"Ah," I said softly, understanding. Jacob had been under the impression that he would have more time to change Bella's mind about becoming a vampire. He thought there'd be time to woo her away from me. He'd said something terrible to her when he'd realized the truth. I braced myself.
"He said he'd rather see me dead," she choked, her voice cracking around the words.
Dead?
That stupid bastard!
He was a fool! A piece of filth not fit to lick the dirt from her shoes! He had no idea what that word meant, how it felt to think that she was no more, gone from this world, never to smile or laugh or breathe again. How meaningless everything would be without her!
But I did.
'She's dead, Edward.'
How could he say such a thing and claim to love her? I knew how he felt because I'd seen it in his head the day he'd shown up at Charlie's with the motorcycle, but actually saying it out loud to her was another matter entirely! How I'd hoped that she'd never know his true nature!
I sat perfectly still while I tried to contain my fury.
I wanted to scream, to break something, to tear him to pieces with my bare hands and laugh while he died at my feet. But Bella was cradled in my arms and she needed me, and nothing else mattered.
"I'm so sorry," I said softly as I held her closer, savoring the fact that she was alive, and she was here, and knowing that I would do anything to keep her with me.
"I thought you'd be glad," Bella murmured sadly.
The words hit me like a blow to a mortal chest. I had truly behaved monstrously over the last few weeks. I pressed my face against her hair and sighed.
"Glad over something that's hurt you? I whispered against her soft chestnut locks. "I don't think so, Bella."
She relaxed against my chest, and her soft warmth engulfed me. She was everything. And he was an evil soul-less piece of garbage for saying such wretched things to her. I wanted to break him for it, to tear him limb from limb...
"What's wrong?" Bella asked, interrupting my murderous imaginings.
"It's nothing," I lied, knowing she wouldn't let it go.
"You can tell me," she assured me.
I knew that I could tell her, but I didn't want to upset her further after everything she'd been through over the last 24 hours.
"It might make you angry," I warned her. That was a good enough reason for her not to question me further, so of course she would never let it go.
"I still want to know," she insisted.
I sighed. "I could quite literally kill him for saying that to you. I want to." I confessed as I braced myself for her to lecture me about the treaty. But, of course, Bella's reaction surprised me.
She laughed, and the sound surprised me. Did this mean she was finished with Jacob Black? I desperately hoped so, and yet the pain that this rift had caused her wounded me more than I would've thought possible. If he was out of her life for good, I would find away to fill any void that his absence left in her heart.
"I guess it's a good thing you've got so much self control," she reminded me.
"I could slip," I offered, trying to take advantage of her mood. I could kill him, and if she didn't mind...
"If you're going to have a lapse in self-control, I can think of a better place for it," she said in that sultry voice that was impossible to resist.
She searched for my face, and I knew where she wanted to go. There was no way I could restrain myself twice in one night from losing control. I had to stop her before we could start again.
I tightened my hold on her before her mouth could find mine in the darkness that limited her vision.
"Must I always be the responsible one," I said in a teasing tone. It wouldn't do for her to see just how hard I was struggling against her advances. If she found a chink in my armor she would exploit it.
She smiled seductively at me and I shifted uncomfortably before she could notice the effect she was having on me.
"No," she offered. "Let me be in charge or responsibility for a few minutes...or hours."
"Goodnight Bella," I said through gritted teeth as I tried not to think about the way her body felt against mine.
"Wait," she said, and I groaned. Was I going to have to leave the room?
"There was something else I wanted to ask you about."
There was nothing seductive in the tone of her voice now. On the contrary, she sounded strangely worried in a way I'd never heard before. The change made me anxious.
"What's that?" I asked, agreeing to answer her.
"I was talking to Rosalie last night..." she began.
Well, this was an unexpected turn for the conversation to take. I stiffened, wondering how best to address her concerns.
"Yes, she was thinking about that when I got in," I replied in a choked voice. "She gave you quite a lot to consider, didn't she?"
I wanted all of this to be her choice, and yet, the selfish part of me was hoping that Rosalie's story hadn't had the desired effect.
"She told me a little bit...about the time your family lived in Denali," Bella said nervously.
Okay, now I was totally lost. What on earth was she talking about? I had assumed that she wanted to discuss her future as an immortal but apparently this was about something else entirely.
"Yes?" I prompted her again.
"She mentioned something about a bunch of female vampires... and you" Bella went on, and there was a nervous edge to her voice.
I was seething. If Rosalie had told her the story about Tanya and that red leather bra....ugh if I were human and I could sleep I'd probably still have nightmares...
"Don't worry," Bella reassured me, her face flushed with embarrassment. "She told me that you didn't...show any preference, but I was just wondering if any of them had...shown a preference for you, I mean."
I was still and silent. Well, it looked as though Rose had at least spared Bella the lurid details of Tanya's attempts to win my affections. I wonder if Rose had mentioned the way she'd convinced Tanya to try to comfort me after I left Forks last fall. Bella was insecure enough already. The last think she needed was to find out just how hard Tanya had tried.
"Which one?" Bella asked, and I could feel her heart accelerate slightly. "Or was there more than one?"
I was going to kill Rose.
"Alice will tell me," Bella insisted when I didn't respond. "I'll go ask her right now."
I heard Alice's soft musical laugh from down the hall.
"It's late," I said as I held her tighter. I didn't want to have this conversation with her now or ever but I certainly didn't want her getting information from Alice and Rose. "Besides I think Alice stepped out..."
Or at least she would if she knew what was good for her.
"It's bad," Bella breathed, her heart beating even faster now. "It's really bad, isn't it?"
Bella was jealous. I smiled a little to myself.
"Calm down, Bella," I whispered reassuringly as I kissed the tip of her little nose. "You're being absurd."
How could she not know that there was no other woman on this earth that appealed to me but her? I'd seen a lot of things in my century of life, including a multitude of beautiful women of the mortal and immortal variety and none of them compared to her.
"Am I?" She asked petulantly. "Then why won't you tell me?"
"Because there's nothing to tell," I assured her. "You're blowing this way out of proportion."
"Which one?" She persisted stubbornly.
I sighed in irritation, thinking of Tanya's ethereal beauty and her relationship to my family. Tanya and the rest of the Alaskan coven were the closest thing to extended relations that we had and I didn't want Bella's opinion of her to be tainted. I had never intended for Bella to know that Tanya had tried to lure me into her bed repeatedly.
Damn Rosalie!
"Tanya expressed a little interest," I said, grossly understating things. "I let her know in a very courteous and gentlemanly fashion that I did not return the interest. End of story."
Well, I turned her down as politely as I could considering she'd once shown up in my room in red leather undergarments.
"Tell me something," Bella persisted. Her heart still hadn't returned to its normal rhythm. "What does Tanya look like?"
I should've known better than to think Bella would drop the subject after my feeble explanation.
"Just like the rest of us," I answered too quickly. "White skin...gold eyes..."
Bella would know better when she met Tanya, but I sincerely hoped that by the time she did, she and I would be husband and wife and none of her insecurities would matter then.
"And of course, extraordinarily beautiful," Bella finished for me.
"I suppose, to human eyes," I conceded, thinking of all of Tanya's mortal lovers. "You know what though?" I asked, hoping to steer the subject away from Tanya.
"What?" Bella pouted.
I leaned my face closer to her and whispered the answer in her ear.
"I prefer brunettes," I said silkily.
"She's a blonde," Bella huffed. "That figures."
I almost laughed out loud. I had never understood the preoccupation that so many people seemed to have with blondes, especially women who would dye perfectly lovely dark hair in an attempt to ensnare some foolish man.
"Strawberry blonde; not at all my type," I assured her.
Bella didn't respond at first when I began planting soft kisses down the length of her cheek. I progressed to her throat, brushing my lips against her skin in the places I knew affected her the most. I traced a pattern on her skin. I was enjoying myself so much that I'd nearly forgotten the subject at hand until she spoke.
"I guess that's okay then," She said finally.
"Hmm," I muttered, my mouth hovering in the space between her jawline and her ear. "You're quite adorable when you're jealous. It's surprisingly enjoyable."
Bella frowned at me, and I stifled a laugh with difficulty.
"It's late," I repeated as I looked at the faint circles beneath her chocolate brown eyes. "Sleep my Bella; dream happy dreams. You are the only one who has ever touched my heart. It will always be yours. Sleep, my only love."
She yawned at the suggestion before settling herself against my chest. I wrapped the comforter more snugly around her and she closed her eyes. I pulled her closer as the sound of her lullaby filled my head, and I hummed. She was my muse, my love, my everything.
As I watched her sleep, I thought of all the things I wanted for her; experiences I didn't want her to miss, things that we could do together. I wanted to give her everything! I wanted her to rely on me for what she wanted and needed. It would be the way of things if she were changed. Mortal entanglements were impossible, and people grew old and died. We would have each other, and it was time that I showed her just how fulfilling I wanted our life together to be.
Where should I start?
Just as I was pondering places I'd like to visit with Bella, Alice breezed into the room.
"I have an idea," she whispered cheerfully as she sat down on the edge of the bed. I could see it in her head before she spoke.
"You want me to buy a motorcycle?" I snorted.
"Why not?" Alice shrugged. "You want to stop acting like her father, pick something Charlie wouldn't approve of to do with her. I'll bet you could even convince her to wear a helmet."
"She loves to ride," I admitted. "And if she won't be in the company of that dog anymore..."
"A Ducati!" Alice said cheerfully. "Nice choice."
I chuckled. Motorcycles seemed as good a place to start as any.