She thought her life was over – but fate gave her another chance, in a world of magic. Now, running around Hogwarts with James Potter and his friends, she's about to make choices that will change the future in ways she never thought possible…
Marauder's Phase
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
Guilty
"Expecto Patronum!" I shouted.
"Try it again," Remus urged me. We were standing in an empty classroom, practicing on no real object, but I still couldn't seem to produce a fully-fledged Patronus. "Expecto Patronum."
"Expecto Patronum! Expecto Patronum!" I was breathing hard. Possibly non-existent magic was flowing through me, unable to produce the silvery animal. The late afternoon sunlight streamed in through the windows, showing the sweat on my face. "Expecto…expecto…Pa…Patronum…" I trailed off, and lowered my wand, slumping onto the steps that split the level of the classroom. I leaned against a pillar. "Why the hell…can't I do it?" I asked. I looked at Remus. He had sat down next to me, and I noticed how the sunlight seemed to made his hair and eyes gleam. I swallowed silently.
"What were you thinking about when you tried to conjure the Patronus?" He looked intently at me.
I blushed. I didn't actually plan on telling Remus the happy thought – the first time I realised that Sirius liked me. Besides, it was a different though that kept plaguing my mind, and it wasn't a very happy thought. In fact…it was a thought that I should be thinking if I was faced with a real Dementor…they forced you to relieve your worst memories…well, I had plenty of those, and one stood above all others…
I cringed. I was scared and there wasn't even a Dementor around. I couldn't even imagine what form my Boggart would take. Maybe I shouldn't have been placed in Gryffindor…was there a house for people who were afraid of fear itself?
I asked Remus about this before I could stop myself.
Remus looked at me, a thoughtful look came across his face. "What you fear most is fear itself, Em. This is very wise."
I blinked. "It…it is? But…there isn't even a Dementor around. Imagine if there was – you couldn't count on me to save your lives!"
Remus grabbed my hand suddenly and I, startled, looked right into his eyes, which seemed to be shining. "Em, you did save us – remember?" He asked me.
And I remembered…
*o*
Flashback:
'Lily!' What was SHE doing wandering around the grounds at night, there could be no other reason but…
"Severus, it's a werewolf!" Lily screamed, as my feet carried me closer to the commotion, James and Sirius right behind me. Remus. Remus had given us the slip…oh dear God no, not Lily…Lily…
"I told you!" Snape shouted. "That's Lupin!" Through the fear, he sounded triumphant.
"Oh shut up Severus!" Lily yelled, and I felt a flash of gratitude toward her, as James, Sirius and I burst out of the trees and into the clearing near one of the walls of the castle.
Sirius the dog, growling, placed himself between Lily and the werewolf, as James the stag came forward and, grabbed at Lily's robes with his mouth, pulling her back, and she was shocked.
Remus lunged at Sirius, but I intercepted him, latching onto his muzzle and feeling his fangs sink into my throat in retaliation.
I yelped, before letting go, jumping back and howling.
Remus cocked his head to one side, as I howled again, and then led him deep into the Forbidden Forest.
It took us a week to heal after that one, and even longer to convince everyone that we didn't know where the werewolf had come from and what was Severus talking about?
I don't think Lily or Dumbledore had believed us…
*o*
Or the time after that, when Bellatrix had been caught in the line of fire.
Sirius and James had stopped, the latter unsure of what to do, the former praying that Remus would finish off his cousin.
I had been all for letting that happen, I may even rejoice later on…but then I thought of Remus.
He would never be able to forgive himself if he killed anyone whilst he was a werewolf. He didn't want to become like Fenrir Greyback. He hadn't said so, but I knew.
I just knew.
And so I'd sprung, earning myself a few more injuries this time and nearly getting killed in the process until Sirius had rescued me. No one had mentioned it…until now…
End Of Flashback…
*o*
"Remus," I said quietly.
"Hmm?"
"I know…a lot more than you think I know." I said quietly. "You're scared about hurting those who are close to you…you don't want to turn out anything like Fenrir Greyback, and believe me…you won't. I assure you."
Remus looked at me for a moment, his face was calm but his eyes were shining, gleaming in the golden sunlight that matched his eyes perfectly. I had never noticed it before – probably because I'd been so fixated on Sirius' violet-blue eyes – but Remus had really beautiful eyes.
I suddenly noticed how close we were sitting, he had taken my hand in his…if we leaned closer…
Oh my God, STOP! You are going out with Sirius Black – and you are HAPPILY doing so!! I liked Sirius a lot…I wondered if I loved him…he'd said it to me, but did we really mean it?
And why was I gazing at Remus now, wishing he would kiss me?
Of course, it didn't happen.
But the thought still lingered.
And it made me feel guilty – very guilty, as I got ready to go out that night to Hogsmeade with Sirius.
***
No One's P.O.V:
Remus was sitting in the common room, doing his homework, when everyone came downstairs to go to Hogsmeade that weekend. He glanced up when Emma approached him.
She was wearing blue jeans, and a tight-fitting long-sleeved red top and silver flats on her shoes. The necklace Lily had gotten her for Christmas was around her neck.
She looked stunning.
"Are you sure you won't come with us, Remi?" She asked him, gazing at him steadily. Her hazel eyes looked huge – Lily had done her make-up for her.
Remus nodded, almost firmly. "Yes, yes I'm sure."
"Okay…we'll see you when we get back…see ya Peter." She added, waving to Peter. She hurried off, and Sirius wrapped his arm around her waist, and kissed her quickly.
Remus didn't say anything. She's your best friend's girlfriend…she's just a friend to YOU…she's just a friend.
And that's what Remus kept on telling himself.