She thought her life was over – but fate gave her another chance, in a world of magic. Now, running around Hogwarts with James Potter and his friends, she's about to make choices that will change the future in ways she never thought possible…

Marauder's Phase

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

Dementors And Kisses

"Cheers!" Lily, James, Sirius and I cried, as we clinked our Butterbeers together, and took a swig each. We were at the Three Broomsticks, and really enjoying ourselves.

Yes, Lily had finally asked James to go with her to the dance, which we had just been to (it had been great). Lily had asked him this yesterday.

His reaction?

I think the whole of Scotland had heard him shouting joyously.

I know everyone in Hogwarts did, and guess who wasn't terribly pleased about it?

If you guessed Severus Snape, then you're right. He was about as happy with it as Serilda Roans had been when she'd found out that Sirius and I had been seriously dating for weeks now. She'd gone sheet white, and started spluttering. It was priceless.

James, Sirius, Lily and I were having a great time, even though a small part of my mind was nagging me, and wondering how Peter and Remus were spending their evenings.

And now, we sat there, talking and laughing like old friends, and having a really great time. Don't ask me what we talked about, because I don't remember. All I know is that, when we left the Three Broomsticks that evening, we were all very, very happy.

We waved to people we knew – Arthur and Molly, Alice and Frank, and even a few teachers. Everyone was in very high spirits, there were smiles all around. It was quite cheery, despite the certain chill in the early spring air.

We began to tread the familiar path back up to Hogwarts, talking and laughing as we went.

We were happy, just talking like this, about classes, the weather, the giant squid in the lake, and what the house-elves were going to make us for breakfast tomorrow. James and Lily walked side-by-side and, for once, she wasn't annoyed at him. In fact, she'd been smiling all evening, and had even smiled at James a fair few times.

Sirius hadn't let go of my left hand all evening, which made it hard for him to drink and hard for me to reach across the table for things. But now Sirius and I walked, swinging our intertwined hands, and laughing with two of our best friends.

I could've stayed like this for all time but then again, there was the nagging in the back of my mind, that little thing that wouldn't go away no matter how much my brain was buzzing after all those Butterbeers.

Go away. I told it.

It persisted. It grew into a dragon-sized thought, that threatened to envelope my whole mind.

I sighed.

And then all of us stopped dead in our tracks.

And a chill set across us.

My insides felt clammy and cold, like I'd never be happy again, and I realised at once what it must be.

"D-Dementors!" Lily gasped and, suddenly, no less than a dozen of the tall, hooded things were gliding towards us.

I didn't know where they had come from, or why they were here, but they were closing in fast, and everything suddenly seemed so hopeless.

I hadn't been able to produce a Patronus when I was practicing with Remus. And there hadn't even been a Dementor there.

And now there were twelve of them, gliding toward us like Death, and all of us reached for our wands. Sirius had to let go of my hand to do this, and I wished he hadn't. Because that hand was shaking like mad.

"Expecto Patronum!" Lily shouted, and something silvery burst worth from her wand, but it was weak and feeble. It hovered for a moment and then vanished, as Lily collapsed to her knees, weak and shaking. "No…'Tuney, no…" We heard her mutter.

"Evans!" James shouted, and I watched his body curve protectively over hers, as he too raised his wand and spoke: "Expecto Patronum!"

The light from James' wand was slightly brighter than Lily's had been, but he was shaking like mad now, fighting to hold onto whatever happy memory he had been remembering. "Expecto…Expecto…" His voice faltered, and the Patronus he had conjured up flickered and died.

To my right, Lily collapsed suddenly, and James held onto her, while trying to keep himself upright. "No…no…" He gasped, his face sheet white.

What bad memories does James have? I wondered, and then I gasped as he too collapsed onto the ground. "No – James, Lils…" I cried. Not them…not to the Dementors… I staggered slightly. "James…Lils…" I gasped. Sirius grabbed my shoulder.

I had read about the Dementor's Kiss, of course. It was a horrible thing that happened when a Dementor sucked your soul out of your mouth. And then you were worse than dead. Could you still die afterwards? What point was there in living on? Did you just exist forever and ever, a lifeless empty shell that was just…there? Dementors were foul, horrible creatures, among the worst in the world.

What were they doing here?

"Expecto Patronum!" Sirius now shouted, and a creature came bursting forth from his wand…what was it? Through the haze it looked like a large dog…I squinted harder, as it charged at the Dementors. No…it's snout…the shape of its tail…it curved low to the ground like some wolf tails do…I think it was wolf…

A wolf.

Suddenly, a screaming sound burst through my ears, from the very depths of my mind itself.

'Nooooo! My child! Nooooo, please not my child!!'

Whose voice was that? They sounded upset beyond belief…they were crying! Their child was dead! I knew this person, this was my mother! Talking about my twin brother…my dead twin brother, who had died because I'd been so careless…no wonder my mother hated me so much. My father too, and my older sister…because it was my fault that he was dead.

I should've been the one to die.

I gave a great shuddering gasp then, and fell to my knees. "No…it should've been me that died…I didn't mean…I never wanted…he was my brother…" I grabbed at my chest where my heart was, as if I could somehow rip out my heart and squeeze it better. "No…" I whispered. "I should die…instead…"

I watched as the light from Sirius' Patronus flickered and then, suddenly, the wolf was gone, and the Dementors began to close in again, filling my heart with dread. I could hear them now, their horrible breaths like death-rattles, echoing in my ears along with my mother's screams, screaming for her lost child.

Sirius sank to his knees beside me. "Come on Em…" He panted. His face was sheet white by now. His whole body was shaking. "We have to fight…we have to…Em…no…you can't…not you…" Sirius collapsed beside me and, quite suddenly, I realised what his greatest fear was.

Losing me.

When I'd said I should have died, his hopes had died too, and his Patronus had disappeared.

Now nothing could stop the Dementors from feeding off the four people who, up until a few minutes ago, had been the four happiest people alive.

With a shaking arm, I raised my wand. "Expecto…Expecto…" But I couldn't do it, I couldn't think up any happy memories whatsoever. Only bad ones…losing my brother…my mother grabbing me by the hair and pulling me across the room into a wall…my father slapping me across the face last Valentine's Day when I'd eaten a chocolate that was supposed to be for my mother…my sister hitting me because she was frustrated at high school…everything I had never wanted to remember. The Dementors were dredging up all of those bad memories for me, and I couldn't do a thing about it. "No…oh God no…please…" I gasped, the Dementors were closing in now, only fifteen feet away from me. "Try…try it again…" I panted, forcing myself to be on my feet, to place myself between Sirius and the Dementors, to stop them from reaching him…Lily and James…somehow…

I was all alone now.

Or was I?

'Try it again,' I could almost hear Remus saying to me now. I forced myself to think differently, to move away from the situation at hand. I pretended we were just in the classroom, in the afternoon, and I had asked Remus to teach me the Patronus charm. We were practicing it, with nothing but the flowing curtains even resembling a Dementor's cloak. Remus teaching me…the thoughtful look on his face when he'd told me that my fear of fear itself was very wise…the way his eyes had shone when he'd reminded me of the times I'd saved him from himself…the sunlight glittering off his hair…the way it made his golden eyes sparkle…his hand in mine…the wish I'd had that he would kiss me…
I suddenly grabbed hold of that desire, the happy memory of the thing that almost was, and embraced it, turned it into not only a powerful thought, but a wish, a desire.

Not a memory, but a wish.

"Remus!" I gasped, as soon as I'd accepted the wish as my own. "Remus!" I said again, and I couldn't stop the smile that came to my face. Remus and me…together…my wish coming true…

I don't know why, since it wasn't a memory exactly, but it worked.

Well, anyway, it was very, very happy for me and maybe that's why it worked, so I don't know why I was so surprised when I raised my wand and shouted: "EXPECTO PATRONUM!!!!"

From my wand burst forth a creature so bright it was dazzling, and I felt my mouth drop open in awe as it galloped toward the Dementors, driving them back, but wait…was their another silvery, Celestial creature there too? Joining my Patronus, taking charge and getting rid of the Dementors for us?

It was smaller than my creature, and walked on all fours as well. It had pointed ears and a curved, crescent-moon tail…

It was me, in Animagus form.

The smile seemed permanently frozen on my face, as I whispered: "Remus…" And collapsed to the ground beside Sirius, my hand landing over his as my Patronus, whatever form it had taken, bowed to me before flickering and vanishing into the spring night air.