Chapter Three

That afternoon, Kakuzu was fidgeting in his chair; he was distracted. Very distracted.

It was all Hidan's fault. Kakuzu had been trying to calculate the tax that the Akatsuki owed for the month, but the numbers were simply swimming through his mind, making no sense at all. It was usually a very simple task for him, but at that moment it was proving impossible to complete. All he could think of now was Hidan, who was sitting across from him, on the couch watching some childish cartoon with Deidara. Hidan, who he had not had a single chance to fuck today.

No. Stop thinking dirty thoughts. Concentrate. Kakuzu forced his head down, trying to focus on the paperwork.

Hidan, on the other hand, was loving the attention. He could tell Kakuzu was distracted by him – he kept scribbling out his own errors in the tax papers while cursing Hidan's name – and of course, Hidan planned to make the most of it.

"Hey, is it just me or is it really fucking hot in here?" drawled Hidan while staring intently at Kakuzu. Kakuzu looked up from his papers stared back, smirking at Hidan's sudden suggestive question. He usually hated being interrupted from money-related matters, but by Hidan? No; fucking Hidan was his number one priority. After all, a horny Hidan always meant a horny Kakuzu.

"Not really, the AC is on," said Deidara without looking away from the screen, so mesmerised by the TV show that he completely failed to notice the eye sex going on across the room. Not that the other two cared.

Letting out a feigned yawn, Hidan slowly stretched out his arms above his head, sticking out his semi-exposed chest. Never breaking the eye contact with his partner, he allowed his tongue to curl into the yawn and rolled his head around, as if putting his smooth neck on display. And then, like a stripper he slowly undid his half-zipped cloak and pulled it off teasingly, leaving on just his black pants and Jashin necklace.

Kakuzu visibly shuddered at the sight. He didn't know what did it – maybe it was the way Hidan always looked as though his very existence revolved solely around Kakuzu's pleasure, or maybe it was the fact that Kakuzu knew Hidan was doing this to taunt him because Hidan knew that Kakuzu was distracted by him, or maybe it was just simply because it was Hidan, and the fact was that Kakuzu always found himself turned on by Hidan.

Whatever the reason, there was no denying it now – Kakuzu wanted Hidan. He shuffled his papers and placed them neatly on the floor before rising from his seat and moving across the room to the couch. He then stood in front of Hidan, obstructing his view of the screen.

Hidan looked up, feigning obliviousness to the reason behind Kakuzu's sudden relocation. "Oh, hey Kakuzu. You know you're standing in the way..?"

Kakuzu leaned over, gripping the other's chin in his hand. "You know you're making me really horny..?" he murmured into Hidan's ear.

Hidan smirked, knowing he had caught Kakuzu in his trap. "Oh trust me," he replied as seductively as he could, as he eyed Kakuzu's obvious erection which was straining against his Akatsuki cloak."...I know."

Deidara's jaw dropped open, finally realising what was going on. As Kakuzu moved closer to Hidan so that he was almost sitting on him, in a proximity that was waaay too close for Deidara's comfort, the blonde cursed himself for not realising sooner – now there was little chance of escape. He squirmed while staring at his hands, unsure of whether or not to move: if he did, it could get awkward; and if he didn't, he could be scarred for life. He glanced back towards the horny couple... and gaped in horror as he witnessed Kakuzu licking the inside of Hidan's left ear, and Hidan stroking and palming Kakuzu's... Kakuzu's...! Deidara blushed deeply, unable to complete the embarrassing sentence, even in his mind. He watched on in absolute repulsion as Hidan leant down and pressed his lips against the bulge – as one would a lady's hand – and felt himself retch when Hidan slipped his hand inside the pants. He tried to block his ears as Kakuzu began growling obscene descriptions in between licking, but could not block it all out.

"...tie you up with my tentacles...gonna fuck you hard and raw...you'll be screaming my name..."

By now Deidara almost felt the urge to cry – the situation was just so sick. Naturally, he blamed it on Sasori for not being there to protect him from the porno-like display. Danna, if you don't get me out of here soon, I swear I will blow you up without hesitation...

As if reading Deidara's mind, Sasori chose that moment to walk into the room... and almost threw up in disgust. The scene was truly horrendous – there was Kakuzu, hovering over Hidan with an arm around his head, licking inside his ear, while rocking his hips as Hidan very visibly groped him, not to mention the tentacles which were spurting out of the older man and crawling up Hidan's thighs, into his Akatsuki cloak! The worst part, however, was the fact that Sasori's beloved Dei-chan was sitting on the very same couch with his hands pressed against his ears, looking as if he was about to burst into tears. Well, Sasori couldn't blame him.

"Deidara! Brat!"

Deidara looked up at Sasori standing in the doorway with a mixture of shock, irritation and relief on his face. "...Danna!"

"Quick, get away from there!"

Deidara didn't need telling twice. He jumped up from the couch and was in his lover's protective arms in seconds. He tried looking angry at the puppet – eyes glaring and bottom lip protruding into a pout – but soon found himself burrowing his face into the other's chest instead, inhaling that soothing scent of newly chiselled wood – something he always found comforting even in adverse situations like this.

"You took so long to come back. It was so horrible," he muffled, mouth against his partner's skin.

Sasori gazed down at Deidara, his eyes reading regret, and stroked the blonde hair soothingly. "I know, and I'm truly sorry. I should have been there to protect you but I failed... You were forced to see a most painful and sickening sight, and that never should have happened, but I promise you I'll never let it happen again. Will you forgive me?"

Still pouting, Deidara looked up and nodded, and then received a warm kiss to the lips. He closed his eyes peacefully and kissed back. All thoughts of distress disappeared as he relaxed into both the kiss and the arms of his lover. "Mmmmm..."

"Oh get a fucking room!" yelled an all too familiar voice.

Deidara and Sasori both looked up from their embrace. Hidan was jeering at them, as if he were not about to have dry sex on the couch. Kakuzu, on the other hand, was still going at it like an animal, his head burrowed in the crook of the other's neck, biting and sucking to mark his possession.

Sasori had nothing to say; the situation was just too ridiculous to comprehend. He grabbed Deidara's hand and led him quickly away from the room, both in a "What The Fuck..?" kind of silence.

Noticing that they were finally alone from the click of the door closing, Kakuzu rolled off Hidan and made himself comfortable on the couch. He then proceeded to pull Hidan on top of him; he occasionally let Hidan be on top during foreplay, but NEVER during actual sex.

"Now..." Kakuzu looked at Hidan suggestively and was met with an equally lustful gaze. "Where were we?" His hands trailed slowly down Hidan's sides until they reached his ass. He gave it a very slow and sensuous squeeze, before running a finger up and down inside the warm crack, and felt himself harden at the erotic sensation.

Hidan felt Kakuzu's erection too, and had to suppress a somewhat evil grin. This was all going according to plan – the plan to make Kakuzu give in. Stage one of the plan was easy enough - to make him horny (CHECK!). Stage two was to make him think that he's about to have sex. That was equally easy – Kakuzu always expected sex when he was horny. And who could blame him? He always got it. Stage three was a bit difficult – the actual denial of sex. Difficult in terms of self control – hey, Jashinists got horny too! – but mainly because Kakuzu wasn't exactly shy in terms of using bondage... tentacles anyone?

Luckily, Hidan had thought long and hard about this dilemma, and had managed to think up a way to combat it. He wrapped one arm around Kakuzu's neck, while fingering small circles on his chest with the other. "Kuzu-chan...?"

"What?"

"Let me top you this time?"

Kakuzu let out a deep chuckle. "No."

He then found himself completely off guard as Hidan suddenly grabbed a handful of his cloak and yanked him closer until their noses just touched, and then kissed him hotly through the mask. To be honest, he was a little confused. He hadn't expected this kind of reaction at all – Hidan always turned cold and irritated when he was told he couldn't top, not passionate – but then again, who was he to complain with a such a damn sexy motherfucker making out with him?

Taking a moment to breathe, Hidan pulled back about two millimetres, panting moist breaths into the black material while staring provocatively into the other's eyes. Kakuzu's red and green eyes widened as his mask was pulled down completely, and Hidan's tongue darted out from his mouth and dragged very deliberately across Kakuzu's closed lips.

"Maybe you're not the only one who's horny..."

Kakuzu groaned as he felt his cock twitch and pulse at the sound of Hidan's words. He leaned his head back to allow Hidan further access. Hidan quickly complied, moving further south to suck all over Kakuzu's neck, occupying all of his partner's thoughts, which were successfully completely devoid of the subject of tentacles. To divert him even further, Hidan grinded his crotch against the man beneath him, painfully slow, making sure every inch of their erections made full contact.

Kakuzu shuddered, and closed his eyes while breathing labouredly. He decided he would stay in that position for a few moments, so as to compose himself before regaining control for the actual fucking – when suddenly he felt the body on top of him move off, cold air rushing in to replace the hot air that the two had created between them. He sat up quickly, opening his eyes again. He frowned irritably. He hadn't even had a chance to confine his uke with his bondage, for crying out loud!

"What are you doing? Don't you want me to fuck you?" he demanded of Hidan, who had gotten up and was now straightening out his cloak.

"Huh? Oh, that? We don't really have time; you have a mission in half an hour."

"What the hell are you talking about? Half an hour is plenty of time. We've done more than this in five minutes, goddamit," Kakuzu argued. He was beginning to get thoroughly frustrated; he wasn't used to being stopped midway through foreplay. It was like trying to hold in an unfinished piss – pure torture!

"Besides, you'd be too exhausted to work."

"Are you fucking serious? You can't just leave me hard. Get back here, now! I need release, don't you understand?" Kakuzu would have been ashamed of his desperate-sounding words - after all, this was pretty much the equivalent of begging for him – but he was way too fucking horny to care.

Hidan ignored him. "Well, have fun on your mission!" he grinned, knowing full well that Kakuzu would have serious concentration problems tonight with an erection like that. He gave a short wave and escaped the room before Kakuzu could stop him.

Kakuzu growled in anger and slammed his fist against the wall, causing it to crack a little. It was obvious that Hidan had done this on purpose, that defiant little shit. He should have trapped the Jashinist with his tentacles and raped him while he had the chance; he should have forced him to bend over and take Kakuzu's hard cock inside him from behind, causing him to cry out desperately in both pain and ecstasy-

Kakuzu mentally slapped himself. Sadistic fantasies were not going help his monster-erection-from-hell-for-which-there-is-no-Hidan-to-fuck-with scenario. And no, bringing himself off was not an option – it never was; that kind of pitiful behaviour was not fitting for such proud a man as Kakuzu. The only thing he could do was just to ignore it and let it go away. Sighing heavily in defeat, he hauled himself from the couch and trudged his way uncomfortably towards the Leader's office to receive instructions about his mission.