She thought her life was over – but fate gave her another chance, in a world of magic. Now, running around Hogwarts with James Potter and his friends, she's about to make choices that will change the future in ways she never thought possible…
Marauder's Phase
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
Pensive Thoughts
I reread what I'd written for my Defence Against The Dark Arts Exam (O.W.L.S), wishing I had my sugar quill with me and, better still, Remus. Well, he was sitting two seats away from me, apparently checking over his answers as well. I hoped he'd gotten all the answer right. Well, he probably had.
I hoped he'd liked question ten.
Sirius sat in the chair in front of me…no, wait, sat isn't quite the right word for it. He was lounging in his chair at ease, tilting it back on two legs. He'd finished his exam too, and was utterly in a state of almost total relaxation. I would so laugh at him if he fell off his chair right now.
Four seats in front of Sirius sat James, who mussed up his hair again and then turned to grin at Sirius after a quick glance at Professor Flitwick, who didn't notice.
Sirius gave James the thumbs up, and then looked casually over his shoulder at me and winked.
I smiled back at him, and watched in amusement as his eyes lit up at my smile. And then he turned back around just as Professor Flitwick looked up.
I glanced along my row again, and caught Remus Lupin looking at me, the smallest trace of a smile on his face as I now turned my smile toward him, appreciating his nice and golden his eyes looked. But he also looked tired…oh God, a full moon was coming up, and Remus was soooo stressed. My smile changed to one of sympathy, and his smile changed to one of reassurance. We nodded to each other before resuming our answers checking.
Rows in front of me, I noticed however, James had begun drawing on a piece of paper. I didn't need to be standing over him to know what he was doing. Two of the most important things in his life to him – a snitch and L.E. Typical. I sighed, and returned to checking my answers and coveting my sugar quill.
"Quills down, please!" Professor Flitwick squeaked, just as I'd finished confirming that the last answer – what is the Carpe Retractum spell? And I'd refrained from writing 'you tell me' and wrote 'it creates a retractable sort of magical rope' instead. "That means you too, Stebbins! Please remain seated while I collect your parchment! Accio!"
We all watched, and most of us laughed, as the hundreds of rolls of parchments zoomed through the air and knocked poor Professor Flitwick over. I had always liked Professor Flitwick. He gave difficult (for me) homework, but I liked him a lot. He was always kind to his students.
When he'd been helped up and said we could go, I gathered my things into my shoulder bag (which is more like a big purse and has been graffitied by me for absolutely no purpose whatsoever) and looked up, to find Sirius standing beside me, grinning.
"Ready to go?" He asked, holding out his hand which I took, and we made our way over to where James was waiting for us, him holding my hand up high as I stepped delicately, like a dancer.
James grinned. "And here's the love-birds…Em, are you still carrying that thing around with you?"
I glanced down at my pocket, and blushed, as the small black dog that Sirius had sewn for me was poking its nose it. It was actually an enchanted dog, and liked to walk around on my bedside table, sniffing at things.
"It's a lucky charm." I replied, as we began to make our way out of the Great Hall and into the Entrance Hall. I couldn't help but notice, through the group of chattering girls, Severus Snape, walking along, and I was reminded again of what was to come.
My warning bells immediately began ringing.
Should I prevent it?
No, definitely not.
Did I dislike Snape?
You bet.
Did I wish I could say something to the future Harry who would be watching this someday?
There were a million things I would've liked to have said.
"Did you like question ten, Moony?" Sirius asked, as we emerged into the Entrance Hall. He kept hold of my hand the entire time.
"Loved it." Said Remus briskly. "Give five signs that identify the werewolf. Excellent question."
I grinned.
"D'you think you managed to get all the signs?" James said in tones of mock concern.
"Think I did," Remus said seriously, as we joined the groups of students eager to get out into the sunlit grounds and, without even realising I was doing it, I began to mutter right along with him: "One: he's sitting on my chair. Two: he's wearing my clothes. Three: his name's Remus Lupin."
As the others except for Peter laughed, I looked around, wondering if Hogwarts would look the same or different in years to came than it did now.
Wondering…
"Well, I thought that paper was a piece of cake," Sirius said, startling me out of my reverie. "I'll be surprised if I don't get an 'Outstanding' on it, at least."
"Me too." Said James, as he reached into his pocket and took out a struggling Golden Snitch.
"Where'd you get that?" Sirius and I asked in unison. I rolled my eyes.
"Nicked it." James replied casually, and he began playing with the snitch – I resisted the urge to snatch it up before he did, I had been training hard as reserve seeker for some time now.
We sat down in the shade of a beech tree by the edge of the lake.
Remus pulled out a book and began reading, and I lay with my head on Sirius' lap, taking the little enchanted dog out of my pocket and letting it walk around on my chest. Every so often, I glanced at Remus and, every so often, he glanced at me. One time, our eyes met, and we both looked away quickly.
I began singing my favourite song. "A world yet unseen...
No matter what awaits me there,
even if it's not the ideal,
I won't be afraid.
The birds travel on the wind
on a journey from today to tomorrow…"
James, meanwhile, kept on playing with the snitch, letting it zoom further and further away, almost escaping but always grabbed at the last second. The impulse to beat him to it was growing even stronger, I hadn't had a chance to play reserved seeker yet.
At last, Sirius got James to stop showing off, as only Sirius can, and I closed my eyes, momentarily thinking about other things, especially when Sirius said that he was bored and wished that it was a full-moon. Yeah, right. Like we needed more near misses…
And then James' quiet voice said: "This'll liven you up, Padfoot, look who it is…"
And I sat bolt upright, the enchanted doggie toppling into my waiting hands. I pocketed him quickly.
Sirius' head turned. He became very still, like a dog that has scented a rabbit.
"Excellent," He said softly. "Snivellus."
As Snape left the shadows of the bushes and started across the grass, Sirius and James stood up.
Remus, Peter and I remained sitting: Lupin was still staring down at his book, though his eyes were not moving and a faint frown-line had appeared between his eyebrows; Peter was looking from Sirius and James to Snape with a look of avid anticipation on his face.
I settled for rising my sit with my legs tucked underneath of me, and rested the side of my head on my hand – I knew where this was going.
As I watched the scene unfold before me, exactly as I knew it would, I had to wonder what an outsider looking in would think. Probably that Sirius and James were arrogant, conceited jerks which, in actual fact, was true…oh, but there was so much more to them than met the eye!
If only everyone else could see that…
I looked directly at the spot between the beech and the bushes, as if I was looking into the future ghost of Harry Potter's eyes, willing him to see different, that his father and Sirius weren't as arrogant as Severus Snape would one day always tell him they had been. Willing him…
The pocket watch swung around my neck as I turned to see that Lily had entered the scene, and was now effectively telling James (and Sirius too, to some degree) off for bullying Snape.
He called her a mudblood, and my blood boiled up and over, as it always had when someone said that word.
"Don't worry about him, Lils!" I called to her, and everyone turned to look at me. "He said the same thing to me when I effectively did what you just did on the train in December! At present time he's just a prejudice idiot who can't accept help when it's handed to him!" I had never openly insulted Severus in front of Lily before – and this is why my temper always gets me into trouble – but now a look of dawning comprehension arose on her face, as she glanced from Snape to me.
I hoped anyone watching this in the future wouldn't miss what I'd said about the present time…Snape would change…eventually. But, at the moment, he was a loser. Through and through.
I may also be a little biased because he dislikes my best friends, but there you go.
Suddenly, a female's voice cut across the grounds, and said: "I don't like your temper toward Slytherins, Pax!" And Bellatrix marched across the grass toward me, wand raised.
"So you've noticed I hate your house, have you?" I said coldly, standing up quickly and reached for my wand, but she beat me to it.
"Why don't you go for a swim in the lake and cool off, bitch!?" She cried.
"No!" I cried, panicked. "I can't swim!" My voice echoed around the silent grounds. My heart was pounding, my wand halfway out.
But, with a flick of her wand, Bellatrix sent me flying. I felt my feet fly out from underneath of me as I flew directly into the middle of the lake. I caught a flash of her triumphant grin, and Sirius' horrified face, before the nightmare began.
The water closed around me with a splash that was more like a deafening roar to my ears, and I felt myself being pressed in, suffocate from all sides. The familiar, terrifying feeling I'd had whilst drowning as a child came flooding back to me, and I struggled against the water.
My head broke through the surface of the water, as I shouted: "PADFOOT, HELP M-!" I was cut off when I went under again, choked by a mouthful of lake water, and the blackness set around me, because I couldn't see the daylight above me again.
Oh God no…oh God… I thought, praying to God that Harry Potter wouldn't see me die this way. God no… I thought, as I sunk into the inky blackness of the lake.
***
The next thing I knew, I felt water coming up from within me, and I leaned forward in someone's arms as I coughed up what felt like a fountain-full of water.
"Oh God," Someone was saying, and I realised that it was Remus whose arms I was in, who had his wand pointed at my chest, who had gotten the water out from within me. "Em, Emmy…"
I coughed – I couldn't answer but, through the haze, I saw Sirius, who was soaking wet, facing off against his cousin, whose eyes were flashing wildly.
"I swear Bellatrix," Sirius growled, sounding so much like the big black dog I ran around the castle grounds with frequently. "They should have expelled you after you tried to torture her before…but now…now, I will kill you…" His eyes were flashing wildly too.
"Bring it on, mudblood-lover." Bellatrix smirked, and Sirius raised his wand. Bellatrix raised hers. "CRU-…"
"NO!!" I screamed, pushing myself out of Remus' arms and running.
"-CIO!!" Bellatrix shouted, pointing her wand directly at Sirius' chest.
"Padfoot!" I tackled Sirius to the ground, as the curse flew over our heads, missing us by mere inches. We landed on the grass roughly, and I felt a crack in my right ankle that didn't sound too good, and then people began yelling.
Through the haze, and the blood rushing through my head I thought I heard Remus or James yell something that sounded like a curse, heard Bellatrix howling in agony and rage, thought I saw someone wearing Slytherin robes watching us from the shadows. The enchanted dog in my pocket had jumped out onto the grass, and was now shaking itself dry.
I was lying on Sirius, I was breathing heavily, and so was he.
"I…hate her," I panted, looking over my shoulder at a very tentacle-y looking Bellatrix. "I really…really…do."
Sirius arms wrapped around me, and he held me to his chest as we just lay there in the grass together, and I pressed my head against his neck.
He kissed my forehead. "So do I, White Fang…so do I…"
"White Fang?"