The room had fallen completely silent as every eye turned to Zhao San. She still wasn't sure why she had spoken, but at this point, she couldn't turn back from her decision. Something in her heart was pushing her forward despite her uncertainty. Taking a deep breath, she took one more stop forward until she was in front of Lu Ba. The other officers were glaring at her, and she didn't dare look behind her at her family and friends.
Liu Bei frowned at her. "Zhao San, you do not believe that this man deserves death? He raided the village of your people and I am certain that others fell victim to him and his men."
"No, I do not believe that he deserves death, my lord, despite his crimes." She knew that she was losing her battle at the moment, but for some reason, her heart pressed on.
"Well then, please tell all of us here why this man should live."
San took a deep breath. "Because he is not a man, my lord. He is still very much a child, like myself. I see fear in his eyes, but I see courage also, and strength. I see virtue and honor for his people and his country, and is therefore willing to die for them. Are these not things that you yourself value greatly, my lord? I should think that, shown our ways here in Shu, he would become a valuable member to your house and army."
The mood in the room immediately began to change from shock to awe. San could hear murmurs of approval all around her. Even the great Zhuge Liang smiled and nodded from his spot next to Liu Bei.
The leader's expression softened. "What makes you see these things, my lady?"
"I feel these same things within my own heart, Lord Liu Bei. Had the roles been reversed and I a prisoner of Wu, I would have shown these from my own eyes. And I would have been grateful to anyone who took pity on me for something such as this."
Liu Bei thought for a moment, then whispered something to Zhuge Liang. The two spoke a moment before turning back to Lu Ba. "Very well then. The boy shall be spared. And because the request came from you, Zhao San, he shall become a servant of your household to do with as you wish." His softened eyes became hard again as he turned back to the prisoner. "You now serve the family of Zhao. Be grateful to them, especially to Lady Zhao San, for sparing your life. Do not think that I will not be watching you closely."
Two guards then came to escort Lu Ba out. As he turned to face San, he stopped and bowed. "Thank you, my lady." Lost for words, she said nothing as he left. Unsure if she could face her friends and family at the moment, she turned silently and left the room.
She stood and admired the peach tree for a moment. For as long as she could remember, her mother had always found comfort underneath its branches and found answers in the blossoms that fell around her. She had always told San that, anytime she needed guidance, just sit under the tree and the gods will tell you what to do. But Mei Li had also told her to follow her heart, and now she wasn't sure that she had done the right thing. San desperately pushed back tears and sat under the tree. She waited and prayed, but nothing happened.
Several moments later, a figure appeared in the distance. San recognized immediately the shape of her mother as she sought out her daughter. Without a word, she sat down on the bench next to San and just watched the blossoms float in the breeze. The silence was making San uncomfortable. Finally, she spoke. "I must say, I was very impressed with you, San."
She grunted. "How? I just spoke out against Lord Liu Bei and the entire council. They probably all think I'm an idiot now."
Li let out a laugh. "On the contrary, daughter, I believe that they very much admire what you did. It takes courage to speak out in front of them. It takes even more courage to follow what your heart says and plead for the enemy's life. If they had thought you stupid, San, then they would not have spared the young man."
"But what about dad and the twins? What about my friends? I can't imagine that they agreed with my decision."
"Perhaps not, but you won't know hiding under this tree." The wind blew one of the blossoms into Mei Li's lap. "There will always be people who don't agree with things that you do. But if they are truly friends, then they will respect your choices and honor them." San grumbled again, and Li leaned over to her daughter. Gently pulling back her hair, she fastened the blossom in her locks and smiled. "Remember, San, to always follow your heart. I believe that this was a wise decision on your part, even if it is not obvious now." She said nothing more, and San knew that the conversation was over. Slowly, she got up and headed towards the stables. She knew she would have to face the others sooner or later, but that didn't mean right now.
Zhao San found one of her friends, Ma Chao, tending to the horses when she got there. He had traded his armor for a simple kimono and pants. Nearby, his wife was grooming one of the foals that had arrived during the time of the battle against Wu. Both looked up at San as she walked in. Ma Chao simply nodded at her and went back to his horse, but Lady Yang smiled and beckoned San over to the stall. The baby horse inside whinnied and tried to run over to them, but her scrawny legs and the small space made her trip instead. "She's beautiful, Lady Yang. What did you name her?"
"We haven't been able to think of anything yet, San. Perhaps you could think of a name."
"I'll try. To be honest, my mind is kind of full right now."
She smiled. "Yes, I can imagine. Ma Chao told me what you did today, San, and I greatly admire your courage. Liu Bei is a kind man, but he does not take the enemy lightly and it is difficult to convince him to show mercy anymore. There's strength in you that makes some of the others feel uncomfortable and threatened." She looked up at Ma Chao, who gave the two a warm nod and continued with his own work. At least we wasn't being vocal about his opinion of San's choice. She wasn't sure she was ready to hear it yet. "But we think you made the right decision, San," Lady Yang said. "The young man you saved came by here earlier with your father. He was very polite to us, even though we are the enemy."
"I'm just so confused now," San confessed. "I don't know who I am anymore."
"Perhaps a ride would help clear your thoughts." The women turned to see Ma Chao, who had a slight grin on his face. San watched as he saddled up her favorite horse and opened the stall. Grateful and happy that he didn't seem mad at her, she took the reins from him and rode towards the outskirts of Cheng Du.
It was very late by the time San returned, put the horse in his stall and put away the equipment, and got back to her room. Exhausted, she wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed and let tomorrow come. But as she collapsed onto the bed, something crinkled beneath her. She sat up to see a note written in expert handwriting. She curiously opened it and read:
To the Lady Zhao San,
No words can accurately describe the emotions that I am feeling right now. There is no way to thank you for what you have done for me and my family today. I promise to do everything that I can to serve your family and repay you for the kindness you have bestowed upon me. I hope to thank you in person, should the opportunity arise. I bid you a pleasant night and many thanks.
Lu Ba, former servant of Wu
San could do little more than stare into the note. But before she could put her thoughts together, there was a knock at her door and she jumped as it opened. The face of her father appeared, tired but still smiling. "Come, San, it is time for supper. I know you do not want to face everyone, but I can assure you it's not as bad as you think." She nodded, slipped the note in her pocket, and followed Zhao Yun out of her room. It was nearly impossible to suppress the swirl of thoughts and emotions inside her head. But she was Zhao San, a daughter of the esteemed Zhao family, and she was not about to show anyone what she was thinking or feeling. So, with a brave face and an encouraging smile from her father, San entered the dining hall.
Conversations had already started at the tables, so she was spared a silent room full of eyes staring at her. The pair found Mei Li and the twins already seated, along with Ma Chao and Lady Yang. "How was your ride?" Chao asked as she sat down beside her mother. "Has your head cleared?"
"A little bit. I'm still feeling confused, though."
"Understandable," said Lady Yang. She and her husband turned to Zhao Yun and Mei Li, but San could feel the eyes of her brothers on her. She looked up to see them staring, but not judging. She raised an eyebrow at them.
Guang offered her a smirk. "Guess we can't tease you for a little while. We wouldn't want to tip the boat over."
"What are you talking about?"
"Clearly, this soldier has already rocked the boat," Tong explained. "So rather than harass you, we figured we'd harass him instead." San glared at him, causing the twins to chuckle in unison. "He's our servant now. We have to break him in, whether you like it or not. Just be grateful for the break, because as soon as we've driven him mad, its back to you."
"Whatever." San rolled her eyes and scanned the room. Xing Cai quickly looked away when San caught her. Liu Chan shook his head and gave her a thumbs down when she looked his way, only stopping when his younger brother smacked his shoulder. Both Guan Ping and Zhang Shao were looking at her, but she couldn't tell what they were thinking. Shao jerked his thumb towards the door with Ping nodding. They wanted to talk to her after the meal. She gave a thumbs up in reply before she felt her mother's hand on her shoulder.
"I am surprised you have not asked about the young soldier yet, Zhao San. Is everything alright?"
She nodded. "I was just…um…seeing who else was here." Guang snorted into his plate, receiving a stern look from his mother. San ignored him. "Where is he now?"
"Your father decided to put him in the empty servant's quarters, between the twin's room and our own. Since we do not know much about him, we cannot say if he will attempt to escape."
"He's under house arrest?"
"Essentially. But he has been extremely polite to everyone, and your father has insisted that he be treated well. Might I suggest that, after you speak with your friends, that you stop and visit him? I think it would do both of you a world of good."
San thought it over. "Do you think it's wise for me to talk to him alone? After all, he is a trained soldier."
"And so are you," Li shot back. "Bring Guan Ping and Zhang Shao with you, if you think it will help. But he took the time to write that note I left on your bed. The least you can do is return the favor."
Zhao San remained silent throughout the rest of the dinner. Her head was beginning to ache and she had lost her appetite. After what seemed like hours, Liu Bei stood from his table and left the hall, signaling the end of the meal. San waited until most of the others had left before standing to go. Her mother gave her a wink, and she saw her father give a warm smile before the two of them retired for the night. The twins both managed to stick their tongues out before rushing out, laughing about something. Guan Ping and Zhang Shao, however, said nothing as she met them by the door and headed out into the night. They wandered into the courtyard, lit only by a few torches and occupied by a handful of guards. Both boys seated themselves on the ground and placed San between them.
"So, are you gonna tell us what's been eating you?" Shao asked. "I know I'm not the brightest, but its not hard to see that something's wrong."
She shrugged. "I'm not sure. I was fine during the whole battle until that soldier hit me in the head. Since then, I've been questioning myself and what it means to be a warrior. And I'm still not sure why I stuck up for him. I'm sorry."
"For what?" Ping asked. "For choosing heart over duty?"
She put her head in her hands. "I don't even know anymore."
"Well, I'm not one to offer advice, but I'm always willing to offer an ear." Shao smacked her on the back in the same way his father did to him. "Its been hard for us to watch you struggle, and we wanna help in any way we can."
"We don't think any different of you because of your choices," Ping added. "We're old enough and mature enough to know that even the greatest warriors struggle with inner battles. I spoke to my father and asked if he ever had problems after battles, and he told me every great soldier does. When he was a guest of Cao Cao, he found himself torn between his promise to Liu Bei and his opportunities in Wei. Obviously, he chose to stay here, and it turned out to be the right thing to do."
San smiled. "I guess I didn't have to worry at all."
"About what?" Shao asked.
"About losing the respect of Lord Liu Bei's great warriors and the friendship of you two."
Shao laughed. "You can't get rid of us that easily. I think the only people who may be confused about your choice are Liu Chan and Xing Cai, and no one cares what they think. You'll be fine."
The trio laughed, and San finally felt some of the anxiety lift. "So," said Ping, "out of curiosity, have you actually spoken to this soldier that you saved?" She shook her head. "I think its in order. We saw him walking around with your dad, and he seemed alright for a Wu bastard."
San opened her mouth to comment, but noticed her friend's broad smile and decided against it. "My mother actually told me that I should go and talk to him. Care to join?"
"Nah," Shao answered for both of them. "But we'll be your bodyguards until you get to the door. Wouldn't want you getting cold feet."
Woo! I'm finally back to finish this story! I know I left it for YEARS!! In my defense, my computer crashed and I lost most of the files I'd had for this story. But writing is my addiction, and this story (what I had left of it) was crying out to be finished. So, after I finished Rebel's Honor, I picked up the pieces and rewrote the lost chapters. Its turning out better than I expected. Basically, this means that you guys can expect more frequent updates, and I'll try to leave notes at the beginning or the ends of my chapters to address anything that's confusing. I possess a remarkable amount of talent for confounding people. That being said...
To address a question that was sent in a PM: I actually had no intention of pulling the cast of Nightmare's Calling into this story. Originally, it was going to be a lone soldier from Wu. But I couldn't find a way to make his character work, and in a bout of frustration, I threw in Lu Ba. As you'll see later, I think it was a stellar decision. As to whether or not we will see Lu Meng and Li Tai, I'm not sure yet. We'll see...
Thanks to fatih, Shan Kaiyou and especially AngelEtty for your reviews. I'm glad you guys like it so far. I hope this new direction doesn't disappoint you!