She thought her life was over – but fate gave her another chance, in a world of magic. Now, running around Hogwarts with James Potter and his friends, she's about to make choices that will change the future in ways she never thought possible…

Marauder's Phase

CHAPTER FORTY-THREE

I Am A Dreamer

But I also felt guilty.

I liked two guys at the same time.

This was not normal. This was not right.

In fact, it probably made me a slutty blast-ended skank!

Or…was I?

How could I decide what my heart did and didn't want?

"I am a dreamer, sole believer

Who says a girl can't live on dreams,
Cause when I dream I dream that I'm on top the world
A busy day is over, on my way home
That's where I escape it all

As soon as I go in through that door
My feet start liftin' off the floor
Now I'm in a world of make believe

I am a dreamer, sole believer
What goes in is what comes out, its all a matter of the heart
Love is for dreamers
Sole believers
All that's mystical and whimsical is Platinum to me
Platinum, platinum, all my dreams are platinum…"

You may not know but, when I start singing that version of the song, then I am very worried.

Remus knew about Sirius – but Sirius did not know about Remus.

Remus was the calm, sane, cool one.

Sirius was the one most likely to destroy us all.

I talked to Remus, in the one class we have that's not with any of the others.

"How do you feel about all this?" I whispered to him, at the back of the classroom, where we sat with our heads bent together, as the teacher droned on and on, a tribute to HoM class.

Remus knew what I meant. We were watching the enchanted charms of Snuffles and the wolf (which I hadn't named yet) growling at each other. I'd made a leash and chain for both of them, and was keeping them tied to separate things. That didn't stop them from trying to lunge at each other, though.

"I mean…" I said, and my heart began pounding in my ears. "I lo-like you a lot, Remus," I'd almost said LOVE, but I wasn't sure if Remus was ready to hear that. "But I l…I like Sirius too…a lot." I admitted. I looked down at the desk.

Remus said: "Emmy, first of all…it's nothing to be ashamed of because, believe it or not, it's not an unheard of thing."

I gasped softly and looked up at him. "You lie!" I exclaimed quietly. How could anyone ever feel the same way as I did for two boys, who were supposed to be the best of friends!?

He shook his head. "No, I'm telling the truth. I read a book about it in the library, the night you and the others went…into the forest."

I gulped.

Remus took my hand in his. "Emmy…" He only called me that when we were alone, not when anyone else could hear us. Only Sirius ever called me that in public. "Have you ever heard of Bonds?"

Bonds? I shook my head, just as the bell rang, and then somebody yelled: "Potter and Black are duelling Snape in the second floor corridor!"

Of course, everyone in the school magically migrated to there. And, as soon as I saw Sirius, my heart seemed to want to jump out at him.

I was very, very confused.

Bonds?

And was Remus actually okay with all this secrecy? With sharing me with Sirius?

***

Remus and I didn't get a moment alone after that, since there was only a week left of school and everyone was busy with last minute things. With everything that had happened – surviving a Death Eater attack, falling in 'like' twice (and not falling out of it either time) and winning the house cup and Quidditch Cup – I had almost forgotten that exam results were still to come, but come they did.

James and Sirius passed with flying colours, as did Remus. Peter and I surprised ourselves by coming through quite easily, and Lily got top of most of her classes. We kinda hoped that Snape wouldn't pass, but he did. Oh well, you can't have everything in life.

Sometimes, Remus would catch my eye, and we would smile at one another, but that was about as intimate as we got.

***

One evening, Dumbledore called me and James up to his office.

"Mr. Potter, I have been in contact with your parents," Dumbledore said. "As you all inquired as to where Miss. Pax shall be staying for the summer holidays."

"What, they did?" I blinked.

Dumbledore nodded. "As you have no family to take you in, Miss. Pax, the Potters have kindly agreed to, shall we say, adopt you for now, I think the word would be?" And his eyes twinkled.

My eyes? Well, they filled with tears. Me, go and live with the Potters?

"I'll write to them," I told Dumbledore and James both. "And confirm this."

James groaned. "Always the polite one, Em. My mum and dad just love you. It'll be alright."

And it was.

***

And suddenly, wardrobes were empty, trunks were packed, Haphazard was lost but then found in a suit of armour; notes were handed out to all students, warning them not to use magic over the holidays ("I always hope they'll forget to give us these…" James and Sirius said sadly); we were having one last breakfast at Hogwarts, walking out of the Entrance Hall for the last time, boarding the Hogwarts Express, talking and laughing as the countryside grew cleaner and greener, changing out of our robes and into muggle dress ("You look and I'll gouge your eyes out!" I warned the boys, when it was my turn to change), pulling into platform nine and three quarters at King's Cross.

It took everyone awhile to get off the platform, so as not to alarm the muggles, and a wizened old guard helped us through.

The Marauders, Lily and I passed through the gateway together.

"Well," I said. "Summer awaits."

"We're going to France…" Lily said, and then spotted someone through the crowd. "Oh there you are!" She waved to them. "Ems, come and meet my family!" And she dragged me over to where a nice young couple were waiting, their smiles contrasting sharply with the scowl on their eldest daughter's face.

After Lily hugged her parents and her sister, she introduced me to them. "This is Emma Pax."

I shook Mr. and Mrs. Evans' hands. "Nice to meet you." I said politely.

"What a lovely young lady," Mrs. Evans smiled at me, and I blushed. If only she knew… "Did you have a good year, Emma?"

"Oh yes, I studied hard and learned lots," I said earnestly, nodding my head up and down. "But I still couldn't beat Lils here – she came top of the class." It was Lily's turn to blush.

If the smiles on Mr. and Mrs. Evans' faces grew, then the scowl on Petunia's only deepened, and I remembered pieces of information on her. To make nice with her, as Mr. and Mrs. Evans turned to say hello to Remus' parents, I asked Petunia politely: "Did you have a nice year, Petunia?"

She gazed at me with a look that reminded me of her later years, and turned her nose up at me. "Why should a freak like you care?"

"Tuney'!" Lily exclaimed in dismay, glancing quickly at me and remembering my temper, which I fought hard to control.

Yes, I still tended to ignite at the smallest little thing, but I forced a smile onto my face as I said: "It's okay Lils – you'd be jealous too…"

Petunia looked outraged. "J-jealous!" She looked quickly around her at the Hogwarts students milling into the crowd of muggles. Owls, cats, trunks on trolleys and the occasional house scarf could be seen, a world so wonderful and amazing.

Petunia turned back to me, just as Remus came up and said to me: "I'll send you a letter explaining everything about the Bonds, okay?" He said it quietly so that Lily did not hear. Lily was talking to James and his parent.

I nodded quickly. "Oh, here then, take Haphazard and send it by owl post." I told him, and reached over to my trolley, lifting up Haphazard's cage and handing it to my werewolf. Sunlight streaming in through the station gleamed off his hair, making him look twice as handsome, and I had the sudden urge to kiss him but, of course, I couldn't. I just had to settle with hugging him. "Take care of yourself…my Remus." I whispered to him.

He smiled, and kissed me on the neck as he drew back. "You too…White Fang."

I gasped. "Don't call me that!"

But Remus just grinned, as he turned and hurried off into the crowd after his parents. "See ya, W.F!" He called over his shoulder to me.

"Remus!"

Peter was suddenly at my side to say goodbye. "See ya, Em," He said, smiling at me genuinely for the first time since we'd met. "Hope you get better at flying – who knows, you might even be able to replace Prongs on the Gryffindor Quidditch team!"

"Oh no!" I laughed. "Only if I manage to steal his broomstick, Wormy." We gave each other a hug, and then Peter went to meet his parents.

"Ready to go, Ems?" James asked, appearing at my side, but keeping his eyes fixed on Lily. "Mum and Dad just rescued a bunch of Nifflers from someplace up north – Mum wants to get back home in case they broke into the house."

"Nifflers…those are those furry black treasure-finding sea-horsey looking thingies, aren't they?" I recalled.

James laughed. "Yeah, that and they can tear an entire house apart looking for treasure! Mum has an entire set of goblin-made silver she keeps for fancy occasions, she'll be real upset if one of the Nifflers gets a hold of it. The might even tear up the Potter family tapestry upstairs. But she couldn't just leave them there…"

"Because they're soooo cute and cuddly?" I responded.

James rolled his eyes. "That's what you said about the Fire-Crabs, remember Em?"

"No," I smiled. "I said they had pretty jewelled shells and a damn good way of defending themselves, remember?"

James grinned.

Lily had suddenly reappeared, along with Sirius.

"As I said, why should I be jealous of freaks like you?" Petunia chose that moment to say, and flounced off toward the station exit, leaving Lily looking upset.

"Don't worry about it Lils," I said quickly, giving her a hug. "Just go and have loads of fun in France, send us an owl whenever you can."

Lily smiled slightly. "Will do. Well…see ya Ems, Sirius…Potter." She added, nodding at James, and then hurrying to catch up with her parents and sister.

"Evans…" James said dreamily, as Sirius laughed.

"Petunia doesn't change…" I muttered unhappily, just as a shriek echoed around the station.

"SIRIUS BLACK!!" And Walburga Black came striding toward us, with Bellatrix and Regulus in tow.

Sirius' face darkened, and I hoped he wouldn't deck his mother if things got out of hand.

Everyone was staring at us.

"YOU HAVE KEPT ME WAITING!!" She shrieked, and I felt instant dislike for the woman, the angry beast within me was roaring. "COME ON!!" And she grabbed his hand to drag him away.

"Hold on, Mother!" Sirius snarled, yanking his arm free of his mother's grip. Then he came back to me, took my face in his hands, and kissed me, fiercely and passionately so that everyone watching may get the idea of what we were.

When he drew back, leaving me gasping a little, Walburga was staring at me with a scrutinizing eye. "And who might you be?" She asked me, raising an eyebrow.

Sirius looked ready to respond, probably angrily because his mother had dared to address me, but then Regulus stepped forward.

"Mother," He said. "This is Emma Pax. She plays reserve seeker for Gryffindor."

"Oh, so this is Emma Pax!" Walburga's face changed suddenly, and she looked me up and down, obviously approving of something. "Right then – come along, children." And he turned and walked out of the station.

Bellatrix followed her, after giving me a very nasty look.

Regulus lingered.

"I'll write you." Sirius said to me seriously, taking me face in his hands and regarding me endearingly.

"No, I'll write you." I said. "Once…once Remus sends me my owl back that is…oh, on second thoughts, you write."

Sirius grinned, kissed me once more (quickly this time) and walked out of the station.

I glanced at Regulus. "Regulus." I nodded to him.

He nodded back to me. "Emma." He said, and turned and loped off in the direction his mother, brother and cousin had taken.

I stared after them all. "What was that all about?" I asked no one in particular.

"Well, reading between the lines, Em," James said, grinning. "Looks like you just got old Mrs. Black's seal of approval for something!"

I gasped. "What!? No, I don't want it!"