March 1997
She was starting to show. She had to tell them soon. There was no getting out of it really.
However, she would be getting out of the debutante ball, so at least there was some sort of bright side.
She was going to do it tonight, but first she had to tell Gale. She wondered for the thousandth time what his response would be. She had known for two weeks now, and had already come up with a plan, but his response would decide if he was going to be a part of it or not.
She knew that wasn't particularly fair, but it wasn't about him and her anymore. Nothing really mattered besides the baby to her at this point, and making sure that the baby never felt trapped the way she had felt her entire life. She would make sure the baby knew she loved it, (since she often wondered if her mother even liked her), and never wished to escape from it's parents as badly as she wanted to escape hers.
So she didn't care if the plan was fair, because she knew the plan was right.
She was tired, yawning as she waited for him out side of school. When he finally rounded the corner, his face lit up when he spotted her. She tried to smile back, but it was forced. It he noticed, he didn't say anything, sliding into the car after her quickly.
The car ride was quiet, mostly due to the new driver who sat at the wheel, but as soon as they entered her house, Gale livened up.
"Want a drink?" He asked, and she shook her head no.
"Actually, I need to talk to you about something." She told him, and he looked at her in confusion.
"Alright, give me a minute." He answered, filling his glass to the brim with bourbon. She could smell it from her spot on the couch and it made her stomach roll.
"Could you maybe leave that over there for a minute? It's important." She was beginning to get impatient, and she most definitely didn't want to puke on his shoes before she got a change to finally tell him.
He shot her a look but nodded his head, setting the glass down to join her.
"What's so important that I can't drink?" He asked her, obviously annoyed. She huffed and sat up, looking at her hands on her lap for a moment.
"Gale…." She took a deep breath and met his eyes. "I'm pregnant."
He sat in silence as her words washed over him. She looked back down at her hands.
"Well… shit." He finally said and she chuckled to herself despite the circumstances.
"Yeah, pretty much."
"Have you told your parents yet?" He asked, and she sighed.
"No, I was planning on telling them tonight. I figured I should tell you first." She began picking at her skirt, which was getting to be really tight these days before looking up at him again. His eyes were closed, his pointer finger and thumb pinching the bridge of his nose.
"They're gonna kill me." He said, not breaking his posture and she laughed.
"No, they like you. They might kill me though." He smiled at her when she said this, before bringing his hands up to scrub his face.
"What should we do?" She asked him, waiting on his answer, an answer that would determine so much.
"It's not like we have a choice. We're going to do whatever they want us to do." He responded, his shoulders sagging.
Internally, she felt a piece of herself break. That wasn't the right answer, but it was the one she had been afraid of.
"Gale, we always have a choice." She whispered, but he shook his head.
"No, we really don't. This isn't the same as running off to Europe for a year Katniss. I need that drink now." He stood up swiftly, the conversation done apparently.
She buried her face in her hands, and when he spoke up again she didn't bother to look back his direction.
"I'll be here for you tonight, and through all of this. I'm sorry." He said dejectedly.
She didn't respond, instead she sat in her place, steeling herself against the idea that she would be doing this alone.
Dinner had been hell. Her parents had been delighted to have Gale over for dinner, but when Katniss had finally told them the news, that had changed very quickly.
Her father had turned about 10 different shades of red before her mother had talked him down from killing Gale. Then they had both turned on her, telling her that she had ruined her life, ruined their reputation, ruined Gale's and his parents, and most importantly ruined her chance at being presented into society properly.
What a shame.
Now she and Gale sat on the stairs, listening to their respective sets of parents argue over what to do.
Her mother had immediately called Gale's mother, insisting they come over to talk about this current situation.
When Gale's father suggested an abortion, Katniss felt herself get sick. That would not be happening.
She was surprised when her mother had agreed, and had vehemently opposed the idea, telling Gale's father he could get the hell out of her house if he was going to suggest that again. That had made Katniss smile.
Her father had been strangely quiet the entire time, but when he spoke up near the end of the heated argument between the adults it was with finality.
She couldn't see him, but she heard him just fine.
"They will get married. They will live here. Gale will go to school and when he's done he will be placed at my company."
Katniss felt her heart sink. That was not at all what she wanted for this child. She assumed this plan would snap Gale out of his allegiance to their parents, since it was the last kind of life he wanted as well.
"You know it sounds alright. Us getting married, living here. It doesn't sound bad." He told her quietly, whispering so they couldn't be overheard.
Katniss stared at him in shock.
"No it doesn't sound alright. You're seriously okay with them planning our lives out like this? Planning "it's" life out?" She was fuming but Gale was so shell shocked he couldn't tell.
"We don't really have another choice I guess." He shrugged in resignation, turning his attention back to the new sound of the adults planning out their lives.
She heard Gale's father call her a slut and she closed her eyes, leaning back against the wall.
"No, Gale, I already told you. We always have another choice."
When he remained silent she sighed internally. She liked Gale, she thought she loved him a little even, but at this point she could no longer see any type of future with him. She wouldn't have him forced to marry her, regretting her and their child for the rest of his life, resigned to the life their parents had planned for them.
More importantly, she wouldn't do that to the baby.
Her refusal to marry Gale didn't go over well with either set of parents, but she could tell his father Gregory was silently pleased. He didn't hide his disdain of her at all, holding her in open contempt whenever her parents had the Hawthorne family over for dinner in an attempt to provide some sort of normalcy to their lives.
However, once she started showing there was no normalcy left to be had, she was very literally the elephant in the room that no one could ignore.
She dropped out of school and began to receive private tutoring at her parent's insistence. She wanted to get her GED, and did so under the radar because her parent's assumed she would go back to school once this whole "ordeal" was over with.
She also began to save what little money she could in a box hidden in her closet where she knew her mother never looked and the maids turned a blind eyes at.
The fights she had with her parents became legendary; the cops were called at least twice when Katniss would storm out of the house to get some air, only to be followed by both parents.
When the doctor told them it was placing stress on the baby they calmed down some, choosing the throw snide remarks her way instead. Of course anything the baby needed was purchased by them, and she could have sworn they were somewhat excited, but she knew they would never actually say that. They insisted on calling the baby an "it" even after they found out it would be a girl, and her father's tone of voice made it sound like he was talking about a rat he had seen in a sewer. It only strengthened her resolve really.
They continued on as if nothing had happened, joking with their friends about their failed daughter, about how hopefully they could "save this one". They kept going to their parties and meetings and it afforded Katniss a lot of alone time she came to cherish.
The maids became her friends during this time, cooking her the foods she craved, sneaking her the store bought things her mother would have a fit about if she was to ever find out. She spent a lot of time reading on the internet about jobs that were opening, or places she could escape to if she needed.
Realistically she knew she would have to wait until the baby was a little bit older and little less dependent on her, but she still dreamt about it every night.
She and Gale grew apart, his ego bruised when she refused to marry him, but she knew deep down he was glad. He still came over, held her hand, watched television with her, but she knew his heart wasn't in it. He had already started to resent the fact she was having his baby.
He asked her to prom, but she declined. When he insisted they were still kids and should be doing the things kids do, she had reacted by telling him that maybe he was, but she sure as hell wasn't, at least not anymore. He didn't push the subject, and she heard from her mother he had taken some other girl to prom.
She didn't care, not in the way she expected. Instead of feeling sorry for herself, she spent the night talking to her stomach, telling the baby all the ways it was loved, and that it's father would come around eventually.
When she was seven months pregnant and as big as a fucking house, she had a scare that sent her to the hospital. Gale tore into her room, a panicked look on his face, the only thing that calmed him being the sound of the baby's healthy heart beat coming from the ultrasound machine.
When the doctor told them it was just false contractions, and he cried in relief, Katniss smiled.
"I was so scared." He told her, his trembling obvious.
"We're okay, you heard the doctor. You heard her heartbeat. She's fine." She ran a hand through his hair, assuring him she was all right.
He nodded numbly, before raising his palm up towards her stomach.
"Can I?" He asked and she nodded, guiding his hand so he could feel the baby.
"Wow." It's all he said, and they sat in silence until the doctors made him leave.
When he was gone, Katniss couldn't help herself when she leaned down (as much as was possible) and whispered to the baby.
"I told you. He'll love you, even if he doesn't love me."
October 1997
She was sitting alone in her room watching tv and eating a sandwich when she felt it. Her back had been hurting all fucking day, which was normal at this point, but when she felt a sharp pain that didn't let up when she changed her position, she knew it was time to go.
She wrapped herself in a coat, grabbed her portable cd player, and her keys before scribbling out a note for her parents. They were at some music foundation fundraiser and even if she knew how to reach them, she didn't really want to.
Climbing in to the car, she drove herself to the hospital, stopping a few times to make sure she didn't get in a wreck because of the pain before continuing on her way.
When she arrived she checked herself into the maternity ward, filling out paperwork alone, ignoring the looks of pity she was receiving from those around her. She much preferred the judgmental looks, those she could handle. But pity? No, she hated that more than anything.
Eventually she was brought into a room and given scrubs to change into, and she sat waiting until the pain became unbearable and they administered Demerol, which made her slightly loopy but didn't make the pain go away.
When a doctor checked her cervix and told her it was time for the "big show" she threw an ice chip at him, and they took the ice chips away.
It fucking hurt. A lot. She had not been prepared for how bad it would hurt, and it was making her more surely than usual. Her nurse regarded her cautiously before they began to wheel her down the hallway.
"You gonna be okay sweetie?" The lady asked and Katniss gritted her teeth.
"I'm 16 and I'm about to push a baby out of my vagina what do you fucking think?" She fired back.
Another contraction rippled through her and she held onto the side bars of her hospital bed with all of her strength.
"Shit, this hurts. I want this to STOP now."
"Just breath deep okay?" The nurse rubbed her back and Katniss rolled her eyes… or at least tried to.
"Breathing doesn't help! Can I hit you instead?" She was half serious at this point, hitting the nurse might actually help. At least it would be enjoyable to watch.
"What?" The nurse stepped back for a moment.
"Or pinch you really hard? Can I bite you, or pull your hair or maybe do something else? Cause that might make me feel better." She huffed it out and the nurse chuckled.
"No, none of that. We're almost to the room." With that the nurse hurried ahead, probably trying to make sure Katniss didn't actually get to lay a hand on her. When the shouts of her parents invaded her ears, she begged the men rolling her bed to move faster.
"Katniss Everdeen! What the hell is this!" Her mother had caught up to them, and was waving the note she had left in her face.
"Hey Mom, would love to chat but I'm kind of busy." Katniss didn't even turn to look at her Mom, instead focusing on how close they were to the door of her room.
"You don't leave a note to tell us you are in labor young lady! Who does that? Mom, going to the hospital, think I'm in labor, see you later, Katniss?! What is wrong with you?" Her mother was screeching, drawing the attention of everyone around them, when suddenly the nurse from earlier appeared at their side.
"Ma'am you need to go back to the waiting room, right now." Her voice sounded harsh and Katniss smiled despite herself.
"What? No, I'm going in with my daughter!"
"No! Mom no you aren't!" Katniss yelled back, and the nurse placed a protective hand on her back.
"Ma'am you are not cleared to come in here with us. You need to go sit down and wait, one of us will be out to update you shortly."
With that, they pushed Katniss' bed into the room and closed the door, leaving her mother standing out in the hallway, speechless.
"Still want to hit me?" The nurse asked Katniss as she placed fluids on an IV next to her.
"Nope, want to hit my mom instead." Katniss replied, and the nurse laughed before handing her back a bucket of ice chips and turning a blind eye as Katniss began to throw them at the nurses surrounding her, with one exception.
"How much fucking longer?" Katniss bellowed as another contraction ripped through her.
"You're almost there. We should be ready to push soon." The doctor staring at her junk replied.
"You keep saying "We" you asshole, all you are is glorified fucking catching, so do me a favor and don't act like you are going to be doing jack shit!" She was beyond caring about what she must sound like, she was pretty sure she would be cursing her way through this entire thing, and when it was done, she was going to begin sending hate mail to every author of every book that called labor the most miraculous moment of any mother's life.
It did not feel miraculous; it felt more like she was being ripped in two. The scene from Alien where the thing pops out and scares the crew shitless had crossed her mind more than once at this point, and since she had ran out of ice chips she couldn't take her pain out of anyone except verbally anymore.
When the doctor informed her it was time to push, she held on the side rails of her bed with a vice like grip. The nurse she liked stood next to her, helping her count her breathing and after the first push Katniss was pretty sure this was going to be what killed her.
"Okay, ready to go again?" The doctor asked and Katniss groaned before nodding her head.
"This kid better be a fucking angel I swear to fucking god!" She shouted as she pushed again.
When a nurse standing near the end of her bed gave her a disappointed look she decided to focus on her instead of threatening her about to be born daughter.
"What the fuck are you looking at?" She shouted through clenched teeth as she pushed again.
"Never seen a baby being born? Isn't this your goddamn job?" She fell back against the bed to regain her breath while her nurse tried to hold back laughter.
"Okay, one more!" The doctor exclaimed excitedly.
"Are you lying? That sounds like a lie. I don't think this will ever fucking be over." Katniss peered at him from her position and could tell he was smiling.
"One more, I promise. Just one more time."
Katniss nodded and sat back up with her nurse's help, and took a deep breath. She pushed as hard as she could, shouting her way through it, and when she finally felt the baby slip free she closed her eyes in relief.
The moment she heard the wails of the baby across the room, her eyes shot back open, searching frantically until they landed on the gooey mess in the doctors arms.
"It's a girl!" He told her, and the nurse helped her cut the umbilical cord before they took the baby over to the side of the room to clean her and do whatever else they did with a newborn.
Katniss didn't take her eyes off of them until they placed the baby in her arms, and then the doctors and nurses ceased to exist until they were prodding her for a name.
"Uh, Katniss Victoria Everdeen." She rambled off. She could name her baby after herself after what she had just done to get it here, and the middle name Victoria was pretty. She didn't look up as they jostled her and cleaned her, content to continue staring at the red squashed in face of her daughter. She was perfect.
Surprisingly, the moments after the birth of her daughter were some of the most civil she and her parents had ever shared. Her mother cried, and only chastised her briefly for naming the baby after herself. Her father was silent, but she could see the tears gathering in his eyes.
Gale's father didn't come, but his mother did with Gale in tow. By that time the baby had been placed in the nursery, and Katniss was allowed to walk down to show him.
When they reached the glass pane window, Katniss pointed their daughter out to him.
"Wow, she's pretty." He said quietly.
"She's perfect." Katniss corrected him.
"I guess this means we have to get married now." He said after a moment, and Katniss didn't bother to look away from their daughter. If he looked at that baby girl and all he saw was that they had to get married, she knew she was right to have fought it for the last eight months.
She didn't bother to answer him.