same old disclaimer, blah blah blah ya get the point.
So sorry about the super late updates, I hate holidays, yeah I made 2 holiday fics but I absolutely despise every holiday, except Halloween that's pretty cool. We have also had a bunch of snow so I had been snowed in for several days. Okay enough rambling.
Futanari- I used this word instead of the traditional word, hermaphrodite, honestly I think it just sounds a little better.
Ed and the Smurf chapter 5
Ed arrived at Ling's place he sat down at the coffee table. Taking out his books he dove into his studies. Ling sat opposite him with his books scattered all over the table. The layer of books to his left was almost never there since that spot always belonged to Al, who now was absent from their routine study group.
The phone rang in the next room Ling picked up the receiver in the kitchen.
"Hello… Oh hey… Yeah… look that's fine with me but no fighting I'm going to make a call I will call you back."
A moment went by he had only knew half the conversation but he knew it had been Al.
"Hey can you stop by they want to talk and I'm not up for breaking up another fight…Yeah please."
Another moment went by.
"Hey it's me can you give us about 30 minutes… Okay we'll see you then."
Ling went back to his studies.
"Al coming over?"
"Yeah he said he wasn't going to hit you this time just talk. I called my guardian and he's going to come over and make sure he doesn't." Ed had never seen Ling's guardian, Ling had lived alone for as long as Ed had known him. His family was supposed to be some sort of rich family with lots of kids so they never bothered Ling.
The clock ticked so loudly through the room. Ed shot it a glance; he really wanted to smash it. It was so loud it was nerve racking. He had caught up on 2 classes work so far but he had several tests and quizzes to make up. The clock remained ticking loudly till it was drowned out by a car engine then 3 doors closed. Ling started gathering up the books he had spread all over the table stacking them on the floor beside him. Ed did not move at all he figured he may be able to focus on the books and ignore the ones trespassing into his newly acquired territory.
A set of keys was thrown in the ceramic dish that always held Lings keys. He normally found his car keys in there since Ling hated it when he lost them so he always picked them up and put them in the dish. The footsteps got closer he kept ignoring them. A set of keys were sat down on the textbook he was reading, they were his car keys. The key to the house was missing off of it. He was defiantly in the doghouse now. He quietly picked up the keys and walked to the dish and deposited them into the dish.
Three pizzas were set on the coffee table. The smell suddenly reminded him he had not eaten in 6 days.
"Dig in then we will talk afterwards."
Ed looked up at the voice that had sounded so familiar, but to his dismay it was just Mustang Sensei. Could his day get any worse? He snatched two slices then went into the kitchen where he inhaled them in a matter of minutes. He stood there for a few minutes gathering his composure again then entered into the room and back to the coffee table to get more work done. The room was silent except for the sound of the others eating. It became harder to focus on his homework he was starting to get nauseous. He jumped up and ran Ling was on his heels in a matter of seconds.
"You're not running away this time!" he went to grab Ed.
Ed turned the opposite way and into the bathroom. Ling watched in amazement how agile he had turned and dodged Ling.
Ling stopped at the doorway only to see his friend depositing the undigested pizza into the toilet.
"Brother?"
Ling spun around to see Al standing behind him with a worried look on his face.
"He hasn't eaten in a few days pizza probably wasn't the best choice of food for him." He fished out the scope from the medicine cabinet handing it down to Ed.
"It's been 6 days now since I ate." He took a swig of the orange liquid swishing it around in his mouth before depositing it in the porcelain bowl. "The last time I ate was Friday at lunch." He attempted to get up and found himself being helped by Ling and Al. "Al, I thought you were pissed at me?"
"I am."
They placed Ed in a black leather oversized chair across from the couch. He felt like he was going to be interrogated.
In spot number one was his number one mortal enemy, Mustang Sensei; beside him in spot number two was the 15 year old girl that they said he apparently knocked up, Winry; spot number three was the one who was now dating the 15 year old he knocked up and was his assailant that dealt the last blows to his beat up body which landed him in the hospital; his brother Al; and finally in the last spot was the sadistic best friend that liked to see him wither around in agony while assisting others in giving him a verbal beat down; Ling.
Ed looked up might as well get it over with. "Which one of you is going first?"
"Al should. Go ahead and say what's on your mind." Ling put in his two cents.
"Fine," he paused "Why did you sleep with my girlfriend?"
"At the time I did that I didn't even know her name much less anything else. How long have you two been together for?" Ed watched his brother play with his jeans.
"Five weeks."
"Ling when was your last party before this one?" Ed eyed his friend
"Hey I'm not in this!"
"Just answer." Ed was watching him think
"I'm pretty sure it was about seven weeks ago now."
"See Al she wasn't with you when I slept with her. If I would have known you wanted her I would have helped you get with her instead of me. All I want is you to be happy. Why do you think I work and keep my grades high in school? I want to make sure I set the best example possible for you since dad is never around." He had said all that forgetting that his mortal enemy was in the room.
The room fell silent, all eyes on Al now. He fidgeted with his pant wrinkles again. "Yeah you set a fine example sneaking out of the house after you think I'm in bed. You come home at four and five in the morning smelling of alcohol, cigarettes and sex. I doubt you even know the names of the people you have slept with. Why don't you go live with one of those nameless people? Now you are having a kid and Winry's parents kicked her out because of the baby. So she is now staying with me. I want you to grow up and make sure she has money for food and plenty of things the baby needs. She and I will raise the baby. I'm done looking after you I want you out of our lives."
Ed could see the tears start to well up in his brother's eyes. "I have no problem with that." The silence filled the room once more
"Winry did you have something you needed to say to Ed." Ling seemed to be the one conducting the talk.
She shook her head.
"Fine then it's my turn. Ed you disappear without telling anyone much less bother to tell us where you are going. You worried all of us the next morning when you didn't answer your phone then you call and say you can't move but will not tell us where you are at so we can help you. How stupid can you be? Next thing I know I get a call from you in the next evening to find you are sitting on my porch looking like you had rolled around in the dirt screwing a smurf; you straight up smelled like sex and dirt." Lings hand gestures enhanced the words and everyone burst out laughing.
"What it's true if you had been in the car when I took him home you would have to say the same thing. I still don't understand why in the hell you couldn't walk!" Everyone's laugh stopped.
"You couldn't walk?" Al stared at him wide eyed.
"That's why I had to carry him in Al. He could hardly crawl much less walk and be able to defend himself."
Al's jaw dropped "So that's why…" Al's voice trailed off.
"Yeah he couldn't put up a fight."Ling knew Ed was an instructor at the local Dojo
"I'm sorry; it was my fault. I got swept up in the moment during the blackout dance and ran off with someone. We screwed till the break of daylight." Ed blushed fiercely then looked down at the floor not wanting to see the reactions.
"Yeah you must have had a wild night with him."
"Him? It was a guy?" The prego blond decided to speak now.
Ed looked at Ling "How did you know it was a guy."
"Let's see I bring in a boy that had been beaten unconscious with blood coming out of almost every orifice he has, of course they want to do a rape kit to make sure nothing happened. When the doctors asked I simply told them that you enjoyed having sex with one or more individuals and didn't care what gender they were. I told them about the time with the futanari, it sucked they didn't believe me either, I know you have it recorded somewhere."
"Ling please, you're not helping me right now." Ed dared himself to look up at the ones in front of him the look he seen of Mustang Sensei's face was priceless his mouth was agape and eyes bugged open he looked as if he was going to faint.
"Well at least answer me one thing?"
Ed nodded
"Why were you coved in blue stuff?" Ling was done embarrassing him now.
"The guy I was with had it in his hair I didn't know it would come off or I wouldn't have touched his hair. Now can I ask why he's here?" He pointed to the teacher sitting on the leather couch.
"He's my Uncle and present guardian I called him just in case. Last time I broke up fight I ended with a fist to the face."
"Oh…I see then." Ed looked back to the pizza box wafting the nauseating smell his way it defiantly wasn't helping.
Al rose to his feet taking Winry with him "We're going home brother come get your car tomorrow." They made a hasty retreat.
Lings Uncle cleaned up the empty pizza boxes. "Ed would you like some soup?"
Ed was starving still. "Sure." The man turned around "Hey Mustang Sensei will you please not tell anyone else about what you have heard I don't want Al taken away and put in a foster home, she won't have a place to live after that and I don't want everyone to know about my recreational activities either."
"I've known about your dad traveling and haven't said anything yet, and you can call me Roy outside of school." With that he walked into the kitchen.
Ed started again on his homework. The clattering in the kitchen was better than hearing the clock tick away again after the noises quieted down a bowl full of chicken noodle soup was place beside him. He slowly sipped the broth from the bowl.
"Boys can I ask you a question?"
"You just did." Ed took his lips from the bowl.
"Yeah but I was curious if you two have ever been together." Roy plopped back on the couch.
Ed really felt like teasing his teacher. He drank down the rest of the soup rather quickly then replied "I've never been with anyone in Ling's family. Why you want to be the first to try me." He smirked as the Sensei turned beet red. He couldn't hold back the laughter any longer. Soon his view was obstructed by a pillow to the face.
"You asshole, Uncle don't mind him he's just an idiot, that likes to tease people into thinking he wants them."
"I see both of you have similar reactions to my teasing. I can say what I want now that we aren't in school." Ed's grin from ear to ear.
There was a pillow landed on the other side of Ed's head. He was then attacked with pillows repeatedly by both Asian men.
"Hey time out for the injured" Ed was laughing so hard he barely could take in air. The pillows kept flying for several minutes. Till Ed was coughing for air and Ling took up residency on the couch while Roy walked out to his car then back into the house.
"Come on guy's I got a movie we could watch," Roy popped the movie in as if it was an everyday thing to him.
"Hey Ed when was your last shower man?"
"Oh yeah can I get one really fast."
"Yeah you know where everything is."
He ran upstairs to take a quick shower. He finally rid himself of the leftover blue the water felt good on his stiff and sore muscles. He shut off the water when the water started running cold. He ran nude into the room that contained all his belongings, searching through all the boxes he found the one containing his boxers and sleep pants deciding on which ones to grab. He snatched Ling's brush to prepare his hair to be put in a quick braid. He went back down stairs to see the main menu of the DVD. The couch had one guy lounging on each end, so he decided to push his luck and squeeze between them. He went around the front and scouted his spot both guys were sharing the space in which their legs were. He laid himself behind Roy and in front of Ling.
"What the hell Ed?" Ling protested Ed stayed there any way he tugged the throw off the back of the couch and propped his chest on Roy's hip and his feet went in front of Ling's chest he covered himself half of Ling and half of Roy with the blanket. He made sure to gently wiggle and move till he knew he had to be causing problems for both guys. "Ed, will you lean up for a minute."
Ed thought his fun was over with but Roy just moved one of his legs to the other side of Ed. "Okay lay down now."
Ed now lay in between his Sensei's legs and found a very prominent erection stabbing him in the collarbone. It was very large and wanted attention. He couldn't help that every time he moved he rubbed against the man's length. He mean while kept his feet moving against Ling's stomach and growing erection. He enjoyed teasing his friend quite frequently even if he never did anything other than that to him. His toes gently kneaded Ling's erection till he stared to rock back against the talented foot. He stared to produce moans from Ling he started moving his chest and shoulder against his Sensei he watched the man close his eyes and moan. That was his cue. Ed quickly bounced up from between both men.
"That was a pretty good movie; well I'm going to bed. Night you two." With that he strode off up the stairs. He had crashed in all the beds in the house and found Ling's bed to be the most comfortable out of them so he always slept in Ling's bed. He also knew it would aggravate him further since Ling would refuse to sleep in the same bed as Ed. He smiled remembering Ling screaming 'I refuse to sleep in the same bed as you; you will rape me in my sleep.' He smiled as he climbed under the blanket on Ling's bed.
"I told you he was a tease." Ling looked over at his Uncle that seemed to have an even worse case than he had. "Bathroom is over there just make sure you clean up after yourself." Ling strode off upstairs' to handle his own problem.