Chapter 17

Sara woke up to gentle hands rubbing her nipples, and soft lips against hers. The brunette smiled against her lover's lips briefly. She shifted her body, so she could pull Sofia on top of her, and deepened the kiss.

Sofia took Sara's mouth with deliberate force. She pressed her tongue deeply into Sara's mouth, in a loving power play. Sara was pretty aroused by now; her pelvis started stroking against the blondes. Sofia let her hand run down her lover's body; her fingers slowly started stroking over Sara's swollen clit. The brunette was gasping now.

Sofia let a finger slide down to her lovers opening, but only to let it slide back up to her clit. Her mouth sucked in one of the brunette's nipples, making her groan. Once again, she let her fingers slide down to the brunettes opening. She pressed the tip of her index finger into her, toying ever so lightly. She pushed the finger deeper in a slow stroke and then withdrew it. Sara was moaning now, Sofia's slow pace was driving her crazy.

"Sof, please honey, I need you now, enough with the teasing!"

Sofia, slide two fingers in and fasten the pace, she let her palm stroke over her lover's clit, and soon Sara was crying out.

"More baby, need more" Sara cooed.

Sofia added a third finger, and kept plunging into her lovers hot depths, until she felt her walls clench around her fingers. Sara cried out loud as she went over the edge, her body was trembling, her blood was rushing in her veins, and she almost forgot to breath. But she finally calmed down enough to breathe normally again after a few minutes.

Sara rolled onto her side facing Sofia, "morning," she smiled.

"Morning, slept well?"

Sara reached out to brush her lips against the blonde's, "mmm… you?"

"Like a baby," Sofia smiled.

Sara could feel her strength had returned. She rolled Sofia onto her back; she got up on her knees, and placed them between her lover's legs. She lifted Sofia's legs and used her own tights to press the blonde's legs towards her own stomach. Her hands slide up to the blondes, fingers interweaving with hers. With a ruthless gentleness, Sara pinned her hands over her head, holding them there as she stared into her eyes.

"Someone has been a very naughty girl this morning, waking innocent people up and then torture and tease them. I think someone needs to be punished." Sara cooed.

"No, I'm innocent," Sofia whispered huskily, aware of Sara's game was starting to get her quite aroused.

Sara bent down and bit into Sofia's lower lip. "Detective, there's nothing innocent about you, and I will punish you!" She said, hand sliding from one breast to the other. "But I think you goner like it!"

"Yes, please honey, please punish me." Sofia encouraged as pleasure from the brunette's lips and hand sent spirals of slinky heat down her spine.

Sara smiled as her mouth kissed it way down to the blonde's breasts; she loved having her lover underneath her like that. She took a nipple into her mouth and bit it gently, before letting her tongue flick over it.

Sofia was extremely aroused now. She could feel how wet she was, it was a really turn on being trapped under her lover not being able to do anything but receive.

Sara's hand was caressing its way down Sofia's body; she was surprised when she felt how wet the blonde was. But she liked it! She let a finger lightly stroke over her lover's clit, making her groan deep in her throat.

"You're so wet, babe! I think someone has some very dirty thoughts, or perhaps, it was a dirty dream that woke you up. Do you have dirty dreams, baby?" Sara growled in a hot squeak.

"Christ Sar stop teasing, please I need you" came her sultry whisper.

Sara pinched Sofia's clit and the blonde's eyes flew opened. "Answer my question?" The brunette demanded, sliding two fingers deep inside Sofia.

Sofia was breathing hard; she struggled to keep her eyes open. "Yes honey, I have dreams about you!"

Sara slowly kept thrusting in and out, of her lover. "Tell me, Sof? Tell me, what I'm doing to you in your dreams?"

Sofia was moaning now," honey, stop teasing I want you." She pleaded, her voice shaking a little.

Sara ignored Sofia's plead, and bent down and kissed her lover passionately. "Do you like this position baby?" She increased her strokes slightly, "Do you like being pinned under me? Do you dream about that?" She purred.

Sofia was about to lose it; she was so aroused that she hardly could breath. "Yes Sar, I like it! I like it when you take control!"

Sara took the other nipple into her mouth, and let her tongue play with it, making Sofia cry out. "What do you what, honey?"

"You baby, please I can't wait anymore" Sofia snapped impatiently.

But Sara knew better, she slid a bit deeper and harder into her lover, making all her muscles quiver. "You want me to fuck you, don't you?"

Sofia swallowed hard, "yes honey, I do!"

Sara increased the pace, and went as deep and hard as she could. She bent her hand, letting her palm stroke hard over the clit; she pressed her tights a little harder against Sofia's legs, making sure they stayed where she wanted them.

Sofia was beyond pleasure, the whole experience the fact that she couldn't move. It was so erotic! She had never been hornier in her life. Sara leaned forward and let as much of her upper body as possible rest on Sofia's body; she caught her lover's mouth and kissed her with a demanding fierceness. Sara added a third finger; she bit her way up the blonde's throat licking on her earlobe before whispering.

"Do you like it, Sof?"

"Yes," Sofia whimpered. "I love the way, you're fucking me" she gasped, feeling the hot spiral of erotic tension tighten relentlessly through her muscles.

Sofia screamed out as her orgasm rolled over her. Her body covered in sweat, her head pressed down on the pillow, her upper body flew up pressing against Sara's, before she dropped onto the mattress.

Sara let go of Sofia's wrists, and gathered her thighs so her lover could lower her legs. She bent over her and kissed her gently, before lying down beside her.

When Sofia had caught her breath, she rolled onto her side and snuggled into Sara, who wrapped her arms around her, they kissed a bit before falling into sleep again.

When Sara woke up she couldn't get out of the bed fast enough, she slide out from under the covers got dressed and left the room. She made coffee took her smokes and went out on the terrace. Her body was lightly shaking she felt sick about herself, there was a big knot in her stomach and she was totally appalled about her own behavior.

Of all the people in the world, with my background, I should have known better. How the hell am I ever going to be able to look Sofia in the eyes, again!

Never ever had she felt so disgusted and atrociously about herself. But what made everything even worse, and scared the hell out of her, was the fact that she actually had enjoyed the whole thing.

Sofia wasn't sleeping when Sara got up. But she didn't make any indication of being awake, she just couldn't face the brunette right now, she needed to process what had happened. She didn't understand it! She didn't understand herself.

I am not the type, who let people dominate me! Hell I am used to be the one who ordered other people around, and yet. I never asked Sara, to stop!

The truth was: She could have stopped it any time she wanted to. It was not like Sara was stronger than her and even if? She had no doubt about; Sara would have stopped the minute she had asked her to. Well, if she was honest about it, she hadn't wanted Sara to stop, as much as she hated herself for it; she actually had enjoyed the whole thing.

Sofia slowly got up knowing she couldn't hide out in bed for the rest of the day. She went into the shower. Hell, maybe she could wash the whole thing away!

Sara could hear the shower running and knew it was only a matter of time before she would be facing the blonde, which absolutely didn't make her stomach feel any better; she closed her eyes and took some very deep breath.

Sofia got dressed and took a deep breath, she knew she couldn't expose facing the brunette anymore; she went into the living room and saw Sara sitting on the terrace with her eyes closed. Sofia got herself a cup of coffee and went outside.

"Hi," she said after a beat. Her voice was normal, but the tension in her posture was just noticeable.

"Hi," Sara answered as she crossed her arms protectively over her midsection, slept well?"

"Yeah fine" Sofia offered weakly, looking over the city.

They kept on the small talk for a while; they both so desperately wanted to talk about what had happened, but neither of them knew how, so they didn't. The time arrived when Sofia had to go. Sara offered to drive her to the airport but Sofia declined. She thought it was more important that Sara got started with all the home work she had lying. They both knew it was a lie but no one called it! They went downstairs and outside when the cab arrived.

Sara took Sofia's hand. "Sof?" Her voice carried mixed emotions.

Sofia looked up at her with a mix of uncertainty and awkwardness. "Yeah…" she sighed. "Call you, when I get home."

Both almost in panic, but they knew it was too late, they leaned in and kissed each other so lightly, they actually didn't know if their lips even touch. Sofia got into the cab and waved as she drove away. She never called; she just sent a text message. They kept sending each other small text message, saying good morning and goodnight! But none of them called, they didn't know what to say!

After three days not seeing or hearing from Sara, Brian was starting to wonder what was going on; it was so unlike Sara not checking up on him. After two more days, he went up to her flat he knew she was home, but she didn't answer her phone, and she hadn't returned any of his calls. She was sitting outside; he went out to her and sat down.

"Hey, how's it going stranger?"

"Hey Brian, fine" she replied in a low voice.

Brian smiled gently as his head gave a brief bob. "O...kay, so you just don't want to talk, to me?"

Sara arched a brow, "meaning?"

"Well, you haven't returned any of my calls" he answered offhandedly.

Sara tossed her head, but she gave him a determined look. "Oh… well, I have had a lot on my mind!"

"Sara, what's wrong?"

"That's what I'm trying to figure out" she said in explanation.

"Did something happen, between you and Sofia?"

"Brian, I'm not talking to you about this" she said vaguely.

"Sara, you didn't break up with her?"

Sara looked scared, "I really don't hope so." The hesitation in her voice was clear.

"Sara, what did you do or say?"

"Brian, please don't, I can't tell you."

Brian gazed at her for a long time. "Fine Sara, but you're going to talk to someone about this, before it's tearing you apart" he exclaimed, sighing when Sara frowned.

"I don't know who to talk to, not about this!" Sara asserted truthfully.

"Then you better find out and fast" he insisted.

Sinking into her chair, Sara let out a sigh, "okay, I will."

They talked a bit more before Brian went down to himself; he picked up his phone:

"Hey Jodie it's Brian, I need your help.., something is eating Sara, alive. I need someone who can talk to her.., I don't know she won't talk to me, about it.., No, I think something has happened, between her and Sofia, she was here last weekend.., Okay thanks, and let me know if there is anything I can do.., yeah, okay bye."

That evening Jodie showed up at Sara door.

"Hey Sara" Jodie smiled affectionately when the brunette opened her door.

"Sara it is?" Sara snapped defensively, "guess Brian called you."

"Yes he did. Can I come in?" Jodie answered in all seriousness.

Sara raised an eyebrow questioningly. "Wow, since when have you started asking?"

"Sara..!"

Sara didn't answer immediately, but when she did it was without any rancor. "Sure, come in."

They went into the living room. "Do you want a beer?"

"Sure, if you are." Sara got the beers and went back to couch, and sat down beside Jodie.

"What's going on Sara? Brian sounded pretty worried."

"Not much, I just have some things I need to figure out" Sara said softly, her voice quivering with pent-up emotions.

"Yeah, like what?" Jodie demanded.

"Nothing I want to talk about" she said acerbically.

"Come on Sara! I know it has something to do with you and Sofia. It's been five days since she went home, and quite frankly, you don't look like you're any closer to finding an answer. Maybe talking about it will help."

"I can't it's just too personally!" Sara said evasively.

Jodie couldn't recall ever seeing her friend so tense. Whatever was bothering her was serious. "Sara, I work as a psychological therapist! I don't think there's much you can tell me that I haven't heard before" she said, making sure to keep her voice level.

Sara gave a semi-abashed shrug, "I know but this is different because I know you."

"Okay, so it was something, you did!" The statement was one of fact, rather than an accusation.

"Huh..?" Sara squinted at her, nonplussed. "You don't know that, it can be something, I said!"

"No it can't!" Jodie chuckled; "I have known you and you're mouth way too long to know, that anything that comes out of it you would repeat without any hesitation!"

Sara eyed her with coolness, "I really don't think I like you!"

Jodie just grinned, "Yes you do, now talk…"

"Jodie, I mean it I'm not going to talk about it!" Sara said firmly.

But Jodie wasn't backing off, she knew Sara far too well. "Hmm… knowing you I'll guess, this has something to do with sex?"

Sara's face went dark red, "Jodie, I'm warning you don't go there!"

Jodie started laughing, "So what happened? And don't tell me you couldn't perform, that I won't believe!"

If eyes could kill!

Jodie just ignored it, "Sara, am I going to guess it all, or do you want to help me out here?"

Sara's look was slightly malicious, "I'm not helping; I told you I don't want to talk about it."

Jodie was thinking. "What the hell can have freaked her out, like that?" And then it hit her. "So you finally realized your true sexual nature."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Sara growled.

"Cut the crap Sara, you know exactly what I'm talking about."

Sara countered, ignoring the first part of her statement. "Like hell I don't!"

"You don't..? You're so fucking full of it! But okay then, let me spell it out for you! Sexually, you like to have the control and dominate the one you're with! Not all the time, but it is a big turn on for you" Jodie said directly.

Sara could hardly swallow, "no, don't say that," she whispered. "It can't be true."

"Yes it is Sara! What I don't get is what the problem is? Well, unless you did something to Sofia she didn't like. But knowing you I don't think that happen. You are very observant towards the one you're with."

"Christ Jodie, how can you say that knowing my background history, I'm just like my parents it's not right being turned on by violence." Sara closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around herself.

"Wow… Wow… Sara, stop..! You're not like you're parents; this has nothing to do with violence. Did you hurt her?"

Sara gave her a serious look. "I… I don't think so. Not physical, but I don't know mental. We haven't talked about what happen."

"Look Sara, I don't know Sofia that well, but she doesn't strike me like someone who takes any crap from anyone. If you had done anything that made her uncomfortable, I'm pretty sure that she would have stopped you. Well, it's no secret, that you and I have slept together, and I can ensure you that you have never ever made me feel uncomfortable in any way rather the opposite.

"Yeah, but it's not the same you know me" Sara declared harshly.

"So does Sofia, or she wouldn't be able to trust you!"

"Trust me?" Sara said, sighing in defeat.

"Yes Sara, it's what it's all about, trust and needs"Jodie said, smiling at the shocked look that crossed Sara's face.

"Huh..? How..? What..?" Sara replied in surprise.

"This has nothing to do with violence! I don't think you're capable of being violent towards another human being. They could beg and scream and truly want it but it wouldn't help, they could never persuade you into harming them. When I said control and dominance I bet you instinctively thought about sadist/masochist = s/m. But for you that couldn't be more far away from the truth. You have no desire to dominate to cause any pain or humiliation to your partner, no matter how much she would want it. You want to dominate her to give her maximum enjoyment! The more she enjoys it, the more it turns you on! You like being in control, but you will never take it; you need/depend on your partner to give it to you. But given the opportunity to control, and you automatically becomes the domineering part. But that also mean a huge responsibility! It's yours responsibility and yours alone! To make sure that no harm is done towards her, and that you don't do anything other than what she wants! And that's where the trust comes in. You need to trust her! That she will tell you, if you are doing something, she doesn't like or will hurt her. That she trust you enough, to know that you will never hurt her. And you need to trust yourself! That you will never cross that invisible line, between trust and betray!" Jodie explained patiently.

Sara was silent for a long time. "I don't know Jodie, I think I understand what you're trying to say, but I still don't think it's right to want to control another human. It's not me! It's not, who I am!"

Jodie sighed, "Sara.., Sara.., how the hell am I going to get through to you? Well, let's see! Okay, you said the word yourself, "right". Do you like sleeping with women?" She asked, trying to keep her frustration from showing.

"Huh..? What kind of question is that?"

"Do you?" Jodie repeated with a gentle smile.

"You know I do!" She said with an odd expression.

"And how many people in this building do you think; mean that's "right?"

"I don't know but that's not the same" Sara insisted.

"Yes it is!"

"No it's not!"

"Sara, please don't go three years old, on me!" Jodie said sarcastically.

Cocking her head, Sara frowned at Jodie's insistent tone. "I'm not, but you can't compare people's thoughts to what people do."

"Yes I can, right and wrong is in the eye of the beholder, as long as you stay on the right side of the law" Jodie said forcefully.

"So, what are you saying?"

"That you are a perfectly normal human being."

"You just say that because you're my friend!"

"Yes of course dear, you don't know me better than that" Jodie replied, waggling her eyebrows salaciously.

"I'm sorry Jodie, it's just…" Sara said, giving her a half-hearted smile.

"Okay sweetie, for you I'll give it one more try. You say that this isn't you not who you are, well let's find out, shall we?" Jodie shot Sara a challengingly stare. "I'll give you a line of words that describe and define erotic dominance, and then you can tell me how many of those don't fit on you. Trust, security, love, play, sensuality, proximity, lust, passion, equality, respect, curiosity, - dominance is to give….and to receive." Jodie said with a smile, waggling her eyebrows playfully, "and asking me, I think a lot of those words fit you just fine."

"Yeah sure, if you take them one by one. But that's not the case here" she said, chewing her lip before letting out a sigh.

"Yes it is you're just scared by some words."

"I'm not scared!"

"Yes you are. You see yourself as some scary monster, that should be locked away, and for what? Wanting to give your partner maximum sexual gratification?"

"I don't think that's what I'm doing!"

Jodie chuckled, "how can you be so smart, and yet, so stupid at the same time?"

Sara looked defiant, "I'm not stupid!"

"You're not? And yet, you think you're violent" Jodie pointed out with a friendly smile, chuckling softly at Sara's stunned look.

"I pinned her down and held her, what the hell do you call that?"

"Knowing you? Playing a game" Jodie said, an eyebrow rising slowly. "But answer me this; did you rape her?"

Sara dropped her beer bottle, "Christ Jodie, how the hell can you even ask me that? Of course I didn't!" She said, looking at her in shock.

"Then what you disregarded her, when she asked you to stop?" Jodie pushed on.

"NO ..! She didn't ask me, to stop."

Jodie was having a hard time not laughing. "Okay, let me get this straight! You pinned her down with her permission and accept. Knowing you, you probably gave her one hell of orgasm, and that makes you violent? Uh… how?"

Sara sighed, "You just don't get it something happened, I don't know what, but something has changed."

"Well Sara, I think I do get it! Listen, like I said earlier, I don't know Sofia that well, but since neither of you two have had the courage to address it, I think it's fair to say that both of you are deeply shocked about your experience, and the fact that you liked it!"

"Shocked…! That's a very mild word, but it's not going to happen again that's for sure!"

"It's not?" Jodie asked in confusion.

"No it's not, this is a side of me I'm going to bury I can live without" Sara stated disdain dripping from her voice.

"Yes you can, I just don't understand why you would want too it's a part of who you are" Jodie said her tone becoming professional, though her expression was compassionate as she glanced at Sara.

"You don't? Excuse me, but have you even been listening to the conversation we have had?" Sara asked, not bothering to hide her sarcasm.

"Yes, the question is, have you?" Jodie pointed out.

"Yes I have, and my mind is made up" Sara replied firmly.

"Good for you! But thank god you're in a relationship, that way I don't goner end up sleeping with you, because if you mean what you're saying, that's goner be a huge boring experience!"

"Jeeze thanks! What the hell is that suppose to mean?"

"Exactly, what I said!"

"Dah… I'm not that stupid, care to explain?"

"Nope not really, is there a point to do so if your mind is made up?"

"Yes, I like to know!"

Jodie glanced back at Sara quizzically, "why?"

"Just because…"

"No Sara, that's not good enough tell me why you want to know?"

"You know why" Sara huffed out.

"Maybe, but I'm not playing that game with you, if you want to know then tell me, why."

"Look, you know better than most that I'm not the easiest person to be around. I really like Sofia, and the last thing I want to do is to bore her out of my life."

"Fair enough, if you goner start bury parts of yourself, you will end up living your live on a lie, and you will not only cheat yourself but as much Sofia, for things that should be a natural thing between the two of you" Jodie responded softly.

"Well, guess I'm already living me life on a lie then!" Sara replied simply.

"No you don't! There's a big different between lying to yourself, and putting a period of time behind you. You don't go around imaging that your past didn't happen. You have just chosen to put it behind you and not letting it control your life."

"Okay, so perhaps there's a different. But I still don't get what the problem is just because I choose to put some things aside. I won't be lying I know it's there. I just don't act, on it" Sara said defensively.

"Because, you will pack away a part of the whole, which is Sara Sidle, it will correspond to going to court and testify without having examined all the evidence first, and that's one thing you would never do."

"No I wouldn't, but that doesn't mean that I can't put this behind me, like I have chosen to do with me past."

"No it doesn't, but it will still be there, and it will burn inside of you, and you will be using a lot of energy to keep it suppressed."

"Well, then it could well be for once, that my stubbornness can be an advantage" Sara said dryly.

"Have you truly thought about what to do, if Sofia doesn't want you to hide it away?"

"No" Sara said hesitantly.

"Maybe, you should" Jodie pointed out.

Sara raised an eyebrow, silently conceding her point. "Yeah, at least we need to talk about what happen I just don't know how."

Jodie gave her a half-shrug before answering. "You will figure it out, you're a smart girl!"

They talked for a while longer before Jodie left.

Tbc…