It was nice to feel the breeze on her face. San had shed her makeup and taken the pins out of her hair but left everything else in place. Somehow, the borrowed robe from Lady Sun brought her comfort. She needed it now that things were getting out of control and her mind had no rest from the troubles that had plagued her.

There was still one more that needed to be taken care of. The rest, she hoped, would fall into place once she had spoken the words she had wanted to for so long.

As if he heard her thoughts, he appeared. Lu Ba was still dressed in the clothes he had worn to Sun Yi's and Zhou Ying's welcome supper. It hurt to look at him. Every feature of his face, every strand of hair, and every muscle that hid beneath his robes drew her to him. She didn't know why. Maybe it was the history they had shared together, the problems they had conquered as a team. Maybe it was the similarities in the way they were raised. Whatever it was, San couldn't deny her feelings any more. It would only make things worse when she left Wu to return home.

Mei Li had always told her daughter to follow her heart, that it would never steer her wrong. She sincerely hoped that this advice was true. But San wasn't going to be able to follow it if it didn't start beating again.

"San," Lu Ba said as he approached her. She bowed her head to him, hoping that he couldn't see the blush on her face in the darkness. "My mother said the gardens would be empty tonight. Most of Wu is still in the dining hall."

"The gardens would be nice. I've never seen them at night." He nodded and motioned for her to follow him. She studied his back as they walked away from the castle. His shoulders were hunched and his head drooped slightly. Both of his hands were clenched into fists. Without looking down, she could tell that he was shuffling his feet. Lu Ba was so strong and confident whenever she saw him. Now he was losing faith in himself, allowing his body to shrivel as his strength waned. It pained her even more to think that she was the cause of it.

They walked in silence under the torch lights. Li Tai had been right. Not even a lone guard was there to disturb the pair. Ba stopped just before reaching the same tree that San had first met his mother under. Somehow, she knew that this was where they needed to be. Without waiting for him, she walked over to the bench and sat down. Ba didn't move. "Are you alright?" she asked, knowing full well that he wasn't.

He opened his mouth to say something, closed it, then opened it again. Finally he sighed in defeat. "I've spent the past couple of days trying to figure out what I would say to you. I'm still at a loss."

"There are a million things to say and no words to use," she said.

Ba nodded and sunk down onto the bench next to her. He rested his head in his hands. "Its funny, you look at the people around you and envy their luck. You never realize how hard they worked to get where they are until you're in their position."

"What did your father want to talk to you about?" San hoped that if she started with a few questions, she would find time to figure out what she was going to tell him.

"My father is a wise man. In any other situation, he would be pressing me for the details of my capture, trying to find anything that might aid in a strike against Shu." He frowned to the darkness. "I had all of those answers prepared. He didn't ask any of them. He wanted to talk about my betrothal."

"To Zhou Ying."

"Ying is a good friend, San. But I had hoped…I always saw the relationship my parents have as the ideal one. When they look at each other, there is no room for anyone else. At the same time, I see the sadness in Lady Sun's eyes when she watches them. I see how it is when someone precious to you has been violently taken away. I…I don't know if I can be in either position. One is too far away and the other is unbearable."

"At least your destiny will stay with Wu. I cannot say what my future holds for me anymore."

His body stiffened next to her. "Liu Chan has asked for your hand," he said. His voice went cold. She had to force herself to look up at him. His jaw was set, and his eyes were lost in the darkness as he turned to her. "That was what your letter said, wasn't it? I should have known he would be scheming as soon as I was out of the picture."

The anger was building. She needed to calm him down if she was going to be able to tell him anything. San took a deep breath before taking both of Ba's hands in her own. They were like ice. "Lu Ba, I need you to listen to me. I will tell you what's been going on, but you need to let me finish. Can you promise me that?"

"I'll try." His face was unchanged.

"Liu Chan was after my hand before the raid. When I stood up to his father and was granted your life, he realized that there is no need to fear making a request to him. The more confident he became, the more pressure his father was under to break off the previous engagement. Your presence had little to do with it." His hands began to unclench a little bit. "He did succeed in convincing his father to allow him to make his own decisions. Chan doesn't realize the consequences of such action. A marriage to me could drive a wedge between Liu Bei and Zhang Fei. It could cost Shu the allegiance of the Zhao family. It would also cost you your life."

"I'm not afraid of him, San. I could break that kid in two."

"I won't take that chance."

He pulled his hands away from her. "You mean, you would leave me here and go back to Shu and just…give up? No, I won't let you do that. You aren't worth the mud on Chan's shoes."

"I won't let you be killed over a stupid grudge," San snapped. "You've earned the right to be free and live with your family, Ba. I'm not going to be the one who gets in the way of that. When Lu Xun finishes composing his answer, I will take it back to Jiang Wei by myself."

She kept her eyes to the ground, even when Ba put his hands on her shoulders and forced her to face him. "That's treason. Releasing a prisoner of war back to his people could get you whipped, demoted, or even killed. San, you are the strongest person I know. Please don't throw your life away because of me. We can try and figure something else out. Or you could stay here with me. Sun Jian would warm up to the idea, I'm sure."

"Ba," she said, trying to stop the torrent or words, "I can't stay here. I'm a daughter of Shu. Besides, you're getting married soon and it would be highly inappropriate for me to stay with your family. I've made up my mind."

"Maybe not. San, I need to tell you…" he paused, letting go of her shoulders. "The choice has always, ultimately, been mine. Right before the raid, my mother brought the consideration of Zhou Ying to my attention. I told them to figure out the details. It's a good match for both families and the kingdom of Wu. Everything would work out, that's what I told myself. But then I met you and all of my ideas began to change. I spoke with my father and Zhou Xun about it at length. I have their support if I choose to back out of this marriage."

"But what about Ying?"

He shrugged. "There are other options, ones that I'm sure her father will find suitable." His eyes locked with hers, and she could see the question burning inside of them. "You always have a place here with me," he told her. "If Shu will not have you, then its their loss."

"Now you are talking treason."

"Its all I can think of to keep you safe, San. You saved my life more than once. Now you expect me to just let you walk into the mouth of the dragon, to be devoured by the life of a noblewoman, while I sit comfortably at home thinking about what could have been? You must think me weak."

San felt a single tear fall down her cheek, grateful that it was too dark for Ba to see it. "All my life I wanted to be a legend like my parents. You were the first to question my motives. At the time, I resented you for it. Now I see that you were looking out for me from the beginning, without even knowing it. Before I left, my father told me that this trip would be the hardest one I would ever have to make. I don't think even he could have predicted how difficult it would be."

"I don't understand."

"I want to be a legend." She raised her hand and gently brushed her fingers against his cheek. He leaned into her hand instinctively. "But I also want to be with you. I cannot have both."

"Why not?"

"In order to gain the status I've been working for my whole life, you would have to lose your own life, either by my hand or someone in Shu. I would rather die myself before I let that happen. To be with you, I would have to forsake my kingdom and live as a traitor to my people. I would sooner sacrifice my life for yours." Say it. Say what is in your heart. "I love you too much to let anything happen to you."

Lu Ba made a small sound, and soon she felt his arms go around her body and pull her close to him. "My father once told me that I would receive many gifts in my life. But the greatest one of all would be one I would have to earn - the love of a woman. I never thought I would find in in Shu."

"You were the one who hit me on the head," she pointed out. He chuckled and hugged her tighter.

"Its still one of my greatest accomplishments." He gently brushed her hair away from her face as she buried herself deeper into his chest. "San, there is no need to give up your life for mine. What if we went to Lu Xun and offered ourselves up for the marriage alliance? It might work."

His words made her heart beat faster. Would it be possible? No, both of them were tied to another person. But still, nothing was finalized on either side. What would her father say? And what about Guan Ping and Zhang Shao? "I'm not sure, Ba. There are so many complications…"

He pulled away and lifted her face to his own. Even in the dim light, she could tell that his eyes were red. "Zhao San, I love you more than I can put into words. I can't spend the rest of my life knowing that I could have saved you and did nothing about it. If you want to earn your place as a legendary Shu warrior, I will not stop you." He hesitated, then rested his forehead against her own. Just like the night they were both attacked. "But…if you would have me instead, you know I would do whatever I needed to keep you here with me."

The tears came freely as he embraced her again. Gods, why can't I stop crying? And why do I have to be the one to make the sacrifice? She remembered the tale of her parents, two people who thought they had lost each other forever. Their ordeal was horrible, but nothing compared to this. Lu Meng and Li Tai had troubles of their own, but they found each other in the end. Why can't we have the same peace?

At length, she finally stopped and managed a chuckle. "These past few weeks have reduced me to a sobbing heap," she said, her voice shaking.

"Even the strongest warriors are allowed to weep."

"I know."

"Will you at least consider my offer? I won't force you to do anything, but I won't be able to sleep at night if I know that Liu Chan has laid his filthy hands on you."

Her mind screamed at her. Say it. Tell him that you will. The other side shouted back. And risk the alliance? Don't be selfish. You know what you need to do. "I'll think about it."

"Okay." She felt his lips on her temple and nearly lost all of her restraint. "Would you like me to take you back to your room?" he asked, concerned. "You seem a little cold."

"Uh, sure," she said. Curses, my voice is still shaky. He stood and offered her a hand. She took it, chancing a glance up into his eyes, and her heart skipped a beat. They were just as hungry as her own. It was like the day in the garden of Cheng Du, when his face was so close to her own that she almost couldn't take it. It was like the day when they fought off Chan's assassin, when she was granted a brief moment in his arms. It was like the day she had most feared for his life, when she was allowed a brush of his lips against her own.

But this was different. They were alone and emotions were still raw. Tonight, there would be no interruptions. It was seconds before his lips locked onto her own and the rest of the world lay forgotten. San wanted to scream at him for being so persuasive and at herself for being so weak. She wanted to scream at their fathers for leaving such tough decisions in their children's hands. She wanted to lock Chan and Ying away and forget the problems they were causing. Instead, she clung to Ba with all of her strength, afraid to let this moment pass by.

Even after they had parted, grinning like children with a secret, her mind had screamed itself hoarse. All she could think about was how much she wanted to stay with Ba and how much it would hurt when she had to leave him behind.

A/N: Wow, I haven't done a short, mushy chapter in a while. Yikes. Romance is not my strong point, so I hope this chapter was ok. Thanks to the wonderful AngelEtty for her review and thanks to everyone who is still trudging along through this story! We're finally on the home stretch, folks, so stick with me for just a few more chapters! And be sure to review if you like this!