A knock at the door startled San from her meditation. Even though she had been in her room for over an hour, the feast in the dining hall had continued without her. Neither she nor Ba had opted to return. There was too much to think about, too many questions and possibilities without a clear direction. San had taken to staring out the window in an attempt to find answers. Both Jiang Wei's and her father's letters were opened in her lap.
"Who is it?" she asked, not bothering to get up.
"The Lady Sun Yi," came the answer from one of her guards.
That got her attention. San stood, letting the letters fall to the floor, and rushed over to the door. She opened it, her heart pounding rather loudly in her chest. A visit from Yi could only mean very good or very bad news.
Sun Yi's face was composed, giving nothing away. San's heart sank. "My Lady, to what honor do I owe this visit?"
"Forgive my intrusion, Lady Zhao. I wish to speak with you on a few matters, if you are not busy with other things." She bowed her head. "Lady Lu informed me that I would most likely catch you after the meal. At any other time, I would wait until morning to have such a discussion. The nature of your visit has not allowed me such formalities."
San bowed in return. "I understand. Three days are not enough to negotiate the futures of two kingdoms."
She stepped aside to let Yi in, but the older woman shook her head. "If you do not mind, I would like to speak in my own quarters. I assure you that my husband will not disturb us. He is finalizing his plans for Jiang Wei at the moment. And there is something I must show you there."
"Um, sure." San shut the door behind her and followed Yi down the hallway. Her two guards remained stationed at her door. No one else accompanied Lu Xun's wife. "Lady Sun Yi, is it wise to be wandering around with a Shu soldier alone at night?"
"Normally I would agree with you. But you are a guest here in Wu, and there are many people here who trust you. Who am I to disagree with them? Besides," she gave San a sideways glance that sent a chill down the girl's spine, "I do no take you for a fool."
San nodded. She understood what Yi was telling her. It would be a very stupid move to try and harm one of the most powerful women in Wu, even with the lack of guards. She had to admit that Sun Yi was much smarter than she had first realized. Away from the nobility and the crowds in general, she was as shrewd and authoritative as her husband and, San assumed, as her father.
Both of Yi's guards eyed San warily as they reached her room, but the older woman merely pushed her doors open and beckoned San inside. Although large, the room wasn't fancy or overly decorated. San would have pegged it as a strategist's room even without knowing who occupied it. Both Jiang Wei and Zhuge Liang also lived in sparse chambers.
Sun Yi motioned for San to sit in one of the chairs at the desk. She then pulled a single hairpin from her head and sat down at the end of her bed. San was surprised to see that her hair barely fell past her shoulders. "I cut it the day I found out Lu Ba had been captured," she said when she noticed the teen's shock. "I cannot remember the last time I shed so many tears."
"I'm sorry."
"There is no need to be sorry, San."
She looked up in surprise. "Very few people here have called me that since I arrived."
Yi grinned. "We're alone, and I can't imagine that you act so formal all the time at home." San shrugged. Her logic was solid. "At any rate, you saved one of my best friends, so why would you be sorry?"
"I just…I don't know. I didn't think that sparing a solider in battle would bring about such turmoil for two kingdoms. I thought I was just doing what my father would've done."
"The Little Dragon is indeed a noble one. Ba tells me that you idolize him."
"Oh really?" San could already tell that her face was turning red. "What else has he been saying?"
Sun Yi laughed. It only made San's blush worse. "I spoke to him right after he left your door. I don't think he would've stopped talking about you if I didn't tell him that I had other things to do. I have known Ba for most of my life, and I can't think of anyone else who has driven him this mad before. You've captivated him, San."
The younger girl began fidgeting with the edge of her sleeve. Her nervousness was becoming a little irritating. You are the Dragon's daughter. Focus on the task at hand. "Pardon my rudeness, Lady Sun Yi, but what is it you wanted to discuss?"
Yi was still smiling at her. "Do I make you nervous?"
"A little."
"Good." San looked at her, confused. "I would worry about the sanity of a lone soldier in a den of tigers. You have maintained your composure remarkably well for one so young, given the circumstances."
San allowed a chuckle to escape. "And now you speak beyond your years, Yi."
Both girls looked each other in the eye for a moment. After a few seconds, Yi nodded. "I am glad that we understand each other. I find that dancing around other people for prolonged periods of time hurts my feet."
The underlying meaning was not lost on San. "Lu Ba told you what we discussed earlier."
"He did, but only to a small degree. As I already told you, he has been one of my closest friends for many years." She rubbed the back of her neck, and San wondered if she had picked up that habit from Ba. "He actually came to me with his plight upon his return. Zhou Xun and Lu Meng encouraged him to make his own decisions, and yet he still sought my opinion. I was the one who told him to ask you what you wanted. I knew that you would refuse."
"What?" San could not keep her shock contained. "How could you know that when I didn't even know myself?"
"I spoke to my husband and Lady Sun at length about this situation. Your bravery during the initial meeting with Sun Jian gave you away."
"Then please explain this to me."
Yi nodded, a hint of sadness on her pale face. "When you confronted Sun Jian in the front hall, you talked of bringing our kingdoms together through an alliance. You spoke of debts being repaid and troubles being set aside. Even with only a few allies at your side, you made your presence and your thoughts known. For a brief second, you made an entire room of people tremble."
She paused. San was itching to ask a question but remained silent. Instead, she urged Yi to continue with a nod of her head. "Ba told me of your desire to become a legend like your parents," Yi said. "It is something that has plagued his mind as well. Yet something changed when he met you. It was as if something awoke within him, something that sent him in another direction. Now that he has returned, he has realized that becoming a legend means something different to each person. He achieved status by staying alive in Shu and returning home with news of an alliance. But that is no longer the status he seeks."
"But…how did that give me away? And what does Ba's status have to do with this?"
"He has achieved what you have desired all of your life, San, only to realize that he would rather spend his days with those he loves instead of becoming a war hero. The fervor with which you spoke on the day you arrived tells me that what you desire has not changed. I can only wonder what sort of battle is going on inside your head at this moment."
San could feel tears forming again. She pushed them back. "You have no idea what I'm going through, Yi. How could you? Your life was planned out for you…"
"And yours wasn't?" Yi asked, stopping San's tirade. "You planned it out for yourself the moment you knew what you wanted."
"That may be, but everything has changed."
"Has it?"
Yi's eyes had grown cold, and San wished that there was something she could say to make the other woman see reason. Battling with the wife of Lu Xun was proving to be one of her more difficult challenges. Yi was a friend, yes. Otherwise she would not be speaking with her about these things now. But she was also speaking with the logic of a strategist, forcing San to see things from angles she had long avoided. Two kingdoms were fighting battles on multiple fronts and it all hinged on San's choices. Yi had no difficulty pointing this out and it was making it hard for San to like her at the moment. She had to remind herself that Yi was looking out for both Ba and herself…at least, that is what she hoped.
"San, when is it going to be enough? You have proven yourself to everyone but you."
Her words made sense, strangely, but she was not about to let Yi know that. "Shouldn't that be important?" San asked her.
"Yes, of course."
"I have spent most of my life trying to become what my parents were. In a matter of days, my dreams were shattered. I have been trying to put the pieces back together only to find that they no longer fit. One dream has become two, and they cannot work together."
"So you would give up?"
"No." San straightened her back and stared into Yi's unreadable eyes. "I will take what I can salvage and move on."
Yi tilted her head, as if trying to make sense of the girl sitting across from her. "Those are brave words. You know as well as I that it will not be as simple as walking away."
"Nothing will be simple anymore. Not after this."
"If I may echo Lu Ba's words, you know that you would be welcomed here in Wu. Sun Jian can complain all he wants to. The fact is that you make Ba happy, and our lord is a complete sucker for a happy ending." Yi let out a giggle and San was forced to smile. "Its true, although I would appreciate if you did not tell him that. It is my belief that the pain caused by his interference with Liu Bei and Lady Sun is too much for him. He would sooner cause himself misery than see it inflicted on someone else."
San nodded. She had seen the effects of that romance back in Shu. At one time, Lord Liu Bei had been jovial. Lady Sun had brought out a side of him that none of his other wives even knew existed. He looked younger and happier, and Shu's future had seemed brighter than anything else in the world. She had taken that brightness with her when she left. Even after all these years, San knew that he was still grieving.
"Lady Sun Yi, what would you do in my situation?' San wasn't sure why she asked it or what prompted it. But suddenly she needed to know.
Yi took a moment before answering. "Well, seeing as I am accustomed to the strategist's life, I would act more boldly than most women. Something like this cannot be arranged or fixed without the complete participation of both kingdoms. I would insist on meetings and thorough planning to work out this treaty idea. Then, after it was all said and done, I would stay with the man I love."
"You make it sound so easy," San said.
"I wish it could be so. I like to have all of my facts straight before I rush into anything. I guess I am lucky that my life was settled in some ways." She smirked. "May I tell you a secret, San?"
"Um, ok. What is it?"
Sun Yi leaned in, as if the walls were listening to their conversation. "When my family first told me that I would marry Lu Xun, I was upset. Not because he was older than me, mind you. No, I was upset because I wanted to fall in love with him in a different way. I wanted to have an adventure, or to have something exciting happen that would bring the two of us together. While I am very happy with him and I love how easily our friendship formed, a part of me still wished that it could have been different."
"Trust me, Yi, you don't need an adventure."
"Yes, I know that now. Thank you for clearing me of my delusions and silly girlish desires. Oh!" She jumped up as if she had forgotten something. "Its nearly time. Come with me. There is something I want to show you."
She stood and walked over to the window. San followed more slowly, unsure if she wanted to see whatever it was. Yi's room overlooked a small, secluded garden. There was a small shrine near the back of it. A tall fence separated it from the rest of the courtyard, which was visible over the other side.
Beyond the privacy, there was nothing obviously special about the garden. "Sun Yi, what are we looking for?"
"Watch," she said. The seriousness in her tone stunned San.
After one minute had passed, San noticed a light coming from somewhere beneath them, bouncing off of the fence dimly. Within a few seconds it had become brighter. Then a torch was visible, carried by some unknown person. The two women watched from above as the person lit a few lamps on either side of the shrine, placed the torch in a holder, and collapsed before the shrine in a sobbing heap.
"Zhou Ying," Yi whispered.
San choked. Her eyes shot back and forth between Yi and Ying, uncomfortable and shocked with what she was seeing. For a long while - San could not remember how long it actually was - they kept a vigil. Yi shed a few silent tears of her own as she watched her friend. Ying was a mess, coating the stone shrine with her tears and shaking madly. San was overcome with guilt. Was this how it was the night they discovered that Lu Ba had been captured? She was struck by a more unnerving thought. Was this something that had happened every night since? "How long…" she started.
Yi interrupted her. "She stopped the night she found out he was here. She has since resumed."
"I didn't know she was capable of so many tears."
"Ying has endured many sorrows. Her malice is her defense. Very few people have ever gotten close to her because she works hard to prevent them. I consider myself fortunate that she has trusted me and allowed me access into her life."
"But…why are you showing me this?"
Sun Yi took a few seconds to answer. "I know that you are grieving, San. So is Lu Ba. This decision has the potential to unite our kingdoms or tear them further apart. But your choice affects many more people than you might know. Whether you wish to accept it or not, Ying's future hangs in the balance as much as yours, perhaps more so. I wanted you to know that. You seem like the kind of girl who weighs her options carefully, much like myself. I have given you even more to deal with, yes. But it would be unfair to both you and Ying if you did not consider her feelings as much as your own."
San continued to stare at Ying's shaking body. The tears she had held back earlier now spilled forward. Yi placed a hand on her shoulder. It was of little comfort. Until now, San had not even given Ying's side a second glance. Now she could see that if she stayed, if she offered herself up for the marriage alliance, Ying's future would be destroyed. She couldn't do that. Not even an enemy deserved that kind of treatment.
Her concerns about herself suddenly vanished. "I know what I need to do," San said, wiping the tears from her eyes and turning to Yi.
The older woman nodded. "Are you sure?"
"Yes."
"Do you want to leave straight away?"
San could only guess how Yi knew this was what she wanted. "I do not see any other way. It is for the best."
"Very well," Yi said. She stood and wandered over to her desk. San noticed that two scrolls had been lying there, unsealed. Yi checked the contents of one before taking the other. She tied it with a red ribbon and handed it to San, who stood and put it in the pouch at her waist without question. "This is for your contact. Its not quite the draft my husband intended to give you tomorrow, but I believe it will suffice. Jiang Wei will understand." She glanced towards the window again, her eyes resting on the moon. "How much time do you need to pack?"
"Only a few minutes. I brought very little with me."
"A few minutes is all I need as well." Before San could ask what she was planning, she found herself enveloped in Yi's strong arms. The embrace sent a wave of warmth and comfort through the girl's body. 'Stay strong, Lady Zhao San. We will meet again."
They parted. She hoped that Yi was right. Somehow, someway, their futures would be entwined. She just prayed it would be in a more positive way. "Thank you, Lady Sun Yi." Both women bowed to each other. Within seconds, San disappeared down the hallway.
She still had a mission to complete.
A/N: I confess, I'm not entirely happy with this chapter. It feels a bit rushed to me. I really wanted to spend more time on Sun Yi's character but as San's pointed out, she's only there a few days. Sheesh!
Many kudos to Engel Chan (your English was fine!) and ShuiHua (I agree, Wu just seems so vibrant in comparison to Shu) for the wonderful reviews! Please keep them coming if you like this story. I'll see you all in the New Year with the last few chapters!