NOTE: Hey guys, sorry I haven't posted in a while! Blame school for that :P anyways I needed a lot of time to think about how I wanted to handle this and I am sorry if it does not sound very realistic/good. I have also decided to give POV writing a try, so this chapter will be done in first person. Tell me how you like it. Without further ado, I give you Chapter 14!
Lena's POV:
Shit. I cannot believe Callie lied to us and kept one of her blades. Did she use it? Are there any more that she kept? I need to tell Stef, she will know how to handle this. But if I tell Stef will she become triggered again? GOD I cannot do this anymore! Why can't I just have a normal family? I decide that I have been staring at this blade to long and slip it into the back pocket of my skinny jeans. I wish I could understand why she does this to herself.
Stopping my train of thought, the washer lets out a blaring noise that tells me it's time to put in the next load. Once it's in, I head downstairs to prepare a nice breakfast.
Stef's POV:
I wake up and reach for my wife out of instinct. She is not there. It is 6:00 AM; she is usually fast asleep at this hour.
"Lena?" I ask to the empty space. I don't know why I did; she is clearly not there.
I get out of bed and throw on some clothes; I wouldn't want to scar any of the kids. Wearing a tank top and some pajama pants, I trek down the stairs. The sweet smell of waffles hits me when I reach the bottom.
"You're up early"
Lena's POV:
Stef's voice startles me and I jump. She laughs and apologizes for frightening me
"No problem. I am just jumpy this morning, that's all." I don't tell her why. Not yet at least. She gives me a worried look, the one she gives Brandon when he is upset.
"I'll tell you later. Can you wake the kids up?" I slide a 4th waffle onto a plate.
Stef's POV:
"Tell me now! Besides, we shouldn't be waking the kids up this early, breakfast is at 7:30 remember?"
I am starting to get worried about Lena. She acted like she was hiding something when I entered the kitchen. Does this have to do with Callie? Most of the major news recently did. Today would be a hard day in therapy for her. So much had happened since her last session. I told her therapist about everything that had happened since the last session but I left out the part where I got triggered. I know she would probably just throw me in therapy as well, and I CANNOT go through that again.
Lena's POV:
My heart thuds in my ears. I have to make a decision right now, Stef is getting impatient. Do I do the right thing and show my wife the blade? Or should I try to protect her by keeping it to myself. Either way I have to confront Callie about this. But Stef is her mother too, shouldn't she know?
At the end of my personal debate session I decide to show Stef the blade. I turn off the stove and look her dead in the eye. "Maybe you should sit down."
I sat across from Stef at the Kitchen table and took a deep breath. My hand reached into the back pocket of my jeans and pulled out the silver piece of metal. I placed it on the table, away from Stef's reach.
"I found this in Callie's back pocket when I was doing laundry today."
Stef's POV:
My eyes fixate on the blade. Callie lied to us. She lied to me. Had she …done anything with that? Are there more?
"Oh my…Do you think?" I couldn't even finish the sentence. My head couldn't wrap around the thought that my poor baby was hurting and I wasn't there to save her again. Lena looks like she could throw up; she is probably worried about me after what happened the other day.
"We should probably talk to Callie about this before her session today" Lena nodded and I headed upstairs preparing myself for yet another deep conversation.
Callie's POV:
I jolt awake at the touch of someone. My hands instinctively clasp around an arm until I realize it is none other than Stef. She shoots me a sorrowful face.
"Sorry…reflex." I feel guilty that my own conscience's first reaction was to defend myself against my own mother.
I glance at the red LED clock it is 6:38, I'm not supposed to wake up for another 45 minutes.
Worry rushes through me when Stef says that she and Lena need to talk to me downstairs. How could they have possibly known that I cut on my hip? I try to think positively, maybe it is something good.
All of the blood drains from my face when I see one of my blades sitting on the kitchen table. I automatically start to think of excuses to use but none come to me.
Lena's POV:
"Well?" I saw the horror in Callie's eyes when I looked up. She looked like she had just seen a ghost. "Do you have an explanation for me?"
She waited a while before shaking her head no. I guess she couldn't come up with a lie good enough. I want to ask her if she used it but she would most likely say no either way.
Stef places an arm on my shoulder "We can talk about this at your session today, go get dressed."
I am always amazed about how smoothly Stef can always handle serious situations like this. She's a keeper.
Callie's POV:
The rest of the day went as planned. I was hoping it would last longer so I wouldn't have to go to therapy.
When we arrived at the doctor's office all three of us waited until Dr. Larson entered the waiting room and made eye contact. "Callie?" She said it in such a cheerful way. I can't believe she can be that happy when she is carrying the weight of everyone else's problems on her shoulders.
I stood up and she looked at my moms. "You guys can join us around 7:30"
Lena grasped Stef's hand "We'll be right here!"
Their love for each other is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. It's a shame I will never be loved like that. We walk into her small office and I sit in my usual spot near the window. It is the only place in the room where I can see both the door and the window, possible entry points.
The session went alright, nothing major until I heard a question that I thought was pretty dumb.
"Why do you do it?" Ms. Larson asked me. I just looked up and shrugged my shoulders. She kept eye contact with me. While writing down on her notepad she asked me again "Why do you do it? You know I can't bring in your moms until you tell me."
"WELL WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY?" I was yelling at her for asking such a stupid question "It's not like I want to continue to do it…" I said in a much lower voice.
I crossed my arms around my chest "Callie, I know you don't want to, but telling me why is part of your recovery process."
For a minute, I didn't say a word, mentally making a cricket noise in my head. "Do you really want to know why I choose to take a razor to my own wrists so often?" With no response from her, I take that as an invitation to continue. "I-I guess I just want to feel something. It's my escape. I can't burden others with my problems so I bleed them out. For one moment, I am feeling a pain that is not in my heart."
I look up at her and notice that she is not even looking at me! But instead she is writing on that stupid damn yellow pad again. Irritated, I ask, "Isn't this the part where you say something smart to me?"
Smiling at me, she takes a sip of her coffee and goes back to writing. As I roll my eyes I just lay back and wait for her to say something.
"Well, continue." She finally says.
"What?! But I answered your damn question already!" I get up and grab my bag. As I am midway through the door I yell, "YOU KNOW I DON'T NEED YOUR STUPID ADVICE ANYWAYS! I WAS BETTER OFF ON MY OWN WHEN NO ONE KNEW ME. WHEN I WAS STILL INVISIBLE!'
"Were you better on your own Callie? Because it seems to me like you just want to be found."
Without one word, I walk out with tears rolling down my face.
"Callie! Wait up!" I hear Lena scream
I walk even faster and run down the hall into the bathroom
"Hey, Callie! Come on, open up!" She runs into the bathroom after me.
"GO AWAY LENA! I don't want to talk to you! Just leave me alone!" I say while stumbling into the small dirty stalls. I don't deserve my mom's. I'm such a terrible daughter…why would anyone want to stick by my side? My vision is blurry now with all the tears that just don't seem to stop I take my bag and search for my favorite object. My only door to reality.
I hear the voices of Stef and Dr. Larson enter the room. I have to make this quick.
Note: SOOO… How'd you like it? Tell me in the reviews which style of writing you like better so I can know for next time! Also leave some suggestions and comments! Love you all! MWAH
Xoxo Katie