Disclaimer: It's Kripke's world...I just live in it..more than you will ever know. Anyway, he owns them..I don't. *tear

Author's Note: Had to take a day off from writing because of Chapter Ten. It took a lot out of me and I just had to silence the boys for a minute. When I say that this story is very personal, I mean it. I have been pulling up emotions that have long since been buried inside of me. I know, I know..get back to the smutty sex scenes you say, but dammit! I'm the writer so I can put what I want. Hehe. Anyway, I am having a really hard time drawing this to a close. Which is not to say that this is the last chapter by any means. But rather, I know we are coming to the finale and..well..this is my baby so I am pretty sure you can get my point. Did I have a point? Oh, yeah..I have decided after ALOT of thoughts and soul searching that I will continue after this one to do at least 2 more stories in this arc. Sort of like my own season if you will. There will be laughter, some tears and maybe even some blueberry muffins and cheese whiz thrown into the mix. Just be patient with me. Sam and Dean are having a party in my head and I am just trying to be a good hostess. Now pass the chips, have a drink and enjoy Chapter 11.

Far From Home

Chapter Eleven

Dean sat on the back porch of Bobby's house lost in thought. He was so tired. Looking over his shoulder, he could see Bobby and Cas talking quietly at the table. Cas had told him that he would take care of the demon, effectively killing Andie. But Dean knew that if he let Cas do that, then his warped mind would twist it from an act of mercy to murder and he would end up hating the angel that had become his friend. As he sat there, he started thinking over everything that Andie had said about continuing to fight, about not giving up. He shook his head. How in the hell could she expect him to do that? Everything was so dark now. Nothing mattered to him anymore. His one light in this crazy, fucked up world was gone. Dean took a long drag off of his beer. He knew that Bobby had already been through something like this not once, but twice before. He remembered the time him and Sam had gone dream tripping in Bobby's head. He had seen what went down. The image of Karen coming at the older man with the knife had stuck with him. Then, when Death made a visit to Sioux Falls, effectively raising a bunch of zombies, Bobby had to kill Karen again before she turned feral. Something that Karen had said to Dean came to the forefront.

Dean had been watching Bobby's house from the yard. He was leaning on the Impala when Karen walked up beside him scaring the crap out of him. She invited him in for some lunch while Bobby was napping in his favorite chair by the fire. Karen came into the kitchen and smiled at Dean who was just finishing up yet another piece of pie. She told him that she knew that Sam and Dean were hunters and that Bobby wasn't the same man either. Standing at the counter, kneading some dough for a pie, she quietly began to speak.

"I remember everything, you know. When I died. That demon taking over my body. The things it made me do. Bobby had no choice but too.." Karen paused for a moment then went back to kneading the dough. "Well, you know what he did. I can see it in his eyes when he looks at me. The guilt. It weighs on him."

Dean looked at her intently. He was surprised that she was confiding such a huge secret to him. "So, why don't you just tell him you remember?" he asked. Karen turned and looked at him with realization dawning on her face. She smiled.

"I'm gonna go out on a limb and say you've never been in love. He's my husband. My job is to bring him peace. Not pain.

After fighting off the zombie hordes, they had burned the bodies in the cemetery with the sheriff. She had lost her son also. Bobby held a private pyre for Karen. The boys walked up behind him quietly.

"So, I'm thinking I should apologize for losin' my head back there." Bobby started.

Sam looked down at him with empathy in his eyes. "Bobby, you don't owe us anything."

Dean, trying to help looked up and added, "Hey, look, I don't know squat from shine-olla about love. But at least you got to spend five days with her, right?

Bobby hung his head. Tears welling up in his eyes. "Right. Which makes things about a thousand times worse. She was the love of my life. How many times do I have to kill her?" He choked up at the last question. Never knowing that he would have to go through this again he had moved on with his life. He was in such shock when Karen had showed up at the front door. A million questions ran through his mind. But the main thing was, was that she was back. Now she was gone again. Hell, he didn't even get the chance to let Andie know. He didn't call her because in his heart he knew that something was terribly wrong. He should have called her. But it was too late.

"You gonna be okay Bobby?" Sam asked. Bobby just softly shook his head.

Dean exhaled slowly. Well, now he knew about love. Now he understood why he had to take care of what had to be done. He knew that he had to be the one to take Andie's life. He couldn't let Bobby do it. And he didn't want to hate Cas. It was up to him. Pulling Ruby's knife out of its sheath, he stared at it. The light shining on it, showed his eyes in the reflection of the blade. What he saw, he didn't even recognize anymore. His eyes looked so old and tired. Standing up, he tossed his now empty beer bottle in the large trash can and headed inside to do his job. He was a hunter after all. This is what he did. He kills demons and this one was no different. It was then that the steel trap that covered Dean's heart slammed shut. Never again would he go through this. Never again would he let somebody in just so he could lose them in the end. "Dad had been right all along," he thought shaking his head, "Emotions just get in the way."

Bobby took another shot of whiskey. Looking up at Castiel he saw the angel sitting in the chair with his eyes closed. A look of calm was on his face. Bobby cleared his throat and Cas looked at him. Bobby had to admit, the man looked weary. He knew that Cas had bigger fish to fry up in heaven. The whole damn place was like post-Communism Russia. Everything was in disarray and he was like Yeltsin. Just trying to keep the peace.

"Sorry, I was praying." Cas said quietly. He knew that his Father was listening, he just wasn't letting him in on his plan. The saying held true that the Lord works in mysterious ways.

"Let me guess..all signs point to go?" Bobby said sarcastically.

"I'm afraid so. Nobody is talking. It is what you call "radio silence." Bobby smiled. "To be honest, I didn't expect an answer. But I find it brings me calm." Cas added. "But I was hoping that one of my brothers or sisters would give me a heading up."

Bobby chuckled. "I think you mean a head's up, you idjit." He always thought it funny that Cas was doing his damndest to fit in down here. Especially considering that as humans, this whole race was pretty much useless in the grand scheme of things. So self-absorbed and selfish. Well, most of them anyway. He knew that there was some good in the world. But aside from the boys, Andie and his Karen, he had yet to see it. Hell, that was why he wasn't so broken up about the deal with Crowley. He knew that Andie would be okay and he was damn tired. He was old and broken down and he was ready to go. He knew that he wasn't getting into Heaven anyway because he had killed his wife, so what did it matter when he went?

"You will get in to Heaven, Bobby." Cas said. "What you did was an act of mercy."

"Dammit Cas! I told you to stop doing that hocus pocus mind reading shit. What I have up there is private and besides that, it's just plain creepy and weird." Bobby huffed.

"I'm sorry. But I wanted you to know that you didn't have to worry about that." Cas stated.

Bobby hung his head for a moment and quietly asked the question that had been bugging him all night. "Cas, will she…go there or will she go to the basement?" He looked up at the angel and Castiel smiled softly at him.

"She led a good life. She was a pure soul. So yes, she will be at home with her mother."

Bobby drew in a breath, relieved at the answer. "Thank you. For that I mean. And for everything I guess."

"You are welcome Bobby. You are welcome. I'm just sorry it couldn't be more this time." Cas answered.

Just then Dean came in the back door with Ruby's knife in his hand. Bobby and Cas stood up with surprise on their faces. Seeing the look in Dean's eyes scared the hell out of Bobby. He knew the boy had finally snapped. "What the hell you got that out for Dean?"

"I gotta' job to do." Dean replied as he was heading towards the den where Lilitu was trapped. Bobby and Castiel went after him.

Castiel, getting in front of Dean and blocking his path, said, "Dean, I told you that I would handle this one."

"Yeah, I know you did, but this is my job, not yours."

Bobby tried to grab the knife out of Dean's hand. Dean just shrugged him off and continued towards the den. "Dammit Dean, you don't want to do this. Trust me." Bobby pleaded.

"Don't tell me what I want Bobby. Like I said, this is my job."

"Son, I know what you are going through inside. Believe me, I do. But this won't make it any better."

"Bobby, I'm sure as hell not gonna let either one of you do it. So I guess that just leaves me, right?" Dean's eyes were cold and distant. "It's just another job."

Bobby was taken aback by the lack of emotion in the boy's voice. He had heard that type of voice one other time in his life and he shuddered at the memory of it. Dean had finally become just like John. Cold, ruthless and closed off like never before.

"But you love her Dean." Castiel tried to add, only to be met by a glare from Dean.

"Maybe I did, but that's gone now that Andie is. And to quote Don Henley in that gay ass song he did in the 80's "Sometime's love just ain't enough." Now if you guys would just get the hell out of my way…" Dean motioned towards the archway. That was when Lil looked up and started laughing.