When they entered the house Stef flopped onto the couch in the living room. Her own thoughts had exhausted her and she was preparing herself for a lecture from Lena.

"I am going to go help Jude with math" said Callie. She sneaked up the stairs, letting the two women work this out on their own.

Lena walked into the living room and sat by Stef. She was concerned about the way her wife was acting in the session. "Hey, Stef?" she broke the silence in the room

Here we go, Stef thought. "Yea, honey?"

Lena took a deep breath and started "Is everything okay because you were acting kind of weird today. I don't want you to feel embarrassed or anything if you need to… talk to someone. It's just… I can't deal with all this at once! I think you need some help. Maybe you can talk to Dr. Larson?" She tried to be as respectful as possible but she was so worried for her wife.

Stef placed her hand on top of Lena's "I am thankful for the concern but really Lena, I'm good. Some days are just better than others. This has been happening for the past 10 years but you just didn't realize it because you didn't know my past. I can control myself. I am fine." She was aware that she just lied to her wife's face, but it was partly true. Some days were worse than others but none have ever been this bad.

Lena sighed. Her face grew long "Okay. I'm going to check on Callie and Jude. Take care of yourself, I mean it. Love you." She leaned in and kissed Stef. Something was wrong, really wrong here, but she didn't know how to handle it. She decided to trust Stef to take care of it herself. She trekked the stairs and found Callie and Jude playing twister with Marianna. It felt right, like family.

Stef's chin started to wrinkle like she was going to cry. In a house with so many children she could not risk anyone walking in all the sudden. She darted to the bathroom in the hall and slid down the door after she closed it. Her hand reached up to turn on the faucet, it would drown out the sound of her sobs.

Stef, stop, you need to stop this right now. You cannot give up all those years clean for a silly razor. There are better ways to deal with this. What kind of an influence would this make on Callie? THINK STEF! The good part of her thoughts said to herself

But her mind slipped back into her teenage self. Come on Stefie, just do it. It will make you feel better. You can do it where no one will see. Just once right? It's a simple fix! Don't you miss the relief?

Stef knew there was only one person she could really talk to, one person who helped her through anything. The only one who might have a small chance of keeping her from relapse. She snatched her cell phone from her back pocket and dialed her mother's phone number. It rang once…twice…a third time and Stef began crying harder "Shit, pick up!" she whisper-yelled.

"Hello? This is Sharon speaking." Sharon wondered who was calling her at 10:08 pm.

Stef tried to stabilize her voice as much as she can. She opened her mouth to tell her mom that she was thinking about relapse but she couldn't form the words. Her mind started to panic "Hey mom, It's me…Stef…Um you're probably wondering why I'm calling you." She became really scared that her mom could hear right through her, she was being so awkward.

"Oh, hey my little Stef! What's up? Need some babysitting help with the new additions? Even though they're not babies, tell me if you and Lena need a…Honeymoon." She chuckled at that last part.

Stef let out a fake laugh. At this point she was on her feet and pacing the bathroom. "No, it's just…" She panicked "It's Callie. Do you think you could come and talk to her? She self –harms and it's pretty bad. I've talked to her a few times and she goes to therapy but I think she needs…you I guess." Her voice was so shaky. She hoped she wouldn't lose it.

Sharon wasn't surprised the girl self-harms. A lot of abuse survivors do. Something was off about her daughter though, she sounded…unstable. "Of course, I can come over tomorrow! What about you? How have you been? Are you okay?" She tried not to be so upfront about it.

Stef's heart beat quickened "Thanks so much mom, really this is really helpful. I have to run; my battery is going to die. Love you!" Stef hung up. She felt herself breaking apart and she needed to get off the phone quick, her mom would know something was wrong. She washed her face and waited until it looked normal again and headed off to her wife in bed.

The front door burst open "Hi sugarplums, Grandma's here!"

Stef knew that voice anywhere. She ran to the front door and greeted her mother with a hug. "Hey mom!"

It wasn't long before all of the kids came running down the stairs, greeting their grandma.

Lena entered the room too "Hey, Sharon. What are you doing here?"

"Lena! How is my daughter in-law?" Sharon gave Lena a big smooch on her cheek. She was so proud that Stef found a girl as great as Lena.

"I'm doing well." She said, still unsure why Sharon was there.

Stef was about to move everyone along when her mom interrupted.

"Actually, I came to talk with my daughter." Sharon looked at Stef. She knew something was wrong on the phone last night and she needed to know what was up with her daughter.

Stef's eyes opened wide "What?"

Lena cleared her throat. "Jesus, go get monopoly. We are all going to play it on the kitchen table while they…talk." She needed to keep everyone out of their way.

They all seemed excited about an impromptu game day and shuffled into the kitchen.

Sharon looked at Stef "Let's go outside."

Stef's worry built as they walked out and sat under their elm tree. "I thought you were going to talk to Callie…"

"Why did you call me last night? I know damn well it wasn't to get me to talk to Callie." Sharon cut right to the chase

"Nice seeing you too mom."

"Stef."

Stef took a deep breath in and looked down at her hands. "I...uh…I got really upset at Callie's therapy session and when I got home I thought of…you know… but I called you."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I was too afraid and embarrassed. I didn't want everyone looking over me."

Sharon sighed. "Stef, you need to let people help you. What was it yesterday that made you upset?"

"Lena kept talking about how she found a blade in Callie's pocket and she wouldn't stop saying blade or razor and it was just…ugh!"

"Blades trigger you. How can we stop that?"

Stef looked at her mom and shrugged. "I dunno."

"You do know, Stef. You just don't want to know. Let's think here. You can go to Lena and tell her to avoid mentioning them."

Stef nodded. "I guess so. But…"

"You don't want to talk to Lena?"

Tears started to well in Stef's eyes. She was such a failure that she could not even talk to her own wife. "What is she going to think of me? She married a freak!" Stef broke out in long hard sobs

Sharon enclosed her arms around her daughter. She hadn't seen her like this in so long, it was heartbreaking. "Hey, Stefie, listen. Lena loves you. She is going to think that you are a mature adult and you know what needs to be done to keep yourself safe. You are not a freak, I promise. You are amazing. The most perfect daughter I could have ever imagined. Lena has good taste." She was stroking her daughter's blonde hair and moving out of her face.

Indoors, Jude was beating everyone at monopoly. Callie nudged Lena and pointed out the window where Stef was being comforted by her mom. Lena looked out the window and smiled. She was glad Stef found someone to talk to. Lena looked back at Callie and nodded.

Callie's gesture attracted everyone to look out the window. Brandon was the first to speak up "Hey is mom alright?"

Jesus spoke up "Well obviously not, Brandon."

Lena didn't like Jesus' rude tone "That's enough Jesus."

Marianna was worried "No, seriously, what's wrong?"

Lena took a deep breath in "She just had a rough day yesterday, which is all you need to know. Now you owe me rent Jesus!"

When Stef finally calmed down Sharon gave her a pat on the back and said "Okay, better now? Let's go talk to Lena, yes?"

Stef nodded her head. She stood up then helped her mom up to pull her into a hug. "Thanks Mom."

Sharon stayed in the hug for a while until she pulled away and wiped the stray tears out of her daughter's eyes. "It's my job."

Stef and Sharon walked into the house and were greeted with silence and many eyeballs. The whole Foster family just saw one of their mamas crying, and no one knew what to say about it. It wasn't long until Stef finally noticed what they were all so quiet about. "Oh. I guess there is a window there, huh?" She mumbled.

Sharon spoke up, knowing that her daughter would not do it on her own. "Lena darling, Stef needs to talk to you for a second."

Lena looked up and saw that this was serious. "Okay. When I come back I better have the same amount of money right there." She entered the hallway where none of the children would be able to hear their conversation. "Are you okay? What's up?"

Stef kept looking at her shoes, avoiding the whole conversation "I am now"

Sharon was getting annoyed "Are you going to do this or not? Actually that's not a question, you have to do it."

Lena was getting confused. What was Stef going to do?

Stef couldn't make any eye contact, so she decided to look at the flowers in the hall. "My mom wants you to stop saying blade." That sounded good enough to her.

Sharon rolled her eyes. "Let me try. Stef needs you to avoid using trigger words such as blade, razor, tool, and so on." She was upset that her daughter couldn't do it for herself.

Lena looked into Stef's eyes, but Stef wasn't looking back "Yea, of course! Stef, you didn't" She lowered her voice "Relapse? Did you?"

Stef shuffled her feet. "No, I came close though. But it won't happen again it's just blades trigger me; That's what we call it when we feel like we need to relapse. If you can just avoid it, them, we'll be fine."

"Okay"

"Okay"

Lena circled Stef into a hug. "I love you. I will do anything to keep you safe."

Stef looked at her mom and mouthed thank you. She knew her mom would help. Squeezing her wife tightly she took a deep breath and said "I love you too"

NOTE: Hey guys! Sorry for the long wait but I spent a really long time planning this chapter out. Is it any good? Thanks sooo much to MKAmericanHero (did I get that right? It was off of memory) for helping me plan this out. Go check out her stuff, The Easy Silence That You Make for Me inspired this story and it is my favorite fanfic! Anyways, I am still in dire need of suggestions. I know what I am doing with the next chapter but after that I am all blank. I love you guys so much, keep reviewing!

Xoxo Katie