Ducky is their most frequent houseguest, a situation that would have surprised them all a few years ago. Ziva's mother does not like to fly, Tony's father is usually off somewhere doing something about which Tony prefers to know as little as possible, and Abby can rarely tear herself away from her lab or her complicated life outside it. Eli is not invited. But Ducky is. He had always been kind to both of them, and particularly so when they left, kind and even encouraging in his quiet way. When Rebecca was born, Ziva had decided it would be nice to honor Ducky somehow, given that Rebecca would be so short of family. Tony had suggested naming the girl Ducky, Donalda, Mallard, or Scotty; Ziva thought Victoria as a middle name would be nice.
That gesture won them regular visits and also won Rebecca the most doting of uncles. The girl adores him back, for he never minds her interruptions and her questions, and his answers, however long, make her laugh, even if she doesn't understand most of them, because she is wise enough to feel the warmth and affection behind them. Or perhaps she just knows that he's always good for an afternoon ice when her mother isn't around. He's a considerate houseguest, for he finds much in the area to interest him when the others are at work, and he's happy to babysit.
On this morning, when he goes upstairs, Tony and Rebecca are at the table, and Ziva is putting breakfast before them. Ziva is a very good cook, but motherhood has made her humorless on the subject of food, and these days she leans very much towards whole grains and raw food—or, as Tony says, dust, dirt, and twigs. Fortunately they have a housekeeper in the afternoons who generally cooks dinner, or they go out.
Ziva puts a bowl of dirt before Ducky, as well as a coffee. The DiNozzos look at their breakfast bowls glumly; Ziva glares, and they commence eating as slowly and miserably as possible. Becks goes back to playing Tetris on her father's iPhone. "I don't think Mami likes us very much," Tony says to his daughter under his breath.
"Her I like just fine, and you have no reason for whining."
"Yet," Tony says, and they both smile. "What are you in such a hurry about?"
"I have a dentist appointment this morning."
"You do not."
"I do. It's been on the calendar for a week."
"It has not. And you make dentist appointments months in advance, not a week. Did you lose a filling?"
"No. You just didn't notice it on the calendar."
"You're telling the nosiest man in the world that he's not paying attention to his wife's personal calendar."
"Maybe you're slipping."
"And maybe you're up to something. I notice you're not eating gruel. I suspect you're slipping out for waffles. With the cable man."
"We have satellite."
"And I've seen the satellite guy, which is why I'm thinking cable." Tony's phone beeps, he gets it away from Becks with some difficulty, looks at the message. "Where was I? Cable guy. Anyway, be sure you're in the office by 10. Campfire."
"Oh, dear," Ducky says. "You don't still call them campfires, do you?"
"Team building," Tony says. "More convivial than staff meeting. And yes, Miss Webster, I do know what convivial means."
"We can't leave you a car today, Ducky," Ziva says. "I hope that won't put a blimp in your plans."
"Oh, I hope it puts a blimp in his plans. Or better yet, his pants."
"Crimp, my dear," Ducky says, "and it certainly won't. I was planning on walking down to the Iglesia de la O."
Tony grins. "Ah, the big O. Praying for anything in particular, Ducky?"
"At my age, prayer is essential."
"What's the big O?" Becks asks, reaching for the iPhone. Tony pushes it out of her reach.
Ducky grins. He's feeling very sprightly this morning. "It's where babies come from, my dear Rebecca."
Becks says, "It is not. I know where babies come from."
"Oh, do you?" Ziva asks, but she's looking at Tony with narrowed eyes.
"Daddy told me he found me in the endzone at Ohio Stadium." She jumps up, hands over her head. "Touchdown!"
Tony flinches, as if he knows a headslap is coming. Ziva just puts her hand on the back of his head, but she leans in and whispers, "We will talk about this later."
Tony says to Ducky: "You'll give me a decent burial, won't you?"
"What makes you think we'll ever find your body?"
"True. Speak of me fondly, Ducky." He gets up and helps Ziva into her coat. "Campfire, 10am. Don't be late."
"Don't be late? This from the man who has managed to get his daughter to school late every single day."
"It's kindergarten, not real school. And it's not my fault. She always wants to change her shoes."
"She wants to change her shoes? This she does not get from me."
At this everyone takes a quick look at shoes. Ziva is wearing a pair of rugged walking shoes; Tony is wearing Ferragamo loafers; Becks is wearing pink plastic kitten heels that she has recently wheedled out of Tony.
"Okay, the shoe thing is definitely on me. Today we'll be on time. Promise. And campfire at 10am. Remember, here I'm just another hapless American male, bullied by his womenfolk. At work, I am large and in charge."
"You are large all right."
"And you are welcome, you lucky, lucky woman."
"At this rate you'll be lucky if it's only two weeks."
"You'll never be able to hold out that long. You'll be dragging me into the men's room by Monday."
She smiles, shakes her key. "I'll leave you the Smart Car."
"No! Not the clown car!" But she's gone.
Tony sighs and takes away the uneaten bowls of mush. In the kitchen he brightens up and makes them a real breakfast, toast for Becks, and eggs and sausage for himself and Ducky. "I live in the land of chorizo and jamon with a Jewish woman who could gut me like a fish. I lead a hard life."
"It could be worse. And I believe this is the best sausage I've ever had. Delicious."
Becks helps herself to some of Tony's eggs, and he helps himself to some of her toast. "You staying through the weekend, Ducky?"
"I had planned to. But it sounds as if you're rather pressed, Anthony."
"We are. We're short handed and we have a carrier group coming in. I know I'll be tied up, and Ziva probably will be too."
"I can try for a flight tomorrow."
"No, I'd really prefer you to stay if you can. We've had some trouble with the locals preying on Americans. Mostly penny-ante stuff, and Juana's pretty sensible, but I think we'd both feel better if we know that you're around. I think the chaos will be under control by Monday."
"Of course. I'm having tea with the Professors Charles this afternoon. I'm sure they'll be happy to have Rebecca join us."
"Still working on the widow?"
"She's not a widow."
"Have you seen him lately? She will be. And you didn't deny the working-on bit."
To get Tony off the subject of Mrs. Professor, Ducky says, "So you're having a bit of town and gown trouble here? I recall an incident when I was at college in Edinburgh…"
Before Ducky can finish, Tony catches sight of his iPhone in Becks's hands. "Oh my God. Becks, get dressed. This time she will kill me."
Ducky takes the dishes to the sink. He can hear the ongoing battle over Rebecca's toilette. "Have you locked my phone again? No, you can't wear those to school, they're just for the house. Find your other sneaker. The tiara? Hmm…yes, I like it. Keep the tiara, leave the cannoli."
"I don't have a cannoli and I want an iPhone."
"Princesses don't carry phones. Other people make their calls for them. And leave Bunny here. Last time you left him at school and cried all night."
"I did not."
"Well, it seemed like all night."
Ducky passes Tony on the stairs, tying Rebecca's blue sneaker. And then Tony, carrying Rebecca, passes him on the stairs, and Ducky is treated to the sight of Tony folding himself into the little red clown car. He waves and heads into town. He thinks: What Jethro is missing. Though perhaps it would just make him sad. But it is a lovely fall day in Rota, and there is perhaps a spot of trouble on the way, and he is needed. He is whistling "Scotland the Brave" before he's gotten to the end of the block.